Views From The Armchair

"Views From The `Footiemad` Armchair
Diary Of A Season March 2005

Tuesday 1st March 2005
"Like a child you whisper softly to me. You're in control just like a child. Now I'm dancing." (Song)
Like A Prayer - Madonna: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Who eventually knocked Norwich out of their only UEFA Cup campaign in 93-94?
Inter Milan: Correctly answered by Geoff Daniels and Matt Robbins

Last night's game was one of those that many would have looked at and not bothered to watch. However, not for the first time this season, Norwich v Man City was not a book to be judged by it's cover as it's entertainment level was superbly high although more down to the poor defending than excellent attacking. That said, even those who settled down at 8pm may well have switched off fifteen minutes later as Norwich went two up and should have gone on to win the game comfortably. But no, Man City battled back and largely down to Shaun Wright-Phillips, were level by half time with the midfielder setting up both goals. Now, how often do we see a first half goal glut followed by a second half blank, usually down to those darned managers sorting their defences out at the break and so it proved again, even after Mattias Jonson followed in the footsteps of Prutton and Van Persie at the weekend with two yellow cards. And so to bed...well not quite, although I'm sure I wasn't the only one ready to switch off with a minute of stoppage time left. Good job I didn't though as Robbie Fowler's powerpuff effort just had the energy to dribble over the line to complete a great comeback and a good evening's entertainment!

It's almost become a game that the whole family can play. "Guess the rep" is a regular occurrence each time we go to the supermarket as invariably there is someone inside the sliding doors trying to get you to do anything from getting cheaper electricity and gas or changing the phone supplier. Today at Sainsburys it was a chap trying to get us to (presumably) sign up for membership of something called the Wildlife Trust and this was one guy who wouldn't take `no` for an answer, although in our case he had to! All the blurb was there (free membership for your children when you join, etc etc) and so was his spiel, "Come on, I can tell you two love animals...!" Ultimately he had to give up with us as we disappeared into the sanctuary of the supermarket. Just for once it would be nice not to be accosted as you enter or leave a big store, although I do enjoy the gas salesman who promise me that they can, "save me money on my gas bill." The trick then is to let them go through the whole rigmarole before asking, "But how can you save me money when my house is all electric?"

Wednesday 2nd March 2005
"We'll invite the family round and drink some English tea and then i raise up my finger and watch football on TV." (Song)
Real To Me - Bryan McFadden: Correctly answered by Geoff Daniels

Who were the last club to beat Arsenal in an FA Cup penalty shoot out?

As goalless draws go, Sheffield United's penalties defeat at the hands of Arsenal last night seemed to get better as the game went on and was actually quite entertaining even before the drama of the shoot out. In truth, the first half was instantly forgettable aside from Michael Tonge's awful miss inside the first 50 seconds. After that, Arsenal's makeshift line up (selected by nessecity rather than choice!) looked the better side, even if United came closest to scoring in stoppage time when John Harley's header was fingertipped over. I really should have gone to bed there and then, however I stuck with it probably due to the fact that the game was so open due to the lack of Bergkamp, Pires, Reyes and Henry and therefore the Gunners unable to totally dominate. Either club could, and maybe should, have won it in that extra half an hour but ultimately it wasn't to be and we had a 10:45pm shootout to send Arsenal through. All told, I reckon I had under four hours sleep last night although that's no-one's fault but my own. I only hope that tonight's game doesn't go to extra time or I'll have a decision to make again!

Today we had the heaviest snowfall of the winter in our neck of the woods as from 6:30am for around three hours, it came down heavy enough to cover the pavements and to make the landscape and rooftops look seasonal. Luckily for me, I wasn't in the nice warm shop looking out at it. Nope, thanks to the Daily Telegraph and their amazing inability to get their paper to us on time, I was out for two and a half hours delivering the darned things after they arrived too late for many of our paperboys and girls. So as I sit here with still aching legs and feet and a body which feels like a cross between Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, I'd like to thank all those at the Telegraph for their part in today's proceedings. Sarcasm mode off!

Thursday 3rd March 2005
"You might stop the world spinning round. Might even walk on holy ground. I ain't Superman and I can't fly." (Song)
Can't Stop This Thing We Started - Bryan Adams: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Which member of the Nottm Forest FA Cup Final team of 1991 is still a regular starter for a Premiership club?
Roy Keane: Correctly answered by Geoff Daniels and Matt Robbins

Last night's win for Spurs at Nottm Forest could well be used in a few training videos as the clubs put on a Masterclass. Spurs ended up as easy 3-0 winners and they showed perfectly how to keep the ball, not panic despite being faced with nine men behind the ball for the most part and then eventually break through with the help of set pieces. Forest on the other hand showed a prime example of how NOT to defend near post corners - twice! Jokig aside though, this emphasised the gulf in class between the clubs that shows on paper with the various league tables. Spurs were easily into double figures as regards shots at goal, whilst their hosts managed just three and one of those was very late on with the game already out of reach. In fact, the only real surprise is how Spurs didn't win the home tie and needed a replay in the first place. You can be sure they'll have a tougher match at St James Park against Newcastle in the next round.

I've heard a couple of experts bemoan the ten match ban handed out to Southampton's David Prutton for his manhandling of the referee on Saturday and how it's harsh and whilst you can see their point, you need to look back to September 1998 and Paolo di Canio for the precedent. The Italian was banned for 11 games and fined �10,000 for shoving over Paul Alcock and whilst Prutton didn't quite go as far, it doesn't alter the fact that he did try and grab the official out of the way and that's a no-no in today's climate. I have to give credit to Prutton in that he hasn't hidden away from the spotlight and came straight out with an apology and in no way tried to justify his actions. In fact, the more you look at it, he was trying to get to the assistant and it could have been the ref or his own manager in the way, he'd still have reacted in the same way. So yes, a ten game ban and �6,000 fine sounds hefty, but if they were too lenient, it would be open season for attacks on officials!

Friday 4th March 2005
"You were emotional. I don't want my vacuum cleaner, or my toaster appearing emotional." (Film)
I, Robot: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

The last England international to be postponed came in November 1979 and was due to fog. Who were the opponents?
Bulgaria (the game was played 24 hours later): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Well, it had to happen. As I touched upon last month, the FA have bowed down to Sven Goran Eriksson and re-arranged next season's FA Cup to suit the England boss - and not just the final either! In fact, the final is the one thing that HASN'T attracted criticism as they've kept it on the traditional Saturday rather than switch to midweek as was hinted. Instead though, there will be restricted replays in the fifth and sixth rounds, with clubs involved in the Champions League (for the sixth round) and UEFA Cup (for fifth and sixth rounds) not needing replays as extra time and penalties will be used in the original game. So that means that a quarter-final between (for example) Chelsea and Wigan would not go to a replay whereas one between Ipswich and Leeds would! Confusing or what. Of course, it also means that any `smaller` club would lose out on a money spinning replay should they get that far and force a draw - imagine the Man United v Exeter situation from this season for starters - and that the bigger clubs are being given a distinct advantage. As it's only for one season, then I think people will tolerate it, however will it be the same when Euro 2008 comes around and WC2010 I wonder...

The local papers in our area are very localised to the extent that focusing on one town and maybe a few surrounding villages is not unusual. Naturally many are falling over themselves to find a new way to branch out and put new features into the paper and while competitions and public participation are all well and good, people still buy a paper to read the stories and articles. With that in mind, our local paper - The Somerset Standard (which actually arrived on time this week for a change!) - came up with something that I'd not spotted within it's pages before this week. Drum roll maestro.....it's time for Constellation Of The Month! Yep, for stargazers everywhere, we had this little gem this week and while it obviously has it's niche, I'm not holding my breath for a mass of new orders.

Saturday 5th March 2005
"I'd really love to be alone without all the ache and pain and the April showers." (Song)
Lifted - The Lighthouse Family: Correctly answered by Geoff Daniels

Juan Ugarte joined Wrexham from which Spanish club?
Real Sociedad: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

For the last week or so, all we've heard is that today would be the day that Man United could move to within three points of Chelsea. `Could` being the word! Ultimately it didn't quite pan out that way as United failed to break down a Crystal Palace side reduced to ten men for half an hour whilst Chelsea kicked off after United had finished and promptly beat Norwich despite a scare in the second half. Result? Chelsea eight points clear with a game in hand which makes a mockery of the apparent pressure that we are led to believe they are under. It's worth mentioning also that Arsenal did their bit and moved to within two points of United thanks to a Thierry Henry hat trick against Portsmouth, but they day really belonged to Chelsea...oh, and Crystal Palace.

Soccer Saturday is always essential viewing on a Saturday afternoon, not least because the host (Jeff Stelling) and the studio guests do absolutely nothing to hide their bias towards their clubs. Stelling in particular made for highly entertaining watching today as his Hartlepool side constantly battled back at home to Wrexham and then constantly let it slip again, eventually losing a quite astonishing game 6-4 at home, with Juan Ugarte scoring five for the Welsh side - his third hat trick in eight games, all of which came away from home! Stelling's face was a picture when, with the score at 4-4, two quick flashes came through of two more goals for Wrexham. Great viewing.

Finally a mention to the first side in the English or Scottish leagues to win promotion. Yes, although it's only early March, Gretna are officially promoted to Scottish Division Two after a 1-0 win at Cowdenbeath. And who says that the English Prem is a one horse race!!

Sunday 6th March 2005
"Put down your weapon. And the coffin." (Film)
Terminator 3 - Rise Of The Machines: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Everton won the league in 1985 and 1987 with Liverpool second on both occasions. But which team finished third both times?
Spurs: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

If, for whatever reason, Everton fail to hold onto fourth place (or if Liverpool finish outside the top four but win the Champions League!) and therefore don't reach next season's Champions League, it could be argued that they only have themselves and inconsistency to blame. Last weekend, they gave Aston Villa a footballing lesson at Villa Park and were deserved winners, yet today they were outplayed, outfought and outbattled by a determined Blackburn side whose survival seemed to mean more than Everton's ambition. Rovers rarely looked in any serious danger, even late on having taken the lead and Everton boss David Moyes must be left tearing his hair out after nearest rivals Liverpool slipped up yesterday. They've still got to go to Anfield of course in two weeks time and on recent form, you'd not like to bet which way that'll go.

Monday 7th March 2005
"So I called up the Captain, 'Please bring me my wine'. He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since 1969'." (Song)
Hotel California - The Eagles: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Who was the Nottm Forest goalkeeper when Man United beat them 8-1 in February 1999?
Dave Beasant: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Ever heard of Martin Ward? Nope, nor me until yesterday. Apparently, Mr Ward is the deputy leader of the Secondary Heads Association and feels that he knows why kids are unruly and aggresive at school - it's all down to football! Mr Ward believes that the violence, swearing and aggresion shown on the pitch is copied by kids at school and that televised football should not be broadcast until after the 9pm watershed. Excellent idea! Indeed, why not take it one step further and stop all kids from actually attending games, especially at non-league level where you are often closer to the pitch and can see and hear what's being said much easier. To blame football for societies ill's is one thing, but to try and stop children from watching what they want to is another altogether. Perhaps Mr Ward would like to look at the attitudes of some parents if he's looking for where the problems stem for certain kids.

Tuesday 8th March 2005
"She told me that her Dad was loaded, I said "In that case I'll have a rum and coca-cola." She said "Fine."" (Song)
Common People - Pulp: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Man City played in the UEFA Cup as recently as last season, but who eventually knocked them out on away goals?

Last night's North-West clash between Man City and Bolton showed us little that we didn't already know. Namely that City continue to be consistantly inconsistant, especially after last Monday's comeback, whilst Bolton continue to rise up the table and have every chance of making Europe for the first time in their history this season. I won't harp on about how well Big Sam has done at the Reebok as that's been said by people who are more in the know than I, but when you consider that inside the last decade they were one of the yo-yo clubs, it's a sensational turnaround at an unfashionable club and I for one would love to see them earn a UEFA Cup spot for next season. City on the other hand remain the perennial strugglers or mid-table side who never look like winning anything, but in general are too good to go down. I know they had awful injury problems last night, but they looked decidely unimpressive and never really look like equalising in the second half. With Kevin Keegan insisting that he'll retire after the end of next season, then more uncertainty will soon be on the horizon and I wonder how many City fans and officials would love to swap places with Bolton? A high percentage I'd guess.

Wednesday 9th March 2005
"What do you mean "they cut the power"? How could they cut the power, man? They're animals!" (Film)
Aliens: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Man United have not won a two-legged, post-group Champions League tie for THREE years! Who were the last club that they beat in such an encounter?

Well, what an evening of football that was last night! Apart from when Leeds are playing, I've found myself getting less involved whilst watching games lately, however sat in frot of Chelsea v Barcelona I was like some sort of deranged Jack-In-The-Box as I was up and off the sofa on a regular basis! That said, after twenty minutes and Chelsea 3-0 ahead on the night, I actually gave my wife her nightly physio which takes around half an hour, only to get back to find that Barca had scored twice and were ahead on aggregate. But that's the delight of the knockouts, it gets to the stage where one goal doesn't draw any side level. it puts them through whereas seconds before, they were out and for the whole of the second half, the game wa balancing on that knife edge, with the Spanish ahead of the majority of the time. John Terry's winner again had me leaping like a salmon and looking back with hindsight, Barca had hit the post just minutes before with Eto'o missing a sitter from the rebound - a goal which surely would have knocked Chelsea out. A lot was said before the game and not all from Chelsea as a few Barca players publicly played down Chelsea's (and the other Prem club) chances. Nice to prove them wrong!

On the down side, Man United went out, although I'd be lying if I said that I shed any tears or lost any sleep. This tie was lost a fortnight ago when Milan won at Old Trafford as United were always up against it after that and so it proved. Hernan Crespo again dealt the killer blow, although with my eyes on Stamford Bridge, I honestly can't say how unlucky United were. What won't be lost on their officials and fans is that since the changes were made to the competition two years ago, the Old Trafford club have not only gone out in the first post-group knockout stage both times, but they've not even won any of the four knockout ties . Indeed, looking back a further year, they again went out in the first knockout round to Real Madrid, although they did manage to win a pulsating home leg, but that cannot be right for a club of their magnitude

Thursday 10th March 2005
"Listen boy, it's not automatically a certain guarantee. To insure yourself you've got to provide communication constantly." (Song)
Tell Her About It - Billy Joel: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

When Arsenal reached the UEFA Cup Final in 2000, who was the only Gunners player to score in the penalty shoot out?

Another night of mixed fortunes for the Prem clubs in Europe last night, so lets start with the game that I saw. Arsenal needed at least two goals at home to Bayern Munich and whilst they succeeded in keeping the obligatory clean sheet, they rarely looked like scoring the goals needed as the German side prssed, harried and knocked the Gunners totally out of their stride. There was none of the free-flowing football that we know Arsenal can play and no sustained pressure as they pressed forward. Bottom line - Arsenal didn't deserve to go through. So, another of football's unexplained mysteries continues as Arsenal once again flop in Europe. There's no easy answer or Arsene Wenger would have found it, but on last night's showing, they simply weren't good enough.

Liverpool on the other hand had an easier draw and, after a first leg, an easier task. Defending a 3-1 lead as they travelled to Bayer Leverkusen, hey effectively ended the tie with two first half goals from Luis Garcia. The job was completed in the second half with few problema, sending the Anfield side through without so much as a collective raised blood pressure. Yes, they had one of the easier opponents but you can only beat what's in front of you and Liverpool did just that. Whether they'll find it so straightforward in the round is open to debate, but they were professional this time around and deserve their place in the last eight.

Friday 11th March 2005
"He becomes a myth, a spook story that criminals tell their kids at night." (Film)
The Usual Suspects: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Sporting Lisbon won the Cup Winners Cup in 1964, beating which club in the final?
MTK Budapest: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

As if not wanting to buck the trend of the week, we had another mixed night for the Premiership clubs in Europe, with this time the UEFA Cup serving up two remarkable games. Newcastle's win in Greece against Olympiakos saw two penalties, three goals and two red cards and that was only the FIRST half! The home side were down to nine men by the interval, largely due to a referee intent of handing out more cards than Clintons. That said, I thoght both red were justified, even if the second only mystified me a bit until I realised that the referee had booked the wrong player to start with, but than that was no surprise! A third Newcastle goal after the break gave them a healthy 3-1 lead and one foot in the quarter finals. Could this be the zseason that they finally end a 36-year wait for a trophy?

And so to Middlesbrough who kicked off an hour or so after the above game had ended, yet this time the first half was largely a non-event with Sporting Lisbon having the better of a goalless half. By the time twenty minutes had been played after the break, the Portuguese side had stormed into a 3-0 lead at the Riverside and the chances of Boro going through looked remote to say the least. However, two late goals gave them hope and despite a 3-2 home defeat, that glimmer remains and you just never know. Finally, what about Joseph Desire Job's brilliant goal? A stunning first time overhead kick that sailed into the net, which had it have been scored by Ronaldinho or Beckham, then we'd never hear the end of it!

Saturday 12th March 2005
"Everyone around love them, love them. Put it in your hands, take it take it. There's no time to cry." (Song)

Which lower league side knocked Bolton out of last season's FA Cup at the third round stage?
Tranmere: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

What a first class pillock El Hadji Diouf is! Not content with trying to alienate every football fan in the nation with his combination of spitting and diving, his red card today in the FA Cup clash with Arsenal gave him the opportunity to alienate his own supporters as well. His flayling arm into the face of Jens Lehmann was borne from frustration, or to put it another way, he threw his toys out of his pram and had no intention of picking them up again. Yes, the home fans applauded him off the pitch, but when they see the replays and realise that they are now out of the FA Cup having been forced into playing with ten men for over 80 minutes, they may not be as accomadating. I daresay there were a few TV viewers - fans of other clubs - who cheered when he was dismissed and I'm not ashamed to admit that I did. I'm a great believer in `what goes around, comes around` and I reckon that happened at the Reebok today. So what next? Full backing from the boss or a two week wages fine? My money is on the latter.

Speaking of lame brainers, how about the Man United who threw a lit flare onto the pitch after his side had gone 3-0 up against Southampton, not realising that the BBC cameras were showing a close up of him at the time! Poetic justice if the gormless, senseless prat gets a lifetime ban, although as I've stated before, enforcing it is another matter. Two points through: What if he had hit a United player? And secondly, what if he wasn't on camera and Southampton been blamed as they were the home side? As for the game itself, pretty much a walkover even though I missed the first half. United were totally dominent and are looking good for a place in the final again and to retain their trophy. They looked slick to the point of arrogance on occasions and to coin a phrase from 1972, Poor Southampton Just Don't Know What Day It Is. They can concentrate on staying up now, which I hope they do whilst United ,much like Arsenal, put their European woes behind them in comprehensive fashion. One last point on the flare-man, I'll bet his family were really proud if they were watching on the box.

Sunday 13th March 2005
"Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the earth's gravitational pull?" (Film)
Back To The Future: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Current Blackburn boss Mark Hughes appeared in a record equalling five FA Cup Finals as a player. He was only on the losing side once, but against which club?
Everton (1995): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

No replays in the FA Cup Quarter Finals this year which should help the FA prepare for the England game against Northern Ireland. I did rushg home from work in time to only miss the opening stages of Blackburn's win against Leicester earlier but with hindsight I should have taken my time. A poor game in truth, won by Rovers with a disputed late penalty, converted by former Foxes star Paul Dickov. The Scot was at the butt of one of the chants of the weekend as his former fans took advantage of him sending a shot wide with a chorus of "You couldn't score in La Manga!", a reference to his arrest in the Spanish resort last summer. Blackburn are getting harder to beat, but even ahead of tomorrow's draw, I cannot see them getting the better of any of the other three semi-finalists.

At St James Park it was like watching Groundhog Day as Patrick Kluivert scored early against London opposition and then the hosts spent most of the rest of the game defending their lead. They did it in the last round against Chelsea and again today against Spurs, although a late disallowed goal and an apparent handball in the area against Lee Bowyer were all part of a very nervy finale. Although I'm not a Spurs fan, I have to confess that they look a decent side and can at least concentrate on a late push for a place in Europe now, whilst Newcastle continue to push for two trophies. As for the semi final draw tomorrow, how about this scenario for the neutrals. Arsenal v Man United - no more needs to be said surely - and Newcastle v Blackburn - Graeme Souness faces the club that he quit earlier this season.

Monday 14th March 2005
"My expectations may be high, I blame that on my youth. Soon enough I'll learn the painful truth." (Song)
A Good Heart - Fergal Sharkey: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Which two clubs were involved in the first ever penalty shoot out in an FA Cup semi final?

Well, yesterday's `ideal scenario` failed to materialise in the FA Cup semi final draw as Arsenal were paired with Blackburn and the two United's - Newcastle and Manchester - will face each other. Naturally it's a draw which will be touted as a prelude to the `dream final` of Man United v Arsenal and in truth, you can't see too far past that. Yes, Blackburn are much improved under Mark Hughes, but on yesterday's showing against Leicester, it still won't be good enough. Equally, Newcastle are becoming hard to beat and have won their last seven - no mean feat - however Man United's record against them is good and it could be somewhat ironic that Alan Shearer could bow out of the competition against the team that wanted to buy him in the 90s. But then, this is the FA Cup and a freak bounce or 50-50 decision that goes the wrong way could turn either game...so here's to a Blackburn v Newcastle final!!

Until this past weekend, I'd forgotten that both FA Cup semi's are being played at the Millennium Stadium as is the final of course. I can't help feeling that this is a proverial own goal from the FA as it not only involved extra travelling for the teams and fans, especially Newcastle, but much like when the semi's were played at Wembley, it seemed to detract from the competition. This all began in 1991 when Arsenal and Spurs were drawn together and it seemed a logical solution rather than send them all to Old Trafford or Villa Park, however progressively since then, it was happening more often (Chelsea v Luton and Bolton v Villa for goodness sake!) and if I were being cynical, I could suggest that this is one of the reasons that people feel the competition isn't as `magical` as it used to be. The final should be a special game at a special venue, not an effective re-run of the semi final.

Tuesday 15th March 2005
"The whole place is pickled, the people are pickles for sure. And no-one knows if they've done more here than they ever would do in a jar." (Song)
Rotterdam - Beautiful South: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Which European giant won the now defunct Cup Winners Cup on a record four occasions?

How do you know that you are getting old(er)? Maybe it's when today's chart music does little except get on your wick as you enjoy songs that you can (a) understand the words to and (b) can sing along to. Maybe you pine for 70s and 80s television and get excited when you see UK Gold repeating Fawlty Towers and Porridge! Maybe it's the realisation that, as a kid, you could memorise the entire season's fixture list for your team, yet now you can barely remember who they last played and who they face next. However, whilst all of these are relevant to me to varying degrees, the real clincher came last week when I had a peek and my 11-year old daughter's maths homework...and didn't understand half of the QUESTIONS! I was an odd kid at school as I actually loved maths and playing around with figures and averages, even re-calculating league tables with points for goals and other such weird permutations. I even progressed from pencil, paper and rubber to one of the first ever spreadsheets on an old Sinclair Spectrum (it took ages to calculate formula, but I loved it!!). Now though, having left school yonks ago, it's all largely gone from the grey matter and the thought of having to draw an Isosceles triangle using a ruler brought me out in a cold sweat - especially as I couldn't recall the `facts` regarding such a beast. So that's official, I'm definitely getting old(er)!

Wednesday 16th March 2005
"At this point in time, you really don't want to take advice from a man who got a C minus in astrophysics. The presidents' advisors are wrong. I am right." (Film)
Armageddon : Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Who was Chelsea's manager when the Premier League began in 1992?

Eleven points clear with nine games to go - that's the scenario facing Chelsea after their 1-0 win against West Brom last night. By my calculations, they need seventeen points to mathamatically clinch the title, although as they've still got to play Man United and Arsenal, it could be even less than that. Equally, they can afford to lose both games and will win the league with games to spare. Bottom line? It's hard to see them fail really. I'm not one of these anti-Chelski people who are annoyed at the amount of cash spent at the club to effectively buy the title. Others have spent heavily - the likes of Ferdinand, Rooney and Van Nistelrooy were all around the �20m each mark - it's just that Chelsea have done it in a more compact period of time. Indeed from a personal viewpoint, anything that breaks the Man United/Arsenal monopoly is fine by me.

We get a few odd requests in the shop, a lot being drivers that are lost or looking for directions, especially as we're on one of the major roads through the town. One of the more regular questions, especially in the early hours are asking where the nearest 24-hour garage is as they are almost out of petrol. There is one fairly near us, it's actually about four miles out of town on the by-pass, however when I explained this to someone today, she was quite put out and stated that she wasn't going in that direction! With all due respect, that was hardly my fault or indeed that she was running on empty, however surely an eight-mile round trip to get a full tank is better than running out in the middle of nowhere at 5am?

Thursday 17th March 2005
"Maybe you wonder where you are, I don't care. Here is where time is on our side. Take you there." (Song)

The 1995 FA Cup semi final replay between Man United and Crystal Palace set what record as regards semi finals in the FA Cup?

It was `choices time` again on the box last night with Newcastle v Olympiakos going head to head with Liverpool at home to Blackburn. Having weighed up all the pro's and con's, I came to the conclusion that the UEFA Cup clash was a foregone event and that the home side would sail through. This happened of course with a 4-0 win, 7-1 on aggregate. So I plumped for the Premiership game which had permutations at both ends of the table and should have been a decent game. WRONG! Eight shots at goal in the entire game, only one of which was on target as Liverpool simply failed to cope with Blackburn's five man midfield and looked a pale shadow of the side turning up for Champions League games. In fact, I daresay I would have switched over to the Newcastle game in the second half had I not have fallen asleep on the sofa. I have all due respect for Liverpool, but on this showing they don't deserve to finish in fourth place this season.

Friday 18th March 2005
"Say it's true, there's nothing like me and you. Not alone, tell me you feel it too." (Song)
Runaway - The Corrs: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Middlesbrough's leading league goalscorer last season was Szilard Nemeth, but which pair - no longer at the Riverside - were second and third?

So Middlesbrough's European adventure came to an end in Lisbon, although in truth it was effectively over in the first twenty minutes of the second half at the Riverside last week. To their credit, they went for it last night and were very unlucky not to score at least twice in the first half with Nemeth's shot off the line and Parnaby's effort well saved by Ricardo after he'd made a hash of the cross. If nothing else they went out with heads held high, especially considering the injuries within the squad and I'd like to think they'll be back next year courtesy of their league position, although at the moment, working that out needs an A-level in UEFA-talk and a slide rule. If they are, then hopefully the experience of this season will be kept in good stead and once again they'll do themselves proud.

Whilst having our hair cut this week, the hairdresser stopped whilst snipping me (!) and told us to take a look out of the window. There was some building work being done opposite and naturally enough, they had a large skip outside to throw all their heavy rubbish into, however as we looked, a guy was pushing his bicycle up to the skip. I actually thought that he was going to sling his bike in and scarper, but nope. Instead, he rested his bike against the skip and proceeded not only to look inside, but take a few things and put them into a binbag produced from his pocket before casually taking his bike and leaving, complete with bag full of whatever he'd taken! Apparently he does it two or three times a day! Personally I wouldn't have the nerve and I honestly didn't know whether to feel sorry for the chap or admire him!

Saturday 19th March 2005
"Well, the last chunk of ice that broke off was the size of Rhode Island. A lot of folks would say that was pretty sensational." (Film)
The Day After Tomorrow: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Robert Earnshaw once scored twice in three games whilst on loan at which Scottish club?

Just like the early days of the season today wasn't it with Chelsea, Man United and Arsenal all winning with varying degrees. The Gunners won the early game at Blackburn with a terrific goal by Robin Van Persie, however guess who missed the goal having agreed to collect a form for a friend at the other side of town and feeling that the best time to go was just before half time so that I'd be back in time for the second half? Yep, no prizes!

Chelsea had a scare at home to Palace who had the audacity to equalise at Stamford Bridge! These days that's a cardinal sin and they felt the full brunt of it after the break as the Champions elect went on to score three more times. At Old Trafford, Man United did it differently as they scored fairly early against Fulham and then simply held onto the lead until the end. Three very different ways of winning games, but three points across the board nonetheless.

Player of the Day? Undoubtedly Robert Earnshaw of West Brom. He began the game on the subs bench at Charlton, however with the scores level at 1-1 and the hosts down to ten men, Earnshaw was thrust into the action and promptly struck a sixteen minute hat trick! Will he start next time? Who knows, but I wonder if those fans who were jeering boss Bryan Robson after his first few games are the same ones as we saw celebrating in style at the final whistle? Fickle us football fans aren't we?

Sunday 20th March 2005
"Think what that money could bring. I'd buy everything. Clean out Vivienne Westwood in my Galliano gown." (Song)
Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Which manager guided Birmingham to the second division Championship in season 1994-95?

What a day in prospect for those of us who enjoy a good local derby - as we had a double dose today! Sadly, by 1pm, I was wondering if the offer to go up the local ice cream parlour and enjoy the sunshine wasn't a better plan as Birmingham and Villa fought out a drab first half with only a free kick hitting the post worthy of raising the heart rate. Isn't it amazing though how goalkeeping howlers litter this fixture when you think back to Peter Enckelman and, earlier this season, Thomas Sorensen. Unfortunately for the latter, lightening did strike twice as he let Emile Heskey's shot squirm under his body to open the scoring. You can only imagine what he felt when it happened, although to his credit he did make a terrific save shortly afterwards. All told though, Birmingham deserved the win and Villa remain a long way from a side looking for a European place. Just two things though. Firstly, how could Villa have zero shots on target when Solano's free kick was tipped onto the post? And secondly, that ice cream was delicious having decided to go up after the game!

By contrast, the Merseyside derby was riveting viewing after the opening twenty minutes and will be remembered by me at least, for Milan Baros. Now I like the Czech striker as a player, however two dreadful misses whilst one on one and then a knee high tackle that saw him sent off has blotted him copybook somewhat, although it shouldn't really detract from an entertaining game. Of course, what the 2-1 win does do is open up that fourth place in the league with Liverpool now just four points adrift and a further four clubs still in with a realistic chance themselves. Equally, at the bottom with Southampton winning at Middlesbrough, the relegation dog fight is wide open as well. Hold on as the end of the season looks like it could be dramatic after all. What a shame that the Easter programme is taken up by internationals!!

Monday 21st March 2005
"I tell you somebody's fooling around with my chances on the danger line. I'll cross that bridge when I find it." (Song)
The Reflex - Duran Duran: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

During the qualifiers for Euro 2004, Azerbaijan managed just one win. Against which nation?

It's an international week coming up with England at home to the might of Northern Ireland and Azerbaijan, so in advance, here's what will happen prior to the game and after as regards the sports pages. The Sun will doubtless print a `ten things you didn't know about Azerbaijan` as well as running a text message service asking for comments on the performance against Northern Ireland. Topics will include: Why did Heskey start? How did England manage to play so poorly (despite winning 3-0) and Did Eriksson really learn anything from those friendlies. The Azerbaijan aftermath will be worse, including a major inquest into why Michael Owen missed two sitters with England 2-0 up and a poll to see whether Eriksson should quit after such a dismal display against a nation ranked miles below England. In short, England will win both games with sweat to spare, but no-one will be happy about it. This all on past experience...!

Due to circumstances beyond my control, the diary is taking a break until Monday 28th March 2005

Monday 28th March 2005
"We have always had a gentle understanding with the creatures that live in the woods." (Film)
The Village: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Who was Northerm Ireland's manager during the 1982 World Cup Finals?
Billy Bingham: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Football wise, the Easter weekend was always the time when promotion, relegation and Championships took their proper shape. A rash of games in a short space of time might not have been good for the clubs, but it was exciting for the fans, many of whom are off work and happy to go along to games. Sadly, the internationals ruined all of that....

As expected, England saw off Northern Ireland with ease and I was only one goal out in my prediction! Of course, muggins here decided that having watched the goalless first half, I switch over to Sky and try the second half of the Wales-Austria clash. Wasn't that a great idea as England went goal crazy with four in sixteen minutes whilst I waited until the final eight minutes in Cardiff for the Welsh to self destruct. So whilst the praise was piled onto England, and in patricular Joe Cole, the inquests begin for Wales who once again will fail to qualify for a major tournament. Did they miss Robbie Savage? Why Craig Bellamy non-existant for the majority of the second half? And why did Robert Earnshaw - on a high after hitting a hat trick a week ago - only get 15 minutes as a sub?

So as England shone and Wales flopped, my own Scotland side were beaten in Italy, although a 2-0 loss wasn't half as bad as I'd feared. The days of qualifying for almost every finals (and then having a mare) have sadly gone for Scotland and it's really a matter of getting a respected boss in to try and reverse the current downward spiral. Hopefully Walter Smith will be that man.

Finally to the Republic who must wonder what they did wrong in Israel. A goal up for 86 minutes and rarely in danger, only to concede a stoppage time goal struck from all of 30 yards! Yes, they'd have taken a draw beforehand, but it probably felt like a defeat on the way home. Other results meant that three nations are all on nine points at the top of the group. Now that's tight!

Tuesday 29th March 2005
"Box of balloons with the featherlite touch. Pack of party poppers that pop in the night." (Song)
House Of Fun - Madness: Correctly answered by Kirstymd & Helen Lloyd

Which FA Cup winning manager has been Carlisle boss on three seperate occasions?
Bob Stokoe: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Watching the Carlisle v Halifax game yesterday evening was akin to one of those arty-farty flims where much is expected, yet you have to wait an hour and a half for something worth talking about, but then when it happened, it was weird and totally unexpected! The incident came just on the 90th minute and involved visiting keeper Ian Dunbavin and Carlisle forward Glenn Murray who clashed and had a mini-spate of `handbags`. The ref shrugged it off and clearly waved play on, however the keeper believed that a free kick had been awarded and carried the ball out of his area! Naturally the ref blew for handball, at which point the keeper made his biggest mistake and released the ball! The Carlisle forward was alert enough to place the ball down, pass to team mate Magno Vieira who tapped into an empty net with the keeper - and now his team mates - protesting! Remarkable stuff and one for end-of-season goof DVDs everywhere!

Wednesday 30th March 2005
"She's got a cousin. In fact she's got about a dozen. She's got one in the oven, but it's nothing to do with me." (Song)
She's Electric - Oasis: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

In May 1964, England scored ten goals away to which nation?

What a shrewd move from Sven Goran Eriksson ahead of tonight's game against the might of Aerbaijan when he stated that three points and a decent display was top priority rather than a goal blitz. In one fell swoop, not only has he tried to take the pressure off of the players, but also tried to the media aware that a cricket score should not be expected. The problems with this began on Saturday when Poland demolished Azerbaijan 8-0, sparking the algebraic equation that England are better than the Poles, therefore they should get double figures against the Eastern Europeans tonight! Of course, football doesn't work that way and it made me smile yesterday in the Sun when they went on about the record England score of 13-0 being beaten! Maybe Owen, Rooney and Co will have a field day and score goals galore, but that should be treated as a bonus and not as something that's expected. Oh, and what else was in the paper yesterday? Ten Things You Need To Know About Azerbaijan!! What did I tell you!!

Anyone in their teens around the early to mid 80s must surely remember The Young Ones. Students Rik, Vyvyan, Neil and Mike causing mayhem in and around their delapidated digs made for absolutely essential viewing at the time and I for one taped (Yes, we had a video!!) all except the first episode and watched them over and over, often bursting into various quotes from the series in conversation (sad eh!). It was radically different from the `Last of the Summer Wine` type of comedies that we were all used to and was rude, crude, totally illogical and hated by anyone above the age of 25. As time passed though, I'd largely forgotten about it until recently when my mother came across a DVD of series one and bought it! Now, my daughter is hooked and scouring the Internet for info and details on the series, not to mention following in my footsteps and cracking off quotes left, right and centre. So, altogether now, "Well there's a horrible farty smell in here and it's certainly not from MY bottom!" - "We sow the seeds, nature grows the seeds...." - "This is a friend of mine called Mike, this is a friend of mine called Neil and this is a complete ba**ard that I know called Rik!" And yes, I do still find it funny!

Thursday 31st March 2005
"Well, I had a black cat walk over a broken mirror under the lunar module ladder and nothing bad's happened yet." (Film)
Apollo 13: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

Against which nation did Wayne Rooney become England's youngest ever goalscorer in Sept 2003?
Macedonia: Correctly answered by Helen Lloyd

It's tricky to know where to begin after England's 2-0 win over Azerbaijan last night, so lets start with the plus points. It was a decent performance and with a little more luck, they could have easily grabbed half a dozen goals. Equally, it's a win and three points, inching England nearer what surely will be an inevitable trip to Germany in the summer of 2006. Also no major injuries for the various clubs to concern themselves with after two matches which saw two clean sheets. That said....the England defence did look creaky on a couple of occasions (or maybe they were simply bored!) and Azerbaijan had two glorious chances, one at 0-0 and another at 2-0 and had it been a better quality striker, then one or both could well have been put away. Michael Owen also looks rusty and missed a couple of very good chances. His suspension for the next game could well be a blessing in disguise as he seems to be suffering from not having played as much as he'd perhaps have hoped for Real Madrid. But overall, a win, a clean sheet and top of the group, surely you can't ask for much more...?

Something struck me yesterday whilst watching the game. Remember back in WC2002 and Euro 2004 when every man, wife and pet seemed to be wearing an England top and waving a mini St George's Flag from their cars? Where are they now? Surely if England fail in the qualifiers, then they won't even make the Finals, so the support is needed throughout and not just when they get to the finals. Most fans know the answer which is quite simply that the bandwagon jumpers probably don't even know that the qualifiers are taking place. Perhaps we'll ask them this time next year when World Cup fever starts up again.

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