Views From The Armchair

"Views From The `Footiemad` Armchair
Diary Of A Season December 2003

Monday 1st December 2003
"Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on." (Song)

What `first` occured at the 1995 Auto Windscreens Final between Birmingham and Carlisle at Wembley?
First Wembley final to be decided by a Golden Goal: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

When people look back on this particular era of football and to how the cash was spent like water by certain clubs, I wonder who history will decide was the biggest waste of money! Remember Tomas Brolin at Leeds, who cost �4.5m (a lot of money in the mid 90s) and left within months with a legacy which ultimately led to the BBC coming up with the idea for Tellytubbies. Maybe Sergei Rebrov who cost Spurs �11m - working out at �1.1m per league goal - and didn't play at all last season after a few problems with then boss Glenn Hoddle. Both hardly installed confidence as regards money well spent, however they are practically successes when compared to Bosko Balaban who joined Aston Villa in 2001 for �5.5m and has since made just EIGHT league appearances, none of which were last season. The club are now trying to pay off the remainder of his two and a half year contract, although the player is stalling over the right financial package! The only surprise really is that Peter Ridsdale isn't involved!

As December begins, I decided that I'd better get my arse into gear and do some Christmas shopping, although to be fair I've already bought two items which for me is some kind of a record this early! So despite the pouring rain, we set off for Bath today and actually had a successful couple of hours getting most of what I wanted and a few things that weren't on my proverbial list, but came under the `she'll like that` category. The worst bit was waiting in the queues to be served (What happened to the extra Christmas staff or are they only for the final week?) and dodging those people who believe that they can talk into their mobiles and carry an umbrella at the same time! I'm sure I came close to having my eye gouged out more than once by wayward brollies - it's almost as bad as the elderly with those damn shopping trollies and their well practised excuse of, "Sorry love, didn't see your foot there!" I dunno, it's a dangerous old world out there in the shopping precincts of the UK!

Being December 1st, it's a tradition that we put our Christmas decorations up today (the tree went up yesterday, but I had nothing to do with that as I'm `no bloody good at it`), so armed with a decent supply of drawing pins and one of the most unsteady chairs known to man, this particular vertigo sufferer spent two long hours pinning deco's onto the ceilings of THREE different rooms with the likes of, "left a bit...NOOOOOOO, MY LEFT NOT YOURS..." and "Well that's not straight for a start...!" still ringing in my ears! But we made it and my poor thumb has gone a shade of red that I never knew existed, although I'm sure Dulux will have a damn silly name for it. Ironically, all I could think of whilst doing it (apart from `Just how safe is this chair???") is that in around a month, we'll be tearing them all down again!

Tuesday 2nd December 2003
"I was bruised and battered and I couldn't tell what I felt. I was unrecognizable to myself" (Song)

Which club plays its home games at Nene Park?

December not only brings Christmas fever upon all and sundry, but also the silly-season begins with transfer rumours, especially with the advent of the January transfer window in recent years. Just looking at one web site today and we have rumours that Man United are to raid Man City for Nik Anelka (now that would be something, Anelka under the Sir Alex regime!!), that Christian Vieri is on the way to Chelsea - both of which have since been denied I should add, and that Celtic are set to make a move for Robbie Keane as a replacement for Henrik Larsson who is leaving this summer. Of course, none of these may have an ounce of truth in them and are, once again, the figment of the over active imaginations in Fleet Street, so I would advice not to take any transfer rumours seriously until you see or hear a genuine quote from player or club(s). Now, I wonder how long before a Leeds player is linked with a move away...

I had to smile whilst food shopping today at Tesco. Apart from the fact that it was a lot busier than usual, the most occurance was the behaviour of an elderly man and (I assume) his 30-something son in front of us in the queue. Despite using just one small trolley, they obviously wanted to pay for their shopping seperately so whilst at the checkout, they were literally doing a sort of, "That's yours." and, "That isn't mine!" and keeping it all apart on the moving conveyor belt to the tills. My first thought was why didn't they use two seperate trolley's in the first place (as we did with our friends a couple of weeks ago), however things really got tricky over a tin of chopped tomato's which it seemed they both liked yet couldnt make up their minds who it belonged to! Watching two grown men getting cranky over a 24p tin of veg was a sight to behold!!

Wednesday 3rd December 2003
"I believe in two things: discipline and the Bible. Here you'll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to me." (Film)
The Shawshank Redemption: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Three nations failed to score a goal during the 2002 World Cup Finals - which three?

I must admit that I was really looking forward to last night's televised Carling Cup game between Southampton & Portsmouth. The clubs hadn't met for seven years and it would be a `fierce local derby` with a `brilliant atmosphere` and so on... Indeed, the atmosphere was terrific and a chap who was at the game came into the shop today and reckon that it was better than the FA Cup Final last year as regards the support of the fans. Sadly, that didn't transmit across to the players as the game hardly ever rose above average and, for those whose expectations were lower than mine, it was a normal match rather than a local derby. The key to this was probably in something mentioned in commentary. Not a single one of the starting 22 players were born on the South Coast, with the nearest being Jason Dodd who was born in Bath - and I'm nearer to Southampton than that! It was also mentioned about seven different nationalities playing for one club and six for the other! So there you have it! For a decent, blood and thunder local derby, you need a Steven Gerrard against Everton, or a Wayne Rooney against Liverpool and a Butt, Scholes and Neville(s) against Man City and so on and so forth. These sort of players weren't available at St Marys last night and didn't it ever show.

As part of the fortnightly education club my wife and I attend at our daughter's school, our latest `project` has been to make stories and sentances more interesting with the addition of verbs, adjections and othert nouns in the appropriate sections. To do this, we were given an unfinished story about a fire-breathing dragon attacking a town and had to help our child finish the story. Now, our daughter loves reading and writing and needed very little help in our eyes, so we suggested that we ALL finish the story in our own ways and then read them out to each other. Rarely has one story had three such different endings!! My wife came up with a totally fairy-tale-ish ending with the King's daughter (who she named Polly) befriending the dragon (Egbert...don't ask!) and he then agreed not to torch the town as long as they brought him food (and then all lived happily ever after!). I went for a semi-happy ending as the Stone Fire-Eater (brought in to guard the town) toppled on top of the dragon and crushed him to death - Very Stephen King-ish as a work colleague put it! As for our daughter, well she went for out and out blackness as she had the King packing his bags and leaving for New Zealand and letting the town folk fend for themselves against the dragon!! No chance of a Hollywood style cop-out ending in her stories is there!! Joking aside though, if you have kids old enough, give it a go as we've not laughed so much in ages!

Thursday 4th December 2003
"When the night has come, and the land is dark and the moon is the only light you see." (Song)
Stand By Me: Ben E.King: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Before last night, who were the last non-Prem side to knock Man United out of the FA or League Cup?
Ipswich 2-0 (1997-8 Coca-Cola Cup Third Round): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Over recent years, Man United, Arsenal and a few others, have treated the league cup as a vehicle to try out new players, formations, rest the first teamers and so on. Last season, United got away with it and reached the final and this year Arsenal are, so far at least, doing the same. However, United came unstuck last night at West Brom, although it does irratate me when people call their line up, `under strength`. Okay, so any team suddenly missing Roy Keane and Ruud van Nistelrooy are at a disadvantage, however lets look at the evidence. Fair enough, there were two young debutants and a couple of others whose first team experience has been limited and, after all, they have to start somewhere and they may become the new Beckham/Giggs/Scholes for all we know. But, also we had Roy Carroll - an experienced keeper who gets rave reviews with each appearance. John O'Shea - practically an established first teamer who started against Chelsea at the weekend. David Bellion - a guy who Sir Alex has been after for ages and finally got him in the summer and who has been making first team appearances of late as well. Cristino Ronaldo - rave reviews at the start of the season, although things have gone a little sour lately with diving, sorry simulation, fines and `only one trick` as the Baggies fans put it last night. Nicky Butt - very much part of the first team and fringes for years now and certainly not a reserve player. Kleberson - a World Cup winner! Anyway, my point is that there was more than enough talent to beat West Brom but they didnt! So for once, how about some credit for the victors who battled, grafted and totally deserved their win, rather than blaming it on the opponents fielding a weakened side. After all, West Brom could only play against the 11 men lining up for United couldnt they!

I'm sure I'm not the only one to be deluged with junk email and spam on a daily basis, indeed my boss averages around 150 a DAY! Mine probably top 70 or 80 and are for things as diverse as breast enlargement, viagra and, most recently, a hand held mini-PC consisting of the top 1,000 New York Times crosswords (Ideal for the bus journey to work!!). Whilst 99.99% of these are totally useless, especially those who are US based and deal only within the US, I had a friend who had one `junk` mail offering to clean up all spam and delete before downloading. Obviously this was a seperate program so he tried it as a trial and remarkably it worked!! For three whole days he received absolutely no junk email whatsoever!! Now, before I get snowed under with requests for this wonder program, I should add that for the duration, he also received no other (i.e. normal) mail either! It was actually deleting everything at the server to ensure that no junk (or indeed, useful) mail was received! Not quite the wonder cure it seemed eh.

Friday 5th December 2003
"They've got cars big as bars, they've got rivers of gold, but the wind goes right through you, it's no place for the old." (Song)
Fairytale of New York - The Pogues & Kirsty McColl: Correctly answered by Kirsty

From 1997 to 1999, Brighton shared the home stadium of which club?

The news that Sir Alex Ferguson received minor heart surgery yesterday should come as no surprise to anyone within the game and certainly not to those who follow football to any degree. Whilst the problem may not have been serious (although any heart trouble is a worry surely?), it is further proof of the stress factor placed upon manager's of all levels. In the past we've had Graeme Souness, Gerard Houllier, Joe Kinnear and Dario Gradi all undergo surgery (there may be others that I've forgotten), whilst things were ultimately far more serious for the late, great Jock Stein in 1985. As with any business, getting to the top is one thing and Sir Alex has done that with his club over the last decade, however remaining there is another matter altogether and the sheer expectation level from the fans and from within must be absolutely immense. People will say that we should spare a thought for the staff at smaller clubs who are trying to stay in business, the likes of Notts County for example, and of course they are right and their jobs - and stress levels - should not be taken lightly. We all get wound up at work and even in my trade, the likes of late papers (although lately they are always bloody late!!) and delivery boys/girls not showing up, increases the stress level, so you can only imagine the kind of problems going around the mind and body of the top dogs in football. Ultimately, we are all looking on with envious eyes at their inflated salaries and suchlike, however it should be remembered that all the money in the world cannot buy your health.

Around 16,000 to 1 - that was the odds on all of the four home nations plus the Republic of Ireland being drawn in the same qualifying group for World Cup 2006! Ultimately, in the words of Meatloaf, `three out of five ain't bad` (poetic licence ok?) as England are grouped with Wales and Northern Ireland, along with Austria, Poland and Azerbaijan. In truth, although England will admit to being happy with the draw, the games against the other home nations, especially away from home, are not going to be easy with `local pride` at stake. Poland are old adversaries from the past and will have old scores to settle and could also put the proverbial spanner into the works, so whilst it looks okay on paper, the reality may be different. As for my Scots, well after coming so close to Euro 2004, expectations are perhaps unusually high for a change, although facing Italy is something I relish about as much as a hole in the head. Slovenia, Norway, Belarus and Moldova are all beatable, however they'll doubtless be saying the same about the Scots. As for the draw itself, I actually missed it due to falling foul of the old, "Can you drop us in town and wait in the car park? We'll only be a few minutes...." Those final few words instinctively told me to take my Ian Rankin novel with me and it's just as well as the `few minutes` turned into fourty! As yes, it was cold in the car!!

Saturday 6th December 2003
"She'll be back..." (Film)
Terminator 3 - Rise Of The Machines: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Who are the only club to win a major domestic trophy AND be relegated in the same season?

As I type now, it's been less than an hour and a half since this afternoon's games ended and I have the strangest feeling over me! Usually, it's either elation or desperation after a game, however it feels oddly like a concoction of both! Before kick off, had I been told that we'd not lose to Chelsea AND lift off the foot of the table, then I'd have gratefully snapped their hands off when it was offered, however football has an unerring habit of raising your hopes, before kicking you firmly and squarely in the nuts! It was the early goal against Chelsea (their first against in over 10 hours incidentally) which did it. We kept the lead until half time and then deeper and deeper into the second half and suddenly came the thought that we might...no COULD...actually win the game! Then came that Damien Duff equaliser to bring us back down to planet earth and that unreal feeling that I currently possess. In truth, a draw is a great result and, coupled with Wolves getting stonked, does indeed lift us off the bottom, however it could have been so much more had it not been for that Duff goal. I know, I know, I should be grateful for a point against one of the top three clubs in England, but it really could have been more.....!

All in all, it was an odd afternoon all round really. Due to circumstances conspiring against me, I missed most of the Newcastle-Liverpool televised match, although I did see both goals for a change, and then couldn't watch my usual Soccer Saturday as my daughter hi-jacked Sky, leaving me with Teletext whilst John McEnroe played in some veteran tennis tourno on BBC. Equally odd was two of the big three the aforementioned Chelsea, and Arsenal) dropping points away from home, effectively losing the advantage that they gained on Man United, whilst yours truly actually cheered the final two goals at Old Trafford as Villa (one of oure rivals at the bottom), had their goal difference damaged further by Diego Forlan's late show. Equally, what do we make of Robbie Keane? A hat trick for Spurs as they also screwed up Wolves' goal difference, however apparently none of his usual cartwheeling and celebration routine. Maybe those rumours about him and Celtic are more than media talk...or maybe it's to do with netting against his former, and first, club. Finally for now, a quick word on Birmingham. It wasn't long ago that they had more clean sheets than an Bupa hospital! Now, they are leaking goals like there's no tomorrow and today conceded four in under thirty minutes at home to Blackburn! I'll bet Steve Bruce had a few kind words to say post-match eh!

Sunday 7th December 2003
"Well tonight thank God it's them, instead of you." (Song)
Do They Know It's Christmas - Band Aid: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

In the 1970's, which English club beat Real Madrid 4-1 in a European Cup tie, only to then lose the second leg 5-1 to go out?
Derby: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

Due to visiting some of my in-laws in North Devon today, I missed almost all of the football on the box (they all hate football, despite having Sky!) and, in my wisdom, decided to tape one game and watch when I got home. The decision to tape the PPV game between Everton and Man City was not the best with hindsight, partly as it ended goalless and, perhaps luckily, they gave the final score out on the local news on the radio as we were driving home! As a bonus, I was back early enough to catch the second half of the Southampton v Charlton game and what a cracking game that ever was, despite not being one to stand out of the fixture list. Although we have access to Player Cam and the other interactive features available `via the red button`, I very rarely use them, but did today to see the two first half goals from Southampton and actually found myself fiddling around with camera angles and the other odds and sods (yes, including FanZone) during the second half, to the extent that I was detracting my attention from the game. One final point, will Scott Parker ever score two better goals, yet still end on the losing side? I doubt it.

You may have heard about the news from the States of a woman jailed for running over a manager of McDonalds in the car park! Apparently this customer was so furious about the lack of mayo on her cheeseburger that he ran down the boss who came out to try and calm her down! Although this was a drastic over-reaction, it will perhaps not come as any great surprise to those of us who work on a daily basis with the general public and who come face to face with them. I've been on the receiving end of many ear-bashings, usually over something trivial regards a newspaper costing less than a mug of tea or a magazine which is genuinely late being sent to us from publisher and therefore not our fault. In this day and age, the level of tolerance from many people is getting lower and lower and it perhaps only needs some minor to spark them off. This was best illustrated recently by a customer in our shop who had a real go at me over the non-delivery of a 70p newspaper. My daughter, who happened to be in the shop at the same time, told me afterwards that she thought the customer was going to burst into tears, probably as I refused to lower myself to their level and get into a slanging match! That said, the overall level of service is poor in places. Today we stopped at a well known fast-food outlet (Got The Urge....?) just off junction 27 of the M5 and despite being the only ones waiting to be served, we had to wait a good five minutes to be asked for our order and then a further ten minutes for the food. The FAST food...!!!

Monday 8th December 2003
"Wake me up inside, Wake me up inside. Call my name and save me from the dark." (Song)

When Leeds won the title in 1991-2, the same club knocked them out of both domestic cups. Which club?
Man United: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Having missed most of the Prem football over the weekend, I watched the Spanish games between Barcelona and Real Madrid and Valencia and Athletic Bilbao both evenings and, whilst I enjoyed both games, I was still left with a bit of a sour taste after they'd finished. The latter match ended with two red cards and two missed penalties in the final five minutes, which in itself made for superb excitement, however during the match the number of petty fouls, dives and pure over-reaction from players made me feel as though I was watching a Tarentino film! Okay, we do have these problems in the Prem, but not to the extent of them occuring almost each minute , totally spoiling the run of play and making the whole thing something of a farce. Add to that the surrounding of the referee each time a decision went against a team, even when it's blatant, then overall it's a bit of a shame that a league widely spoken of as the best in the world, has to have these mannerisms in abundance. On a day when the England rugby team parade around London, I tend to agree with those who say that professional footballers could learn a lot from their rugby counterparts.

Christmas is only 17 days away and after this morning, we have decided that anything we don't already have we either buy mail order or in the town centre. Whilst the drive over to Trowbridge (around ten miles) and back was as straightforward as ever, the town itself was heaving, even at 10am in the morning. The queues to the tills were longer than usual and the car park was another story altogether. We were lucky and parked quite easily, but when we left just over an hour later, cars were queueing for spaces even before they were vacated. Indeed there was a white car who indicated to turn into my space before I'd even unlocked my door to get in and then he was in like a shot almost as soon as I was out! Whether people are getting their Xmas shopping finished as quickly and as early as possible now, then I don't know. But be warned, it's a mad house out there!!

Tuesday 9th December 2003
"Once bitten and twice shy, I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye." (Song)
Last Christmas - Wham!: Correctly answered by Geoff Daniels & Matt Robbins

To the start of this season, which current Newcastle player had appeared in more Premiership games (376 from a possible 430) than any other player?
Gary Speed (Leeds, Everton and Newcastle): Correctly answered by Geoff Daniels & Matt Robbins

It's interesting to hear Nicky Butt say today that he may have to leave Man United if he is to get regular first team football. In truth, he's rarely been a dedicated first choice for United and has, more often than not, been the replacement for injuries or suspensions or the sub coming on from the bench, however he's at the stage of his career now when, like David Beckham, he needs to plan for the near future rather than look long term and with the likes of Phil Neville and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer now becoming acustomed to midfield places, then perhaps he is right to look for a move to pastures new - after all, he'd walk into the midfields of most clubs outside of the big three. On a wider scale, if he does leave, he'll be the second (after Beckham) of the Fergie fledglings to leave the club and you wonder if it will be the beginning of Sir Alex building the next section of his empire at the club. A new dawn beckons maybe?

Today, the first motorway toll road opened in England, although I was under the impression that the Severn Bridge(s) and Dartford Tunnel were sections of motorway as well, and you wonder just what an effect it will have. Speaking as someone who lives a good two hours south of the area involved (M6 around Birmingham), but has been caught on the affected section more than once in the past few years, I would gladly pay the extra �2 to avoid having to get jammed in queues. However, what about the following scenario(s) occur? If there is an accident on the new stretch, blocking the road, would we get a refund if we got held up in a queue? I doubt it! And what if the new bit is such a success that more motorists use it than the old section, making it busier than the stretch it was designed to relieve! Of course, the biggest unanswered question is why should the great British motorist have to pay at all? After all, we pay car taxes as it is don't we?

Wednesday 10th December 2003
"We all live under the same sky, we all will live, we all will die." (Song)
Side - Travis: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Who played in four FA Cup Finals in the 80s and 90s yet didnt win any of them?
Paul Bracewell: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

For a refreshing change, I actually enjoyed last night's Champions League games, despite many situations already resolved. Maybe my blatant dislike for many overseas clubs/leagues had an effect, but whilst I was delighted to see Chelsea top their group, the same was true of Man United, which goes against years of prejudice from me! Personally, I watched the Rangers game as MU & Chelsea were at least through, and was shocked to see them capitulate against a Panathinaikos side who, to say the least, are usually poor away from home. Needing only a draw to get into the UEFA Cup, Rangers took the lead and then pressed their self-destruct button, losing 3-1 and leaving the pitch with jeers ringing in their ears having finished bottom of the table. I admit that as a Celtic fan, I did have a wry smile, however that was eclipsed by Sparta Prague of all clubs thanks to their late winner (which I just caught after the Rangers game) against Lazio which sent the Czech side through and left Lazio bottom and out! I'm not a big fan of any Italian sides (too much play-acting and whining which counteracts all the good stuff) and with their racist overtones, I'm even more anti-Lazio! Finally a quick word on the Chelsea game which was switched to Germany because of the recent terrorist problems in Turkey. In truth, it was practically a home game for Besiktas with a large Turkish contingent in the area and yet again we saw Turkish fans throwing dangerous items onto the pitch, leaving Chelsea players and officials taking cover on several occasions. They say that Turkish fans are fanatical - I say that there is a thin line between fanatical and downright lethal and on too many occasions, that line has been crossed by a mile. Awaiting UEFA or FIFA to act.....!

As is traditional, all of us in the household have an advent calender (chocolate ones obviously!) at this time of the year, including both dogs, and mine is a Premier League one chosen by my daughter. Each window opened reveals a Prem player with a few Rothmans-esqe facts (height, weight DOB), so, in a vain attempt to get her interested in the beautiful game, I have told her that she can had a pound coin if she can guess who each player plays for AND, if they have a tricky name, she can have an additional pound for pronouncing it correctly. I realise this was a risk as she is an avid reader anyway, however whilst she had trouble with Jay-Jay Okocha's surname, she came very close with both Eidur Gudjohnsen and Luis Boa Morte, costing me �2 for those. Luckily she's yet to get many of the teams correct (she gets three attempts each day), although knowing her luck, it's only a matter of time before she hits a lucky streak and bankrupts me!

As part of my quest to find useless Xmas presents, how about this which I had via junk email today: The Dog Translator! Yes, this handheld contraption, marketed by `Bow-Lingual` (Ouch!) supposedly converts your canines barks in words so you can understand what they are saying!! My only surprise is that some people actually buy this stuff, on which note, it costs a cool..... $99 - Yes, that's 99 dollars!! Don't think I'll bother somehow!!

Thursday 11th December 2003
"Now there was a time when they used to say, that behind every great man there had to be a great woman." (Song)
Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves - Aretha Franklin and Eurythmics: Correctly answered by Jinder Singh

Which goalkeeper conceded the first ever Premier League goal?
Peter Schmeichel (Sheff Utd v Man Utd): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Oh what a cruel game football can be! Having began last night by watching the Arsenal game, I switched over with the Gunners 1-0 up and cruising into the knockout phases and decided to watch Celtic, who needing a draw in Lyon, were a goal down early on. Coupled with helping my daughter with her maths homework (never easy at the best of times, but with football permatations running through my head as well, down right difficult!), I saw the Scots grab the vital equaliser, not once, but twice, although the second goal was down to awful defending from the home side. Martin O'Neill's side were four minutes away from the holy grail of the knock outs when they conceded a penalty for handball. Unlike the commentators, I thought that it was a definite penalty, despite my bias, as when hands are raised that high in the area, you are asking for trouble. The rest was history, although even at the final whistle the agony wasn't over as, had Anderlecht had equalised in Munich, Celtic would have been out completely. I grimaced as a superb volley was brilliantly saved as the Belgian side pressed for a stoppage time goal, however it didnt arrive and Celtic, despite their disappointment, enter the UEFA Cup (a rule that I still hate, but will tolerate if it means Celtic are still in Europe!). Overall, an entertaining evening in front of the football (and the maths books), but not an overly enjoyable one.

In the shop where I work, we pride ourselves on having one of the largest selections of magazines in the West Country, with around 500 titles in stock at any one time, including many that the chain stores (who stock the top 50 or 100 sellers) will only get to order. Naturally, this selection includes many `top shelf` titles (adult art!) and it's interesting to see how people react when they purchase them. Some are outwardly brazen and simply carry their `Razzle` out, not caring who sees it, whilst others will buy a paper as well and `hide` their `Men Only` inside their Daily Telegraph. However, it should be mentioned that in this age of equal rights, we also stock top shelf titles for women and although they don't sell as well, there is still a call for them. Today, a lady came in and, having selected two mainstream mags, came to the counter and said to me, bold as brass, "I don't know where to find them, but do you have any mags with pictures of naked men in them?" I showed her where they were (four different titles) and after a few jokes between her, myself and my female colleague about rulers and magnifying glasses, she selected one, paid for it and strode out calmly. Some men could teach themselves a thing or two from her!!

Friday 12th December 2003
"I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you. I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do." (Song)

In last seasons FA Cup, non-league minnows Vauxhall Motors beat which former Premiership side?
Q.P.R.: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

I love watching these draws for the UEFA club competitions! Having just sat through the build up (admittedly on Sky) and the actual draw for the 2nd round of the Champions League, it really is amazing how they treat all observers like six-year olds who cannot grasp the concept. The rather excellent Sky Sports News had blanket coverage from the time I got home from work until the actual draw which included `expert` comments from their Spanish guy (whose name I won't even try and spell) as well as Charlie Nicholas (ex-Arsenal), Graham Rix (ex-con and Chelsea) and Lou Macari (ex-Man United) and an obligation to repeat the various rules surrounding the draw every five minutes so that we could fully understand. So, at 11am, over to Nyon (which I originally thought was a spelling mistake!) for the draw where we were treated to a visual reminder of the sixteen qualifiers which included a goal, a save, a celebration, etc from each club with appropriate background muzak! Then, presumably for those whose eyesight was poor, an audio reminder of the same sixteen clubs, read out by a UEFA bigwig. Then we had ANOTHER explanation of how the draw worked - 2nd placed club ball in pot, then the possible opponents all had their balls put in a pot for each relevant game - oh, and another reminder of course of who could and couldnt play each other! Eventually, 15 minutes after the 11am `draw time`, we finally had our first pairing, followed fairly quickly by the other seven. And next week children, we show you how to make a nativity scene using sticky back plastic - it should take less time than the Champions League draw!

Last night my wife was one of twelve church goers to have their confirmation at a village church a couple of miles away. As her `sponsor`, I had to introduce her to the packed congregation and also got roped in to driving three others out there which ultimately involved my waiting in the car (pitch black and very cold!) for almost 50 minutes whilst they met the bishop who would perform the ceremony. Luckily I'd brought a decent novel so with the aid of the internal light in the car, that helped pass the time. Now, I'm not a regular churchgoer (although I do go when I can) and always had this pre-conceived notion of a bishop as being tall, formidable, unapproachable and very set in his elderly ways. I stand fully corrected!! Bishop Andrew of Taunton was absolutely superb and had the congregation at total ease right from the first minute. Quite simply, he insisted that everyone introduced themselves to whomever they were sat in front of, behind and next to, as he wanted (and certainly got!) a very relaxed atmosphere! The ceremony and service took well over an hour, however it fairly flew by and even the Bishop's sermon, which I'd been pre-warned would be long, was interesting, involved the congregation fully and, amazingly, included references to Fast Food outlets and the recent Rugby World Cup triumph. Afterwards at the nearby village hall, he happily chatted to all and sundry and even signed the service sheets for all those who had been confirmed. Excuse the pun, but I was extremely guilty and wrong to judge that particular book by it's cover!

Saturday 13th December 2003
"Hey little sister what have you done. Hey little sister who's the only one?" (Song)
White Wedding - Billy Idol: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

John Terry once played six games on loan for which Midlands club?

Although we live a good 100 miles West of London, there are a large number of Chelsea fans in and around the town, including a season ticket holder who comes into the shop each morning and generally, after a game, has a few critical remarks to make regardless of the result. I can't wait to hear his thoughts tomorrow morning!! Losing at home is bad enough, however losing in the final minute to an own goal having been 1-0 up midway through the first half is a bitter pill, especially when top spot has also been surrendered! In truth, the defeat against Bolton was one of those freak results which crops up during the season, although that's taking nothing away from big Sam's side, who are rapidly taking the Wimbledon crown of party poopers, even though their style of play is significantly different from the crazy gang. It's a testing time now for Chelsea who've not won a league game since beating Man United at the end of November and although that's only two games, there were both against clubs that they would expect to have beaten. With no European distractions for them for a couple of months, and no winter break for the foreign legion, it's coming up to crunch time for Chelsea now.

I would imagine that the smiles on the faces of Man United fans will be wide and long-lasting today! Not only did the Chelsea result keep them top, at least until Arsenal play tomorrow anyway, but they also won the Manchester derby and had the added satisfaction of seeing North-West rivals Liverpool slip up at home to Southampton, with yet more pressure being put on boss Gerard Houllier, much of which comes from the media to be honest. However, with that little sequence in mind and the fact that Blackburn twice beat Arsenal last season, what odds on another shock at Highbury tomorrow?

Boring or solid? It's often been said that you can prove anything with stats. Make the bad look good or the entertaining look boring (and vice versa of course!). With that in mind, what do we make of Middlesbrough. On one had, you could say that they've not conceaded a home goal since October 18th!! Equally, you could state that their last four home games have all been goalless!! Both statements are true, but no prizes for seeing which is the more flattering. I wonder which stat will appear in the papers over the next couple of days though.

And they're off...! A quick mention for Southend who won their third division clash at Swansea 3-2 thanks to a last minute winner and, more to the point, despite being down to EIGHT men at the final whistle!! Yes, they had David McSweeney, Mark Gower and Jay Smith all sent off, yet still managed to `battle` for a win!

And Finally... The Scottish third division game between bottom club East Stirling and Albion Rovers hardly looked like one to enjoy, however a last minute goal gave Albion a 4-3 win, but only after they'd come from 2-0 down to take the lead and then get pegged back to 3-3. One of their scorers (against East Stiring remember) was a Jered Stirling and one of the home scorers - Derek Ure - then got himself sent off for two bookable offences, despite not having been booked at all so far this season! The official attendance for this classic was just 175.

Sunday 14th December 2003
"They said there'd be snow at Christmas, they said there'd be peace on earth." (Song)

Against which club did Michael Duberry score his other league goal for Leeds?

Seven points in three games and all against clubs from London! Can we play them every week? Sadly that's not the case, however no one can deny that suddenly there's a marked improvement over, not only the results for Leeds United, but also the attitude and character of the players on the pitch. With an influx of loan players arriving in the summer - although in fairness to Peter Reid, he had few other options - it has been notable that since the appointment of Eddie Gray as temporary boss, just one loanie has been given any decent run in the side (Jermaine Pennant) and that he's relying on the trusted mix of veteran pros and the odd youngster to get the business done. Today's win over Fulham was hard fought, perhaps a little lucky at times, but ultimately I believe, deserved and after biting most of my finger nails down to the quick over the afternoon, maybe I need to wear gloves next time we are on the box, which is in just eight days time!!

Despite being only five minutes walk away, my mother rings almost each evening for a chat with my daughter and today, believing that the Leeds game kicked off at 4pm, rang when she thought it was half time. My daughter took the call upstairs as she was with me in the bedroom watching the football and, as she spoke, Duberry scored, sparking a screech of delight from me and a classic understatement from my daughter who said into the phone, "Nan, I think Leeds might have scored!" Ironically, there was no such screech for the second goal, not because I missed it, but because I actually thought it had gone wide and hit the ad hoardings and nestled behind the net!! Now, others may react differently, but when you are two goals up and desperate for points and after almost 40 minutes of tension, you are pegged back to 2-2, I tend not to leap into a rage of frustration, but could only stand in stunned silence. I was now watching downstairs whilst cooking daughter's tea (wife is recovering from a bout of flu!) and could only turn away and stare at the spuds and carrots in total disbelief. Superstitious sod that I am, I reckoned that due to my being stood up, I'd jinxed Leeds and promptly sat down again, only to almost hit the ceiling with joy minutes later, sending both dogs rocketing upstairs, as Dom Matteo nodded the winner! An hour on and, having also cooked wife's tea in the meantime, my heart rate is probably still at a rate bordering on dangerous, however three points is a massive consolation, as is the knowledge that both dogs are also probably recovering from their shock! Oh, and my mother rang back two minutes after the final whistle (they don't have Sky Sports, but were watching Sky Sports News) to ask if my throat was sore!

Monday 15th December 2003
"So slide over here and give me a moment. Your moves are so raw. I've got to let you know." (Song)
Need You Tonight - INXS: Correctly answered by `Jobs`

Who were the clubs involved during the only ever all-English UEFA Cup Final?

Interesting to read today that someone who can be genuinely called a Liverpool legend, feels that Gerard Houllier should step down as boss. Yes, that's the feeling of Ian St John who believes that the Frenchman's five year plan is almost up and, rather than bringing home the Championship, the club are further away now than they have been for a while. Okay, so you can blame injuries (Hamann, Owen, Kewell) but ultimately results are the be-all and end-all and while they are not coming, Houllier will remain under pressure. The problem is that many at the club, as well as fans, are living on past glories and expecting more of the same, perhaps not the same dominance that they enjoyed in the 70s and 80s when I grew up watching football, but certainly a challenge for the title which has been missing for years, indeed Leeds have won the title since Liverpool!! The fact that their rivals in Manchester have done so well over the last decade simple hurts even more, but sooner or later things need to change this year and it will either be an upturn in fortunes on the pitch or, more likely I reckon, a change in management off of it!

As my daughter helpfully reminded me last week whilst trying to repair a broken hinge on a door, "But you're no good at DIY Dad!". She's right in truth, so it was with a certain amount of apprehension that we went shopping today for a new toilet seat after the old one broke at the weekend. Faced with 20+ different versions, my wife asked, "So which one do you like?&quote (Translation: I dont care which one you like, we'll still get the one that I prefer!), so in a bid to agree for a change, I chose the one(s) which were plain, simple and, so I thought, matched the overall decor of the loo. Ultimately, my wife went for one which was around 22nd on my list - marine blue, see-through and dotted with pics of fish, whales and other aquatic creatures! Having fitted it (quite easy too by my standards!), my original thought remains unchanged - Tacky! A see through loo seat doesn't quite seem right to me and it's only a matter of time before I go belting downstairs in the middle of the night, desperate to use the loo and forget that the seat isn't up....!

Tuesday 16th December 2003
"When the kids start singing and the band begins to play." (Song)
I wish it could be Christmas every day - Wizzard: Correctly answered by Kirsty

Against which club did Ruud Van Nistelrooy score his first ever league hat trick for Man United?

"You know that in football everything is possible. What is certain is that if I sign a new contract with Manchester, this will mean I will finish my career there." So speaketh Ruud van Nistelrooy on a Dutch TV channel after admitting that (a) he was in early talks with United over a new deal and that (b) of course he'd heard the rumours about joining Real Madrid. Doubtless United fans everywhere will rejoice as his apparent commitment to the Old Trafford side, however as he so rightly says, in football anything is possible! How many times over the last few years did we hear David Beckham state that he wanted to finish his career at United and that as long as the club wanted him, he would stay. There lies the problem! The player may want to remain at his prodigal home of a club forever and a day, but things change, disagreements with managers occur and before you know it, one of the most marketable players in the world is off to pastures sunnier. I hope Ruud is right as the Prem would be poorer without his quality of finishing, however don't be surprised is the money men behind the scenes begin salivitating should a big money bid come in.

Having just got back from watching the traditional Christmas school play - and this one was a little special as it was my daughter's first at her new school - I have to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed it. With a cast made up entirely of nine and ten year olds, it told the story of the nativity in a modern way (Three Wise Guys doing a crossword when one spots `the star`) with a mix of songs, music and pretty decent acting. Although my daughter only had a very minor role, she, along with all the others, put her heart and soul into it and really seemed to enjoy performing as much as we enjoyed watching. Apart from a couple of traditional carols, the songs were all original and written by the staff at the school which only added to the show rather than detracted from it and overall the 50 minutes passed exceptionally quickly. We heard afterwards that one parent refused to watch the show, even though her child was in it, due to the fact that it wasn't done in a traditional way and in someway undermined the entire story of the birth of Jesus. Whilst those beliefs are admirable in the right circumstances, I wonder how her daughter felt seeing all those other parents watching - and enjoying!

Wednesday 17th December 2003
"We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch!" (Film)
Dog Soldiers: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

John Rudge spent 15 years in charge of which club during the 80s and 90s?
Port Vale: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

We all know that the Big Three - Man United, Chelsea and Arsenal - are miles above the rest of the Premiership and that their squads read like the who's who of football, however as if further proof were needed, the latter provided it last night with a comfortable Carling Cup win at West Brom. Aiming to succeed where Man United had failed, the Gunners sent out what was laughingly called a `reserve` side and won 2-0 with goals from Kanu and promising youngster Jeremie Aliadiere. Along with the Nigerian, the likes of Edu, Lauren, Keown, Parlour and Wiltord would walk into most starting line ups, however whilst all started against the Baggies, it should be remembered that none of them started the last Prem game at the weekend against Blackburn and are now effectively squad players due to injury, age or simply quality. And that's the frightening thing. When the likes of The Big Three can send out reserve teams which are good enough to challenge many first choice line ups, then the gap between `them` and `us` is only likely to increase.

Most interesting thing during last night's game was the hold up at the start of the second half, which we were told was due to a `serious problem`. So, expecting a bomb scare or floodlight failure, I was on the verge of an earlier than anticipated night, only to discover that one of the officials had collected an injury and had to be replaced by the fourth official, leaving a vacancy for him. Luckily, Prem ref Dermot Gallagher was a spectator and took his place, however whilst I'm sure they do a decent job from the sidelines, surely the game wouldnt have been called off had a qualified replacement not been available? As one of the commentators rightly pointed out, it's only a fairly recent innovation that we have a fourth official on the sidelines, so surely losing him for 45 minutes wouldnt have been a major problem? Ultimately it didnt matter anyway, however surely I wasnt the only one who feared the worst when the ref also needed brief treatment himself midway through the second half! Talk about lightening striking twice!

Thursday 18th December 2003
"It makes me that much stronger. Makes me work a little bit harder. It makes me that much wiser." (Song)
Fighter - Christina Aguillera: Correctly answered by Kirsty

Who was the Aston Villa manager when they won the 1996 Coca Cola Cup (Beating Leeds in the final!) ?
Brian Little: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Due to being out yesterday evening (more of that below), I missed the live Carling Cup game between Villa and Chelsea as well as the result of the Spurs v Boro game in the same competition, however when I took a look before work today, I had to admit to having a wry smile at both results. We all know about Chelsea, the influx of money and new players, building a squad in much the same way as many of us would love to try on Championship Manager and ultimately massively high expectations. These were brought down to earth drastically by Villa, who were apparently the better side and deserved their 2-1 win. Coupled with Chelsea's defeat at the weekend, there is more emphasis than ever on the big name stars at the club (many of whom are usually preparing for a winter break about now!) and to see how they react, as this is now undoubtedly the biggest downer of what has been a remarkable season for the club so far. As for Spurs, well nothing against them personally at all, however a very good friend of mine at school was a huge fan during the Hoddle/Crooks/Archibald era, which turned me against them a little, so whilst they are very much in the Leeds mould of `big club trying to find past glories`, subconsciously I still yearn for them to flop which they did on penalties against a Boro side struggling to score before yesterday. So, who for the cup now? Well, my head says that Arsenal will wheel out the big players now and go on to Cardiff and win it, however I have a sneaky feeling for Bolton, so get your bets on now!!

Last night, we were at a Christmas keyboard (music, not PC!) concert, in which my wife and daughter, both of whom have been learning for around 6-7 months, were playing a duet of Little Donkey. Almost all of the performers - bar two - were kids below the age of sixteen and in front of an audience of around 150, they were largely superb and full of confidence. My daughter was no different and seemed to take any pressure in her stride....unlike my wife who admitted that she was `sh***ing herself` during the interval, as they were on just afterwards. With my wife playing chords and daughter playing the melody, albeit on seperate keyboards, they both did superbly, with only one very minor slip when an extra note was inadvertantly played....by my wife!! As the female gene of excuses came rushing to the surface, she told me afterwards that she would have been fine if `that bloody black key hadn't have got in the way!!` Overall though, a terrific evenings entertainment and a credit to the kids and the organisers from Sounds Of Frome.

Friday 19th December 2003
"I tried to hold you back but you were stronger. Oh yeah, and now it seems my only hope is giving up the fight." (Song)

The first ever meeting between England and Northern Ireland in 1882 recorded a record margin of victory between the nations which still stands today. What was the final score?
Ireland 0 England 13: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Okay, so I'm quick enough to blow the Glaswegian trumpet when Celtic win, however to keep things even I suppose I'd better mention last night's defeat at Hibs. In truth, if you were a neutral watching the game, you'd have been hard pushed to tell the difference between a club languishing in the bottom half of the table and the one who were unbeaten domestically before the game. Indeed when Celtic took the lead, few would have bet on Hibs coming back to get anything from the game, let alone a victory, and it's to their credit that they did. The other down side is the Channel 5 coverage. Although they are still the relative new kids on the block as regards football coverage, in general they do have a decent set up with good commentators and even games from elsewhere in Europe and South America, however whoever believed that John Barnes would make a good front/link man needs to have a drastic re-think. He lacks the certain something which the likes of Richard Keys, Ian Payne, Marcus Buckland, Gabby Yorath and even Gary Lineker, are all blessed with. Barnes was a wonderful player, but the transition to broadcasting needs some time!

So, what has everyone bought their loved one for Christmas this year? Expensive jewellery maybe? Perhaps, as a friend on mine has done, a hol in the sun in the New Year? Possibly handcuffs and a whip (Hey, it takes all sorts....!)? How about a new mobile phone as I did for my wife for her birthday earlier in the year. Well, according to the papers today, a certain Sven Goran Eriksson has copied me and purchased a new mobile for girlfriend Nancy Unspellable-surname for Christmas, which is absolutely fine, however I get the impression that there was a slight price difference between mine and his. You see, his mobile is encrusted with diamonds, has a number of `exclusive` phone numbers pre-set (Theatre's, resturants, Ulrika Jonsson) and, I would imagine, also doubles as a camera. Doubtless it has various other additional extra's, although ultimately it still acts primarily as a phone as does mine, but all this comes at a cost of......�15,000!!! Yes, that's 15 Grand, 15k, 15 with three zeroes, �15,000. How the other half live eh!! Mind you, not only would I be terrified to use something that expensive, I'd probably drop it after two days and or lose it down the back of the sofa!

My wife had a hospital appointment come through the post this morning....for Thursday 18th December 2003!

Saturday 20th December 2003
"To mail six packages to Japan overnight is how much? That's in yen? DOLLARS? Oh, you people are deliberately taking advantage of people in a hurry, you know that?" (Film)
Toy Story 2: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Laurent Blanc spent one season of his illustrious career in Spain, but playing for which club?
Barcelona: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

You could almost hear the collective intake of breath around the country when the judgement on the `Rio Ferdinand missed drugs test` was read out last night. Like many others, I watched it live (more by luck than judgement in truth) and was surprised by the severity of the ban in particular. Whilst a �50,000 fine is almost small change to someone of Ferdinand's stature, an eight month ban, ruling him out of the rest of the season and Euro 2004, was harsh in my opinion. My guess is that the FA are bowing down to pressure from Sepp Blatter and FIFA and hitting him hard, knowing full well that he'll appeal and probably have the ban cut in half, making it closer to `sentence fitting the crime`. It's worth remembering that whilst many are jumping onto the bandwagon and blaming the FA proceedures and the drug testers for not reminding him, ultimately it's Rio's fault that he finds himself in this predicament and letting him off completely simply isn't an option. After all, if they do that, what's wrong with an actual drug user `forgetting` to take a test in future and then taking it 36 hours later when the substances are out of his system.

I was nudged (painfully!) in the ribs just before midnight last night to be informed by my wife that we had no electricity. Having only got up to use the loo an hour earlier, it was obviously a fairly recent problem, however the fault someone at a sub-station, had knocked all of our street out as well as many others, leaving us in total darkness. Unable to find a torch, I struggled across the landing, managing to step on both dogs before battling down the stairs to try and find a way of contacting the electric company. So with no light and unable to recall their fault-line number from a few weeks ago when the shop lights went kaput, my daughter came to the rescue with a toy torch which shone just enough light to be able to see the phone book and had just enough battery to be able to find the number before the torch also gave up the ghost. Thankfully the recorded message announced a general fault and a estimated time for re-connection of 2am - which they actually beat as we had power again just before 1am! The morale to this is always have a torch handy in the bedroom and if you do need to walk around the house in pitch darkness, try and train the dogs to sleep in the same place each night!

So, onto today's football and my initial thought is of Arsenal and how they could come to rue their last two away games. Today against Bolton and two weeks ago at Leicester, they were a goal up until late on when their hosts equalised, effectively costing the Gunners four points! With Chelsea winning the West London derby at Fulham, they are on an identical record to Arsenal, right down# to goals scored and conceded, however Man United will go top if they win at Spurs tomorrow. More importantly for me, what is certain is that should we win at Man City on Monday, they we'll be out of the drop zone for Christmas, which will be a superb achivement considering that we were up a famous creek without a certain item not all that long ago! We also had the first postponed games of the season as the matches at Birmingham and Wolves both fell foul of the heavy rain, although apparently Birmingham boss Steve Bruce let his players warm down on the pitch after the announcement to show his displeasure at the game being called off.

During Sky's Soccer Saturday, the panel had particular fun poking fun at Frank McLintock and his obvious bias towards Arsenal, however it's worth thinking back to just after kick off and the rather overjoyed reaction of host Jeff Stelling when his beloved Hartlepool were given an early advantage due to the third minute red card shown to Colchester's Alan White! Much like McLintock, his joy was short lived as the game ended 0-0.

And finally, with Jermain Defoe the subject of much transfer talk, notably to Man United, it's interesting to note that today he was sent off for the THIRD time this season!! Imagine the media reaction had that have been Alan Smith!

Sunday 21st December 2003
"Don't tell me it's not worth trying for. I can't help it there's nothing I want more." (Song)
Everything I do I do it for you - Bryan Adams: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

At which, now unused, stadium did Italy famously lose to North Korea in the 1966 World Cup?
Ayresome Park (Middlesbrough): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Anyone who had a correct bet on either first goalscorer in today's games would now be sitting there a few quid better off! Assuming the opening Southampton goal is creditted to Jason Dodd, then he was apparently 66/1, whilst John O'Shea of Man United would probably have been shorter odds, although not by much. In truth, the much heralded South coast derby again left me feeling short-changed, as did the recent cup meeting. As with that encounter, there were no home grown players in either starting line up and the sheer fact that Portsmouth were decimated by injuries and suspensions made it a little one-sided to say the least. However, from a personal point of view, it gives Leeds the chance to overhaul Pompey tomorrow and similarly Spurs' defeat against Man United leaves them a little too close to the drop zone for comfort and, once again, are within touching distance of my club, although barring a record breaking goalfest, we can't overtake them yet! So, the Xmas table will see Man United again top of the tree and whilst that may be ominous for all those below, it's worth recalling that, just for once, we have something different from the traditional two horse race at the top and whilst the top three are miles above anyone else, it just gives that extra edge for those of us following from a distance.

An elderly lady who still does paper rounds for us at the age of 73, loves going to bingo a couple of nights a week and takes great delight in telling us about her successes. So, when I opened up today and her first words were, "Hey, guess what?" followed by the tried and tested smile, I knew that she'd had some luck last night. Sure enough, she was at a local Christmas bingo and although she didn't win any money (which in itself is unusual!), she did practically sweep the board in the raffle, winning no less than THREE different prizes! One was a bottle of Malibu whilst the main prize was a huge oven ready turkey ready for Christmas Day. In addition she also won a `dinner` which included a smaller turkey as well as stuffing, veg and so on. However, with two birds ready and willing to be shoved in the oven, it's worth my mentioning that the lady involved is.....vegetarian!!

Monday 22nd December 2003
"Did your granny always tell you, that the old ones are the best?" (Song)
Merry Christmas Everybody - Slade: Correctly answered by Heidi

Seven European Cup/Champions League Finals have been decided on penalties, but who lost their shoot out having missed all four of their spot kicks?
Barcelona (1986 v Steaua Bucharest): Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

It wasnt a great weekend for a couple of managers. Sunderland's Mick McCarthy was furious at the late red card shown to Kevin Kyle that he took it out on a water bottle and some notes that were stuffed in his pocket, whilst Portsmouth's Harry Redknapp was similarly upset at losing to Southampton that he went into a diatribe destined to become an all-time classic about how he won't eat his Xmas dinner this year and doesn't even care about the festive season. His wife also had a mention as he went on about her Xmas not being worth bothering about as he would have his players training every day throughout! Whether he was deadly serious or not, you do wonder whether managers `switch off` when they finally return to their family or whether things continue to play on their mind? I would guess that the latter is more likely, which in many ways make you feel more for those that they share the house with! Despite what he said, I'd bet that Harry will sit down at lunchtime over Christmas and tuck in with his family, putting aside his problems for a few hours. If not, then he clearly has his priorities wrong.

I must admit to having a smug smile on my face over the last few days, and even more so since last night! Perhaps I'd better explain. If you go back to my November diary page and look at the 4th, you'll see a reference to the film Donnie Darko and the haunting version of the old Tears for Fears track, "Mad World" which is played to superb effect near the end of the film. Even six weeks ago, the track was practically unheard of, yet I loved the new version (I enjoyed the old, and more up-tempo, old version as well) and did mention it to a few people around the shop. Last night, thanks to increased airplay in recent weeks, it took the coveted Christmas number one spot in the charts, beating the Darkness among others. Despite many people whining that it's `too miserable` and `not a proper Xmas song`, I am delighted to see it top the charts, especially as I was aware of it even before it hit the shops and the airwaves. Many are quick to jump onto any bandwagon, especially as regards slating things are concerned, however if they are unhappy at a non-novelty track or non-Xmas record hitting number one, then take a look at 1975. The big hit then was a certain Bohemian Rhapsody but the then reletively unknown band Queen! They turned into one of the world's biggest and best bands and that record is one of the all time greats. I'm not saying that Mad World or Gary Jules will ever become that big, but don't knock things just because others are.

Tuesday 23rd December 2003
"But I've got to think twice, before I give my heart away. And I know all the games you play, because I play them too" (Song)

From which club did Rangers sign Paul Gascoigne in 1995?
Lazio: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

I must confess that had someone offered me a point for Leeds away at Man City, I'd have gratefully accepted it, however much like our home draw against Chelsea a couple of weeks ago, there's a number of ways at looking at this. Firstly, we were leading for over an hour and still ahead into the final ten minutes, only to concede a late equaliser. Equally we were denied a stoppage time free kick on the edge of the area as James Milner was tripped in full flow - it would have also seen City reduced to ten men! BUT, perhaps we should be pleased that City only managed one goal in the entire 90 minutes considering how many chances they created and how much possesion they had! For 90% of the game they were all over us and it was almost like a training game of `attack v defence`! Indeed when City made their triple change, I did say that if they equalise in the last quarter of an hour, then they'd go on and win it - thankfully I was wrong on that count! The bottom line is that we were lucky to get a point and, as I said to a City fan at work today, if I were a City supporter this morning, I'd be extremely annoyed that they didnt win the game!

Two days until Christmas and no doubt many are looking forward to a few days off of work. As for us in the newsagents trade, we get one whole day! I am getting New Years Day off as well as my boss is doing that, however I'm in Boxing Day to counteract that one! So, Dec 25th is the one day of the year that the shop doesn't open....yet this morning we had people asking (a) if there are papers on Christmas Day and (b) even if not, are we going to open anyway? Pardon me, but we are open 13 hours a day, 364 days of the year! Surely one day closed isn't going to matter? In truth, most of these queries are simply double-checking, however a couple of people have been quite put out by this, including one who asked, "But what if we run out of something?" Simple - make sure you have enough of everything in before hand, the same as the rest of us have to! Naturally we're sorry if this `Closed on Xmas Day` stance upsets people, but I'm certainly not spending the day away from my family just in case Mrs X forgot to buy extra Lambert & Butler!

Wednesday 24th December 2003
"I'll protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door." (Song)
The Power of Love - Frankie Goes To Hollywood: Correctly answered by Jinder Singh

In the footballing world, what happened on Christmas Day 1957 and hasn't happened since?
There was a full programme of English league matches: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

It's one of football's worst kept secrets that Man United are going shopping in the January sales for a new striker, likely to be a long-term partner up front for Ruud Van Nistelrooy and equally it's also no secret that they're being linked with anyone and everyone who happens to score the odd goal or two in the Prem. Most recently, our own Mark Viduka is being touted as the next star to move across the Peninnes to Salford and, as is par for the course those in power are doing the usual `Mark is staying` etc etc. That's all well and good as long as they stick to their word and not bend over backwards (or should that be forwards?) when the considerable power of United's chequebook makes an appearance. There are some Leeds fans who wouldn't mind Viduka leaving (I'd rather he stayed!) and equally there are United fans that I'm aware of who would NOT be happy with him joining Sir Fergie's red army, however what will be, will be and I can only hope that if he does depart for pastures new, then we at least get a decent price for him and not get clobbered and well at truly screwed as we did by Liverpool and agents regards Harry Kewell!

As I type, there is around twelve hours to go until Santa makes his way to the UK and performs his yearly miracle and it's no surprise that many kids - our own daughter included - and being dragged only with the hype and are being wound up to an extreme high as regards anticipation. The gifts from family and friends around the bottom of the tree are a constant reminder of what's to come and we've already] had a few versions of, "I can't wait until Christmas Day!" (Tough, you'll have to!) That said, I only hope they last as Biscuit, our five month old puppy does seem to be taking too much of an interest in them, and the tree, for me to feel comfortable enough to leave him alone in the room for longer than a minute! As much as I enjoy the day itself and the happiness on the face of our daughter, it's always nice to get back to normality (which for us is Boxing Day as I'm at work!!) after the festivities. So for now , I'll wish everyone a very Happy Christmas and hope that Santa brings you everything you wish for!

Back on Boxing Day!

Friday 26th December 2003
"Harry, there's enough C-4 on this thing to put a hole in the world!" (Film)
Speed: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Despite finishing well below them, which club were the only one to do the double over Chelsea last season (02-03)?

Well, that's Christmas over with for another year and whilst, for a change, it seemed to arrive exceptionally quickly, it also flew by as if two days were a matter of minutes. We had a particularly tiring couple of days, largely due to going to Midnight Mass for the first time, especially as our daughter was serving. That finished at 1am on Christmas morning and, by the time we'd given a lift home to some friends, it was nearer 1:30am by the time we got into bed. Thankfully our daughter dropped off quickly, however after I'd woken up at 4am to use the loo, she was awake at 5am for the same reason and eventually woke us up properly an hour later, meaning an absolute maximum sleep time of four and a half hours (although it was probably far less!). The Day itself was usual with present opening, church in the morning, more presents before lunch and then the afternoon over my mothers with her hubby which was fine as always. Ultimately, we were all pretty knackered by Christmas evening, not helped by having to work at 4:30am this morning, especially as my wife and daughter came along to help out! Rest and relaxation? Not a hope! That said, there are a great many out there who probably had a far worse Xmas than us, so I'll be grateful that we did spend the best part of two days together as a complete family. Oh, and among all the gifts was a new digital camera for yours truly, so once I can figure out all the modes and functions, expect some more pics on site!

Although I missed most of the afternoon's football due to visitors, I did get to see most of Chelsea's surprise 4-2 defeat at Charlton, leaving them adrift of Man United and Arsenal, both of whom won at home. We all know what Chelsea have done since the arrival of Roman Abrabramovic and his never ending bank account, however as has been said before, this brings it's own problems when things start to take a down turn. To lose one game can be seen as a blip, however lose any more in a short space of time and suddenly there is the proverbial crisis setting in and they'll be rumours about the safety of Claudio Ranieri's job! In truth, they were poor at the back today with mistakes all too often punished, although up front they were clinical as ever and perhaps should have made more of the final 15 minutes when they reduced the deficit to 4-2. That said, recent defeats against Bolton and Villa, coupled with today's result, need to be erased from memory and not dwelt upon as regards the club overall, otherwise that anticiapted crisis talk may become more than a rumour.

Saturday 27th December 2003
"When you think of garbage, think of Akeem!" (Film)
Coming To America: Correctly answered by Jinder Singh

In the 1990 FA Cup Final and it's replay, Man United started each game with a different goalkeeper. Who were the pair involved?
Jim Leighton (first game) and Les Sealey (replay): Correctly answered by Jinder Singh

How many times do you log onto the `Net each day? Maybe you have broadband and are therefore permanently on. When you've considered your answer, also consider how I felt earlier when my wife met me at work with the words, "Do you want the good news?" Remember our new five-month old puppy, Biscuit? Well, the little darling animal decided that it would be a cracking idea to chew through my network cable earlier on, totally severing it and completely disconnecting my `Net connection on my PC in the attic! Thankfully my wife's PC is fine as my router splits the broadband connection, however it now means that, for the time being, anything web connected needs to be done on my wife's PC, or at least written on mine and then transfered via floppy. Okay, in a way we're lucky still to have a connection and a bit of re-configuring also means that I can still get mail, however it doesn't alter the fact that her keyboard is different to mine and I cannot get used to it and she has one of those trackball mice which (a) I don't like and (b) I have all kinds of trouble getting the hang of! As for Biscuit, he can count himself lucky if he sees his first birthday!

Isn't it flattering that our kids seem to think that us parents know everything? If something breaks, we can fix it (severed network cables being the exception!) and if something is too difficult, we can help. This of course is theory as proved tonight when my daughter decided to ask me for help with one of her Xmas presents - a sort of electronic quiz game based around geography. The few that I tried were on North, Central and South America and involved matching the appropriate named nation to it's corresponding number on a map - all against the clock! Canada and USA was known even to my daughter, whilst I managed Mexico, Brazil and Cuba with the sort of ease which had her thinking, "My Dad is clever!". BUT, how would you get on trying to pinpoint Belize, Dominican Republic and Ecaudor whilst a nine-year old yells, "Time is running out!!!"? Mind you, that was a positive breeze compared to Canadian provinces! Maybe tomorrow we'l try an easier one eh?

Sunday 28th December 2003
"But this machine can only swallow money, you can't lay a patch by computer design, It's just a lot of stupid, stupid signs." (Song)

Former Leeds and Sunderland boss Peter Reid spent a year at which London club in the late 1980's?

It should have been the afternoon that Leeds finally lifted themselves out of the bottom three. Ultimately it turned into the afternoon where Wolves closed the gap on us with only their third win of the season! The defeat at Molineux, whilst hard to take, still leaves us in a position where one win could lift us out of the drop zone, although it's another week and a half before we get that chance at Newcastle, followed by a home game against Spurs, who amazingly are also in the relegation zone with us after losing at home to Charlton! At the top today there were wins for Chelsea and Man United whilst Arsenal play tomorrow, however on the subject of United, I reckon that Gary Neville owes Gareth Southgate a pint of his fave tipple after he saved him from a red card today at Middlesbrough. Neville was furious at the dismissal of youngster Darren Fletcher that he ran half the width of the pitch to have a few choice words with the ref, only to be held back by his England colleague (or was Southgate simply trying to wrestle the ball from his hands?) before he could get too close. It's remarkable how often this sort of confrontation with officials happen and ultimately it's irrelevant as they aren't going to change their decision! Maybe it's done with the assumption that is could influence future decisions later in the game, but for whatever ulterior motive Neville may have had, he could really do with the sort of restraint shown by Fletcher who accepted the decision and trudged off. An old head on young shoulders.

I must admit that I missed the first televised game today partly, as we drove over to the nearest PC World, but largely due to what we bought there which was a new network cable for my upstairs `Net connection and a USB cable for my wife's new printer which I bought her for Christmas. Both are the sort of jobs which should have taken 15-20 minutes each, but ended up taking almost two hours in total! The primary problem with the network Cat5 cable was that it needed to go up two flights of stairs and, due to instructions from She Who Must Be Obeyed, had to be tidy! The longest one they had was 50 feet which, as I mentioned in the shop, would be touch and go whether it would be long enough. Ultimately it was, but only just and needed a few uncoilings and untwistings before it actually connected at both ends! Thanks to some reinforced plastic piping, the vulnerable area for dog chewing is largely covered and hopefully all is well. The printer was another story, largely down to that amazing phenomenon which somehow entangles each and every wire and lead behind the PC. Unplugging the old printer from the back was tricky enough, especially as my balancing hand kept inadvertently unplugging the power cable to the modem! Naturally the old and new printers couldn't use the same power lead could they? No, that would be too easy! So finding where the old printer was plugged into was another gargantuan project, only to discover it was in one of the few sockets NOT actually hidden away by a tangle of wires resembling spaghetti junction! However, we made it and all seems to be working at the moment. The one worry now is that the old printer is going into my daughter's room where the word `mess` doesn't even begin to adequately describe the scenario!

Monday 29th December 2003
"We were born within an hour or each other, our mothers said we could be sister and brother." (Song)
Disco 2000 - Pulp: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Who was the first player to score a Premiership hat trick back in 1992?

We all know how much the FA like to charge players for various `offences` which, whilst in retrospect were foolish but at the time understandable, then having watched the highlights from yesterday's games, I have few doubts that Wayne Bridge will be next up in front of the suits in preparation for a ban. The Chelsea star, who moved from Southampton in the summer, was jeered by Portsmouth fans throughout yesterday's match and took it on the chin...until he scored the opening goal! His emotions got the better of him and he ran to celebrate in front of the Pompey fans, even shaking his fist at him whilst his team mates tried to usher him away. Yes it was understandable and yes it was dopey, even to the extent of Bridge apologising to the referee after the game, however you get the impression that the damage was done and you could almost hear the FA writing to the player as the final whistle went! He'll probably get a fine and ban for inciting opposition fans, however it's a shame that the FA can't take into consideration the abuse aimed at Bridge before the goal and what was going through his mind when the ball hit the net. He's still a young player and should learn from the errors of his ways.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, but how many of today's `big names` in the world of music will still be around in five years time? Remember less than a decade ago, the Spice Girls were everywhere and you couldn't open a newspaper without pictures of one or all of them poking their tongues out at the photographer. Today, according to rumours, `Sporty` Spice is set to be dropped by her record label after a string of flops! Lets be truthful, the other four have hardly enjoyed massive solo success and the sole reason that Victoria remains heavily in the news is largely down to her hubby. The curse of the manafactured bands struck them as it has hit many others since and will likely do so in the future so it only heightens the admiration for such greats as the Rolling Stones who've been going for over 40 years, and to a lesser extent, two of my faves, REM and U2 who've been around since the 80s. I wonder if Blue and Girls Aloud will be together in 2018??

Tuesday 30th December 2003
"I can't sleep tonight, everybody saying everything is all right." (Song)
Why Does It Always Rain On Me? - Travis: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

For three of the first Prem seasons, which club finished in 11th place?
Chelsea: Correctly answered by Jinder Singh

A few times in the past Arsenal have come unstuck at Southampton, whether it's The Dell or St Mary's, however last night that looked unlikely right from the opening exchanges as the Gunners largely dominated against a weakened Saints side. The only goal was typically Arsenal and clinically effective and the only surprise was that more didn't follow - and there could lie the Achilles heel for Arsenal. Twice in recent weeks (against Leicester and Bolton) they've been pegged back late on and only drawn when they should have won and it's not as though they are incapable of shifting up that extra gear and killing off opponents, it's more that they don't appear to want to! With goal difference tight between them and the other two of the big three, an extra couple of goals in games that you dominate could tell come May and considering that Saints couldn't even muster a shot at goal in the second half, then you wonder if it wasn't a situation wasted for Arsenal. Obviously only time will tell.

As the Xmas presents finally all get an airing out of their boxes, my daughter's latest `in thing` are her roller blades. I was somewhat concerned at her having them in the first place as her balance and ability to stay on her feet isn't the best in the world - indeed at her first school, hardly a week went by without a letter home stating that she'd fallen over and bashed her head. However, to her credit, she seems to have taken to them well and, over the last 24 hours, has progressed from the "Dad, hold my arm while I stand up!" stage to the, "I'm good at roller-blading now aren't I?" Today, when I got home from work, she took great pleasure in gliding up to me as I walked in and announce, "I did the washing up in these today!" Whilst success breeds confidence, I can't help thinking that one fall or tumble, followed quickly by one bruised arm or ego will result in said skates being taken off for the foreseeable future!

Incidentally, the site has now been updated with a few family pics = beware though, it's not for the faint-hearted! See them here

Wednesday 31st December 2003
"You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine. You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in." (Song)
That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Bobby Moore played 108 games for England, but how many goals did he score?

Whilst it's refreshing to hear Leeds' chief executive Trevor Birch state that no players will be sold unless they request a transfer and warn the players that no-one is welcome if they `mope around`, this can also have the reverse effect. Clearly he's hoping that the players will all pull together and take the `we're seeing this out until the end of the season` approach, however it can work the other way and if just one man decides to jump ship to pastures new, others are likely to follow. If I were to be truthful though, my main gripe is the way that backroom and executive staff at various clubs are becoming more and more outspoken in the media and this is not always a good thing. Ken Bates at Chelsea has done his fair share of bad-mouthing in the past and, looking back, former Leeds chairman Peter Ridsdale was in the news a little too often for his own good a couple of years ago, to the extent that he began believing his own hype and had delusions of grandiur. Ultimately, these people are paid to do a specific job at the club and that's fine, but please stick with that and don't get involved with team affairs unless their directly affect you.

"If a driver gets into the right frame of mind, he or she can actually finish their journey in a more serene state than when they began it." These are the words of wisdom from the RAC's consultant psychologist Conrad Black (Why would the RAC NEED a consultant psychologist??) and I guess that for some journey's he could be right. However, once someone cuts you up at a roundabout or tailgates you for a couple of miles, then that feeling of serenity soon disappears and is replaced by it's evil adversary, the feeling of being bloody annoyed! Aside from getting caught in traffic jams, I find driving in and around towns and cities far worse than even long journeys in the country or on motorways. The constant stopping, starting, indicating, being aware of others on the road are all far higher in built up areas and I'd rather drive 100 miles on a motorway than a few miles around Bristol or Bath! As for arriving in a serene state, that is only likely to occur if I'm not spending 15 minutes looking for a parking space and even then it's unlikely. But then maybe our esteemed consultant psychologist has never been cut up whilst travelling around a one-way system!

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