"Views From The `Footiemad` Armchair
Diary Of A Season November 2003



Saturday 1st November 2003
 "God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too." (Song)
Its Raining Men - The Weather Girls: Correctly answered by Kirsty

David Beckham made his first England appearance against which nation in 1996?
Moldova: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos
Well, I'm back from holiday in the North West (more of that throughout the month I'm sure!) to find that nothing has changed. Two defeats whilst I was away, albeit perhaps unluckily, against Liverpool and Man United, were followed today by a promising opening against Arsenal, only to be caught on the break a number of times in the first half and eventually lose 4-1, meaning that a Leicester win tomorrow against Blackburn (who are now also in the bottom three!) will put us firmly at the bottom of the table. On the plus side, we now have a run of games against clubs that, ordinarily, we should have a chance of beating and indeed with the exception of Chelsea in December, we don't play a big three club until mid February. One final thing - I'm always a little wary of when we play any club challenging Man Utd for top spot and how we may take points off of them and give the Red Devils an advantage (a classic example being last May at Highbury), however my loyalties were firmly confirmed when Thierry Henry netted after eight minutes today and my reaction was, `Here we bloody go again!`

Elsewhere today, the aforementioned Chelsea and Man United both won and kept clean sheets, emphasising how the title race is almost certain to be a three horse race this season. Wolves came back down to earth after their astonishing comeback last weekend to lose at Middlesbrough whilst Bolton also eased away from the drop zone with a surprise win at Spurs. Thinking back, this was the primary thing I missed whilst away. We had a caravan so there was no teletext on the TV, we had a radio in the car but didnt have the foresight to bring one for the caravan and naturally there was no PC or Internet, making the lack of accessibility to news and results a major pain. Leeds kicked off early against Liverpool last week, but I only heard the score with the rest of the results. I was driving down a very narrow track when Wolves netted their fourth against Leicester and almost drove into a field full of cows when the Manchester based radio station announced the result of United's home game with Fulham, which was made all the sweeter by the announcer admitting that he was a United fan! But that was then, this is now.


Sunday 2nd November 2003
 "I keep your picture upon the wall. It hides a messy stain that's lying there." (Song)


What feat did Tony Adcock, Paul Stewart and David White all achieve for Man City against Huddersfield in 1987?
They all scored hat-tricks in a 10-1 victory: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
It always used to be the joke at school. "Who are the strongest team in the league?" Of course, before you got wise to the question, the answer would invariably be Liverpool (at least when I was young anyway) until the punchline came that it was whoever was at the bottom as they were holding everyone else up! After Leicester's 2-0 win over Blackburn today, that dubious honour belongs to my own Leeds United and as far as I can recall, it's the first time I can remember them at the foot of the table. Even in 1982 when we were relegated, I didnt believe that we hit the bottom despite finishing in the bottom three, although according to Rothmans we were bottom for three weeks! However, the surprising thing is that I'm not as down or depressed about it as many may think, possibly as I was resigned to it anyway! After almost a third of the season, the table doesn't lie! In truth, the game was as much a spectacle as watching grass grow and the fact that Leicester waited until the 75th minute before having a shot at goal speaks volumes. You knew things were bad when the biggest cheer from the home side was when Les Ferdinand collided with the assistant ref, who then did very well to balance himself and stay on his feet! But, the reality is that Leicester did indeed win and that we are now bottom. On the plus side, there is only one way to go now.

Today's earlier game saw Liverpool leave it late to beat Fulham 2-1 and it raised a couple of interesting points. The first was the arrival of young Liverpool sub, and wonderfully named, Florent Sinama-Pongolle. His turn on the edge of the area won the late penalty winner and he was then fouled by Luis Boa Morte in the incident that saw the Fulham player rightly red carded. Pongolle looks a real livewire and could well be a star of the Premiership in future years, although my only reservation at the moment is whether he can play for the entire 90 minutes, although I guess in time that will come. The final point of note is this: Why is it that, despite being sat on the sofa for almost an hour reading, watching the tail end of the build up and then watching the opening 16 minutes, my dog decides that he needs me to let him out to the garden seconds before a goal is scored! Yep, I was literally opening the back door when Heskey netted for Liverpool! Sods law they call it don't they?


Monday 3rd November 2003
 "I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's had for you." (Song)


Who was the Ipswich keeper when Man United beat them 9-0 in 1995?
Craig Forrest: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos
It was interesting to read of the absence of two `star names` from their respective starting line ups at the weekend, both for differing reasons, although neither entirely surprising. Leeds' own Mark Viduka was the first to be dropped from the side hammered by Arsenal. Peter Reid took exception to comments made in the media by the Australian and the fact that he arrived late for training. I read the interview and whilst hardly earth-shattering in what it said, didn't exactly help the overall image of the club, hence the disciplinary action. The lateness cannot really be excused unless he had a rock-solid reason (car broke down for example). So onto Nik Anelka. The Frenchman apparently refused to take part in a clay-pigeon shooting tournament arranged by boss Kevin Keegan as a morale building exercise for the club due to the fact that he was injured. Like Viduka, it's a classic example of a player feeling that he is bigger than the club, although unlike the Leeds striker, Anelka hasn't exactly been a shining example of how to behave in the past has he? So where does it leave both players? Again a difference as Anelka is likely to have the law laid down and then, I believe, will knuckle down at a club where he seems genuinely settled. Viduka on the other hand hasn't seemed comfortable at Leeds all season and there have been rumours of offers from abroad and I reckon he'll be the first one out when the January sales start in the New Year.

Thanks to my wife buying me the DVD for my birthday, we finally got around to watching Final Destination 2 last night. Whilst we enjoyed it as a film, it didnt seem quite as unpredictable as the first one, maybe as we half-expected what was coming, even if their untimely demises weren't always what we'd anticipated. Both movies have basically revamped the ideas explored in The Omen trilogy (forget the fourth one as that re-worked the original) in bumping off as many characters as possible in imaginative ways and in truth it works especially with an underlying tone of black humour, missing in the Omen series. However, I digress here as my main reason for mentioning FD2 was the blatant advertising for iMac computers! Whether Apple Mac paid for the plugs or not, I have no idea, however in the first half an hour or so, we have a long shot of one of the victims carrying a huge box clearly stamped with the iMac logo and shortly afterwards, another character is using a laptop with the Apple logo again clearly visible. Whether this `advertising` actually works is open to opinion, but with people watching movies now to spot mistakes, maybe there are some out there who could start `ad spotting`. Mind you, I wouldn't have been as cynical had one of the heroes been crushing by their iMac! Maybe there's an idea for the makers of FD3 eh?


Tuesday 4th November 2003
 "I've got a friend who comes to tea, who nobody else can see but me. He came today but had to go, to visit you, you never know." (Song)
Land of Make Believe - Bucks Fizz: Correctly answered by OPE9

Which two stadia, both still used for league football, within the same city are the closest geographical in England (only 330 yards apart!)?
One of the first customers at the shop today asked me how the game ended up last night as he went to bed at half time (another early riser like me!). I replied that Charlton won 2-1 and he shrugged, stating that it didn't sound that exciting! How wrong could he be??? Despite my early start, I stayed with it until the end and was thoroughly entertained right until the final whistle. Birmingham deserved at least a point and would have got it had Dean Kiely not been in inspired form, however that said, Maik Taylor made a couple of decent saves at the other end as chances came swiftly. As a genuine neutral, it was terrific to see a game which swung from end to end, especially between two clubs who, with the greatest respect to both, are not perceived at natural entertainers. Indeed, I wondered how many people took a look at this Monday night game and decided to give it a miss and go down the pub, or watch a video? I'll bet there was a few and ultimately it was their loss. A classic example of not judging a book by it's cover.

It's a hard thing to describe, but I wonder how many people have experienced strange little quirks where something rare or unusual they've been watching or hearing suddenly appears to them in another aspect. I'll try to explain. A few weeks ago I watched `Donnie Darko` - an incredibly strange film but well worth watching (indeed I've seen it twice now!) and very near the end is a sequence where the Tears For Fears track `Mad World` is played, albeit sung by someone else. Since then, that track has stuck in my head even though it's very rarely played on the radio due to it being 20+ years old. So, as I'm whistling it at work today, what comes onto the radio? Yep, the very same!! Equally, yesterday a friend of ours kept singing the Goat Herd song from the Sound Of Music, `for no apparent reason` as he later told me. In the afternoon I settled down to read a bit more of Ian Rankin's novel `Strip Jack` - a millions miles away from the Sound of Music, yet there is a reference to the film in a chapter about a psychiatric ward where they play the movie to help keep the patients calm! Odd co-incidences eh, or maybe I'm reading too many books and watching too many films!!


Wednesday 5th November 2003
 "Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the gangster of love." (Song)
The Joker - Steve Miller Band: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater & Cheryl Warner

Arsenal defender Ashley Cole once spent time on loan at which other London club?
What a night in the Champions League for the English clubs last night eh! I watched the first half of Man United's win over Rangers in the so-called Battle of Britain and then, fed up with an encounter which resembled men against boys, switched over to watch the second half of Chelsea's first ever win in Italy, 4-0 over Lazio which also resembled men against boys in truth. Whilst United's result was pretty much expected, Chelsea's was a different matter, or more to the point, the sheer margin of victory was a surprise and it has to be said, they totally deserved it! Certainly in the second half they looked comfortable, albeit against ten men, and seemed more than capable of moving up a gear should the need arise and literally take their illustrious opponents apart. Both United and Chelsea lost their second games in this group phase unexpectedly and it makes you wonder if it gave them the proverbial kick-up-the-jacksy that they needed and if so, it certainly worked as they are effectively through to the knock-out stages barring something totally stupid happening...

Which brings me - rather neatly I thought (end of Barry Norman impersonation!) - to that nice fellow Sinise Mihajlovic. The Lazio player was red carded last night for two cynical fouls on Damien Duff in the same of two minutes, however he shouldn't have been on the pitch anyway after he was caught on camera in the first half spitting at the face of Adrian Mutu. I didn't see it at the time (watching the MU game!) and neither did the referee or either of his assistants due to him waiting until the ref had his backed turned before unleashing his load. The Mirror called it `despicable` whilst Chelsea defender John Terry called it `disgusting` and whilst these are pretty accurate, the Chelsea fan I spoke to at work today summed it up far better with two words, neither of which are printable here. Don't forget this is the same Mihajlovic who was banned a couple of years back for aiming racial abuse at Patrick Vieira and, with the news that UEFA are investigating yesterday's incident, you wonder if the 35-year old should considering retiring - PLEASE! This poor excuse for a player should know better at his age and, at a time when football is approaching the gutter, doesn't deserve to earn his living within the game. It seems ironic that both he and Glen Johnson were red carded in the same game, whereas Johnson's crime was the dastardly offence of....kicking the ball away - naughty boy! Indeed, boss Claudio Ranieri's rant at Johnson as he trudged off was one of the highlights of the game!! Johnson is young enough to learn from the experience as he gets older and wiser, something that Mr Mihajlovic has been totally incapable of!


Thursday 6th November 2003
 "I know nothing stays the same, but if you're willing to play the game." (Song)
Coming Around Again - Carly Simon: Correctly answered by J.T.Oxley

Who, in 1966, became the first player to score in three successive World Cups?
Pele: Correctly answered by OPE9
`Lucky Arsenal`, `Boring Arsenal`, `1-0 to the Arsenal` - all phrases earned by the Gunners, justified or not, over the years. Last night, they warranted all three in the space of two hours! Although I didn't see all of their late, late show aka a 1-0 win over Dynamo Kiev, I saw enough (and also read enough) to know that this `must win` game was a largely unimpressive and uninspired performance from the Premiership leaders. Ultimately the victory keeps them in the competition however in truth, on present CL form, they certainly don't look like becoming contenders for the trophy and of course they still need a result in Milan in three weeks time to stay in touch. The commentators kept picking up on the theory that Arsenal try to score `the perfect goal` and in many ways they were dead right, even if they did overstate it somewhat, and it wouldn't hurt them to try and be a little less intricate in the final third at times. As regards the perfect goal, Celtic Park was the place to be as the Glasgow side netted three excellent efforts in the first half against Anderlecht, the second and third of which had me cheering. Like Arsenal, their future in the competition remains unclear, however unlike the Gunners, Celtic know where their weakness lies - away from home where they've lost both games so far. At home they are 100% and should they be able to transfer that to their travelling matches, then they could end up going further than Arsenal!

Yesterday I confidently announced that I felt Arsenal would finally click in Europe against Kiev - WRONG! Equally, I didn't want to channel-hop during yesterday's games, but again that fell flat after just fifteen minutes and I ended up bouncing between three main matches. I started with Arsenal, expecting them to go out all guns blazing. A poor start and a goal for Celtic made me switch to Celtic Park where I was lucky enough to see them double, and then treble, their lead - ironically the only goals I actually saw out of a possible SIXTEEN in `my` three games!! I stuck with Celtic until half time and into the early stages of the second half when I noticed that goals were flying in like confetti in Monaco where they had suddenly gone 7-3 up against Deportivo, with FIVE goals in the ten minutes either side of half time! So, I tried watching that one for a while and jinxed it as the goals dried up - until I switched back to the final twenty minutes of the Arsenal game, at which point Monaco promptly scored their eighth goal a minute after I'd changed games! So, I stuck with the Gunners until the bitter end, well actually it was until my wife called down to make sure that I'd locked the door. Out I go to check that I had...and Arsenal scored their late winner!

Finally, remember a few days ago when I mentioned about strange co-incidences and suchlike? Well, Ashley Cole scored for Arsenal last night - a guy who scores about as often as Halley's Comet makes an appearance, so why did I choose and upload that particular trivia question yesterday, a full eight hours BEFORE the Arsenal game even kicked off!! Spooky!


Friday 7th November 2003
 "Oh mist rolling in from the sea I desire." (Song)
Mull of Kintyre - Wings: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Matt Le Tissier only missed one penalty during his career. Which current Prem keeper saved it?
Mark Crossley: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Last night my daughter was watching SuperStars upstairs, largely as one of the competitors was athlete Du'aine Ledajo who visited her school last month as part of a keep-fit sponsorship day and she was lucky enough to get her picture taken with him. However she came belting downstairs to let me know that `Du'aine had just won the swimming competition and I replied, "Oh, that's funny, Liverpool are winning the swimming on Channel 5 as well!" It has to be said that, at times, Liverpool's game in Bucharest resembled unsynchronised balletic water dancing on a pitch which apparently had needed a helicopter to help get it dry! Ultimately it succeeded only in spreading the water to certain areas of the pitch where doing a sliding tackle resulted in gliding majestically out of play and crashing into the ad hoardings. Of course, in an ideal world, the game should never have kicked off, but postponing a game in Europe causes certain problems not encountered by cancelling a domestic league game. There would be a deadline when the match would need to be played by and it would mean a wasted journey for the away side which they would then have to repeat later. In short, unless conditions are horrendous, then European games go ahead regardless. Last night wasn't quite horrendous, just pretty awful!

According to our local paper, someone is looking for unusual street names within the UK and making some kind of book or record about them and, presumably, their origins. Here in my town, we have The Butts (origin unknown by me!), Button Street (ditto!) and Milk Street (due to the dairy occupying the area a century and more ago) I daresay there are many more around Britain equally confusing and obscure whose origins leave a lot to the imagination, however one in a nearby village (Buckland Dinham) is worth a mention, although quite how it earned it's name is anyone's guess, however would you like to live in Cock Road??? Maybe something to do with poultry farming...?


Saturday 8th November 2003
 "Let it all out, these are the things I can do without, come on, I'm talking to you." (Song)
Shout - Tears For Fears: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Which goalkeeper holds the record for the quickest ever Premiership red card?
Since today's games ended, I've been speculating about which is the worst to take as a football fan. Scenario 1 - Playing away to your bitterest local rivals, who also happen to be one of the best clubs in the land, taking an early lead, holding it for over an hour only to lose to two late goals, including a lucky winner.
OR.....
Scenario 2: Going into an away game needing a win and believing that it's very much a possibility, especially with the scores level approaching half time. Then, the collapse happens and you end up getting totally and utterly stonked! In truth, both are bloody bitter pills to swallow, as Spurs fans will know after losing at Arsenal and fellow Leeds fans are only too well aware after Portsmouth thumped us 6-1 today! Ironically, after watching the early game (Wolves v Birmingham) I decided to have a long soak in the bath having been at work all morning. When I came out at around 3:25pm and turned the TV on, I was thrilled that we were drawing 0-0....blissfully unaware that the game hadn't actually started yet due to floodlight problems! I don't want to point fingers of blame or wonder how the hell this unholy mess can be sorted out, however with less than a third of the season gone, we have the worst defensive record, the worst goal difference, are bottom of the table and, should the goals continue to leak at the present rate, we could well let in 100 over the season! Are you sure the only way is up....???

So, that's the self centred depression section out of the way! So, as I carry on feeling sorry for myself, I should spare a thought equally for West Ham fans after their astonishing match at home to West Brom. 1-0 up after 41 seconds, 3-0 ahead on 18 minutes, however before half time the visitors pulled it back to 3-2 before Jermaine Defoe was sent off (he netted the early goal!). In the second half, Brian Deane - who had scored the other two Hammers goals - scored again, this time in his own net to level the scores!! Remarkably, West Brom went on to score again to complete a quite amazing comeback! Any Hammers and Spurs fans want to join me in the proverbial pit of despair??

It was the first round of the FA Cup today and I reckon I've found one of the best stadium names in the nation. Lancaster were at home to Cambridge United today and lost 2-1 to a last minute goal at the brilliantly named Great Axe ground! I wonder of the origins of that!

Finally, among all the downers, spare a last thought for debutant goalkeeper Lee Worgan of Wimbledon. The 19-year old made his first ever start today at Rotherham and promptly conceded three goals before being sent off! Yes, the only way is up!!


Sunday 9th November 2003
 "He's experienced about as much pain and suffering as anyone I've encountered, give or take, and he still has Hell to look forward to." (Film)
Seven: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

To date, who was the last player to score a hat trick for England?
Michael Owen (5-1 v Germany 2001): Correctly answered by Jaan Roos
With Arsenal winning narrowly yesterday, the pressure was on Man United and Chelsea to get results today - and didnt they just rise to the occasion. United had a virtual re-run of last season at Anfield as they took a 2-0 lead before being pegged back to 2-1 and then hanging on for dear life! In truth, a draw would have been a fairer result and that should have been the case had Emile Heskey not emulated David Beckham and slipped at the most crucial moment in stoppage time! Heskey remains one of those who gets more stick than is perhaps warranted, however when vital, and glaring, misses are mentioned in the future, this one will be dragged out. Perhaps it's not quite in the Ronnie Rosenthal or Gordon Smith range, but it's close and it will be interesting to see how he comes back from it. As for Chelsea, well they demolished Newcastle in a controlled and almost arrogant display of possesion and goalscoring. Many envy them for the cash they've had to spend, but as I've said before, it still has to be spent on the right blend of players and then they need to gell and so far, they are. They face Man United at home on St Andrews Day at the end of this month, is that ever a game worth waiting for!

Unsurprisingly, I received plenty of stick at work today as regards yesterday's result. I even put a joke `For Sale` sign ("Eleven Thick Planks Of Wood - Details At Elland Road.") up in the shop in the hope that it would deflect some of the mickey-taking away - it didnt! From the very first customer just after 5 O'Clock, right through to closing time eight hours later, I was in the proverbial firing line. It ranged from the simple, "I'd better not mention yesterday had I?" to the cryptic, "Just my usual two papers please Gary, not SIX or anything like that!!" via the outright obvious, " Did it finish 6-1 or did Portsmouth manage any more?". Thankfully, it's all in good humour and the customers are well aware than when their club(s) have a bad day, I'll be there with a few quips of my own. Sadly at the moment, it would be a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black.


Monday 10th November 2003
 "Seven hours since you went away. Eleven coffee's, Rikki Lake on play." (Song)
Sugababes - Hole In The Head: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Who scored goals in two FA Cup Finals for two different clubs within four years in the early 1990s?
Ian Wright (1990 Palace, 1993 Arsenal): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Will he or won't her? Have they or haven't they? As I type, the confusion over the future of Peter Reid at Leeds is as clear as mud. The Beeb says that he's been sacked whilst Sky state that it hasnt been made official even though they believe that he WILL be sacked! How I feel about the situation at the club has been mentioned often enough here, however what this goes to show is that too much information is not always a good thing. The explosion of the Internet over the last 5-6 years has been absolutely stunning, however it's only when things like this happen that you wonder if it's always 100% good as regards news with conflicting reports bouncing around all over the place. The Bobby Robson Quits story from a few weeks ago was a classic example of the Internet snowball effect as a throwaway comment turns into a rumour, then a story, followed by big news - whether it's accurate and honest is another matter. As for Reidy, this time tomorrow, we should know for sure.

I don't know whether it's just me or not, however I tend to feel exceptionally guilty when refusing their products in the street. We were in Bristol today which I swear blind is the clipboard centre of the World! There are loads of clipboard carrying `researchers` who would `just like a minute of your time` to try and entice to join the latest catalogue company or tell us how desperate this and that charity are for funds, not to mention those `with a cause` who want to get us to join Greenpeace or to ram down our thoats how bad Esso are. For all their good intentions, I'm simply not interested, especially when direct debits and bank account details are brought into the conversation, however it doesn't stop me from feeling guilty when I pretend not to hear them or simply say, "Sorry, not interested!". Oh, Bristol all surely has more Big Issue sellers per square yard than the average shopping centre as well, but that's another story!
 

Tuesday 11th November 2003
 "I wanna smash his face in, yeah that'd be fun, cause I've sure got a fist for a fight." (Song)


Which England international goalkeeper of the 60s and 70s was known as `The Cat`?
Peter Bonetti: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Okay, so now it's official - Peter Reid joins David O'Leary and Terry Venables as those who tried and failed at Elland Road, although with the wonderful benefit of hindsight, sacking O'Leary for `only` finishing fifth was not the best laid plan! So, who will follow Reid into the hot seat? Well, according to the papers today, we're getting Gordon Strachan (Daily Mail), Paul Hart (Star and Sport!) and Neil Warnock (Express) and whilst all have a certain amount of logic to them aside from Warnock who is currently managing the club that he's a lifelong fan of, I wonder if promoting from within wouldnt be such a bad plan. Eddie Gray is taking temporary charge so how about giving him a crack for the remainder of the season at least. That way we have no compensation to pay to other clubs and have a man who bleeds for the club having played for seventeen years at Elland Rd and managed for another three in the dark days of the second division in the 80s. After all, the last time we promoted from within, we ended up with O'Leary - top five finishes, semi-finals of the Champions League and UEFA Cup and some amazing memories. That all seems a hell of a long time ago now!

With the doom and gloom merchants predicting a low scoring game last night (Blackburn hadn't scored in four games, Everton in three!), I had high hopes for something above average due to the importance of the game and was delighted to see two goals in the opening thirteen minutes! In truth, Everton were pretty awful in the first half which only emphasises how poor Leeds are at the moment as Everton walloped us 4-0. Things were better after half time and the only surprise was the fact that only one more goal was scored, however I saw enough to feel that neither club will be relegated, despite their precarious positions. One final thought - Are they putting something in the water on Merseyside at the moment? Sunday we saw Emile Heskey miss a last minute sitter for Liverpool, whilst last night, David Unsworth somehow shot over the bar from two yards as another late equaliser looked certain!

Wednesday 12th November 2003
 "Why don't we break up, there's nothing left to say. I've got my eyes shut, hoping they don't stray.." (Song)
Sexed Up - Robbie Williams: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Wolves beat Sheff United in the Div 1 play off final last season, however which clubs did they beat in the respective semi-finals?
Reading and Nottm Forest: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner
All the talk of a crisis at Leeds is clearly being overstated due to a couple of incidents last night which convinced me that things arent as bad as feared. Firstly, we actually won a game!! Okay, so it was 5-3 at Cambridge in a testimonial, however please let me clutch at these straws considering recent results! Secondly, and more important, I found my Lucky Leeds bobble hat!!! Purchased a few years ago whilst on holiday, this hat has done me proud over the past winters and kept my delicate bonce free from the cold, the snow and the ice at 4:30am whilst walking to work! However, when the cold weather started again a few weeks ago, I couldn't find the darn thing. Last night though, my wife, whilst having a major sort out upstairs, found it hiding away in the corner, much to my delight! So, being the superstitious sod that I am, I'm certain that this sign starts the beginning of the turnaround for my Leeds United! Yeah right!!

At work, we have access to a dedicated newsagents radio station which plays a decent mix of new stuff as well as older music back to the 60s. One of their regular spots is an `Album of the Week` which this week is Roy Orbison's Greatest Hits. Today, they played `Crying` which he did as a duet with k.d.Lang not long before he died, however it had me in a fit of the giggles as that song always reminds me of that brilliant Only Fools and Horses episode where Del hires an amatuer singer as cabaret for a crucial party, unaware that the guy has a speech impediment and cannot pronounce his R's, leaving Del's choice of tracks somewhat unsuitable with `Crying` becoming `Cwying!`. It's very difficult serving customers with a copy of the Sun, a lottery ticket and a packet of cigs whilst that episode is running through your head and NOT laugh! To quote the program further, I suppose it's just as well that Gween Gween Gwass of Home wasn't played as well!


Thursday 13th November 2003
 "I don't know what it is, that makes me feel like this, I don't know who you are, but you must be some kind of....." (Song)
Superstar - Jamelia: Correctly answered by OPE9

Aside from Celtic and Rangers, which other Scots Premier Division side are based in Glasgow?
Partick Thistle: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater
Of all the managers currently linked with the position at Leeds, the rumours which state that David O'Leary is about to return are a little hard to fathom. Don't get me wrong, his time at the club was great and I agree with his recent comments that we never had it so good whilst he was in charge. Whether his reported problems at Aston Villa are the figment of a reporters imagination is anyone's guess, however lets look at it from the financial side of things. Leeds are massively in debt and part of that debt (around �4m apparently) is still being used to PAY OFF O'Leary from when Peter Ridsdale sacked him!! We would then have to pay Villa compensation for `poaching` him (unless they sack him first of course which seems unlikely), not to mention a decent salary for the Irishman again. No, as much as I would love to see him back, the sheer financial constraints make it seems as likely as me getting a phone call from Elland Road asking if I were interested.

We've had an afternoon of kittens and cows, yet not an animal in sight! Let me explain. A few days ago I accidentally discovered that my daughter's favourite pop group - Atomic Kitten - were doing an album signing session today at Cribbs Causeway near Bristol, which is one of those big out-of-town retail parks and is only a little over an hour away. So, off we went and arrived an hour before the signing was due to start and had around 50 or so already in the queue ahead of us, although that was nothing compared to the hundreds behind us two hours later when we finally saw them and got, not only the new album signed by all three, but also my daughter's autograph book. All three were very pleasant, helpful and happy to pose for pictures, despite the clear anxiety of the security men to get the crowds moving as quickly as possible. But what really struck me was the wide cross section of ages there. From the pre-school to the late teen pair of girls in front of us to the grandparents behind us who must have been in their 70s! Most notable was the middle-aged guy with a blue rucksack a little way ahead of us who did nothing but whistle and wave at the trio once they came out to begin signing. I felt a little unsettled by him, so goodness knows how they felt! Overall, despite the long wait, it was worth it to see (and hear) my daughter speechless for a minute or so!

Less than a mile away from HMV where the band were, is a huge Toys R Us and we'd been asked if we could try and find a rocking cow toy for a friend of ours to buy for her grandson. Now, this thing was reduced to half price in their stores recently and has been like gold-dust ever since, with everywhere out of stock - even online! So, when we finally found it tonight, it was like finding the wreck of the Titanic - well maybe not, but you get the point. However, the only one left was on display and although we could have it, there was no box and no reduction in price. This was until the manager spotted a small hole at the back where the price tag had been and offered to knock another �5 off the price! A quick phone call to our friend confirmed what we already knew, "Get it and I'll pay you back!" It's hard to imagine how difficult it's been for her to get this particular toy, however her one-year old grandson will doubtless be delighted on Christmas morning so it's all been worthwhile.


Friday 14th November 2003
 "Later as the years went by, I grew up and moved away, had to earn my pay." (Song)


Last season (02-03) who became the first student club to take part in the first round proper of the FA Cup?
Team Bath: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner
Outside of Leeds fans and officials, he'll get very little sympathy as per usual, however I do feel a little sorry for Alan Smith after his latest brush with authority. Yesterday he was arrested over that bottle throwing incident at Elland Road against Man United when he threw a bottle of Lucozade back into the crowd after it was thrown onto the pitch, however the only person it hit was the girlfriend of Smith's best friend, who didnt want to press charges. Okay, he was wrong and shouldn't have done it, however it was near the end of extra time of a game where Leeds already felt hard done by and this was the straw that broke the striker's back. Yes I know of his past history, the temper, the petulance, the 584 red cards in his career, but didn't Fabien Barthex do a similar thing a few seasons ago at the same ground, as was let off with the proverbial slap on the wrist? We've all done and said things in the heat of the moment that we've regretted within seconds, Smith's only fault was doing it with the TV camera's on him! Ultimately, the Leeds fan who threw the bottle originally should have a long, hard, close look at himself as, whilst he's got off scot free, Smith is left facing the music once again.

So far this week, I can't recall taking a single phone call at home in the afternoon's once I finish work - and even yesterday when we were out, good old 1471 told us that our last call received was in the morning. So, why is it then that the one day I decide just to have a couple of hours nap before picking our daughter up from school, that everyone makes up for it! In a 90 minute spell today, whilst I was trying to get a bit of extra sleep, we had no less than FOUR phone calls, each one seemingly just as I was dozing off after answering the one before! I know I could have unplugged the extension, however the fear of missing an important call is marginally higher than the annoyance of being woken up by the phone! Two hours on, the real irony is that I can only remember who three of the callers were and, more to the point, what they wanted. I guess the fourth couldnt have been that important - or maybe I dreamt it...


Saturday 15th November 2003
 "You want to know the secret to surviving air travel? After you get where you're going, take off your shoes and your socks then walk around on the rug bare foot and make fists with your toes" (Film)
Die Hard: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

When Columbia beat Argentina 3-0 in July 1999, what remarkable record was set by Argentina's Martin Pakmeiro? One which I'm sure he'd rather forget!
He missed THREE penalties! : Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Wow!! What an afternoon of football which has seen my nails bitten down to a level which is lower than clinically safe! Although I missed the first ten minutes of Scotland's 1-0 win over Holland (long story!), the remaining 80 minutes, was enough to keep me on the edge of my seat and keep the dog well out of the way of that deranged person yelling at the TV! In truth, we rode our luck. James McFadden's goal, whilst very well worked, needed a deflection to loop in and when you consider that the Dutch had a header cleared off the line and thumped a shot against the bar, as well as the keeper making a number of important saves, then they probably deserved a draw. That said, take nothing away from Scotland who defied the odds and must now do similar again on Wednesday in Amsterdam where a draw will be enough, although I daresay that Holland will feel confident enough to overcome today's deficit. Byt for now, I'll enjoy the moment and it has to be said that the scenes at the final whistle, especially the joy of the Hampden crowd, will stay with me for a long, long time!

Are we therefore on for a UK treble as Wales did their hopes the power of good with a goalless draw in Russia. I didnt see any of the game as the first half clashed with the Scots match and I was collecting my wife from work during the second half. In fact, myself and another chap were trying to discover the final score whilst waiting in the local Chinese takeaway which we visited straight from work and were lucky enough for the news to come on. The problem now is that Wales' downfall in the past has been at home, notably 1993 against Romania and `that` missed penalty, however with fanatical support, I sincerely hope they can overcome the Russians and join England - and possibly Scotland - in Portugal next summer!


Sunday 16th November 2003
 "I wanted to be with you alone, and talk about the weather." (Song)


In terms of margin of victory, which club recorded the biggest Premiership AWAY win last season (02-03)?
Liverpool (6-0 at West Brom): Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner
I've made no secret of the fact that I don't particularly like international friendlies. Yes I know they are a vital guideline for players and coaches alike, however invariably that's as far as it goes and the entertainment factor is minimal. It would seem that today's England v Denmark game was the exception to the rule especially as I only saw the final twenty minutes due to us being out. Ultimately, the Danes ran out surprise winners and from what I picked up from commentary, they deserved it as well, however from England's point of view, you can only hope that lessons have been learned. Defensively things looked as watertight as a paperbag and, as was mentioned, it's as well that these frailties are evident in friendlies rather than the real deal, although naturally it's up to players and manager to sort out. Overall though, the one thing that desperately needs sorting is the relationship between players and the FA, with Eriksson somewhere in the middle. For the second game in a row, the off the field headlines have taken precedence over the important matters and that cannot be right and it should be remembered that when next June comes around, there will be no second chances.

As you may, or may not, know, American president George Bush is visiting the UK later this week to meet Prime Minister Tony Blair for a variety of reasons which I find of very little interest. However, the anti-war brigade are up in arms (so to speak) over the visit and, more to the point, the war in Iraq earlier this year, and are protesting in London and probably other cities, when Mr Bush arrives. Now, I don't want this site to become pro or anti anything away from football and have no intention of taking any sides one way or another, but whilst their protests are surely with the best of intentions, something on the news last night struck me as not being the best idea in the world. This particular story was on Sky News when my daughter was sat beside me (taking hardly any interest in truth) and one of the protesters from Sheffield yesterday was chanting, "George and Tony - naughty, naughty boys!" repeatedly, which she thought was absolutely hilarious. So whilst they clearly have a geniune and serious point to get across, doing it in a way which a nine-year old finds funny is perhaps not ideal.


Monday 17th November 2003
 "Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids. In fact, it's cold as hell." (Song)
Rocket Man - Elton John: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

During the 95-96 season, Frank Lampard (Junior!) spent time on loan at which Welsh club?
As players move towards the end of their careers, it's inevitable that the talk of coaching and management should come up and in general, you can almost always seperate them into two catagories - `Has the makings a good manager` and `Not managerial material`. To me at least, Stan Collymore would come into the latter every time. So it was to my surprise that Southend United - his first club as a player - are in talks with him as regards becoming their new (player) manager. I believe that Collymore's talent as a striker was superb, however equally he remains one of the most wasted talents of recent years alongside Paul Gascoigne, through nobody's fault than their own. You have to wonder about his man-management skills considering the run-ins with team mates and authority that he experienced during his career, especially as this is one of the more important aspects of being a boss - if you lose the dressing room, you lose the position, as discovered recently by Glenn Hoddle. Maybe he'll prove me, and many others, wrong, and become a success at Southend and perhaps elsewhere, however if I had to put money on Collymore or the recently appointed Tony Adams at Wycombe as regards who'll be in the job the longest, my money is on Adams every time!

I read today that Santa will receive less letters than ever this year! Why? Because more and more children are using technology and emailing their Christmas lists to Lapland and the North Pole. Experts predict that 13% less letters will be handwritten this year and whilst that's clearly excellent news for the overworked postman at the North Pole, it's a shame for Santa in so much that an email is so much more impersonal than something that you've taken time over. So, if your kids are considering emailing Santa instead this year, why not try and get them to send a handwritten letter as well! Okay, so Santa will have a spend a little more of his valuable time reading both, but it'll give the kids a little more satisfaction when they get a reply and of course on Christmas morning!


Tuesday 18th November 2003
 "If you look in the mirror and say his name 5 times. He'll appear behind you breathing down your neck." (Film)
Candyman: Correctly answered by OPE9

What record does San Marino international Davide Gualtieti currently hold?
He scored the quickest ever international goal (8.3 seconds v England in 1993): Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner
I don't know whether to be uplifted or worried about the current unrest in the Dutch camp, most of which pales England's recent off-the-field problems into insignificance. Patrick Kluivert reckons that he and Ruud van Nistelrooy cannot play in the same team due to their style of football, whilst Van Nistelrooy goes off on a different tangent, claiming that not enough players are giving that bit extra on the pitch that is often needed ti grind out results. If that isn't enough, boss Dick Advocaat knows exactly where the problems lie, stating that all of his decisions, team selections and tactics were spot on, putting the ball literally back in the player's court. In truth, this internal slanging match could work either way. If we're lucky, the Dutch will be downhearted and disorganised, allowing Scotland to do the necessary and win through to Euro 2004. However, if the players and management are as professional as they should be, they'll knuckle down, shut up and get on with the job in hand. How I hope it's the former rather than the latter.

Sorry, but it's gripe time again! Last summer, I booked some tickets online for a work collegue who wanted to see Robbie Williams at `that` concert at Knebworth and all went fine aside from one thing which irratated me (and her!). Now, the same person has asked me to try and get tickets for Westlife for her daughter and again I use the same reputable agency and again the same thing crops up - service charges and processing fees!! Although the pair of tickets came to �53.50 at face value, she has to pay an extra �9.25 for `hidden charges` (�7 service charge and �2.25 procession fee). Surely in this day and age, it wouldn't be too much trouble to include this in the price with a disclaimer at the bottom stating that all fees are included. That way you don't have to trudge through four pages of entering names, addresses and credit card details before having to explain that the price she thought she would be paying is almost a tenner less than the actual cost!


Wednesday 19th November 2003
 "Tell me, did Venus blow your mind? Was it everything you'd hoped to find?" (Song)
Drops Of Jupiter - Train: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

When Liverpool beat Crystal Palace 9-0 in 1989, eight different players scored. Who was the only player to score more than once?
Steve Nicol: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Once again it's all happening at Leeds United! Jody Morris has been officially charged with rape and deserves everything the court are allowed to throw at him if found guilty (Is castration still an option?). Indeed it will never cease to amaze me why and how people in the public eye manage to get themselves into trouble with the law. On a similar tact, as I write, the Beeb's web site claims that Alan Smith is unlikely to be charged over `that` bottle throwing incident as a spokesman for the CPS said, "Area lawyers decided there was insufficient evidence to prove a realistic prospect of securing a conviction in respect of any potential Public Order Act or assault charges." Well that's all well and good apart from the fact that it got Smith thrown out of the England squad! I wonder why this wasn't looked into BEFORE the actual arrest, thereby saving both Smith and the police time, effort and probably money as well - or perhaps that would be too easy!

As part of my `keep Christmas in December` campaign, it's very unusual for me to begin buying presents this far in advance, however the arrival of shopping online has made things so much easier (and in many ways, cheaper), that I made a start this week with my wife's `main` present which invariably is something that she chooses (as I do for my `main` present) and I buy. I decided to use a well known online shop which is not part of any high street chain and after finding what I needed - at around �30 cheaper than Dixons or Currys, promptly ordered it. This was yesterday afternoon at 2:30pm - astonishingly it arrived at my house this morning, just 18 hours after ordering, which is a massive thumbs up for Dabs.com. The one down point? It arrived in it's own box and not in plain wrapping of any kind, showing the contents very clearly, which is fine under normal circumstances, however if buying as a surprise present, beware, especially if the eventual recipitant answers the door to the courier! Luckily, my wife knew what she was getting - or WILL BE getting I should say - and the only real surprise was that I'd got my act together this early and actually bought it!


Thursday 20th November 2003
 "My loneliness is killing me and I, must confess I still believe. When I'm not with you I lose my mind, give me a sign" (Song) Baby One More Time - Britney Spears: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Who was the Rangers player who scored an astonishing 23 goals in the first ten league games of the 97-98 season?
Marco Negri: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
November 19th 2003 - 20:07 GMT - The time the dream ended! Yes, that was when Ruud van Nistelrooy's header made it 3-0 to Holland (3-1 on aggregate) and effectively sealed their place in Euro 2004 at the expence of Scotland. In truth, and being brutally realistic with the benefit of hindsight, it actually ended when the first goal went in to level the overall scores, however at 1-0 and 2-0, there was still that hope that a freak goal may come our way and send us through, but it wasn't to be. The neutrals - and indeed myself had it had been against any other nation - will be delighted to see the Dutch into the finals as their football can be sensational at times and their fans certainly bring a certain something to the competition. As for Scotland, well 6-0 is a bitter pill to swallow, however considering our opening game of the qualifiers saw us go 2-0 down to the Faroes Islands, then getting within 90 minutes of reaching the Finals was as achivement and a guideline as to how much we've progressed. One final point, anyone see the Scots fans in Amsterdam after the game? They were mixing freely with the Dutch fans, chatting, singing, drinking and not a sign of any trouble! England fans please take note.

Okay, I'll admit it. When Scotland went four goals behind early in the second half, the sacrifice was too much to bear so I choose to watch Wales take on Russia on the Beeb. They were already a goal down when I switched over, however what struck me instantly was how much they relied on the long ball to John Hartson and the wing play of Ryan Giggs. A tall defender on Hartson and double-coverage on Giggs destroyed the Welsh attacking ambitions and ultimately their Euro 2004 dreams as well. I feel for them, I genuinely do. Not so much the younger players who should get another chance, but the likes of Giggs and Gary Speed whose opportunities are lessening after each failed qualifying attempt. Most of all though, I feel sorry for the fans, a generation of whom have never seen their side in a major finals tournament, however with the improvements made under Mark Hughes, the likelyhood of reaching WC2006 in Germany is pretty good. I hope the same is true of Scotland.


Friday 21st November 2003
 "Well, I'm one of those fortunate people who like my job, sir. Got my first chemistry set when I was seven, blew my eyebrows off, we never saw the cat again, been into it ever since." (Film)
The Rock: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater
When Italy beat England 1-0 at Wembley in 1997, who was the England goalkeeper?
Ian Walker: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
The name of Leeds United Football Club has been dragged through the mud often enough in recent years, starting with the Bowyer/ Woodgate court case(s), however I can't help but feel that the club have made a bit of a proverbial own goal over their latest decision, thereby not helping their own cause an awful lot. Jody Morris and his rape charge is the situation in question and how the club and their lawyers have decided to allow him to continue playing up to, and presumably, including the court case. Not withstanding the abuse that he'll suffer on the pitch, it seems to be that this charge is serious enough to warrant, at the very least, a suspension from playing. Yes, I know all about the `innocent until proven guilty` scenario and fully agree with it, equally their stance is no different from the one taken with the aforementioned Bowyer and Woodgate, however to me it seems a little tactless to allow someone charged with such a serious offence to remain playing in front of thousands of people each week. Still, a little more drag through the mud isn't going to make a lot of difference is it?

As much as the Internet and the Web is enjoyable and useful, it can also bring bouts of frustration if waiting for something. As an example, I emailed a publishing company today via their `contact us` form on their web site. This was on behalf of a customer at work who is not into PC's and certainly has little idea about the `Net. My question was simple enough in that I needed to know the number of a particular issue of a magazine of theirs which came out 6-8 weeks ago - the sort of request which might take what, half an hour at most, to find the answer to? Well, it may well do, however according to their blurb on site, one of their `team` will aim to reply within three days....or was that three working days, ruling out the weekend. Whilst I appreciate their probably cannot afford to employ someone solely to reply to emails, it does make a bit of a mockery of the speed of the Net, not to mention the convenience. Mind you, I suppose we could have rung them and spent ages listening to `Press 1 if you want to....` or `All our opperatives are busy right now, but you are number 519 in the queue...`. Maybe I'll stick to the three day email reply!


Saturday 22nd November 2003
 "People killing, people dying. Children hurt and you hear them crying. Can you practice what you preach. Would you turn the other cheek?" (Song)
Where Is The Love - Black Eyed Peas: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Alan Ball, Sam Allardyce, Gary Megson and Nigel Worthington have all managed which club?
Blackpool: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner
Whilst today's 2-0 home defeat against Bolton may seem like `just another loss`, along with other results a quick look at the league table makes today something of a black day all round. We are now adrift of the fourth from bottom club by four points - out of touch, floating away, call it what you will, but psychologically, this has to be a massive blow for the club, the players and the fans. Even winning next week, which seems unlikely in the extreme, will still leave us in the bottom three regardless and that's enough to erode an already diminishing confidence. With the greatest respect in the world, we need to be beating the likes of Bolton and Portsmouth if we want to avoid what seems inevitable as each game passes. The spectre of relegation is looming ever larger and darker over the club and I reckon that today - under new caretaker boss Eddie Gray - was the beginning of the final fall from grace and it wouldn't surprise me if we remained in the drop zone all season.

Okay, depression section over! I guess I should mention the rugby World Cup at the risk of incurring the wrath of those who follow the game (and I don't mean the thousands of `hangers on` who only show their face at big tournaments!). I don't take much interest in the game in truth, however at work today, with customers coming in regularly and talking about it, it was hard to ignore. Indeed the strangest part was trying to work out what was happening and what the latest score was, via various customers and the news reports via the newsagents radio station that we have on, with many differing accounts of how the game was going and then utter confusion as no-one seemed to know the rules of extra time - how long, was it `first score wins`? and so on. Ultimately though, I should offer massive congratulations to England and their genuine fans. To be World Champion at ANY sport (with the exception of World Series Baseball!) is a huge achievement and should not be under estimated, although I give it a week before a Sunday tabloid pours cold water on it with a `Rugby Star In Gay Sex Romp` type of headline!

Our local radio station - 3trFM - covers Westbury, Warminster and Frome (three towns radio) - hence the 3tr and they are usually very quick at giving football reports on the trio of local clubs on a Saturday, despite them all being well down the pyramid. Today, when getting into the car to collect my wife, I was just in time to catch one report, although the DJ linking it all together clearly had other things on his mind....
DJ: So, how was the game?
Reporter (via mobile phone!): Superb! The crowd got their money's worth with loads of goals and a red card to the Westbury goalkeeper after just 35 minutes! Amazingly, they still managed to score eight of the eleven goals in the game
DJ: Okay....so the final score was.....?
Reporter (a bit stunned that he'd been asked that question!): Westbury 8 Devizes 3 - The reporter then goes on to describe the game in a little more detail including the sending off and a couple of the goals, before handing back to studio
DJ: Thank you. So to recap, it's a good 8-3 win for Warminster...
Reporter (Luckily still on the line and, more to the point, on the air!): No!! It's an 8-3 win for WESTBURY!!
DJ: Of course! It's been a long day.....
That final comment was just about the only thing he managed to get right during the entire two minutes or so!


Sunday 23rd November 2003
 "And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco Bay and you realise you can't make it anyway." (Song)"
Don't Marry Her - The Beautiful South: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Which two clubs took part in the last Scottish Cup Final NOT to feature either Celtic or Rangers?
Kilmarnock and Falkirk (1997): Correctly answered by Jaan Roos
I've always been an admirer of Robbie Keane, even during his early days at Wolves and Coventry. Needless to say I was thrilled when he joined Leeds when the David O'Leary era was in full flow and equally devastated when he left last year after the footballing and financial bubble had not so much burst, but been destroyed! His time at Elland Road was ultimately disappointing due to him playing a but part all too often, with brief sub appearances becoming increasingly the norm. I wonder then, when he fired home the winner today for Spurs against O'Leary's Aston Villa, if he felt a certain payback being made against his compatriot ex-boss? Perhaps not at the time, but certainly in the time after the game, even if he may not publicaly admit it! In truth, the game itself was poor for over an hour, no actually it was bloody awful and I'll admit that I dropped off during the first half (I was watching upstairs led on the bed) and it was only the telephone ringing that woke me even then! I don't think either club will be relegated ultimately, although equally neither are likely to threaten for a European spot.

Okay, I hold my hands up and admit that I cocked it up yesterday! Thanks to me making a total hash of the league table, it was only this morning that I realised Villa and Blackburn are only three points ahead of Leeds, meaning that technically we are still able to leap out of the drop zone with one win, even if the goal differences still leave a lot to be desired. The bottom line is that we remain in touch and whilst that brightens my overall outlook a little, this remain dire. Yesterday's comments from Eddie Gray didn't exactly help, although to be fair, he was simply stating the truth to say that the new boss, whoever he is, has a bare minimun of a squad and no finances to work with. He added that it was a `tough job` to take on - understatement of the year that Eddie!


Monday 24th November 2003
 "They called Hitler crazy. But Hitler was not crazy. He was stupid. You don't try and fight Russia and America. You get Russia and America to fight each other...and destroy each other." (Film)
The Sum Of All Fears: Correctly answered by J.T.Oxley

Alan Knight was a goalkeeper at which club from 1977 to 2000 - the only club of his league career?
Portsmouth: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Wanted Footballer Goes Missing After Death Crash! So went the headline as I switched the news on before work this morning! My first thought was that it was more bad news for Leeds, however when I heard it was Lee Hughes of West Brom, it was quite a shock as well! Naturally in the eyes of the law, a professional footballer should not be treated any differently from any other member of the public and Hughes will be all too aware of that - and probably was when he handed himself in today, however it's the bottom of the barrel in a career which, at one time, looked to be heading for the very top. Signed from Kidderminster, I'm sure many of us marvelled at his seemingly constant stream of goals in the first division for West Brom - 78 over four seasons - and wondered how he would fare in the top flight. Ultimately he never hit the heights, choosing a rather misguided switch to Coventry before going back to the Hawthorns, ironically drawing a blank in 23 Premiership games (nine as sub admittedly) last season. And now, we have the latest saga and whilst I don't want to become judge, jury and executioner, the arrest for dangerous driving which left a member of the public dead, and for failing to stop after the accident, could well see him behind bars. Meanwhile our sympathies obviously go out to the family of the deceased.

If there's one thing I hate doing every day, it's shaving! I can't explain why, but the time and effort that it takes irritates me as does the fact that if I don't do it daily, I end up looking like someone from a 70s porn movie....or so I'm told! Although I occasionally use an electric shaver, I'm not a big fan of them, so recently, I've got rid of the bristles whilst having a bath which does make things a little easier and probably quicker. Naturally, I take my glasses off whilst soaking, giving me the sort of vision akin only to Mr Magoo! So, when shaving earlier, I felt a sharp - and all too familiar - pain just under my nose, so knowing that I'd cut myself with the razor, I calmly grabbed the nearest towel to stop what I hoped would be a slight trickle of blood. However, as is human nature, I took a look at the towel after the first dab only to see a huge blob of blood in the centre! Fearing that I'd scraped away half of my upper lip, I shot out of the bath, put my glasses on (I always memorise when I leave them, because I sure as hell can't SEE them!!) and plunged for a new roll of toilet paper which I promptly thrust onto my face. When I plucked up the courage to take a look, I was surprised to see only a small dab of blood on the Andrex and, when seeing the towel with my glasses on, was equally surprised to see the blood almost totally gone! What WAS on the towel though, was a nice red flower as part of the pattern on the damn thing! Did I feel foolish? Too right I did!!


Tuesday 25th November 2003
 "I've heard a lot of stories, I suppose they could be true, all about love and what it can do to you." (Song)

During the 1970's Leeds had TWO different managers who both left after just 44 days in charge! Who were they?
Brian Clough & Jock Stein: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Last night's game between Fulham and Posrtmouth was hardly one which leapt out of the fixture list and smacked you in the eye. However, it did pass Monday evening by, although truth to form, it never really rose above anything other than average. Both Louis Saha goals were very well taken and of course it did pit youth against experience in the managerial stakes with Chris Coleman outdoing Harry Redknapp. Fulham have certainly excelled under Coleman, who was one of the favourites for the sack at the start of the season, however despite a decent start, Portsmouth are beginning to falter (aside from a 6-1 walloping of a certain Yorkshire team!) and are starting to discover how tough things can be at the top level. A two-month injury lay off for keeper Shaka Hislop, an admission by Redknapp that his squad isn't big enough and an upcoming suspension for Czech star Patrik Berger, who has clearly learned how to swear fluently in English, are all likely to work against the South Coast club who now have to be careful not to get dragged into the relegation dog fight.

Speaking of dogs, we had a new addition to the household last night as a four and a half month old puppy named Biscuit joined our ranks. I'll admit that I wasn't happy with buying a pup - or any new dog for that matter - largely as our current golden retreiver has had the house to himself for ages now and isn't that used to other dogs. However, the new arrival (breed as yet unknown as he's a bit of a Heinz 57!) settled in well and, after a few reservations, Floyd also took to him. He is a little unweight and needs training, however he's beginning to grasp the basic concept of SIT, STAY and LIE DOWN. Indeed, he's pretty quick with the first two, but seemed to wander around before doing the `Lie Down` bit. Only later did we realise that everything he did this, he eventually led down in the same spot - in front of the warmth of the coal fire!!


Wednesday 26th November 2003
 "One more word. I can't speak for your chances, but... you have my sympathies." (Film)
Alien: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Which European nation has a league club called Cement?
I was speaking to an Arsenal fan in the shop yesterday morning and he admitted that he was quietly confident of getting a win in the San Siro against Inter Milan. He then added that it would be brilliant to win by three goals and overtake them in the table, so I replied that while a draw would be possible, a win would be special, but a three goal margin was cuckoo-land material! Didn't that ever prove prophetic and yes, he did mention it this morning after watching his beloved Gunners wallop Inter 5-1 on their own patch! This was the Arsenal that we all know and, grudgingly admire, although I must confess that watching ANY Italian side lose in Europe gives me a certain glow of satisfaction. Ultimately, with a home game to come, Arsenal now have their fate in their hands and if they blow qualification now, they only have themselves to blame. I don't believe they'll screw up and will take their place in the knock outs.

Sadly I didnt see much of the Arsenal game live, as in my wisdom, I watched Celtic's game against Bayern Munich which ended goalless of course. The atmosphere at Celtic Park was absolutely stunning and came across well on the box, especially the rendition of `Give Me Joy In My Heart (Give Me Henrik!)` which made the hairs on the back of the neck tingle! Like Arsenal, their fate remains in their hands, although with only one point between all four clubs in their group, it's sure to be a dramatic final round of games, which is the way it should be rather than one or two clubs miles clear after four matches are played. It's a shame that Celtic couldn't quite finish Munich off last night, although they never really had any sustained spell of pressure where the Germans looked like breaking, indeed late on I had the nasty feeling that they were going to snatch all three points! Like Arsenal, I back Celtic to do what they have to do in Lyon in a fortnight and reach the last sixteen, although how far they'll go after that depends on how they can improve their away form.


Thursday 27th November 2003
 "I'm breaking through, I'm bending spoons, I'm keeping flowers in full bloom." (Song)

Malcolm McDonald once scored five goals in a game for England against which nation?
Cyprus (1975): Correctly answered by Jaan Roos
For the neutral, it was hardly the most exciting evening of Champions League football last night, however ultimately Man United and Chelsea both qualified for the knock out stages, so it was a succesful one. In truth, both clubs did what they had to do and little more, although both will want to win their final games to clinch top spot and a last 16 game against a second placed club. United's 1-0 win against Panathinaikos was (apparently) pretty drab and routine, whilst Chelsea rarely hit the heights that we know they are capable of as they drew at home to Sparta Prague - and yes, that was the game I watched! Two goalless draws in as many evenings now, which bodes well for Liverpool tonight! On the down side, Rangers went out after losing in Stuttgart, giving more ammunintion to Celtic fans as regards under-achievement in Europe from the Ibrox side, however overall it's been a decent week for the Brits in Europe - long may it continue.

I'm not one to watch reality TV or `life-swap` programmes, especially those that pair up people who've never met and have such radically different lifestyles that you KNOW sparks will fly! However, the latest new kid on the block - Take My Mother-In-Law - is a breath of fresh air. For a week, a wife and her Mum change places, with the concentration on the mum-in-law living with the son-in-law (and any kids) for the duration and this weeks episode saw one of the original male chauvenist pigs get his come-uppance. Although he works from home as a caterer, he cannot (or will not) drive and expects his wife to do her stint at work and then come home to make him tea and a drink as well as drive him around for his catering business! This time he had the tables turned with M-I-L ruling the roost and treating him the same way as he treats her daughter! It wasnt long before he had a nickname for her - Hitler With T*ts - and was tearing his hair out in frustration. Highlights including him being told to get up early to run her a bath and then wake her when it was ready! She prefered a shower but he didnt have one and his attempts to build a home-made one were superb and involved a rubber pipe with a shower head connected to the tap and then taped onto the wall! Her complaints that the bath wasn't big enough was met with him stripping down to his boxers and standing in the shower/bath, yelling, "I'm six foot seven and can fit it. You're four foot, f**k all so you should have no problem!!" That was all eclipsed by her trying to teach him to drive and being accused of putting the wrong type of petrol in the car, although when a FEMALE driving instructor arrived to give him proper lessons, his reaction was of total shock!! Ultimately it all worked well as, six weeks on, he's now a changed man around the house and is having driving lessons from the same lady! Great television though!


Friday 28th November 2003
 "If I were in your shoes, I'd whisper before I shout. Can't you stop playing that record again. Find somebody else to talk about." (Song)
Sweet Dreams My LA-Ex - Rachel Stevens: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Roberto Baggio missed the final penalty of the 1994 World Cup Final shoot out, but which veteran Italian also missed with the very first kick?
Franco Baresi: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
A bit of a mixed afternoon and evening for the Brits in Europe as the UEFA Cup took it's toll on the best that the UK could throw at it outside of the Champions League. Whilst Liverpool and Newcastle both won 1-0 at home to complete fairly comfortable aggregate wins, Hearts lost at home to Bordeaux to crash out despite winning in France a fortnight ago, whilst Man City had a goalless draw in Poland against the unknowns of Groclin which saw them eliminated on away goals! Although I only saw half of the game (yes, it had to be goalless didnt it!), City were poor and rarely built up any head of steam until time was effectively up, indeed the shock factor was obvious at the final whistle as City players slumped to the ground whilst the home side celebrated as though they'd won the cup itself. I wonder though if it's any co-incidence that, after just two rounds, the pair of Prem clubs who got into the competition via the `back door` (i.e. not relevant to league positions) are now out? Further prrof, if indeed it were needed, that the cup is being devalued by dopey rules like the `Fair Play` qualification. And as for the third placed clubs in the Champions League groups joining the UEFA Cup, it remains totally farcical and should never had been implimented in the first place.

Okay, a quick quiz! In a recent survey, what Christmas present do people most hate receiving?? I'll tell you soon, however whilst you are trying to figure it out, here's a few of the other things in the Top Ten of hated gifts - How many have you bought or are about to buy over the next couple of weeks? So, in reverse order....
10: Wooly jumper or cardigan - I usually get at least one of these each year which is then rendered useless after one wash in the washer-dryer!
9: Toiletries: Surely everyone buys and receives aftershave/perfume/cheap shampoo each year!
8: Slippers - Had a pair for birthday, so I should be safe this Xmas!!
7: Shortbread: A contentious one this as I love shortbread, so I'll gladly accept this with a genuine smile!
6: Ties and Scarves: I rarely wear a tie and already have a decent scarf (Leeds one of course), so this would be redundant.
5: Candles: I can't recall receiving a candle - ever! My wife loves them though and insists on buying those scented ones, especially vanilla or cinnamon!! AARRGGHHH!!!
4: Music Charts No 1: Assuming they mean the current Xmas hit....which will be forgotten as soon as the leftover turkey is finished up!
3: Socks: Every year without fail I get socks. Now, if they could make some which don't tear when your toenail gets caught, then fine.
2: Novelty Christmas Items: Yes, the singing santa cufflinks or the beach towel with reindeer on it! Sadly, my wife already corners the market in novelty Xmas crap, so nothing surprises me anymore!
And Number One is......!
1: D.I.Y. Tools - Totally agree! Although as someone who only does DIY when totally and absolutely necessary, it's not a surprise for me to say that. I did replace the ballcock in our water heater during the summer though, although the fact that water was seeping out of the overflow, back into the wall and then into our living room had something to do with it!


Saturday 29th November 2003
 "Is the colonel's underwear a matter of national security?" (Film)
A Few Good Men: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Who were the winners of the first - and only - FIFA World Club Championships held in 2000?
Corinthians: Correctly answered by J.T.Oxley
Stroll on! What a nerve-wracking afternoon that was!! From the time that I came out of the time to find that Leeds were actually winning at Charlton, to the time that the final whistle went and my yell of delight caused our new dog, Biscuit, to wonder just what the hell he'd got himself into here, I was sweating, hoping and swearing in equal measures, as the seconds felt like minutes and the minutes like hours! Okay, so we're still bottom and still three points from safety with a goal difference of an embarrasing magnitude, however the importance of today's win cannot be understated. Leicester, Blacxkburn and Villa winning didn't help matters, however it doesnt bear thinking about had we lost and been a further three points adrift. The confidence factor should rise considerably and next week's game against Chelsea will be looked forward to rather than dreaded with the new found belief. You see, this wasn't a flukey win. I've read three different reports already and each one says that we played very well and thoroughly deserved the victory and, more to the point, if we continue playing this well, there's no way we'll go down!! And that's the clincher now as we need to make this the beginning of a decent run of results throughout December rather than a win in a forest of defeats as the other two have been. Add to all this the news that a Sheik from Bahrain is putting together a financial deal for the club this week, then maybe that light at the end of the tunnel is shining a litter brighter tonight...

The `Oops, I almost put my foot in it award` today goes to Chris Kamara when describing Leicester's first goal at Portsmouth. Apparently it was a stinging shot from Les Ferdinand which Kammy called `a tribute to the memory of Peter Lorimer.` He then redeemed himself quickly by stating the obvious that, `Of course, Lorimer is still alive!`

Wigan must hate the sight of Marlon Harewood. Last weekend, he scored for Nottm Forest at the JJB stadium to help earn a 2-2 draw. During midweek he signed for West Ham and made his debut today against....Wigan!! Not only that, but he scored again in the 4-0 win!!

A lot has been said of loan moves this season and whether a loanie should play against the club he is techinically employed by. It's happened a few times in the Prem this season, notably with Maik Taylor playing for Birmingham against Fulham and Jermaine Pennant lining up for Leeds against Arsenal. Today, Junior Agogo played for Bristol Rovers against the club who loaned him to the West Country side - Hull City and he repaid their kindness by scoring an 87th minute winner!!


Sunday 30th November 2003
 "Out of the doorway the bullet rips, to the sound of the beat." (Song)
Another One Bites The Dust - Queen: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

In November 2001, a friendly between Portugal and which other nation was abandoned due to the opponents being reduced to SIX men?
Angola: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos
Well that was an interesting day in the Prem, especially with the two live games! Just one goal scored between the top three clubs, which spoke absolute volumes. Despite Fulham's excellent start to the season, the highlight of which was victory at Old Trafford, I had them down as fall guys against Arsenal and felt that it was a matter of `how many?` rather than `who will win?` To Fulham's credit, they proved me, and I daresay a great many others, wrong and thanks largely to Edwin Van Der Sar, stopped the Gunners fromn scoring at home in a league game for the first time since April 2001. Indeed, across London at Stamford Bridge, both sets of fans must have been delighted to hear the goalless result from Highbury, meaning that victory for either Chelsea or Man United, would put them top......

Ultimately, a disputed penalty was enough for Chelsea to record a rare home win against United, although I must admit that I felt it was a penalty (but I would as I'm biased!) as Roy Keane didnt seem to get anything on the ball, although as usual Joe Cole went down as though he'd been hit by a guided missile. Overall though, it was a deserved win for the Blues and you wonder as to when United went an entire game without registering a single shot on target! So, now they are at the summit, can Chelsea stay top and prove all the doubters wrong? There's nothing stopping them now, although from a personal point of view, I'd be delighted to see them slip up next weekend...! One final point as regards domestic matters - although Leeds are still bottom, we are actually only eleven points adrift of Fulham, who are fourth!!

So what of the draw for Euro 2004 then? France, Croatia and Switzerland make up England's trio of opponents with the current holders from down the Channel Tunnel the first opponents. Personally I reckon England will be delighted with the draw, as not only have they avoided the hosts Portugal, but also been kept apart from Holland, who despite making hard work of qualification, will be one of my favourites for the competition next June and July. Croatia and Switzerland are hardly European superpowers and both have had better days in the past, so whilst the game against France will not be easy, England should have the quality to see off the other pair of nations and reach the final eight with few concerns.
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