Views From The Armchair

"Views From The `Footiemad` Armchair
Diary Of A Season September 2003

Monday 1st September 2003
"You say you want, diamonds and a ring of gold. You say you want your story to remain untold." (Song)
All I Want Is You - U2: Correctly answered by Kirsty

Who had a short stint as Southampton boss between Glenn Hoddle leaving and Gordon Strachan arriving?

Remember a few years ago when Man United lost 3-1 at Southampton? They were three goals down at half time and changed into a completely different coloured kit as their original grey shirts were apparently difficult to pick out at a distance against the backdrop of supporters! This led to a number of comments from opposing fans, including some who were going to wave Tesco carrier bags in the air the follow season to clash with United's blue and white away kit! It must be something about losing at Southampton which brings out Man United's black book of crap excuses as Gary Neville has blamed the pitch for yesterday's defeat at St Mary's. The England star, just back from injury, felt that the grass was too long and that the ball wasn't rolling properly. Actually, he is probably dead right and you wonder if the groundsman wasn't acting on instructions from someone high up at the club. "They play a passing game, why not leave the grass cutting for a couple of extra days eh.....!" Simple, effective and not against the rules.

It's often said that the increasing number of channels available on cable and satellite simply increases the choice of what NOT to watch (327 channels and nothing on!), however a forthcoming channel in the UK could be about to change all that as it features NO actual programmes - yes, the Ad Channel is almost here everyone!! New company Zip Broadcasting are the brains behind the new channel and are apparently backed by the likes of BT and Gillette, although they admit that to begin with they will really be another shopping channel with viewers given the option of buying what they are viewing. But, in the future, it's said that viewers could choose from a massive back catalogue of old and classic ads to watch! Speaking as someone who finds the likes of QVC (Quality, Value and Crap?) and Ideal World a total and utter bore, I think I'll be giving Ad TV a very wide berth.

Tuesday 2nd September 2003
"One minute left to go, this is the end, that message on your stereo." (Song)

In August 1999, Coventry paid a record fee of �6m to buy which teenager?
Robbie Keane - Correctly answered by Eric

Now that the transfer window has closed, it's no surprise that clubs seem to be falling over themselves to say that `Team X made an approach to buy Player Y...` and Leeds are no exception as the chairman today stated that Alan Smith, Mark Viduka and Paul Robinson had all been the subject of bids recently. Now, after the Peter Ridsdale saga, I would rather a chairman stayed in the background of the club, however that gripe aside, it's nice to hear that we (apparently) no longer need to sell the big stars unless, " ...they express a desire to leave and we receive an exceptional offer..." At the risk of becoming an optimist, things do seem to be looking better than they did a month ago. We are nicely in mid-table having only lost once, we have enough loan signings to be able to field a semi-decent team even when injuries and suspensions strike, and no more big names players have left. Of course, we do still have Ian Harte but there's always a down side isn't there.

My wife had her annual appointment to see the top specialists in London today, which for us involves leaving at 6am, a 200 mile round trip and enough hanging around in waiting rooms for me to get almost a third of the way into a new book. Overall, all went well and we are due back in a year (it was ever three months at one stage!!), however for the second time in three days, we were struck by the curse of the motorway traffic jam, with the M4 the culprit this time. Having managed under half a mile in over half an hour, we got out the maps, got off the motorway and found another route, which ultimately meant a further 25 mile drive but also ensured that we were only 15 minutes late at the hospital. According to the radio reports, the jam was due to overnight roadworks over-running and whilst we were queued back for four junctions before we got off, we later heard that it had stretched back seven junctions! Finally my "don't laugh at their stupidity" moment came whilst I was at the hospital pharmacy whilst my wife saw one of the nurses. Despite the precription having my wife's name on it (and hers is very much a female name) AND a very clear prefix of MRS printed across the top, I was asked TWICE if the medication was for me! Hmmm, maybe it's time for a haircut!!

Wednesday 3rd September 2003
"I never do something to hurt you though. Alright the feeling is bad, feeling is bad." (Song)

Which Premiership stadium features the Holte End?
Villa Park: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos & Cheryl Warner

Here in the UK, it seems to be even harder to avoid anything related to David Beckham (or DB23 as some have begun to call him!) since he moved to Spain. Many papers are covering full match reports on each Real Madrid game and one newspapers has the rights to publish exerpts from his forthcoming autobiography which are subsequently picked up by each and every other newspaper and web site. This is all well and good, however the problem with these serialisations is that naturally the media are only going to print the juicy, newsworthy parts of the book, leaving the dull, mudane and generally boring bits alone, ready for the public to read when they send the book to the top of the bestsellers list. Similar happened with Roy Keane's autobiography a couple of years ago when the press picked up in particular on the Alfie Haaland incident. The paperback version is now available in the bargain bucket at many cheap bookstores.

I'm seriously considering writing to the heads of all the top supermarkets, asking if there are any more totally useless jobs that they can find to be done in their shops. A couple of our local chains have had `greeters` for a while. These are Disney Store wannabees who smile when you walk in and say, `Good Morning` or some equally mundane, yet jolly, phrase. If you are lucky, they'll even hand you a basket! However, last week, we were treated to the sight of a guy stood by the exit door who said, "Thank you for shopping at Sainsburys!" Okay, so it's all very nice and polite and the poor guy probably attended a five-day course to learn how to do it properly, but what's the point? Most terrifiying of all is what's to come in the future. Is the next step a chap who walks around with you, making suggestions about your shopping? "Oh, that's a good choice sir!" or "They are superb, however these are equally as good and cheaper as well." Unlikely? Absurd? So was the idea of `greeters` a few years ago!

Thursday 4th September 2003
"So take a good look at my face, you'll see my smile looks out of place." (Song)
Tracks Of My Tears - Johnny Rivers: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Three players have scored more than 40 goals for England. Bobby Charlton, Gary Lineker and....who?
Jimmy Greaves: Correctly answered by OPE9

Is it me or do these international breaks make life dull in the football world. Not so much the matches themselves - although in truth they usually lack the vibrancy of league encounters - but the general feeling around the game. I miss the anticipation of who Leeds are playing in three, two and then one day(s) time and how a win will take us up to `x` points. Our next league game isn't until the 15th - still eleven days away!! Equally, I get peed off with `so-and-so has an injured little finger and may not be available, however he will be replaced by a player who would walk into many Premiership clubs` starting XI's` or the endless run of repeated quotes from different players about how the little known international side England are playing soon `should not be taken lightly and could provide a shock`. Yes, well done guys, that's covered yourselves just in case Macedonia snatch a draw on Saturday (as they did in England of course) or Leichtenstein spring a surprise at Old Trafford next week (heaven forbid!). Ultimately we all know that should England win, they'll be hailed as world beaters and `get your money on us to win Euro 2004`, however should they lose, the doom merchants will be out in force sweating on whether they even qualify. There's a lot to be said for allocating 4-6 weeks in one block in the football calendar and getting all qualifiers played in that time span, leaving the rest of the year to enjoy club football.

My local non-league side - Frome Town - sprung an almighty shock in the qualifying round for the FA Cup this week. Taking on Clevedon Town, who are in the Dr Martens league - a few divisions above the Screwfix Western where Frome reside - they drew 1-1 at home to their illustrious counterparts, despite having a player sent off in the first half, and then won the replay on Tuesday 3-2 after extra time. It's hard to over emphasise the magnitude of the victory, as it's like Barnet winning at Arsenal for example, however the fact that the replay was played at Clevedon's superbly named Hand Stadium (attendance 182 by the way) gave the headline writers a golden opportunity. Ultimately, our local paper today came up with "Hands Up For Frome", however one guy on the web forums for the club wanted....wait for it....."Hand Job!" Ironically, in the next round, Frome play Clevedon United.

Friday 5th September 2003
"All this talk of getting older, it's getting me down my love." (Song)
The Drugs Don't Work - The Verve: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

In the brief history of the Rumblelows sponsored league cup, one club featured in both finals. Who?
Man United (1991 - lost to Sheff Wed, 1992 beat Nottm Forest): Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

There's a wonderful story in the paper about how new Man United star Eric Djemba-Djemba managed to disable three of his team mates just after arriving at the club. The Cameroon midfielder didn't clobber them in training or anything as mundane as that, he simply offered them a taste of his homelands cuisine. Apparently it's something of a tradition for him to carry the spirit of Cameroon wherever he goes, so Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes and John O'Shea all wrapped their taste buds around the likes of benne cakes, a sesame seed patty, and a chicken and rice dish laced with a healthy portion of red chillies and peppers, which ultimately resulted in a mini-contest as to who could eat the most! What they weren't aware of was the fact that this food was hotter and spicier than the best that Greater Manchester could offer, ending in a severe case of `Stomach Revenge` for the trio! I'd love to have seen the look on Sir Alex's face when he found out!!

Today David Blaine, the American illusionist/magician/headcase, embarks on his latest quest, this time based in the UK. From tonight , Blaine will spend the next 44 days and nights in a 7ft x 7ft x 3ft perspex box, suspended above the River Thames near Tower Bridge. His only company will be a pen and notepad and regular drinks of water - which in itself will be his ONLY source of drink for the duration as NO FOOD at all will be allowed. Now, whilst many of us would instantly think, "Why would he do this?", I'm a little curious about the TV coverage as Sky TV are showing regular `highlights` throughout the month and a half! Erm, what sort of highlights are likely in a plastic box with nothing to do except write and drink? "Today David wrote an extra page in his perspex diary." Still, if it gets David Beckham off of the front pages for a while, then fine. One final thing, I wonder if all this will be quite `newsworthy` enough for Blaine and whether the finale, or even prior to that, will include something shocking but well planned by the illusionist. I wouldnt bet against it.

Saturday 6th September 2003
"I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes." (Song)
Love is all around - Wet, Wet, Wet: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos & Cheryl Warner

What record does the 2002 World Cup Finals game between Germany and Cameroon currently hold?
Most yellow cards (16) in a WCFinals game: Correctly answered by Eric

Firstly, big congratulations to Wayne Rooney who today became the youngest ever England goalscorer as he netted against Macedonia in the 2-1 victory in Spokje. Ultimately, it was the highlight of another disappointing display from the English, who fell behind courtesy of a comical piece of defending from Sol Campbell, presenting Georgi Hristov with a goal. With England in the top ten of the UEFA rankings, it's remarkable that they continue to make hard work of beating nations which they should be able to sweep away, despite the old adage that there are no easy games in international football any more. The home 2-2 draw against the same opponents being a prime example as was the away game in Slovakia when again they came from behind. The inability to raise their game against `weaker` nations could well have been their downfall in the group, however, failing an almighty screw up on Wednesday against Leichtestein, a draw in Turkey in October will be enough to send England to Portugal next summer. Elsewhere, my adopted nation of Scotland beat the Faroe Islands (a real potential banana skin for the Scots!!), whilst both Irish nations drew, which was not ideal for either, although Northern Ireland did game a creditable point in the Ukraine, despite failing to score for the tenth game in a row - 1062 minutes to be precise!

However, forget England, Scotland, the Irish pair and the Welsh, and indeed all the other Euro 2004 qualifiers played today. The big game was the one attended by me and my nine-year old daughter and around 150 others, as mighty Frome Town hosted Elmore Town in the Screwfix Premier League. Yes, we decided that with no Prem football to keep an eye on, we would make the 20 minute walk to our local ground and cheer on our local team, which to be blunt, I really should do more often. We witnessed two disallowed Frome goals for offside (try explaining the offside rule to a nine-year old!), an effort against the crossbar, a superb curling shot which was destined for the top corner only for a brilliant fingertip save to deny an equally brilliant goal, and a late red card for a scything tackle from an Elmore midfielder. But NO GOALS would you believe! However, despite the goalless scoreline, it was a decent afternoon, enjoyed by my daughter who now wants to go again (fine by me!). She even joined in the chant of `Cheerio, cheerio, cheerio` as the Elmore guy was shown the red card!! A word on the ref though, picky or what!! Not only did he want each and every free kick taken from the precise blade of grass that the offence took place, but even stopped play when a Frome defender's white cycling shorts starting appearing for about 2 cms at the bottom of his red shorts. And we moan about Prem referees! Finally, my daughter wore her recently acquired Celtic away shirt from last season (I also bought one for myself as a sports shop in Bristol were selling old stock VERY cheap and I am a closet Celtic fan anyway), and what happens? A young lad in the stand behind us was wearing an identical shirt, despite us being around 500 miles from Glasgow.

Sunday 7th September 2003
"Saw the ghost of Elvis, up on Union Avenue, followed him up to the gates of Graceland and watched him walk right through." (Song)
Walking In Memphis - Mark Cohn: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Which non-league club did Arsenal beat on their way to winning the FA Cup last season?
Farnborough: Correctly answered by Eric

I must admit to looking forward to watching Wales take on Italy in Milan last night and for almost an hour as the home side continually failed to break through, I was enjoying matters. However, an eleven minute hat trick from Fillippo Inzaghi and a late penalty ruined things somewhat, leaving the Welsh with two successive defeats against their name, but still with a chance of clinching a play off spot. One moment sticks out though and reminded me of the Italian "we are better than everyone" type of attitude. In the first half when an Italian player went down `injured` (??), Wales played on and attacked, resulting in a corner, however the Italians were furious and I believe that had they been away from home, then keeper Buffon could easily have been sent off for pushing Craig Bellamy. Ironically, the Newcastle star was booked having done little more than stood his ground and will miss Wednesday's game at home to Finland. Ultimately, the Welsh were under no obligation to kick the ball into touch, especially as there was a doubt as to just how bad the knock was, however the Italians reacted as though their player had broken his neck!

I'm sure many people have somehow managed to get themselves locked out of their house or car in the past - I know I have - however how many can claim to have been locked in??? Our front door has an extra lock on it which can be locked/unlocked from inside or out. I always re-lock it when I go to work, however having done that this morning as usual, I then had a phone call at work at 9:15am from my wife who had left her coat - and her keys - at the shop last night and therefore had no way of unlocking the door from inside the house! As she and my daughter had to be at church in under half an hour, frantic phone calls were made to family and friends in the hope that someone could collect the keys from me and take them home for her, but no-one was available quickly enough. Thanks to our local taxi service, we eventually got the keys home and through the letterbox, allowing her to get out, but you can get your life that she won't live this one down for a long time. Oh, and she has a new nickname now - Houdini!

Monday 8th September 2003
"Sometime I feel I've got to get away, I've got to run away." (Song)
Tainted Love - Soft Cell: Correctly answered by Eric

New Spurs striker Bobbby Zamora played four games for which club before joining Brighton?
Bristol Rovers - Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

"We're starting disciplinary proceedings." This is a direct quote from UEFA Communications and Public Affairs director Mike Lee as regards the racist chants and monkey noises directed at England's Emile Heskey from Macedonian fans during Saturday's game. Okay, good on UEFA for that, however why do I get the feeling that they'll hand out a nice futile slap on the wrist and a miniscule fine, as occurred with the Slovakian's for the same reason a few months ago. Until UEFA clamp down HARD on such racist behaviour, then it will continue to be rife among those `fans` (and I use that word very loosely) who remain with their head in the sand and clearly have no regard whatsoever for their fellow humans. Many of us who lived through the bad old days of banana's being thrown at black players in the 80s don't need to take nostalgia trips because of a small (or is it?) cross section of people who are frankly living in the dark ages and have IQ's smaller than their shoe size.

Whilst in Bristol today, one thing was noticable, apart from the seemingly huge number of drivers using mobile phone whilst driving, and that was the ages of people playing video games in shops! You've seen the type of displays in HMV, Game and Virgin where you can try out the latest X-Box and PS2 games and during the school hols, these were usually two or three deep with kids aged anything from `knee high to a grasshopper` to their late teens, however with the vast majority now back to the classroom, these displays are not redundant, but are being taken over by the parents! Yes, seriously, it was remarkable how many 20 and 30-somethings were having a crack at the latest games and really getting involved in them as well - I guess a throwback to our youth and being raised originally with the Spectrum and C64, before going onto Amiga's and Megadrives. And yes, I'll admit it, when we took my daughter (who is back at school tomorrow!!) into Toys R Us, then we all had a go at a motorbike racing game on their X-Box display and found it bloody difficult, although ploughing into the rider in front at 150 mph was simple enough.

Tuesday 9th September 2003
"Take me to the magic of the moment on a glory night." (Song)

Which club rejoined the Premiership in 2000 after three successive failures in the play offs?
Ipswich: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Sir Alex Quits Man United For Chelsea!! So screams the headlines of July 2004 to rock the football world! Okay, so this scenario is unlikely....or is it??? A few weeks ago, you would have said the same about United chief executive Peter Kenyon doing similar, however last night it happened as he made the defection from Old Trafford to West London. It would seem that despite the closure of the transfer window, the cash is still burning a hole in the pocket of Roman Abramovich and he has turned his hand to recruiting new men behind the scenes rather than players on the pitch. In truth, my knowledge of the tasks of a CE is very minimal, so I wouldn't even attempt to explain how the move will affect Man United and Chelsea, however as the latter continue to flex their new found financial might, I maintain that the proof will be in the pudding and that results and silverware must follow within the next 2-3 years, so the club will suffer the biggest crash since Wall Street in 1929.

Like many others over the last couple of weeks, my daughter started at middle school today and naturally enough was nervous and excited simultaneously. The nerves eased somewhat when she noticed two of her friends arrive, but it remains a massive step from being a big fish in a little pond to a little fish in a massive ocean. If I were to be totally honest, both myself and my wife were equally apprehensive, but children have a remarkable habit of rising above things and surprising us and she will probably do just that and hopefully settle in with comparative ease, especially having loved her first day. Indeed, the biggest difference is the walk to and from school. We live in the same street at her first school and are literally one minute away, however the new school is a good 20-30 minute walk, although it does mean that we can take the dog and give him an extra long walk each day. Of course, the most terrifying thing is that sooner or later her homework will be something that we don't understand!

Wednesday 10th September 2003
"How can heaven hold a place for me, when a girl like you can cast a spell on me." (Song)

England's game at Wembley against Chile in May 1989 holds which particular record?
Lowest ever Wembley attendance (15,628) for an England game, although there was a tube strike on at the time! - Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

"England's future is bright!" How many times have we heard this in the past? Even going back years, it always seemed to be the case, that the nation has an excellent crop of youngsters coming through the international ranks and an exciting time is ahead. Well, that may be the case in the eyes of some experts, however no appearance in a majot final for 37 years tells it own story as does the fact that the Under 21s crashed out of their own European Championships qualifying stage last night with a home defeat against Portugal. I didnt see the game, chosing instead to watch Rep of Ireland v Turkey, however apparently the winner was handled in by new Spurs striker Helder Postiga, leaving England up in arms. I would point to two things here. Qualification failure rarely happens due to one specific event (although I daresay that U21 boss David Platt would disagree, especially thinking back to Holland 1993!!), it occurs over a period of games. And secondly, it could be argued that in comparison to other nations in Europe, and indeed worldwide, perhaps our up and coming stars are not even on a par!

My daughter has been taking keyboard lessons for a few months now and getting on great guns in truth, to the point that there has been talk of her being moved up to the next class. On her exit from the class last night, she mentioned that she really couldnt wait to be moved up, so fearing a problem with either the teacher (who is excellent usually!) or even something more widespread, I asked why. With little sign of emotion, she simply said, "Because the other three in my class are all Man United supporters!"

I was interested to read that Serie A will contain 20 clubs from next season after a meeting in Italy yesterday. Shock, horror! The Italians actually copying an English trait...as they did with three points for a win of course.

Thursday 11th September 2003
"If he comes up for anything, it'll be to get rid of me. After that, my guess is that you'll never hear from him again." (Film)
The Usual Suspects: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Who was the goalkeeper beaten by Roberto Di Matteo's record breaking 43-second goal in the 1997 FA Cup Final?

Often in football, regardless of the level, the result is more important than the performance and this was never more true last night as regards Wales and England. The latter were expected to blast an avalanche of goals past Liechtenstein, however two goals early in the second were all they managed, although ultimately it means that they only need a draw in Turkey to qualify for Euro 2004. Wales meanwhile was the game I chose to watch (although I've now found out that Scotland were also on a different satellite channel!) and after taking an early lead against Finland, a depleted Welsh side were outplayed and grateful to keeper Paul Jones for a series of saves as the game ended 1-1. This means a guaranteed play off spot for the Welsh, although they could still qualify automatically if Italy slip up against Azerbaijan, which seems unlikely! With Scotland and the Republic of Ireland still in with a crack of the play offs, we could have four home nations either in the finals or a two-legged play off away! Now wouldn't that be a great boost for British and UK football!

11th September, 9/11, The Twin Towers, The Worlds Worst Terrorist Attack. Whatever you want to call it, it happened two years ago today and those of us who witnessed it, either at close hand or via the worlds media, will probably never forget that day and how it unfolded. We were actually at the hospital in London for my wife's yearly check up and only when we left did we hear about it, although at that time, the towers were still standing. Even on the tube ride back to our car on the outskirts of the city, few people said much about it and details were very sketchy. Back at the car, the sheer scale hit us via the radio news, largely as no-one knew whether this was the start of a day/week of terror attacks or not. It's worth recalling that FOUR planes were hijacked that day and, as the radio announcer bluntly put it, "Terrorists are waging war on America!" We drove away around two hours after the first plane hit and on the way home, passed very close to Heathrow airport, which at the time was still accepting incoming planes, although I can't recall seeing any take off. Even then, I believe we felt very vulnerable, largely as we had no idea of knowing whether this blitz would spread further afield and even if one of the planes just feet above us, had also been taken hostage! I'm sure I drove home faster than usual and despite the 120 mile journey, we never stopped once, which is very rare for us. If you mention August 31st or November 23rd to a random person, chances are they'll wonder what you are talking about and although some may know that they are the dates when Diana, Princess of Wales and JFK lost their lives, those dates will never have the same impact or significance of September 11th.

On the same subject, I watched a Channel 5 documentary at the weekend, following two companies - one from either tower - and the stories of their employees in the tower(s) on that fateful day. The tales of horror and heroism were evident in equal measures although the one thing which really stuck in my mind was the lack of info available to those in the towers. One English lady had recently been transferred from London to New York and after the first plane hit, rang her boss in London to explain that something was wrong. He'd been watching on TV and simply told her to get the hell out as a plane had hit the building (okay, so his words were slightly more graphic than that!). As she said, it was ironic that someone 3,000 miles away knew more than she - 500 YARDS away! Overall, it was very well handled and gave a fascinating insight inside the buildings, as well as being hard-hitting as regards the conditions. Equally it was moving and I'm not ashamed to say that the story of a lady who lost her husband of 16 years in the attacks left me with a tear in my eye.

Finally, I don't want this to end as a diatribe to the evils of the world. Many far more experienced, powerful and knowledgeable than I have already done that. Lets hope that we can find a way to ensure that nothing remotely similar will ever happen again.

Friday 12th September 2003
"I hope I live to see the day the pope gets high." (Song)

In the 1982 World Cup Finals, Hungary scored ten goals against which nation?
El Salvador: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

So, Aston Villa could be the next club to undergo a massive change behind the scenes after they admitted being in talks with investors. Media speculation suggests that Venezuelan billionaire Gustavo Cisneros is the man behind the potential cash injection having lost out on doing the same at Chelsea, however you wonder whether the Birmingham based side would have the sort of mass spending spree which we saw at Stamford Bridge recently. To begin with, Villa don't have European football as a dangling carrot to offer new arrivals and they always seem to be the sort of club which appears to be bigger than it actually is - possibly even like Leeds have become! Whilst it remains to be seen how football in general reacts to the situation at Chelsea, you do get the impression that their's, or indeed Villa's, will not be the last time we get such a huge takeover bid accepted. Of course, equally credible would be the smaller clubs asking why some of these investors couldn't splash the cash around more evenly. Notts County would be delighted to receive a fraction of the money flying around Chelsea at present, but I guess the profile simply isn't high enough to warrant it.

I finally saw the new Aquada today, albeit on the TV! This James Bond style contraption is a car capable of going at 100mph on the roads AND doubles up as an aqua-car, travelling at up to 30mph on the water! Now, this is not for areas prone to flooding (although I daresay it would come in useful) but a genuine attempt at marketing and selling a dual-purpose vehicle. It has no doors to minimise the leakage potential and the driver sits slap-bang in the middle of the front seat, with the potential for a passenger sitting on either side. Apparently, they believe that the market they are aiming for are the people living in areas like the Florida Everglades and I must confess that at �50,000 each, you wonder how many will sell in the UK? Personally, we live 40 miles from the coast anyway, and anyone who's been to Weston Super Mare will know the likelyhood of the tide being out is very high! Oh, and we don't have 50k to spare either for that matter!

Saturday 13th September 2003
"I'm the first to complain about the rain. Because I don't like it like that." (Song)

Who took over as caretaker England boss after the resignation of Kevin Keegan?
Howard Wilkinson: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

Okay, a quick quiz to begin with. Answer at the bottom of today's ramblings. What was historic about today's third division game between Yeovil and York City which had never happened before in the 115 year history of the football league?

After today's Premiership games, there remain five clubs unbeaten. Birmingham, who play tomorrow, have only played three games so far, however Arsenal, Chelsea and Southampton are all up there along with....Portsmouth! Yes, the Prem virgins remain unbeaten after a superb 1-1 draw at Highbury today, which coupled with Man United winning at Charlton, cut the Gunners lead to just a point. It was quite a day in truth with four red cards and six penalties, although the game at Goodison between Everton and Newcastle comprised of half of each stat remarkably enough. Two of my dream players - Shearer and Van Nistelrooy - both scored twice which should help matters and, as my Leeds side don't play until Monday, it was quite a bonus for us to actually move UP a place due to Charlton's defeat. Mind you, after tomorrow's two games we could drop down again if Villa beat Man City.

Congrats goes to Sunderland striker Kevin Kyle who, after 32 appearances for his club, finally netted his first league goal! It was a double celebration ultimately as they won 2-1 to record their fourth win on the bounce. Not bad for a club who, until recently, hadn't won this year!

Congrats also to Coventry, whose 4-2 win at home to Stoke City was their first victory at home since December 21st 2002!

Quick Thinking award of the day though goes to Gillingham player/boss Andy Hessenthaler who, having started the game on the subs bench, was sent from the sidelines after making comments to the officials. So, within minutes, he makes a substitution and brings himself on! Ten out of ten!!

Finally, the answer to the teaser at the top. Yeovil's home clash with York was the first time in league history that two clubs beginning with the letter Y have played each other! Trivial but true :)

Sunday 14th September 2003
"Hot dog, jumping frog, I want cookie." (Song)

Who were the first club to win three successive league championships in England?
Huddersfield: Correctly answered by OPE9

Over the last 24 hours, I've been lucky enough to watch three games and witnessed eighteen goals in the process, however all three were very different matches and each in its own way was engrossing! Last night, I saw Real Madrid wallop Valladolid 7-2, which included a superb hat trick from Raul, the first two goals - a sublime backheel and a delightful lob - would have had even the most conservative football fan purring. It was an outstanding display from Real as they tore their opponents apart with a display of passing as good as I've seen in ages and in truth they could have easily had double figures. Onto today and firstly Man City beating Villa 4-1. City, a goal down at half time, turned the game around after the break as they looked a different side completely. The highlight was undoubtedly a bullet free kick from Micheal Tarnat, proving that his strike against Blackburn was no fluke, however the game was equally enjoyable due to poor defensive play, making goalscoring opportunities all the more prevelant. Finally today, we had Birmingham drawing 2-2 with Fulham - a game enjoyable due to erratic refereeing, a goal inside the first minute and a moment of madness from Darren Purse. You can understand him wanting the ball back after his side had drawn level at 2-2, however in his attempts to get it from Luis Boa Morte, he wrestled his opponent to the ground, resulting in a red card for Purse, making it ten a side after Fulham were earlier given a similar disadvantage. Three games, three remarkable matches, but all equally enjoyable for very different reasons.

There's been a lot of talk over encrochment at penalties this season (and keepers moving off of their lines, but that's another debate!) and I've seen a couple of penalty kicks re-taken after players have entered the area before the kick was struck. So, how about these two incidents yesterday? At Highbury, Thierry Henry netted against Portsmouth and was ordered to re-take due to encrochment and whilst he also scored from his second kick, imagine the fury of the home players and fans had he missed! Fast forward four hours to Madrid where Valladolid were awarded a penalty whilst 3-0 down early in the second half. The kick was converted well, however despite one attacking player being almost level with the taker as he struck the ball, no re-take was requested! With the Champions League proper kicking off this week, a level of consistancy over this problem surely needs to be found across Europe.

Monday 15th September 2003
"Hey Mr DJ, put a record on, I wanna dance with my baby." (Song)
Music - Madonna: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

Four English clubs installed plastic pitches in the 1980s, however who were the last of the four to revert to grass in 1994?

As the 2003-04 Champions League proper gets underway from tomorrow, armchair fans will bear witness to one of the biggest TV revolutions as regards coverage in a long time. Sky have muscled into the market previously held exclusively in the UK by ITV and whilst changes were obvious, few of us could have predicted what Sky have come up with. To begin with, ITV and ITV2 will show a live game on each channel on Tuesday, whilst Sky have the pick of the Wednesday games, however it doesn't end there. The six games NOT covered by ITV on a Tuesday will ALL be shown LIVE on Sky's interactive service (simultaneously naturally) whilst Sky will do the same for all EIGHT games on a Wednesday. So basically, the viewer can literally choose any game they want to watch each evening, including the ones that you normally wouldn't give a second glance to. This week, I want to try and concentrate on one specific game each evening and whilst it's likely I'll be channel hoping (match hopping??) on occasions, you can almost bet that however much I change channels/matches mid-game, I'll miss a goal in the previous match! For the record, this week I'm plumping for Sparta Prague v Chelsea (Tuesday) and Arsenal v Inter Milan (Wednesday).

I've always perceived the Womans Institute (WI) as a close knit mini-community of 50+somethings who meet monthly and talk about baking, sewing and arranging their next theatre trip. It would seem that whilst my perception may or may not be accurate, they are also a very competitive group who hate to lose. At the weekend we had our town held our big local show of the year Frome Cheese Show), which includes various competitions as regards cooking. A friend of ours (who I'll call Mrs Smith, although its not her real name) was telling us today how she entered four such competitions at the show, many of which are usually dominated by WI members. Now, our Mrs Smith is something of an expert as regards culinary delights and has appeared on BBCs Masterchef recently and, to the annoyance of the WI, she won in all four catagories that she entered at Saturday's show. She said that when she collected her prizes, ironically from a WI member, she was met with a rather snooty response of, "Oh, so you are Mrs Smith are you!" Meow!!

Tuesday 16th September 2003
"I was scared, I was scared, tired and under prepared." (Song)

Which London stadium was used to host the 1920-1922 FA Cup Finals?
Stamford Bridge: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

It's hard to find an apt word to describe the 4-0 win for Leicester against my Leeds side last night. `Defeat` doesn't begin to cover it properly, whilst even `demolition`, `humiliation` or `massacre` seem under stated. Quite simply it was an awful performance from a Leeds side who didn't seem able to lift themselves against a supposed weaker side (although on last night's display, you would have to ask who were the `weaker` team). Full credit to Leicester, they took total advantage of a defence which included three loan arrivals and appeared incapable of winning a header, either from a long ball or from a simple cross. Indeed, it's no exaggeration to admit that Leicester could have easily scored eight and when Ben Thatcher - who scores as often as Halley's Comet makes an appearance - gets THREE chances, you know that something is drastically wrong. In attack (please stop laughing at the back!) Leeds were equally dreadful with just one shot at goal all game, indeed Ian Walker may well have sat in the crowd eating a bag of cheese and onion crisps for the amount of work he had to do. Now, the inquests must begin as to why Leeds put in such a sub-standard performance. When we face the likes of Arsenal and Man Utd, playing like that we'll be absolutely slaughtered. It's also worth thinking back to the build up before the game and how the Leeds fan chosen for `Fanzone` on Sky had a T-shirt especially printed for the game, reading, "Leicester 0 Leeds United 4." - how prophetic was that eh?? Finally a quick word on the opening goal - brilliant! A sensational 30-yard volley which tore past Paul Robinson, a cross between Tony Yeboah's for Leeds against Liverpool and Muzzy Izzet's for Leicester against Spurs from a few years ago.

A couple of good stories on Chelsea in the paper today. Firstly how a few of their players bought a snack at a coffee bar and then proceeded to eat it using chairs and tables outside a nearby McDonalds. However, Ronald and his staff took offence and told them to clear off in their best French/Romanian/Russian presumably! More serious were comments from Damien Duff, who is the first to speak out publicly over the rotation system at the Bridge. Duff, who cost �17m from Blackburn admitted that he didn't like being subbed in two recent matches and although his remarks are hardly earth-shattering, they do show the first cracks appearing within the West London Roman empire. Duff is no longer a big fish in a medium pond as he was at Ewood, he's now just another fish in a massive ocean and as such is no longer guaranteed a starting place, or indeed a full ninety minutes. But the same can be said of all the players at Chelsea and Duff is probably not alone as regards his feelings, it's now up to him to knuckle down and prove that he is worthy of his price tag and place among the Russian revolution at Chelsea.

Wednesday 17th September 2003
"Some say that we are players, some say that we are pawns, but we've been making money since the day that we were born." (Song)
Millennium - Robbie Williams: Correctly answered by GHK

After Sir Alex Ferguson, who is currently the longest serving manager of a current Prem club?
Alan Curbishley: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos & Cheryl Warner

Okay, I admit it! I failed horribly and dismally in my quest last night. The plan to watch and concentrate on just one match when all eight CL games were available lasted less than twenty minutes as my willpower, not to mention curiosity, went up the wall. I started, as planned, with the Chelsea game and then switched over to Rangers, however at just after 8 O'Clock, I could contain myself no longer and went `InterActive` and am I bloody glad that I did! Sky's new CL service is stunning and does exactly what it says on the tin. Six mini-screens (it will be 8 on a Wednesday!) all showing a different match and all available with commentary. My ploy was to keep all six on screen and have the commentary from either Rangers or Real Madrid depending on how the games were going, and then each time there was an incident in any of the six games, one press of the button and I'd go full screen on that particular match. Okay, so trying to watch six games at the same time was tricky to begin with, but I soon learned not to go full screen too often and that way, when a goal was scored or a red card shown, I could at least go full screen with the replay. Overall, this over-hyped service on an over-hyped competition came up trumps for me and I shall be doing the same tonight with eight split-screens. In this age of televised football revolutions, Sky have broken new ground and spectacularly so.

The latest findings of seemingly endless useless surveys, says that woman can tolerate shopping longer than men?? Apparently, Exeter Uni needed 2,000 polls to tell them what I could have said in two minutes, however they have taken this a step further and worked out how long each sex can put up with shopping before tempers flare. Men can go for, on average, 72 minutes before boredom and anger sets in - that's less than the duration of a football match! - whilst woman last, again on average, for 100 minutes (well into extra time then!). Now aside from the fact that these findings tell us absolutely nothing that many of us didn't already know, I still wonder how these students and professors decide on these surveys. I mean, who really cares how long we can put up with being dragged around M&S and Littlewoods anyway? To me, I'd suggest shopping online. No traffic, no queues, no screaming kids and no arguments over where we have lunch!

Thursday 18th September 2003
"I've been wrong, I've been down to the bottom of every bottle." (Song)
This Is How You Remind Me - Nickelback: Correctly answered by GHK

What record, still standing today, did Uruguay's Jose Batista set during the 1986 World Cup?
Quickest ever red card in a World Cup Finals game (59 seconds v Scotland): Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

"I Don't Believe That!" - Even those like me, who have difficulty lip reading the most basic words, could figure out what that female Arsenal fan said after Thierry Henry missed a penalty against Inter Milan last night. Sky's cameras zoomed in on her perfectly and captured her anguish after she'd watched Inter score twice in four minutes before that spot kick failure. Of course it got worse as the Italian's added a third minutes later to complete a 19 minute spell to forget for the Gunners and ultimately inflict their heaviest home Champions League defeat ever. Ahead of the game, one of the summerisers, Blackburn boss Graeme Souness, felt that Arsenal were a good bet for the CL this season and that previous screw-ups were down to nothing more than bad luck! Well, last night wasn't down to that, nor was it down to the moon being in the wrong phase. It was down to very poor defending, pure and simple. The game was over by half time, leaving me to veer away from that game in the second half and toward the Bayern-Celtic game, and it has to be said, after the Scots took the lead, they were very unlucky to concede two late goals, including one freakish effort to eventually win the game. So, this week for the Brits in the CL has been very much a split one. Tuesday saw fine wins for Man United, Chelsea and Rangers (who, incidentally, didnt have a single Scot in their starting XI!!), whilst Wednesday saw two differing defeats for Celtic, who can feel justifiably unlucky, and Arsenal, who can feel justiably ashamed.

I'm one of those people who only needs 5-6 hours sleep a night, which is probably just as well considering the time I start work! Subsequently this means that I rarely get into a deep enough sleep to dream and when I do, I rarely remember it. However, last night I had a weird one involving a televised game between Spurs and Leeds (I told you it was weird!). Anyway, I was out and couldn't watch it, but took every opportunity to find out the latest score (radio, TV's, Internet, etc). So, we took a half time lead through an Ian Harte penalty and then when I next had the chance to check, we were winning 7-6! Within a few minutes, we were 9-6 ahead and when I finally discovered the final score, we had won 9-2 as Spurs had four goals disallowed! Now, many experts would claim that all dreams have meanings deep down in your sub-conscious, but all I can deduce from this is that the human mind is a complex, and very confused, piece of matter!

Friday 19th September 2003
"I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me." (Film)
Trading Places: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

In the second group phase of last seasons (02-03) Champions League, which club won it's group despite having a minus goal difference?

Usually when the papers arrive at work (albeit late recently!), I quickly glance at most of the back page headlines and then have a proper look later in the morning when things are a little quieter. One stood out this morning among the usual rumours and slatings and it simply read, "Danger signs for Arsenal." Now, in my half awake state (this was 5:30am I should add), my mind took it totally the wrong way and I spent quite a while wondering (a) how Arsenal could sign a player with the transfer window closed and (b), who was this `Danger` chap anyway? Eventually I twigged that they were speculating on the Gunners next few games which, aside from two trips to Eastern Europe in the CL, includes games in the Prem against Chelsea, Liverpool, Newcastle and, on Sunday, Man United! Whilst I don't subscribe to their view that a poor run could mean the end of their title chances by Hallowe'en, it remains a very important run for the club and, should things go well, could boost their dented confidence no end. I am however always a little wary of pre-match comments such as those from Thierry Henry warning Man United of a backlash from Arsenal after their Champions League screw up. Things like this do have a habit of coming back to haunt you!

According to scientists, there was once an animal resembling a guinea pig which roamed around South American around 8,000,000 years ago, however unlike today's furry pets, this one was 9 feet long and could stand 4 feet tall, making it a big creature by any standards. The experts say that it died out because it was too big to burrow underground and too slow to avoid predators which is logical enough I guess, however one of the most startling stats to come from this fossil find is that it's teeth were constantly growing! Speaking as someone whose been bitten by a hamster and a rabbit in recent times, perhaps it's as well that this animal eventually evolved into some much smaller and manageable.

Saturday 20th September 2003
"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?" (Song)
Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Who were the last brothers to appear for the same club in an FA Cup Final?
Gary & Phil Neville (1999): Correctly answered by Jaan Roos & Cheryl Warner

"What an unfair scoreline!" - So speaketh Frank McLintock on Sky after Birmingham had gone 2-0 up against Leeds today, despite us having the majority of play. Even harder to take was the opening goal which was a twice taken penalty, eventually converted by Robbie Savage, but only after Paul Robinson had saved David Dunn's first attempt! Apparently Robbo moved off his line before the kick was taken and the rest is history. It's a bitter pill to swallow, especially after the hammering inflicted by Leicester on Monday, however I really have no cause to gripe as we did similar to Middlesbrough a couple of weeks ago and won late on after they totally dominated. Incidentally, after that Leicester defeat, I wrote, via a mailing list, "Roque Junior gave no indication that he has even played the game before, never mind at the highest level." Today he was sent off! On the plus side, Spurs and Newcastle remain below us in the table and you wonder how long the London side will give Glenn Hoddle to put things right. Further proof, if it were indeed needed, that former players do not always make good managers when returning to a club which used to hero worship them. Finally, a word on Chelsea - Awesome - Okay, so they were only playing `whipping boys` Wolves, but a 5-0 away win in the Prem cannot be sniffed at and some of their football was breathtaking. Crespo looks a clinical finisher and, as Andy Gray stated at half time, they could just be Champions at the end of the season....!

OUCH!!! Spare a thought (or maybe not!) for referee Paul Danson who was caught in a penalty area scramble late on in the game at Selhurst Park between Crystal Palace and West Brom and was tackled during a melee! Result? Mr Danson was stretched off!!

Welcome Home?? Mart Poom, former Derby goalkeeper and now between the sticks at Sunderland, returned to Pride Park today to face his former club and, with the scores goalless, conceded a stoppage time goal to send the home fans into raptures. So, what happens next? As Sunderland pile everyone forward for the last minute, they win a corner and up goes Poom. Amazingly, the keeper heads in a stoppage time equaliser away to his former club! It's rare enough for a goalie to score, but under those circumstances it may well be a first!

Sunday 21st September 2003
"I need a friend, oh I need a friend, to make me happy, not so alone." (Song)

Who scored the first ever `Golden Goal` in a World Cup Finals game?
Laurent Blanc (France v Paraguay 1998): Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

For around 80 minutes of Man United's home game with Arsenal this afternoon, I was wondering just what I was going to write about in this column as regards one of the biggest games of the season. Don't get me wrong, it was never boring and rarely is when these two giants meet, however action and excitement were largely non-existant to be fair. However, you can always rely on good ol` Mr Controversy to spice things up and he duly did with the red card to Patrick Vieira. Now, having seen the incident from behind the referee, I agree with the commentators in that he thought Vieira had connected with Van Nistelrooy when kicking out, even though he missed by a good few yards. BUT, having said that, I also feel that kicking out, whether contact is made or not, is a bookable offence through intent and, having already been booked, Vieira had to walk. What it did do was liven up the closing stages where United did their best NOT to take advantage of the red card by kicking lumps out of their opponents and it's remarkable that after the sending off, United had THREE players booked and two of their were thoroughly justified. Then came the late penalty and whilst I'm obviously biased, I didnt think it was a penalty as both players seemed to go over whilst chasing the cross. The replay didnt change my mind in that, although admittedly, Keown was taking a risk with his hand on Forlan's back - something that the United striker took full advantage of. Of course, it all ended poetically as Van Nistelrooy crashed his kick against the bar, sparking a scream of delight from yours truly and a stunned look from our dog, although I think his thinking was, "Oh hell, here we go again!". The brawl at the final whistle almost brought shades of the 1990 vintage brawl at the same venue and I'm sure the FA will take a peek at the video, however from a game which looked to be going nowhere, we ended with talking points galore. Isn't football wonderful!!

Yesterday was the carnival in our town and after watching the brief, yet enjoyable, afternoon procession for the children (My daughter and her friend got a 2nd for their `Flower Fairies`), we ventured out for the evening display, which whilst not massive as regards the Wessex circuit, still lasted an hour and a half and featured some stunning entries. I work at weekends with a teenage girl involved heavily with one of the carnival clubs, and I'm sure that people don't realise that the work involved in these displays are all year round jobs and not just the three months around autumn. Sublime moment of the evening came from a guy stood next to me with (I assume) his wife and their two children. Although the kids were aged around five or six, they were clearly enjoying the sounds, sights and sheer entertainment in front of their eyes, however out of the blue, the guy looked at his watch and said, "Okay kids, it's half past eight, time to go home as it's bedtime!" - and off they went with still almost half an hour of the carnival remaining! There was no school the following day and the weather was superb considering the time of the evening, and indeed the year, surely `bed time` could have been extended for one evening - it was as regards our daughter and hundreds of others if the crowds were anything to go by!

Monday 22nd September 2003
"Hello, you fool, I love you." (Song)
Joyride - Roxette: Correctly answered by Eric

Spurs played just three domestic cup games last season, who were the only club they managed to beat?

So, Spurs have parted company with boss Glenn Hoddle, which is a polite way of saying "Get Stuffed and drag another club into the Nationwide." In a way, it's a little poetic justice as when you think back to the way in which Spurs enticed Hoddle to White Hart Lane from Southampton back in March 2001, it was all done very `cloak and dagger`, leaving Saints furious. Ultimately, you only need to look at the table to see the position of the two clubs, indeed you can almost hear the belly laughs from St Mary's ringing around the South Coast. Whilst I'm not one of these who blasts all Spurs fans as moaners, you can understand their frustrations as they are very much in the same boat as Leeds supporters in so much that they yearn for the success they feel their club deserves. Equally, both Leeds and Spurs have found out the hard way that getting former favourite players back as managers is not always a perfect recipe, even if they are one of the all time greats on the pitch, indeed when Hoddle was appointed, Spurs fans were almost unanimous in their agreement - rare in itself at ANY club. So where now for Spurs? Well, that will be easier to answer when the new boss in appointed. Martin O'Neill is the fans favourite, however he has yet to break any contract he holds at any club and I'd be surprised if he left Champions League football for Spurs. The top speculation seems to be toward former Barcelona boss Raddy Antic who played under David Pleat (Spurs backroom chief!) at Luton in the 80s, however you can bet however they get, there will be a cross-section of fans who don't agree and I daresay will be calling for his head in six months if things haven't turned around.

Finally on the Hoddle situation, this was written in the Guardian shortly after the appointent of Hoddle in March 2001. Now, how prophetic is this....!
"Glenn Hoddle's decision to take the job at his spiritual home is a bad move. No, scrub that: it's a bad, bad, bad move. Which quickly brings me on to why it's bad for Tottenham fans. The White Hart Lane regulars already had a manager who could deliver solid home results. Why did they need another? If Gunner George had fashioned a team who pushed it around like Real Madrid, you wouldn't have heard anyone complaining. You see, the average Spurs fan desires a return to the glory, glory game more than anything else. No real need to explain why it was a bad move for Hoddle, then. All he'll get at Spurs is pressure and grief - unless, of course, he brings European action to the Lane, and perhaps a title. (That's slightly harder to deliver than mid-table safety or a second-round hard-luck story, as we know.) Perhaps, in a couple of years, when Tottenham are looking for another new manager, Hoddle will cast a rueful glance towards the Hampshire coast."

Tuesday 23rd September 2003
"People always told me `be careful what you do`. Don't go around breaking young girls hearts" (Song)
Billie Jean - Michael Jackson: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Liverpool in 1978-79 and Man United in 1994-95 share which top flight record?
Least number of home goals (4) conceded in a season: Correctly answered by OPE9

In all the fuss over Glenn Hoddle being sacked and Arsenal flipping their lids, I'd almost forgotten about that other incident worthy of note from Sunday, notably Franck Queudrue's `goal` against Everton. The Middlesbrough defender saw his header crash against the bar and then over the line before bouncing back into play, however the referee and his assistant (why do they only raise their flag when a keeper moves one of his feet at a penalty? Yes, I'm still bitter!) allowed play to continue. Okay, so the `goal` had no direct bearing on where the points ended up as Boro won 1-0 anyway, but what if Boro are relegated by one goal at the end of the season, or Everton stay up by a similar margin. Indeed, Everton have been involved before back in 1997 when Bolton were denied a goal in a 0-0 draw. At the end of the season, Everton stay up and Bolton went down...on goal difference! Surely now is the time to use the technology available to the officials. Not for every foul or throw-in, but for incidents such as the one at the Riverside. The argument that it will hold play up holds no water with me as it's only on rare occasions that it'll be needed and it would take no longer than taking a free kick or goal kick. Sooner or later it's going to cost a club a lot of money...again.

Having dropped my wife off at work earlier today, I went on to a local convinience store to get some odds and sods which we were out of, however unknown to me, the shop were having new tills installed and, to say the least, they weren't working properly or the staff were struggling to get used to them. This resulted in queuing for almost 15 minutes just to spend less than a fiver! Four road workers in front of me were originally somewhat peeved at the delay, however they eventually realised that nothing could be done and played along with it with a few well chosen quips. When a 70s hit came on the radio, one stated that it was a massive hit when he came into the shop, whilst another commented on how they'd spent all morning doing nothing at work and now had to queue during their lunchbreak as a pennance! The best one though, which even had the staff laughing, came when a young mum walked in pushing a pram and one of the men said, "Don't buy him baby food love, he'll be on solids by the time you leave!"

Wednesday 24th September 2003
"The newest attorney at the world's most powerful law firm has never lost a case. But he's about to lose his soul." (Film Tagline)
Devils Advocate: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Who were the opponents when Thierry Henry scored his only league hat trick last season?
West Ham: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

I'm a great believer in what goes around, comes around, whether it's in football or any other aspect of the world, and a couple of things in the Carling Cup last night left me with a satisfied, if not childish, smirk on my face. Remember January 2002 when Cardiff beat Leeds in the FA Cup? We had Alan Smith harshly sent off and then lost late on having taken an early lead. Against West Ham last night, Cardiff were two up early on only to concede on half time to a controversial penalty (in fact, the more I see it, the more it DIDN'T look a spot kick!) which ultimately was the first of a Jermaine Defoe hat trick, including a winner two minutes from time! Equally, a couple of hundred miles up the M5 and M6, Birmingham were beaten 1-0 at Blackpool and, in the process, missed a second half penalty! Now, cast your mind back just four days when they also missed a second half penalty at Leeds...and were then presented with another chance courtesy of the officials. Last night, it didnt work that way! So, whether it takes minutes or years, what goes around does indeed come around!

I'm sure you've notice, but the world is increasingly using `Inital Speak` in the everyday language, supposedly to save time and breath! Even in the shop, many magazines are known by initials - MCN (Motor Cycle News), TMX (Trials and Motocross News) and AP (Amateur Photographer) being the more notably weekly examples - however this morning on the news I heard something that I'd probably heard before, but not realised the sillyness behind it. The story was regarding Prince William's three month stay in Australia and whilst being interviewed by TV, a local teenage girl told the reporter that Wills was DDG. Now, I had no idea what that meant, although given time I may have figured it out, however without stopping for breath, she added that it meant Drop Dead Georgous! Maybe it's just me, but surely using the initials OR the full quote is fine, but I cannot quite see the point of using both!

Thursday 25th September 2003
"All the people, so many people, they all go hand in hand." (Song)
Parklife - Blur: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Who was Man United's manager when they were relegated in 1973-74?

"Leeds were lucky last night eh?", so said the chap behind the counter at KFC in Bath today. In truth, he was absolutely right, although `lucky` hardly seems to do it justice! The fact that we needed penalties to beat a second division Swindon side at home who had their keeper sent off only told a fraction of the story to be brutally honest. With no less than four live games to chose from, I plumped for the Carling Cup game between Coventry and Spurs rather than the UEFA Cup games, if only because I knew Sky would give regular score flashes from elsewhere and, at around 9:20pm up came "Leeds 0 Swindon 2", I was ready for the worst at work today. Had it remained that way, I'd not have been surprised, however the rollercoaster ride began to change slightly when we pulled one back to give hope, albeit false hope as I thought. Teletext then informed me that `Griemink` had been sent off, although only later did I realise it was their keeper and then, in the FOURTH minute of stoppage time, came our own keeper, Paul Robinson, and his moment of glory as he headed in the equaliser! With extra time barely under way, I knew that I still had to get up early the following day, so I only found out the final outcome at 3:30am today! So yes, we were lucky...
1. To come from 2-0 down with time running out
2. That their keeper was sent off for two bookable offences, the first of which didn't look to be a booking at all!
3. For our own keeper to score in the 94th minute, and...
4. That Robinson then makes two penalty saves with us 3-2 down in the shootout with only two kicks each left.
Basically, we didn't just get out of jail free, we passed go, collected �200 and built hotels on Park Lane and Mayfair!

Big congrats to Michael Owen whose goal in Liverpool's 1-1 draw against Olympija made him the club's record European goalscorer on 21 goals, beating Ian Rush's total. Despite the draw, Liverpool should have enough at Anfield to see them through, however Blackburn, who lost to unpronouncable of Turkey, and Southampton who only drew at home to unspellable Bucharest, could have problems in their second legs. Man City, who came from 2-1 down to win at home to Lokeren, are very much in the `maybe` catagory, especially as a 1-0 win for the Belgian side would be enough, however at the risk of looking like a fool after the second game, I reckon they can snatch at least a draw over there and go through. No sitting on the fence regarding Newcastle, who all but booked a place in round two with a demolition job on NAC Breda, winning 5-0 with Craig Bellamy finally finding the net with two. All in all, not a bad evening in Europe for the Prem lot, although any more than three of five in round two would be a bonus I reckon.

Friday 26th September 2003
"Stop, look and listen baby, that's my philosophy." (Song)

Against which African nation was Ray Wilkins sent off whilst playing for England in WC1986?

So, Arsene Wenger has apologised for the behaviour of his players during, and after, the ill-tempered clash at Old Trafford on Sunday. That's a novelty in itself, almost as rare as a goalkeeper scoring with a last minute header! However, it's not quite that straightforward as the Frenchman has blamed the world and his wife for what happened and indeed the aftermath since. So, lets take a closer look shall we?
Sky TV - Wenger maintains that everything shown is `dependant on one guy sat in a lorry.` Well, I maintain that any TV company worth their salt will show what the watching millions want to see. If it's a penalty miss, so be it. Equally, if it's an off the ball punch, then again, lets take a look. Naturally if four team mates decide to plough into one opponent seconds after the final whistle, then I personally would be aggreived if we were denied the chance to see for ourselves.
The FA - They got it in the neck from Wenger as he re-itterates his view that he doesnt agree with video evidence. I wonder if this view has anything to do with Keown on Van Nistelrooy last season and indeed Keown (again!) on Viduka the season before! Maybe if the players stopped the off-the-ball punchings and elbowings, we wouldnt need video evidence!
The media - They inflicted the wrath when they suggested points deductions, as happened thirteen years ago when the same clubs staged a 21-man brawl at Old Trafford. Wenger said, "Oh yes, why not relegate us to division one now?" Fine by me! However, this suggestion was only due to the precendent being set previously surely.
Van Nistelrooy - I almost forgot the Dutchman who is being blamed for the whole sorry tale due to `getting Vieira sent off`. Okay, maybe he gustured to the ref after Vieira aimed his flicked boot at him, however 99% of players would do that and anyone with any sign of intelligence would jump out of the way if someone aimed a football boot in the rough area of your testicles. I know I would!! Sorry, but just for once, RVN is the innocent party and did exceptionally well to keep his cool, especially after the match.
Excuses are one thing, however Wenger seems to be taking it to extremes and wants Arsenal to take over Man United's mantle of "Us against everyone!" Much more of what we've seen and heard over the past five days from the club and manager and they'll be challenging for the title....of most hated team in England!

Chances are you've heard about, and maybe even read, David Beckham's autobiography - My Side - and if you havent, where have you been?? I've not read it and don't plan to until it costs �1.99 in Bargain Books, however on that point, where would you go to buy it if you had to? WHSmiths, Waterstones, online maybe at Amazon? How about the Man United Megastore at Old Trafford? Well actually no, as the Megastore can't/won't but certainly don't, stock it! I find this absolutely astonishing that one of United's favourite, and most marketable, players of recent years, cannot have his book stocked at Old Trafford. The official line is that they can't due to a deal with a rival publisher, however as it contains details of various bust-ups with Sir Alex and how he apparently tried (and succeeded) to force Beckham out of the club, the cynic in me wonders if the `ban` perhaps originated elsewhere...!

Saturday 27th September 2003
"She's French-Canadian. Some days she's Canadian. Can be quite pleasant. Today she's obviously French." (Film)
Vertical Limit: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Who succeeded Kenny Dalglish as Liverpool boss in 1991?
Graeme Souness: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

Friday night Premiership football is a rare sight in itself, however last night's offering between Arsenal and Newcastle was a cracking game which I thoroughly enjoyed, even if I did miss around 25 minutes due to picking my wife up. The 3-2 win for Arsenal guarantees them top spot for at least another week, although Newcastle didn't look a bottom three side and surely must start winning soon. One thing of note though, apart from a lack of punch-ups, the sheer irony of the winning penalty from Thierry Henry. Remember in the summer, Jermaine Jenas missed a spot kick in the final of the Asian Cup when he chipped the ball# over the bar whilst trying a cheeky one? Well last night, Henry did the same, however this time the ball went dead centre and floated over the already diving Shay Given. However, who gave away the penalty with a daft handball? Yes, Jenas!

Well, all the criticism levelled against Ruud van Nistelrooy from the Arsenal camp this week clearly affected the Dutchman badly. Indeed his hat trick against Leicester in the 4-1 win proved just how much it has got to him! Coupled with Chelsea's win over Villa and of course last night's victory for Arsenal, this season does look like becoming a three-horse race, which is at least an improvement over the two, and even one, horse races in the past. Elsewhere on a quieter day for the Prem, Wolves were within five minutes of their first win only for Bolton to snatch a late equaliser, whilst Middlesbrough proved just how fickle this wonderful game is. This time last week, they were without a win all season and struggling to keep heads above water. In eight days, they have won three games - all 1-0 - and are in a respectable mid-table spot and in the next round of the Carling Cup. Are you watching Leeds?

Finally, useless piece of trivia info from the TV this afternoon. Ipswich's match against Watford was the sixth league game in succession that they'd played a club beginning with W! Who finds this stuff out I wonder?

Sunday 28th September 2003
"Well we know where we're going, but we don't know where we've been." (Song)
Road To Nowhere - Talking Heads: Correctly answered by OPE9

Which England player was red carded at Wembley against Sweden in 1999?
Paul Scholes: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

Ten goals conceded and none scored in the last three games! Is it any surprise then that Leeds entered the relegation zone this afternoon after being destroyed 4-0 by Everton, indeed I spent the last hour of the Man City-Spurs game desperate for City to win as it would have kept us out of the bottom three, however ultimately it wasn't to be. By all accounts we were awful, and much like the 4-0 at Leicester, the result flattered us! I dunno what's gone wrong, aside from the finances and the mass exodus of players, however things need to be turned around now before it's too late and the road maps to Milton Keynes are needed for next season, indeed considering our run of opponents in October, it's possible that we could be bottom by Hallowe'en. It's just a hunch, but it wouldn't surprise me if boss Peter Reid was on his way sooner rather than later, although whether it's off his own accord or whether he'll be forced out is another matter. Either way, it's a horrible time for Leeds fans.

Due to meeting my recently aquired step-sister for the first time today, I missed the second half of Charlton's win over Liverpool and the first half of the aforementioned Man City game, however from what I saw of the Charlton game, they were perhaps a little lucky to grab all three points. What did interest me was commentator Alan Parry, a die-hard Liverpool fan, and his reaction after each Charlton goal, because was obviously disappointed, he has to be professional and remain as unbiased as possible, despite a late winner being scored against your team. When I used to write reports for a certain web site, it was sometimes hard not to let personal feelings affect my ramblings and I imagine it's the same, probably harder, when commentating. In general though, Parry did well and remains one of the better commentators on the circuit, although it's well worth listening `between the lines` next time he does a Liverpool game!

Monday 29th September 2003
"I was the one who let you know, I was your sorry ever after." (Song)
74-75 - The Connells: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

Against which nation did Australia score 31 goals in a World Cup qualifier in 2001?
American Samoa: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

So, David Beckham may miss `that` game against Turkey next month due to what's being called `an acute ankle injury` collected whilst playing for Real Madrid against Valencia. Despite being a Scotland fan, my first thought was `Oh no!`, however that's not due to the fact that he may miss the game, but more thinking back to the amazing over-reaction of the media when he broke his foot ahead of WC2002. The nation, many of whom had never even heard of a metatarsal before then, were subjected to almost daily reports of how the injury was progressing and whether his chances of making the finals were better/worse than the previous day. Indeed, many could have been forgiven for believing that he was the only player in the squad! So, depending on how serious the new injury is, I think we could well do without the daily medical jargon and tours of the feet. Just a simply update - as occurs with every other player - will suffice.

Although I'm not a soap opera fan, I knew who `Dirty Den` was when he was in EastEnders and, unless you've been on a trip to Mars in the last month, it would have been difficult to avoid the latest `big story` regarding the soap, notably that Den is returning, 14 years after being apparently shot and apparently killed! I guess they have their reasoning, whether it's a drop in ratings or simply to keep ahead of their rivals, however it almost insults the viewers intelligence to bring someone back after apparently bumping them off, although after the alien abduction and dream storylines in Dallas (??) in the 80s/90s, clearly nothing is impossible in soaps! Personally I avoid them like the plague as, once involved, you feel almost obliged to watch each episode and some get witrhdrawl symptoms if they miss out. The national grid in the UK is thought to be prepared for record figures tonight as Den returns, culminating in a power surge as everyone puts the kettle on and nips to the loo one it's over! I'm getting prepared as well as there's a first division game on Sky at the same time...and I'm be making a cup of tea BEFORE it starts!

Tuesday 30th September 2003
"My job is very boring, I'm an office clerk." (Song)

Hakan Sukur had a brief spell with which Premiership club last season? Blackburn: Correctly answered by Eric

I'd have loved to have been a fly on the wall of the Gillingham dressing room after their 2-1 defeat against Walsall last night. Although they were only a goal down at half time, it was a poor performance without a single shot on target (sounds like Leeds eh?), so player-manager Andy Hessenthaler decides that the best option is to bring himself on to try and change matters, which in truth is one of the benefits of being a player-boss. Within three minutes they are level thanks to a penalty and it appears that the switch was worth it, however with seven minutes remaining and a draw looking likely, Hessenthaler sticks out his leg to block a long range shot which was heading miles wide, only to deflect it past his own keeper and into the back of the net for the winning goal! What do you say to a guy who's just scored an own goal to lose you the game...but also happens to be the boss!!

The biggest continue to get bigger as Man United announce a 22% increase in profits. Now, I'm not one who pretends to understand the financial wheeling-dealing with any football club, however in this respect, United are clearly on a roll, especially as a good proportion of these profits are to do with merchandising worldwide, something that is hardly likely to waver in the near future unless the club have a massive crash as regards public relations. However as United and Chelsea continue to splash, and rake in, the cash, spare a thought for the clubs who continue to struggle financially - Notts County and Oldham to name but two. I know it isn't going to happen (and the rich clubs would argue `why should it?`), but even a tiny fraction of these profits would keep these clubs afloat for a while longer. Many clubs are setting up tie-ups with various clubs abroad, giving them first option at any promising youngsters, indeed United have one with Antwerp in Belgium I believe, so why couldn't similar happen with lower-league, or even non-league, clubs in the UK?

The media rumour mill (could be true, could be total rubbish!) are saying that Leeds boss Peter Reid had a meeting with the chairman yesterday about the future....we shall see.

Know any of the trivia answers? Mail Me Now and get an on-site name check!
Return to Diary menu
Return to main Footiemad menu