Views From The Armchair

"Views From The `Footiemad` Armchair
Diary Of A Season October 2003

Wednesday 1st October 2003
"Look at the faces, listen to the bells. Its hard to believe we need a place called hell." (Song)

Which outfield player made an astonishing 366 consecutive appearances for Liverpool between 1974 and 1983 (i.e. he never missed a single game!)?
Phil Neal: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins (with help from the rest of his office!!)

I for one was delighted to see Celtic beat Lyon in the Champions League last night. Not that I have anything against the French side of course, but I do have a significant soft spot for the Glasgow team. Two weeks ago they were unlucky to lose in Munich and, as chances went adrift at Parkhead last night, I felt that the `Groundhog Day` effect would occur and they would again lose late on. However, two goals in nine minutes decided matters and lifted the Bhoys into second place and hopefully they can go on and qualify. I know it's an old, and mute, point, but both they and Rangers need to be playing a better quality of opponent on a regular basis, whether it's in the English leagues or in some kind of UEFA generated mini-super league. If and when they do, they should be in a position to make a decent impact on the Champions League, although I hope that this season could be the one when Celtic finally show their faces later in the tournament. One final thing - the penalty miss by Alan Thompson. The keeper was a good yards off his line when the ball was struck and saved it, yet no re-take was awarded! Where the hell is the consistency??

One of the bigger stories in the press at the weekend, and since, has been the alleged rape of a 17-year girl by a number (thought to be seven) Premiership players. It's said that the girl consented to sex with one of them, and then was the unwilling participant in something resembling a porn film I would imagine. Obviously no-one wants to understate the sheer seriousness of the offence and, wisely, the media have been blocked from releasing the names of the players, or indeed the club, involved. This is right and totally correct, as we have witnessed in the past, a number of high profile celebs having their names dragged through the mud before being found to be innocent and whilst I'm not for a minute suggesting that this could be the case here, anyone involved in such a serious charge surely has the right to anominity until such a time that he is proven guilty/innocent. And on that note, I was sent two emails yesterday both claiming to know `a friend who works at the hotel` or `my brother knows a chap who knows a policemen...` and telling me the name of the player who had `lawful` sex with the girl (both named a DIFFERENT player from a DIFFERENT club!). Not only is this pure and utter speculation, it can be damaging should it reach the public domain. My advice is not to take notice of email and web site speculation until it's confirmed 100% by player, club or authorities.

Thursday 2nd October 2003
" Years go by I'm looking in a girlie magazine and there's my home-grown angel on the pages in between." (Song)
Centerfold - J.Giles Band: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Stuart Pearce, Ron Atkinson and Dave Bassett all managed which club in the late 90s?
Nottm Forest: : Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

I've given up trying to watch eight Champions League games at the same time via the split screens on Sky. Instead, I'm plumping for one and keeping the `live score` ticker at the bottom for the latest scores. Last night I went for Chelsea, however it was only after they went 2-0 down on the half hour that I realised there was a problem with the score updates in that it wasn't updating! So bang went that plan and I had to content myself with occasional visits to teletext instead. As for the football, Chelsea were poor against a side who had never won away from Turkey and their defensive lapses should concern both players and fans alike. The first goal was pure lack of concentration whilst the second was total cock ups from the usually reliable Desailly and Cudicini. That said, we did see one of the more comical red cards in history as firstly Ilhan Mansiz was booked for playing on after the whistle had been blown and then did the exact same thing early in the second half!! Even the ref shrugged his shoulders as he sent him off, the striker claiming that he hadn't heard the whistle blow, even though everyone else had stopped. My advice? See a hearing specialist! Equally smirk-inducing was co-commentator Nigel Spackman who struggled all night with the pronunciation of Besitkas, indeed I think we had every variant apart from the correct one!

Overall it was a poor night for the English as Man United crashed 2-1 to Stuttgart. My their own admission, they haven't done well against German clubs in Europe (apart from the 1999 final of course!), however this defeat leaves them facing two `Battle of Britain` games against Rangers, who currently top the group, leaving United with the very real risk of having to battle for a place in the knock out phases, something that they usually take for granted. My personal feeling is that they'll come away with four points from six at least from the pair of matches, putting them on the brink of the next round....however I was the one with a bet on them to win in Germany yesterday!

So, it's official, Peter Reid stays for the immediate future. In a way I'm a little surprised, however with the lack of decent managers around to take his place, maybe it's a blessing in disguise. I certainly hope so, especially with a horrendous run of matches to come this month.

Friday 3rd October 2003
"Does anyone know the way, there's got to be a way. We just haven't got a clue what to do." (Song)

In the first ever Prem season (92-93) which club, now in division one, finished third?
Norwich: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

It's another good weekend for the armchair football fan with seven games on Sky and even one on the Beeb and whilst this includes an Under-16 game and two Spanish matches, there remain two games which really catch the eye - Liverpool v Arsenal and Rangers v Celtic! Mouth-watering eh and almost guaranteed to have talking points galore. So, why do Sky and the BBC insist on televising both games at the same time, 12:30pm on Saturday afternoon? Okay, I know almost all of us have videos and could watch one and tape the other, however I haven't got the time to watch both games (One is fine though) and you can bet your life that a `friend` will gladly tell you the score of the other game before you've watched it. I guess the TV guys have their reasoning, however ultimately they will lose out as both games would be certain of a bigger audience if screened separately.

According to the radio, today is National Courtesy Day in the UK! Now, aside from the fact that there seems to be a national day for just about everything, there are some people who take advantage of other's good nature. Earlier I was in the queue in the chemist and whilst there were only a couple of us waiting, it took a little while for me to reach the front, however as I did, a very well-to-do lady stood by me. When the assistant asked who was next (even though I believe she knew), this other woman piped up, " This gentleman (Me!) was, but I'll be very quick!" Stunned, I then listened as she asked where the herbal remedies were and, once directed, off she went. I was happy to let this pass, but whilst the assistant was looking for my prescription, the queue grew steadily longer and, up comes Mrs Herbal Remedy again to the front of the queue! Once I'd been served, the assistant looked at her as she handed her purchase over and said, "I'm sorry Madam, all these people were ahead of you, so please join the back of the queue and your turn will come!" Needless to say, she earned the respect of many of us and whilst only a small, insignificant victory, it was a bloody sweet one as well!

Saturday 4th October 2003
"We are (TITLE), no matter what they say. Words can't bring me down." (Song)
Beautiful - Christina Aguillera: Correctly answered by Kirsty

Which nation were the original choice to host the 1986 World Cup Finals?
Columbia (before the nation was devestated by an earthquake in 1985): Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

At last!!! Finally a win for Leeds, although the 2-1 victory against Blackburn today was touch and go for the last few minutes as Rovers chucked everything, including the proverbial kitchen sink, at us! Cynics will argue that it's a hollow win as the entire bottom four all won, however I would dispute this and state that had we not won, we'd now be equal on points with bottom club Wolves. Even though we moved up four places thanks to a rare double from Seth Johnson, it's possible that we could drop three with tomorrow's games as the trio of clubs below us all play on Sunday and should Villa and Bolton draw against each other, both will leap over us (as it is, one will definetly do that anyway) and if Boro avoid defeat against Chelsea, they'll do similar! That said, for now I intend to enjoy the victory while it lasts and have a decent day at work tomorrow - with the mickey takers finding someone else to target!

As regards yesterday's dilemma over which game to watch, I plumped for the Liverpool-Arsenal game and was delighted that I did. A fine advert for the Premiership and further proof of two things. Firstly, despite injuries and various off the field problems, Arsenal remain a very potent threat, capable of winning anywhere, making their European displays all the more odd in truth, and secondly, Liverpool desperately need to take their chances when they come. All too often, they are able to create, yet not take, opportunities when they arise and they could have easily blown the Gunners away by half time today. It wasn't to be though and the points were clinched by a superb goal which had me out of my seat. Finally, the injury to Michael Owen will doubtless dominate the back pages over the next few days ahead of the England game and although I'm by no means a medical expert, it has to be said that things did not look good for him.

Congratulations to Alan Shearer of Newcastle whose winning goal against Southampton not only secured all three points for the first time this season, but also notched up Shearer's 250th career league goal. Some achievement.

Congratulations also to Shrewsbury player-manager Jimmy Quinn who netted in the Conference game at Scarborough today to become the oldest player ever to score for the Shrews - at the ripe old age of 44!

Sunday 5th October 2003
"Little things I should have said and done, I just never took the time." (Song)
Always on my mind - Elvis Presley: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Which outspoken manager links Sheffield Wed, Middlesbrough and the Republic of Ireland?
Jack Charlton: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Having watched bits of both games today, something struck me about this weekend apart from how Chelsea, Man United and Arsenal look set to walk away with the top three places, and that was the number of goals scored early in the second half. Today, Chelsea were caught cold by Middlesbrough and Bolton did the same to Villa, whilst yesterday Spurs netted early after the restart against Everton. Maybe it's something in the half time cup of herbal tea or simply an ear-bashing from the manager, however it's unusual to get three games all experiencing similar occurances in the same weekend. Indeed, speaking of the manager, I wonder how many of the appropriate trio of bosses actually saw the goal in question as Boro boss Steve McClaren was apparently still making his way from the dressing room when Szilard Nemeth scored! It's the opposite of missing late goals due to leaving early I guess!

If there are any inventors out there or anyone knows of someone looking for a gap in the market, then I have news for you on the `next big thing!` - Edible shaving foam!! No, I've not created a banana flavour gel you spread all over your face once a day, but after an experience this afternoon, I wish someone would! Whilst minding my own business shaving (the one job that I detest!), my wife yelled out a question to me just after I'd smeared the gunge around my chin and cheeks, however rather than remain quiet until the Gilette did it's job, I tried to answer and only succeeded in swallowing what felt like a mountain of the stuff! "Not to be taken internally" is absolutely spot on and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, however for those curious of the `taste`, think back to your very younger years and to how bad ear wax tasted (come on, we all did that once surely!), well it's easily on a par with that!

Monday 6th October 2003
"In this world we're just beginning to understand the miracle of living." (Song)
Heaven is a place on earth - Belinda Carlisle: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

When England first played Turkey in Nov 1984, what was the final score?
Turkey 0 England 8: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

With the media totally split and Sven Goran Eriksson delaying the naming of his England squad for Turkey, it seems that the Michael Owen injury saga is the one to dominate the back pages for the remaining five days ahead of Saturday's crucial clash. Today's papers were giving nothing at all away with a couple claiming that he'd definately be fit whilst others stated that he simply wouldn't be available. Some even sat on the proverbial fence and said that he would go to Turkey but only as a spectator and not to actually play! With the squad due to meet up tomorrow, then something has to be sorted very soon but the bottom line is that the tabloid press have no idea of the truth. They are simply reading between the lines and probably printing exactly what their readers do/don't want to hear. My tact remains the same - until we hear something concrete from either Owen, Liverpool or England, then no decision has been made. After all, according to certain papers, Peter Reid was being sacked last week!

Here in the UK, Hallowe'en has never really hit the heights of `celebration` that it has in America for example, although in recent years the trend has bucked somewhat and retailers have begun to see where an extra few quid can be made. As it falls in half term this year, we've promised my daughter and her friend a little Hallowe'en party rather than going `Trick or Treating` (as this certainly doesn't have the approval of everyone here!) and she has now decided what she wants everyone to dress up as. My wife is going to be a witch (no comment from me!), whilst my daughter wants to be the Grim Reaper of all things! As for me, well I've been nominated as Frankenstein!! Anyone know where we can get a scythe or a neck-sized bolt??

Tuesday 7th October 2003
"Oh thinking about all our younger years. There was only you and me, we were young and wild and free." (Song)
Heaven - Bryan Adams: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Man United scored eleven goals in two games against which Prem club last season (02-03)?
Newcastle: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

I dunno whether it's just me or not, but the idiocy of the men in charge at the FA never ceases to amaze me. Late last night it was reported that Rio Ferdinand had forgotten to take a routine drugs test (Or, as the media puts it, "Rio In Drugs Scandal") due to him moving house the same day. He then took, and passed, the test two days later. Okay, so whilst he may have broken rules, it's hardly the end of the world, so why take the decision to drop him from the squad to face Turkey this weekend? If that isn't over- reaction enough, there is talk of a potential two year ban from football and massive fines! Why not catstrate and hang him from the Old Trafford Stretford End while they are going then? He made a mistake, give him a mandatory fine, a slap on the wrist and let him get on with his life. Anything above that, is unwarranted. But wait...I'm not finished with the FA yet! Remember that `vital` and `crucial` game this coming weekend in Turkey? Well, with one centre-back not going (Rio), another has been summonded to an FA disciplinary panel tomorrow - just three days before the game and the day before they fly out! Sol Campbell's altercation with Eric DD in the Charity Shield is finally being looked at by the FA - the same FA who are `backing` England to go to Turkey and qualify for Euro 2004 - surely this could have been scheduled for a later date? They aren't exactly going out of their way to help the English national side at the moment are they? It would serve them all right if things went pear shaped and England lost in Turkey and in the play offs. And this from a Scotland and Leeds fan!

Apart from the Ferdinand/Campbell situations, there are two pieces of good news for England. Michael Owen has been named in the squad, which almost became the first squad to be named after they'd got on the plane! This would suggest that, despite reports that he's only 50-50 to play, his injury will clear in time for at least a subs appearence. Anything beyond that then they are taking a massive risk taking him and effectively using up a place in the squad for a fully fit striker (Vassell?). Also, the referee has been changed. David Beckham's mate, Kim Milton Nielsen, was due to take charge but injured his foot at the weekend, leaving the door open for a replacement in the shape of....Pierluigi Collina!! Yep, the world's most recognisable, and best, referee will take command and this is excellent news for England. If one man will not be swayed by the fanatical home fans, it'll be the Italian!

Wednesday 8th October 2003
"The feeling is gone only you and I, this means nothing to me." (Song)
Vienna - Ultravox: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Danny McGrain spent 17 seasons with just one British club in the 70s and 80s - which one?
Celtic: : Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

"Two Leeds United players have been arrested..." so went the female voice on the early evening news on the BBC last night. Everything after that - the alleged sexual assault on a 20-year old woman - was a blur in my head in truth as all I could think was, "Here we bloody go again!" To be fair, you have to assume that this is not a matter of someone exaggerating the truth or trying to turn an innocent situation around, and with that in mind, should the reports be true and accurate, then the un-named players deserve everything they get. What I cannot get my head around is what possesses anyone, let alone highly paid men in the public eye, to get themselves in these situations. Arrogance possibly, stupidity certainly, and maybe a feeling that, due to their privileged lifestyles and positions, then they are `above the law.` The bottom line is that they have disgraced football and everyone to do with Leeds United and frankly if they are found to be guilty, I don't give a stuff what happens to them as long as they are not associated with my club any more.

As the beautiful game continues to be dragged through the mud by the above, by Rio Ferdinand and to a lesser extent by Craig Bellamy, there are now reports that the remainder of the England squad have held a ballot on whether to strike over the exclusion of Ferdinand from the squad to face Turkey. Whilst you can understand their feelings and anger, you have to say that they are treading on very thin ice here and running the risk of being banned themselves from further international call ups. The FA are playing it down, calling it `amiable discussions` and making it clear that no players have threatened to walk out (yet?), and you can only hope that this is the truth. Indeed with the most important game in over a year just three days away, the best thing the remaining players can do is accept the decision, get on with the job in hand and get the point needed. Then they can embarrass the FA and dedicate the draw/victory to Ferdinand, as mark my words, this will happen.

Thursday 9th October 2003
"I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign? ." (Film)
Ferris Buellers Day Off: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

What `rule` was introduced by UEFA into European knock out competitions in 1965 to help settle drawn games?
Away Goals Rule: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

So the England players have decided not to strike and will play in Turkey after all. Isn't that jolly nice of them? This of course had nothing to do with risking their international careers had the strike gone ahead or risking going down in history as the players who got their own nation kicked out of Euro 2004. It certainly had nothing to do with putting loyalty first as whilst their loyalty towards Ferdinand was admirable, albeit misguided, they clearly weren't aware that they have a more widespread loyalty - to England fans! Those fans who cheered (or jeer) them on at each and every match, those fans who pay good money to watch their heroes for their clubs week in and week out. Those fans who ultimately pay their wages! The players' verbal attack on the FA was stomach churning and equally as misguided as their threat to strike and makes them come across as spoiled brats who simply couldn't get what they wanted - or maybe that's just a little too close to the truth! Speaking to a wide cross section of the great British public today, almost all feel that the players were wrong in their threats and have simply taken `player power` to a level which supersedes everything and everyone else - only this time, the FA stood their ground and didn't back down. No-one, from Rio to the FA to the players, come out of this with any credit and we can only hope that lessons have been learned. One thing is for sure, those 24 players have lost the respect of many over the last two days and please don't believe the hype that `David Beckham led the players into calling off the strike.` because according to the media earlier in the week, he was the ringleader (along with the Man Utd contingent) in FAVOUR of striking!

What a week it's been for football as the Yorkshire Evening Post yesterday decided to name the Leeds player arrested for an alleged sexual attack on a 20-year old woman. Although they later withdrew it from their site, the name was plastered over the Internet within minutes and even today at least three national papers have named him. I don't want to follow suit, just in case , although I would add that I'm not surprised at who it was,, however how is this for a screwed up law. The papers can name him today, yet they mustn't publish a picture of his face, even though it's obviously well known within football and freely available in mags, older papers and of course on the Net. What a strange world we live in!

Finally, today is national poetry day apparently, so I thought I'd do my bit! After each Leeds game, I tend to put a fake ad (eleven planks for sale, apply Elland Road) up in the shop where I work just to relieve some of the mickey taking somewhat! However, following the 4-0 hammering at Everton recently, I went one step further and came up with this below to the tune of American Pie (and severe apologies to Don McClean!)

Elland Road Pie

A long, long time ago, I could still remember when my club could win a game.
Now Leeds United make me shiver, with every scoreflash Sky deliver
Bad news on the TV, when I heard we'd let in three
I'm certain that I hit the floor, when I read the score was four
And something churned up deep inside, the year my football club died
So it's bye, bye to the Premiership
Drove my car to Milton Keynes and to Crystal Palace
Rio, Keane, Fowler and Kewell too
They all saw it coming, so off they flew.

Friday 10th October 2003
"Oh no, I've said too much, I've said enough" (Song)
Losing My Religion - REM: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Which former Premiership stadium had an area called the Kippax End?
Maine Road (Man City): Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

"It is the biggest game of the year and we want to win it and qualify. We are aware of our responsibility to the nation and in a strange way this has brought the players closer. I assure you the players are proud to wear the shirt. We know we have something to prove to our fans and we will be playing our hearts out for the fans. I think the crisis has gone now. We have spoken about it all week, released a couple of statements that have cleared up the matter. Now we want to concentrate fully on the game."
So spoke David Beckham today as he read out a statement from the England players ahead of the game against Turkey tomorrow. Now, call me cynical if you like and feel free to correct me, but in their statement/blast at the FA on Wednesday, didnt they say (and I quote) "There will be no further comment on this matter until after the game in Turkey." Hmmmm, it seems to me that something made them change their mind pretty quickly - maybe the reaction - or overreaction - of the UK press, who basically lowered the England squad's popularity to make them on a par with spiders in the bath. Whatever it was, something struck a chord and we can only hope that this is genuinely the last of the matter and that apparent threats in the paper today - as regards getting rid of the FA's Chief Executive - don't come to fruition, otherwise regardless of the result in Istanbul, the players will again be doing themselves no favours. Get on with the training and the football and leave the politics to those better equipped to deal with it.

I witnessed a briliant moment at work today with an elderly lady who comes in every week and who we've got to know and chat with on a regular basis. Small talk soon got around to weddings and how she was going to one soon, so I mentioned that it was my 11th wedding anniversary today (which it is, no lie!). She offered her congratulations and we had the usual diatribe about how weddings rarely last `like they used to` and she then asked how my wife was? I replied that she was fine and then added, "It's her wedding anniversary today as well!" This lady, obviously not fully aware of what I'd said, stated, "Ooh how lovely, and what a co-incidence!" before walking out to make her way home! A couple of others in the shop thought it was hilarious!

Saturday 11th October 2003
"You like coffee I take tea my dear. I like my toast done on one side." (Song)
An Englishman In New York - Sting: Correctly answered by James Caldecoat

Who was the Ipswich goalkeeper who saved eight out of ten penalties in 1979-80 season?

Well, the hype is over, the threats of boycotts and strikes are hopefully in the past and the end result sees England take their place in the Euro 2004 Finals, whilst Turkey need to battle through the play-offs, which themselves look to be very tough (more of that later!). Tonight's goalless draw in Istanbul was hardly a game for a neutral to get enthusiastic about, but in truth, it was never going to be. Tight and tense with neither side wanting to make a mistake, the biggest cheer in the stadium devoid of England fans, came when David Beckham almost sent his penalty kick out of the stadium! To be fair, he was unlucky and slipped at the most unfortunate moment, however the aftermath of the kick and indeed as the players went off at half time needs looking into by UEFA. Alpay's goading of Beckham was totally uncalled for and the Turk deserves to get punished for it, or the authorities are effectively stating that it's okay for such behaviour to go on. It's school playground material and sure as hell doesn't belong in a game of such a magitude as tonight's encounter and if those that matter wonder why tensions continue to be strained between the two nations, then take a look at Alpay and how he has hardly helped matters. Of course, he plays in the Prem for Aston Villa, and has hardly endeered himself to his own fans over the past months, so I would fully expect him to be the recipitant of jeers galore when back in England and not in front of his own nationality. Congrats to England - I only hope now that my Scots can join them!

Speaking of which (tenuous link eh!), I missed the last half an hour of Scotland's narrow win over Lithuania, including the goal, which ultimately sent us into the play offs courtesy also of Germany's win over Iceland. The display wasn't convincing, however the result was the bee all and end all, so I'm not too worried about that! The play offs WILL be tough with a random draw including Spain, Holland, Russia, Wales and of course Turkey, however that's for Monday when the draw is made. One final thing though. Billy Connolly once said that he felt the national anthem was boring and whilst God Save The Queen is unlikely to change on the word of the a comedian (albeit a very funny one!), it does make you wonder if any rendition of the anthem can ever be as potent as the sound of Flower of Scotland around Hampden Park ahead of this afternoon's game! My god, it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up! Absolutely brilliant.

Sunday 12th October 2003
"It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. That's nothing that a hundred men or men could ever do." (Song)
Africa - Toto: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Which nation got through to the final eight of the 1990 World Cup, despite failing to win any of their previous four games in the tournament?
Rep Of Ireland: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

No football today after yesterday's drama, however the Rio Ferdinand saga drags on with club boss Sir Alex Ferguson admitting that his player made an innocent mistake, yet also blamed the authorities and the proceedures, both of which are flawed. In his post match interview yesterday, England keeper David James did similar as the finger of blame was passed from pillar to post. Okay, no-one is disputing that perhaps proceedures need to be looked into, however the bottom line is this - the primary blame rests with Ferdinand and NO-ONE ELSE!!!! Had he not forgotten his drug test, none of the circumstances which unfolded last week would have happened. Surely we aren't getting to the stage where these highly paid professional footballers need reminding over such matters as drug testing! If that's the case, then there's little hope of them remembering doctor's or dentist appointments is there? In the words of the film, Blame It On Rio.

My wife and I are in a scheme at my daughter's new school called Share, which involves parents who meet with a teacher each fortnight and then have homework to do, with our child(ren) which mirrors the work which the kids will do later in the school year. It's good for us to work with our daughter and equally helps her when the actual school work comes around in due course. This time, we had to make a `food face` which is a face of someone we know, or of someone famous, made entirely of food (or pictures of food in our case!) in the style of the artist Archimboldo (no, I'd never heard of him either, but try a search for him and you'll see what I mean). After some deliberation, we chose to do a picture of Annie from the musical of the same name, using uncooked chicken for the background face - this was by far the most difficult thing to find - a small parsnip for her nose, bits of beef and sausages for her mouth and lips and some round, black fruits which I'd never seen before for her eyes. The clincher was undoubtedly using mince for her hair and although she's a little chubbier that we'd have liked, it was an entertaining experience and if you think it sounds simple, try it for yourself!!

Monday 13th October 2003
"Step by step, heart to heart, left right left, we all fall down." (Song)

In 1938, who became the first (and so far, only) club to be relegated the season after winning the league?
Man City: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

So, will Wales and Scotland be joining England in Portugal for Euro 2004? It has to be said that after today's draw, it looks unlikely. If anything, the Welsh have slightly the better chance as they face Russia, however they will not relish playing away in Eastern Europe in November and then having to travel back and prepare for the home tie just four days later. I know the Russians will be making a similar trip, however their return will come after both legs are complete. Home advantage for the second leg is a plus point for the Welsh, however my Scots not only have the home leg first, but face the skill, flair and brilliance of the Dutch! Now, I love the Dutch way of total football and was bitterly disappointed not to see them at WC2002, however if they fail to make Euro 2004, it will be because the Scots have played exceptionally well over two legs and maybe even had a stroke of luck. In general, the Welsh have a chance if they come away from Russia will only a narrow defeat or better, however Scotland will need something akin to a footballing miracle.

How often do kids come out with something totally innocent which has a totally different meaning to adults? Last week, my daughter took her violin to the school orchestra practise as usual and when she felt that a couple of the strings were not quite at the right pitch, the teacher tightened them and unfortuntely snapped the `G`. Only today, with violin practise fast approaching tomorrow, did we remember that we had to buy a new one, but only after my daughter had announced to a number of people - childen and adults - that Mummy was going out today to buy a new G-string! One even mention that Daddy was going to be lucky then!

Tuesday 14th October 2003
"I blame you for the moonlit sky and the dream that died as the eagle flies." (Song)
Tasmin Archer - Sleeping Satelite: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Which Man United player made his Northern Ireland debut in Sept 1994 - a month before making his first ever Prem appearance?
Keith Gillespie: Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

The new pictures of the tunnel fracas between Turkey and England show nothing that many of us didn't already suspect, it simply confirms what we felt and how many more players, aside from Alpay and Beckham, were involved. Certainly from an England viewpoint, it's easy to spot Ashley Cole, Sol Campbell and especially Emile Heskey, getting involved. What isn't apparent is what sparked it off and if reports are true of racial abuse being directed at the English trio, then something needs to be sorted. No, actually something needs to be sorted FULL STOP! In the future, the nations paths are sure to cross again, maybe even at Euro 2004, and the last thing anyone wants is the sort of shadow above the game which surrounded the build up this time around. Last week (pre-Rio) it was all to do with the fans, however if the players are unable to show any kind of control or to keep their racist comments silent, then there's little hope. UEFA and even FIFA need to eradicate this sort of thing with lengthy bans rather than fines and send a message to everyone that it will not be tolerated.

Being helpful on the football pitch does not always get it's due reward as an un-named goalkeeper discovered at the weekend. During an Under 18 game between Hayes and Bracknell, one keeper noticed that the referee had dropped his red and yellow cards so, as play moved unfield, he picked them up and put them in his net for safe keeping rather than see them get trampled on. Play came back down his end, so as the keeper collected a long cross, he beckoned the referee over and went into his net to get the cards - and carried the ball over the line as he did so, giving the referee no option but to award a goal to the opponents! Talk about hard luck eh?

Wednesday 15th October 2003
"You're like a toy, you should know, that there's no where else to go." (Song)

In 1980, all four UEFA Cup semi-finalists were from the same nation - which one?
Germany: Correctly answered by OPE9

A quick quiz to begin with (answer at the bottom of today's ramblings). Which Prem team have the most clean sheets in the league so far this season? As a clue, it isn't Chelsea who hit the dizzy heights of top spot following yesterday's draw at Birmingham. Now comes the tough bit for Claudio Ranieri's all stars as getting there is hard, but staying there is harder! They play Arsenal, Newcastle and Man United in the next six weeks and if they are still top at the end of November, they will have done well. All the new, expensive, foreign imports are all very well, however the cold spell is coming where two or three games a week is not unusual and the lack of a winter break will be a shock to the system for many of them, so the job is really only just beginning for the Stamford Bridge brigade. What is nice for us outsiders, is to see things very close at the top with just one point seperating the top three. I only wish Leeds were there!

I bet many were stunned this week when Anna Kournikova announced her retirement from tennis at the ripe old age of 22, the reason being that many didn't even realise she was a tennis professional!! Rarely can one person have earned so much from her image having done peecious little in their chosen field of excellence. It's worth a reminder that the Russian has won as many Grand Slam titles as I have - precisely ZERO - and that her good looks and model like features is what has made her a household name. Like them or loathe them, the Beckham's did at least have success in their careers before the media blew them out of all proportion, however when all things are considered and when Kournikova becomes too old for modelling, she'll be very much in the "Nice To Look At, But What Has She Actually Achieved?" file.

Oh, and the answer to the quick quiz...Birmingham!! Six clean sheets in eight games now!

Thursday 16th October 2003
"Everyone needs a bosom for a pillow." (Song)
Brimful of Asha - Cornershop: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

The wonderfully unpronouncable Crvena Zvezda are based in which European city?
Belgrade (Formerly Red Star): Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

If I had to have a `second` team to support behind Leeds, it would probably be Blackburn for no other reason than when they memorably pipped Man United to the title in 1995. For that reason, I was bitterly disappointed to see them crash out of the UEFA Cup last night. With three games on the box, all kicking off at different times, I plumped for the early stages of the Man City and Liverpool games, before watching almost all of the Blackburn match and I have to say that they were desperately unluckly, hitting the bar three times and missing some glorious chances, notably through Corrado Grabbi who still couldn't hit the proverbial cow's backside with the proverbial banjo. Rovers committed the cardinal sin at any level of football and allowed their opponents to equalise within two minutes of taking the lead and when it's an away goal in Europe, it's all the more impossible to accept. Poor defending, poor finishing and a distinct lack of luck all cost Blackburn, however as well as the two clubs mentioned, Newcastle also eased through, so there's no shortage of English clubs to cheer on when the competition reverts to it's Thursday slot in November. It was like a throwback to the 70s this week with UEFA Cup football on a Wednesday!

Okay, picture the scene. A busy, high street newsagents where one of the staff has nipped up to the pharmacy nearby during a quiet time, leaving other member of staff on his own. Suddenly one customer forgets her money and decides to pay by credit card which isn't a problem aside from taking a little longer. Whilst the machine is happily whirring away, half of the town desends on the shop and the queue builds to something resembling Old Trafford on a Saturday, however once the credit card lady has signed and got on her way, the member of staff starts to reduce the queue - only to find that it's absolutely remarkably how many people, despite queuing for 2-3 minutes, still insist on getting to the counter before even attempting to open their purse or wallet! "I know it's here somewhere." says the elderly lady looking for her purse among tissues and mothballs in her bag, whilst Mrs Posh-Lady in the middle of the queue is most upset when I tell her that the minimum credit card ammount I can accept is �5. She refuses to make her current �3.60 purchase up to that and storms out!! Who said working in a shop was easy??

Friday 17th October 2003
"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl." (Song)
Copacobana - Barry Manilow: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Which current Prem striker holds the record for the quickest ever Premiership hat-trick (three goals in under five minutes)?
Robbie Fowler (Liverpool v Arsenal 1993): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Have you see the fixture list for this weekend?? Some real mouthwatering games to look forward to as my Leeds side host Man United, so bound to be a few goals there (probably all for the visitors!), and Arsenal take on Chelsea which is always a good one to bet on whether there will be more red cards than goals. But, it doesn't end there!! Newcastle travel to Middlesbrough with the North-East rivalry coming to the fore and Man City host Bolton with a similar tact for the North-West. Oh, almost forgot the second city derby on Sunday between Birmingham and Aston Villa, which should be a belter after last season! So, us folk who live miles from the stadia and work strange hours should be in for an armchair treat eh? Nope, sorry! None of the above games are on live! Instead we have on Sunday (with no disrespect meant) Leicester v Spurs - relegation clash of which I'll miss the first half due to taking my daughter to a birthday party, and Everton v Southampton, of which I'll miss the last few minutes due to picking her up (maybe just as well the decent games aren't on!!). Monday sees us treated to Blackburn v Charlton of which I should see the lot! Now, I now that all clubs have the right to be on the box, especially early in the season, but with five potentially cracking games available, Sky choose three of the other five to televise. That said, I'll still end up watching them all, birthday parties aside of course.

Many footballers and indeed football fans, have various superstitions. Paul Ince is a notable one with his `running out whilst putting his shirt on`. However when Sunday league side Moneyfields Sports from Portsmouth couldn't get out of a losing streak, one of their squad suggested, jokingly I think, that perhaps wearing ladies underwear would help! So, for a laugh, they each wore an article belonging to their partner for the next game and promptly won....and have been winning ever since and are now four games unbeaten! Captain Calvin Hoar quipped, "The underwear's getting a bit uncomfortable!", however what made me smile was the thought of one of them collecting a moderatly serious injury and have to explain to the pretty female X-ray nurse why he was wearing a pair of knickers!

Finally, I apologise in advance for today's lyric, only it was on the radio when I was out early and has been jammed in my head ever since. It doesn't mean that I like the song!

Saturday 18th October 2003
"The Dark Side Of Nature." (Film Tagline)
Twister: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Who were the first English club to win one of the major three European trophies?
Spurs (1963 CWC): Correctly answered by Jaan Roos

Quite a day in the Prem today as, although there were only six games, we had three different leaders! Chelsea began the day on top, however after Man United beat Leeds in a mid-day kick off, they hit top spot. However, within three hours, Arsenal beat Chelsea and took over themselves, dropping the Russian All Stars to third within the space of five hours all told. However, whilst Man City took plaudits for walloping Bolton 6-2 and Wolves moved off the bottom with a goalless draw at Fulham, the result which really stood out was Liverpool's defeat at Portsmouth, courtesy of old boy Patrick Berger. That was Liverpool's third successive Prem defeat, something which has never happened to the Anfield club since the inception of the Prem and surely puts pressure on boss Gerard Houllier as the club continue to under achieve in the league. Some may even feel that his reign has run it's course and it's time for a new face at the top, however before the top brass consider this, just look to see who Liverpool play next Saturday ....yes, it's good old Leeds!

Speaking of my beloved club, it was odd them kicking off at mid-day, yet the game wasn't televised, leaving me with a mixture of Internet text commentary, Teletext, FiveLive and, ultimately, blind faith as I had to go out with the scores still goalless and twenty minutes remaining. By the time I'd walked home, the game was well over and the headline on Teletext told it's own story, " Keane header puts United top." Ironically, had fate not twisted cruelly against us over the last couple of years, that headline could have easily been relevant to Leeds rather than the Manchester version of United, however it hasn't worked that way and the struggle continues. Indeed a Leicester win tomorrow against Spurs will put us in the bottom three again.

Honourable debut 1: Andy Goram - remember him? Veteran goalkeeper of countless games for Rangers and Scotland as well as an odd one for Man United. Well, he made his debut for little Elgin against Albion Rovers and promptly conceded after just two minutes. It got progrssively worse for him and the defence continued to leak, ending in a 5-1 defeat for Elgin! Things can only get better.

Honourable debut 2: Spare a thought also for Dennis Wise who took charge of Millwall in a caretaker player-manager role after Mark McGhee left the club this week. Wise left himself on the subs bench though against Sheff United, and it seemed to be working with his side 2-0 up but down to ten men after an earlier red card. Wise came on late in the game and less than four minutes later was off again as he was also sent off for a late tackle! The ref? Good old Rob Styles whose cards come out of his pocket quicker than any other ref around.

Sunday 19th October 2003
"Something in the moonlight catches my eye, the shadow of a lover goes dancing by." (Song)
Heart & Soul - T'Pau: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Who, in 1968, became the first ever player to be sent off whilst playing for England?
Alan Mullery: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

A bit of a damp squib in the Prem today after the excitement of yesterday. Three goals and only one encounter had goals as Leicester dominated against Spurs only to lose thanks to two late strikes. The game was notable for a Cudicini style howler from Spurs keeper Kasey Keller which gifted Leicester their goal and for a brilliant equaliser from...wait for it...Mbulelo Mabizela! No, I'd never heard of him either and nor had the home fans who chanted, "Who the flipping hell are you." when he came on as sub, or at least I think that's what they sung anyway. Anyway, he's the South African captain and that was his first Prem appearance and what an entrance. Elsewhere we had two low key, goalless affairs as Everton and Southampton failed to find the target, as did Birmingham and Villa, although it was enough to put Birmingham back into fourth spot.

Since I stopped working for a football web site almost a year ago, I've started to read avidly again as I did when I had more time in the past. Although before I tended to stick with out and out horror a la James Herbert and Shaun Hutson, thanks to a work colleague of mine, I've been trying crime thrillers lately with James Patterson, Ian Rankin and Mark Billingham (an excellent Brit newcomer incidentally) top of my list. As far as Rankin is concerned, I'm now midway through the third book of the Inspector Rebus series and having checked his official web site the other day, I came across something called Rebustours. Now, whilst the main character in the novels is fictitious, the settings are real and some enterprising company have come up with tours of the areas and places frequented by Rebus in the books! Excellent idea as fans of any series of novels will tell you that even fictitious places can seem all too real, but when you have the chance to see them in the flesh so to speak, many would jump at the chance. As for me, well there's one small problem. I live in South-West England and the Rebus novels are set in Edinburgh! Still, there's always time.

Monday 20th October 2003
"I don't wanna see a ghost, that's the sight that I fear most." (Song)

Last season (02-03), which player scored twice for Newcastle on the opening day of the season but failed to score another league goal throughout the campaign?
Lomana Lua-Lua: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Interesting to hear today that Sir Alex Ferguson has received a two match touchline ban and been fined �10,000 for his outburst at fourth official Jeff Winter during the away game at Newcastle in August - you know, the one where he called Winter `a flipping joke`! These `punishments` for managers always make me smile as it rarely seems to fit the crime in so much that the team are likely to be largely unaffected. In these days of mobile phones and suchlike, a message takes seconds to get from boss in the stand to assistant on the bench, leaving the decisions still very much in the hands of the manager. The fine, equally is a drop in the ocean considering the earnings. But, that said, what would be a justified punishment? Banning the boss from the dressing room before the game and at half time? Banning him from the stadium on the day of the match? Both would be difficult to enforce in truth and not likely to go down well with those at the top. Oh, and finally, this is not an anti-MU rant at all, this is relevant to all similar occurances.

The weather is turning cold in the UK, although I guess it feels that way considering we had such a decent summer. However, the gloves and Leeds United bobble hat have all been dusted off and we lit out coal fire for the first time in what must be seven months today (there's nothing quite like a real log fire!). But, looking at some of the older kids on their way to school today, you'd think it was still summer with few of them wearing coats whilst hats and gloves are non-existant. As the grandson of a work colleague told me, "It's not cool to wear a coat!" Maybe not, but it's decidedly chilly without one. Equally, whilst in town earlier, we saw at least two women wearing mini-skirts! Perhaps the office they are working in is warm, but to me they are either very foolish or very brave!

Tuesday 21st October 2003
"I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had." (Song)
Mad World - Tears For Fears: Correctly answered by KirstyMD

Blackburn signed Corrado Grabbi from which Italian side?

What's happened to Blackburn? That was my main thought during and after their 1-0 home defeat against Charlton last night. From a sixth place finish last season, the Ewood Park side have slumped since walloping Wolves on the opening day and are now only just above the drop zone having lost their last four home league games. They have an abundance of strikers (Cole, Yorke, Grabbi and Jansen) and a decent goalkeeper, however I believe there are two factors to the sudden drop in form. Firstly, too many new arrivals with vital jobs in the side. Amoruso and Emerton are obviously decent players, however both seem to be struggling to make any major impact in the Prem and their midfield is suffering as a result. Equally, the sale of Damien Duff to Chelsea could be a costly own goal. Okay, no club in their right mind would refuse a �17m sale given the chance, however as Duff struggles to make the starting line up at Chelsea, his skill and pace are sadly lacking at his former club. With that said, it's often forgotten that Rovers have, in the last eight years, won the Premiership, been relegated, been promoted again, made Europe four times and won the league cup! Maybe the tide is turning against them once again.

Apparently David Blaine's diary of his 44 days in a plastic box is set to become a Christmas best seller with publishers `falling over themselves` (Copyright tabloid press) to get their hands on it. I admit that I, along with my very interested daughter, watched him come out of the box live on Sunday on Sky and was interested to hear some of the medical background material. He's lost over four stone and all of his internal organs have shrunk as they try to cope with the demands of lack of nourishment. His muscles are wasting away and the lack of oxygen to the brain has meant hallucinations. Oh, and it could take up to six months for him to return to normal - if he ever does! On the plus side, he doesn't show any sign of food poisoning!!

Wednesday 22nd October 2003
"And when she shines she really shows you all she can." (Song)
Rio - Duran Duran: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Which Premiership stadium is actually based in a place called Horwich - just off the M61 motorway?
The Reebok (Bolton): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

"What a horrible, horrible mess!" Those were the words of the ITV commentator after a goalkeeping screw-up gifted Dynamo Kiev a second goal against Arsenal last right. And he was right, although in truth, he could have been describing the Gunners CL hopes in general half an hour later after their 2-1 defeat left them up a famous creek without a particular item. One goal and one point from three games says it all, as does the fact that they are five points adrift of qualification to the knock outs, realistically needing to win their final three games to stand any chance. They'll clutch at straws considering what Newcastle did last season, however it still never ceases to amaze me how they can be so good in the Premiership and so, what's the word....crap, in Europe. Constantly under achieving at the highest level is not what is expected of them and until they put this right, they'll never be regarded as a truly `great` club side.

As much as a find politics totally and utterly boring, I do love the BBC comedies from the 80s - Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister. In one episode, the PM (the late - great - Paul Eddington) is telling the head of the civil service (the equally late and great Nigel Hawthorne) what is wrong with the education system. As he bluntly puts it, "We are supposed to be preparing children for work, when three-quarters of the time at school they are bored stiff!". The reply comes sharply, "Well I'd have thought that being bored three-quarters of the time is an excellent preparation for a working life!". I thought of this yesterday whilst talking to one of our news deliverers who is currently on a week long work experience course with a local company. When I asked how his first day went, he simply said, "Very, very boring!" Apparently he had to take a piano apart and then clean the pieces before putting it back together. Dull, monotonous and routine - exactly like the vast majority of jobs! I wonder if our children expect to leave school and get a job - any job - which will be exciting and challenging 100% of the time? The reality is that very few jobs meet this criteria and whilst you may be busy in most occupations, a lot of the tasks will be mundane, drab, boring - but very necessary to keep the wheels of the company moving. But then high expectations in life rarely get met do they?

Thursday 23rd October 2003
"Tommy used to work on the docks, Union been on strike, he's down on his luck." (Song)
Livin On A Prayer - Bon Jovi: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater & Cheryl Warner

Who, in 1994 at the age of 42, became the oldest player to score in a World Cup Finals game?
Roger Milla (Cameroon): Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Silence The Crowd! That was always the advice to away clubs in Europe when visiting intimidating stadia when I first got heavily into football in the 70s and 80s and at that time, Liverpool had it off to a fine art. Defend solidly for twenty minutes or so and don't let you opponents have a sniff of the goal. The crowd ultimately become restless and it transfers to the players. Liverpool dominated Europe in that era and a lot of their success was based on this policy which has recently been adopted, albeit slightly less effectively, by Man United. That is until last night when they visited a rocking Ibrox for the first of two `Battle of Britain` games. The atmosphere was stunning and it came across on TV, however when United scored within five minutes, the crowd were subdued for a while afterwards, although the volume did return later. The game itself was a terrific advert for the British game as Rangers dominated possession without breaching the away defence on a regular basis, although they did waste two glorious chances. For their part, United did what they had to do and should have had a penalty late on as well as Phil Neville's early strike. What it means overall is that United are second and in a good position to qualify, especially with two home games from their last three, leaving Rangers in with a chance, but realistically needing something at Old Trafford in a fortnight.

A quick mention also to Chelsea who came from a goal down to beat Lazio at Stamford Bridge. With the world and his wife just waiting for the heavy spenders to fall flat on their faces, I'm one of the few that would love to see them do well in this competition and they have every chance to get through to the knock outs as they top their group. Their inconsistency still worries me though as they have away games in Rome against Lazio and a tricky one in Turkey against Besiktas who memorably won at Stamford Bridge. A point from either game and a win at home to Sparta Prague should clinch it for the blues, who are probably under more pressure than most to win silverware.

The much publicised film `In The Cut` opened at the London Film Festival last night and star Meg Ryan - who apparently strips off completely for the movie - angered fans by not `meeting and greeting` and was subsequently jeered when she left. What does she expect? Many of those ordinary members of the public had been out in the cold, wind and rain for hours just to catch a glimpse or grab an autograph of one of their heroes, only to be snubbed. Maybe Ms Ryan needs a reminder that it those type of people who've put her where she is and a little in return wouldn't go amiss. It's a shame that more aren't like Tom Cruise who party trick at such `meet and greets` is to borrow an mobile phone from a member of the public and then ring that person's Mum/Dad/Sister/whoever and simply say, "Hi, it's Tom Cruise here!" Apparently he takes ages and does it a number of times, driving the events organisers mad, but thoroughly entertaining normal, average members of the public. Now, what's more important?

IMPORTANT MESSAGE!!

Hi folks. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I'll have no Net or email access for a few days and am unable to perform the usual daily updates. However, in the words of the new governor of California, "I'll be back!" and from the weekend of 1st/2nd November 2003, things will be back to normality. In the meantime, why not take a peek back at some old lyrics/trivia and see if any suddenly hit you in the face. Thanks, Gary

Know any of the trivia answers? Mail Me Now and get an on-site name check!
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