Views From The Armchair

"Views From The `Footiemad` Armchair
Diary Of A Season March 2004

Monday 1st March 2004
"Looking out a dirty old window. Down below the cars in the city go rushing by." (Song)

Which London based club had the lowest average attendance figures in the Prem last season (02-03)?

With the laws on loaning players changed this season to allow Prem clubs to loan to each other, there seems to be very little consistancy between what is allowed and what isn't when the two appropriate clubs meet. In truth, it's nothing to do with the FA or Premier League and has been left to the two clubs to sort it out between them. For example, Jermaine Pennant has been with Leeds all season from Arsenal, yet the Gunners wouldn't allow him to play for us against them in the FA Cup back in January. On the flip side, Maik Taylor played for Birmingham against his employers, Fulham, earlier this season and if memory serves me, conceded a first minute goal in a 2-2 draw. Yesterday though, the realisation that pitting a loaned out player against an employer may not be the best idea surely must have hit Newcastle like a lead balloon. They were a goal up at Portsmouth with a minute left when Lomana Lua-Lua, on loan from Newcastle, struck an equaliser! Talk about biting the hand that feeds you! Expect to see less loanies against employers in future after that!

I didn't stay up to watch the Oscars last night as (a) the time difference meant that it didnt begin until midnight our time and (b) I can only stand so much self-congratulation and back-slapping in a short space of time! Lord of the Rings Part 3 swept the board ultimately and although I've not seen any of the trilogy due to Fantasy type films not really being my cup of tea, you have to admire all involved in the project for putting together something so visually stunning that few, if any, people I've spoken to that have seen it, actually dislike it. Director Peter Jackson is an interesting character as well and having seen some of his early films, it's absolutely astonishing that he's made it to the top of his profession with such blockbusters as the LOTR trio. He used to specialise in gross-out horror flicks and among my dusty collection of films on video are Bad Taste and Brain Dead, neither of which should be watched after eating! I see from the IMDB that his next project is another re-make of King Kong. Now that should be really something and will hopefully wipe out the memory of the 1976 version!

Tuesday 2nd March 2004
"A wild ride, over stony ground. Such a lust for life, the circus comes to town. We are the hungry ones, on a lightning raid." (Song)
Animal - Def Leppard: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

From 1984 to 1987 which club were involved in every Charity Shield, winning three and drawing one?

Big football news today is that Chelsea have confirmed the signing of PSV youngster Arjen Robben for something in the region of �12m. Many of the back pages focused on the apparent fact that he looked likely to join Man United only they didn't offer the asking price whilst Chelsea did and the rest is history, however whether it was quite as straight forward as that is anyone's guess and, if anything, maintains my belief that Mr Joe Public only hears the tip of the iceberg as regards transfers. We find out that Player X has joined Team Y for so-many-millions-of-pounds and for a contact lasting Z years. We don't hear about the boring talks and connections that got club and player together, whether legal or otherwise and I'd be surprised if players looking to sign for one club and then joining another isn't fairly commonplace. After all, we looked set to sign Kleberson last summer until Man United poked their noses in and equally we did likewise around 1996-ish when Nigel Martyn was close to joining Everton and signed for Leeds instead, although ironically he still ended up at Goodison! Nope, football fans are simple folk who want `the bottom line` each and every time. What went before that is perhaps best left under wraps.

Staying with Chelsea (sorry!), it appears that Joe Cole is a little disconcerted at not being able to tie down a regular first team spot. With all due respect, that is always likely to be the case when a player joins a `big` club from a `smaller` one, especially the way that the Blues were splashing the cash last summer. Whilst his agent maintains that all is well with Cole's World, there is usually no smoke without fire and with Euro 2004 up and coming fast, he is probably concerned that Eriksson will forget him as he makes bit part appearances for the final ten minutes of games. Whether he makes that final squad for Portugal depends on many factors, however it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he does leave Stamford Bridge in the summer for a club where regular football is more obtainable. Assuming a return to West Ham isn't on the cards, then I wonder if Charlton would be prepared to take a risk, especially after the departure of Scott Parker! Now, where did he go again?

Wednesday 3rd March 2004
"I picked you out, I shook you up, and turned you around. Turned you into someone new." (Song)
Don't You Want Me - Human League: Correctly answered by Jinder Singh

What dubious honour do Kevin Keegan, Kevin Moran, Paul Scholes, Justin Edinburgh and Lee Dixon (among others!) all hold?
All have been sent off at Wembley: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

I guess we've all made various threats to others at one time or another, whether it's as kids in the playground or an over-heated argument after a little too much to drink (the former in my case I should add!) but in general these are meant as a show of bravado rather than a blatant threat to actually carry it out. With that in mind, it takes a certain type of individual to send death threats to a football manager and then remain totally anonymous. Liverpool boss Gerard Holier had such a threat through the post after the recent defeat in the FA Cup at Portsmouth, threatening death unless he resigned as boss, and quite rightly, the details were passed onto the police for further investigation and I'm sure that I speak for most people when I state that I hope a prosecution is forthcoming. Regardless of whether the sender was a Liverpool fan or a fan of another club looking to stir matters up, this is clearly something that shouldnt be taken lightly and you can do nothing but admire Holier for continuing, especially when you consider his very serious heart problems of a couple of years ago. So yes, it does take a certain type of person to make such threats - cowardly and sick are the obvious descriptions.

After a hectic couple of hours yesterday afternoon, we (or our daughter primarily) decided that tea would be better in the local cafe rather than waiting for it to be cooked at home. The cafe in question is actually part of a Fish and Chip shop and is very good value for a decent meal, however when we arrived, one of the tables was taken up by four children, two of which were easily under five and the other pair were not much older. The parents were on another nearby table, but in truth did little to stop these little brats from shouting, crying, hitting each other and general getting in training to be a future football hooligan. I sat with my back to them and when we were about halfway through our tea, things suddenly took a turn for the better when they left. So, I nudged my daughter and said, "Shall we sing a song to celebrate?" and promptly burst into a version of Bjork's, "It's Oh So Quiet!". Unknown to me, they'd only gone to the toilet whilst aforementioned parents were sat on the table directly behind me! Needless to say, I remained with my back to them!

Thursday 4th March 2004
"What is it with reporters? You take one person's tragedy and force the world to experience it - spread it like sickness." (Film)

From which club did Boudewijn Zenden join Chelsea?
Barcelona: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Back in the 70s and 80s when Liverpool were a massive European force to be reckoned with, invariably their tact away from home was to silence the crowd with a spell of possession football which would equally frustrate the opponents. Their modern day counterparts were also expected to try and silence the Sofia crowd yesterday, however the up-to-date equivilent was a two goal burst in the opening eleven minutes. Hardly subtle, but bloody effective and it ultimately killed the tie off, although not the game thankfully. Indeed by half time, the Bulgarians had pulled it back to 2-2 (although still effectively three goals down overall) only for Liverpool to re-take the lead on the interval. The second half was really going through the motions as Liverpool added another, however they still look a similar type of team that I witnessed against Leeds on Sunday - awesome going forward and now Owen is back among the goals, expect more to follow, yet somewhat ricketty and loose at the back. The pairing of Henchoz and Hyypia used to be as solid as a rock, but now seems suseptible to pace and high balls, which is not ideal for centre-backs! That said, I wouldnt bet against seeing Liverpool in the final again.

Congrats also go to Newcastle and Celtic, both of whom are also in the last 16 of the UEFA Cup, although unlike Liverpool, they are not seeded and could face a tougher draw than their Anfield counterparts.

What a difference four days makes - Part 374! Having won silverware for the first time in their 128 year history on Sunday, Middlesbrough crashed back down to earth with a bang last night, losing 3-1 in the league at Birmingham, who at this rate, could join Boro in the UEFA Cup next season! As a sub-plot though, the `highs` and `lows` of the game were very evident for Boudewijn Zenden, who aside from having one of the more difficult christian names to type (no wonder they call him Bolo!), went from scoring the winning penalty on Sunday, albeit with a little help from a bend of the rules, to being sent off late on last night! Further proof that this wonderful game really can flip your fortunes within a short space of time.

Friday 5th March 2004
"I feel it more then ever. And in this perfect weather. We'll find a place together. Fly on my wing." (Song)

Who was the Reading goalkeeper who didn't concede a goal for 1103 minutes between March and August 1979?

Shame Of Soccer (con't)! As much as I dislike the Daily Mail, their headline today summed up the situation perfectly. To normal, sane-minded people, it almost defies belief that any man, not least one in the public eye, would want to get involved in the sort of allegations aimed at six Leicester players yesterday as regards them apparently breaking into a hotel room and `roasting` (sexually assaulting) three women. Now, no-one wants to hang the six involved before they've had any kind of fair hearing and it's worth considering that all have protested their innocence, however you could equally argue that there's no smoke without fire and, to use another cliche, mud sticks! What stunned me was the age of the players involved. They were NOT youth players or teenagers who had too much to drink, they are all old enough to know better with most in their 30s and the youngest aged 28! Whatever the outcome of this latest unsavoury episode, it has cut another chink of the good name that football used to have. But will they learn? I doubt it? It's just a matter of when and who the next headline will be about. Very sad indeed.

On a somewhat lighter note, my quest to give up chocolate for Lent is going well and after nine days I've not missed it to any great extent. Okay, so this is hardly David Blaine territory that I've entered, but things could be made a little easier if my wife could remember the fact that I'm no longer eating chocs. Last week, admittedly only a couple of days in, she came back from a day out in Bath with a bag of sweets for me - chocolate eclairs! Under normal circumstances I'd have been delighted, however the fact that I have to wait until Easter to touch them took the edge off! Not content with that, the following day whislt watching our daughter at swimming lessons, my wife went to the vending machine and brought back a Drifter bar (two sticks, both chocolate!) for us to share, before realising her error of judgement. So far this week things had returned to normal, however I'm still undecided whether she'd doing it on purpose to try and make me `crack`, or if she desperately needs memory recall lessons!

Saturday 6th March 2004
"They said it was a million dollar wound, but the army must keep that money 'cause I still haven't seen a nickel of that million dollars." (Film)
Forrest Gump: Correctly answered by Peanutsfan

Which Man United player was sent off in two different FA Cup Semi-Finals in the 90s?
Roy Keane (95 v Palace, 99 v Arsenal): Correctly answered by Jinder Singh

Two all-Premiership clashes today in the FA Cup and both went as expected, although the performances were a little differing to say the least. Man United had the early kick off for the second round in a row and promptly made hard work of seeing off Fulham at Old Trafford. Okay, they'd not beaten the London side in two previous attempts this season and they were playing with a makeshift back-four, however at present, United are not sparking in the way that we know they can and whilst you could argue that their line-up was under-strength due to injuries and suspensions, it was still surely good enough to see off most top flight clubs. That said, some credit to Fulham who weren't backward at coming forward and also joined the rare rank of club who have not only been awarded a penalty at Old Trafford, but also scored it! Finally on this game, two goals for Ruud van Nistelrooy who was left out last week and showed his displeasure in an interview toward the end of the week. His return today would have been exactly what Sir Alex would have hoped for as he clearly enjoys playing the mind games with his players as well.

It seems inevitable to me that United will face Arsenal in the FA Cup this season. Following the Gunners 5-1 hammering of Portsmouth at Fratton Park tonight, it is guaranteed that they'll either play each other in the semi's or meet a lower league club, meaning that they'll meet in the final barring a major shock! Arsenal were awesome and could easily have had more than their five goals and if they end the season trophyless, I'll eat my mouse (PC version, so don't panic rodent fans!!). Credit again to their hosts though as they hit the woodwork twice in the second half, although Yakubu's header off the underside of the bar looked in at first glance and thanks to the BBC showing just one replay, we never got to see how close it was as the cameraman missing the bounce onto the goal-line! Equally, the home fans were brilliant and kept singing right through until the end and apparently gave the likes of Henry and Ljungberg a standing ovation when they were subbed...or maybe they were just happy to see the back of them!

Lastly, a quick word on Birmingham who've won the only Prem game today 2-0 against Bolton to move into fifth place and are only kept out of a Champions League spot on goal difference. The battle for that fourth place is really hotting up, as is the fight for Europe and Birmingham are right in there. Won't that be a sight to behold - Robbie Savage in the UEFA Cup or even the Champions League next season!

Sunday 7th March 2004
"If you hate me, I will show you, how to break me into something new." (Song)
Round Round - Sugababes: Correctly answered by Kirsty

When Sunderland last reached the FA Cup Final in 1992, which club did they knock out in the semi-finals?

Today's FA Cup quarter-finals lacked a certain something that we witnessed in the two yesterday and I can't put my finger on exactly what it was. Obviously all four clubs involved were from outside the Prem and apart from the lack of goals (one in two games) neither game quite seemed to have the feel of a cup tie about it. Maybe I'm being a little harsh on the Sunderland game against Sheffield United, but I'll come to that in a sec, however the Millwall-Tranmere game could have easily been a third round clash or even a league game had you not known differently. Maybe it was nerves, but the second half (I missed the first due to Celtic v Rangers on Sky!) rarely got above `average` and only really the penalty miss gave the neutral anything to get excited about. With that being the only game drawn, the replay is likely to be televised, so hopefully it'll be a better encounter.

As for Sunderland's win over Sheffield United, yes it was nail-biting near the end and the images of the home fans were a sight to behold as they practically begged for the final whistle. Equally, United improved in the second half and battered the home defence throughout, but just how many shots did Mart Poom have to save? I can recall one from Jagielka early in the half from close range, but little else. Just how many shots skimmed just wide or just over, or were blocked on the line? Yes it was dramatic late on but aside from Sunderland fans, the video is unlikely to get another airing and certainly won't appear on FA Cup Classics. That said, congrats to Sunderland, who have gone from zeroes to heroes, especially recalling their dreadful start when they set records for successive defeats or games without a win. Now they are a game away from the FA Cup Final - and should they draw Millwall or Tranmere, it's a very real prospect - and on the verge of a play off place as regards a return to thr Premiership. In some respects, football can change quickly.

Monday 8th March 2004
"From now on, you'll have to refer to me as 'Sid - Lord of the Flame'." - "Hey, Lord of the Flame, your tail's on fire." (Film)
Ice Age: Correctly answered by kirstymd

Rangers only lost three league games last season (02-03). Two were against Celtic, who was the other against?

Although it's the shortest draw of the season, the semi-finals are arguably the most important and today's FA Cup SF draw was no exception. The pairing of Man United and Arsenal not only ruled out the chance of a so-called Dream Final, it also guaranteed a place in the final for a club outside the top flight for the first time in 12 years, although ironically back in 1992 it was Sunderland who are still in with a chance this time! The FA have also confirmed that the finalist WILL take part in the UEFA Cup next season, even if they are still in the first division as MU and Arsenal are practically assured of a spot in Europe via the league. Ultimately we could end up with one of the most one-sided finals in history and I daresay the killjoys will soon pour cold water on the FA Cup with that very tact. However, one small piece of reasoning here. That is what everyone said in 1973, 1976 and 1980 and each time a club from the lower leagues beat a big club! Could 2004 be the year that it happens again? Finally, can you imagine the execs at Sky and the BBC now! Both falling over themselves to win the rights to cover the MU-Arse semi-final and, more to the point, wonder how to build the other game up if they are stumped with it!

According to experts at something called Aziz Corporation, the use of email and text messages is killing the art of conversation, or as they put it, "While many of these new innovations can enhance a clever, well thought-out and articulate presentation, they cannot replace the ability to speak and write passionately and with absolute clarity." Okay, to an extent, I'm inclined to agree with much of what's been stated, especially when you see some teenagers these days who seem to talk with almost neanderthal-like clarity meaning that you have to continually ask them to repeat themselves in the hope that you can eventually pick out a word or two, although ironically when speaking to each other in the same `language`, they all seem to understand fully! I'm convinved it's a `teen-langauge` designed to annoy adults and derived from somewhere between English and Ape. However, I digress and going back to the original point made, I'm not one of these who spends ages texting and then rushing to grab the mobile when someone texts back, in fact I'd be struggling to remember sending more than a dozen texts in the last year or so, which perhaps puts me at a slight disadvantage as regards modern communiaction. One final thought though - there's an ad doing the rounds at the moment for one of the phone companies (Three?) who make the point that their texts are so cheap, you can afford to use them anywhere, cue images of a pair in a cafe when one texts the other to pass the sauce and a couple at home when the man, who is vacuuming, texts the lady asking her to lift her feet up, despite on both occasions standing or sitting within easy eye-contact. Okay, so this is a bit over-the-top, but how long before it DOES become commonplace?

Tuesday 9th March 2004
"Show me round your fruitcage 'cos I will be your honey bee, Open up your fruitcage, where the fruit is as sweet as can be." (Song)

Who were the opponents the last time that Man United LOST an FA Cup Semi-Final?

It had to happen sooner or later and in truth, the only surprise is that it doesn't occur more often. What am I talking about you may ask? Goalkeepers trying to score a late equaliser for their side from a last minute set piece and being caught out when the ball is cleared! It happened as a perfect example in last nights live Conference game between high flying Shrewsbury and lowly Leigh RMI. The on-loan Leigh keeper, whose name totally escapes me, went up for a corner with his side losing 2-1 and as the ball was cleared, it fell to Shrewsbury's Banim near the half way line who got it under control and found enough power and accuracy to find the back of the totally empty net as keeper and defender desperately tried to get back. As I said, the only strange thing is that it doesn't happen very often and by sheer law of averages, it should! Having seen this happen though, I wonder how many keepers will think twice over the next few days about going up for a late set-piece, although hopefully it won't be many as it simply adds to the late excitement in my opinion and is probably a risk worth taking as you may as well lose by two goals trying as lose by one and go down with a whimper.

I don't often give clues this early to a trivia question, but when today's occurred to me, I must admit that I had to look it up as I couldnt recall when it last happened and couldn't remember United actually losing an FA Cup semi in recent years. Well, that's because they havent lost one since I became interested in The Beautiful Game around 28 years ago and, more to the point, on the two recent occasions that they've faced Arsenal, they've overcome setbacks to win. In 1983 if memory serves me, they came from behind to win 2-1 AND go on to win the Cup, then in 1999 they had a perfectly good goal disallowed in the first game, had Roy Keane sent off in the replay AND survived a stoppage time penalty which would have knocked them out, denying them the treble and domestic double. They went on to win thanks to `that` Ryan Giggs goal and of course, won the final. You want more proof? Okay, both 1983 and 1999 semi's were not only against Arsenal, but also staged at Villa Park - where the 2004 vintage will also be staged. The omens are there. Get your money on Man United to win the FA Cup this year!

Wednesday 10th March 2004
"I have done this approach two hundred and thirteen times on the simulator. We are NOT where we should be." (Film)

Which two Serie A clubs did Man United famously beat in the knock out stages to reach in 1999 Champions League Final?
Inter Milan and Juventus: Correctly answered by Jinder Singh

If I were a Man United fan this morning, I'd be totally and utterly pi**ed off! Losing in the Champions League is bad enough, but losing to a last minute goal doubles the agony, especially when you consider everything else. In truth, despite needing just one goal to go through, Porto rarely threatened after Paul Scholes levelled the overall scores last night. Okay, they had occasion efforts which were off target, but Tim Howard was hardly bouncing around his goal like Zebedee on acid and you could hardly say that the United defence were struggling despite the possession enjoyed by the visitors. Equally, it's a bitter pill to swallow when you look at how long each side were ahead in the overall context of the two legs. United (including time when they were ahead on away goals) led for 121 minutes, whilst Porto were ahead for 43 plus stoppage time last night! But wait, the pill becomes more bitter when you look at Scholes' goal which was disallowed last night, despite being clearly onside, not to mention the fact that Porto have seemingly perfected the art of manipulating the match officials with over-reactions and simulation (diving to you and me). They did it in the UEFA Cup Final last year and the first leg a fortnight ago, not to mention last night and it's at best frustrating and at worst, cheating. United missed Roy Keane and were miles away from the free-flowing side that we've seen in Europe and domestically many times in the past and why they didn't push forward a little more to try and kill the game off last night is beyond me and with the benefit of hindsight, maybe lessons have been learned. But then hindsight is such a powerful tool! You may detect that this Leeds fan is showing some sympathy towards Man United's CL exit - and you'd be right! Whilst I freely admit that seeing them win the trophy would hurt, I'd rather they were through to the next round than Porto and, like the United fan captured by ITV as that late equaliser went it, mouthing, "I don't f***ing believe that!", I feel that an injustice was done last night.

Equally whilst the nation - or some of it - mourns the loss of Man United from the 2003-4 Champions League, it's refreshing to see that Italy also lost a team yesterday (Juve) as did Spain (Real Sociedad), leaving the quarter-finals wide open, especially with the loss of either Real Madrid or Bayern Munich later today. Equally refreshing, although United fans may not see it that way, is that Chelsea eased through, albeit unconcinvingly, whilst barring a massive screw up, Arsenal should also continue to fly the flag. It's that as much as anything which may wrangle with United, especially the fans, and especially if either of the London giants go on to the Final and even win it! Now, as far as the United supporters are concerned, that would be the bitterest pill of all to try and cope with.

Thursday 11th March 2004
"All you know is when I'm with you I make you free and swim through your viens like a fish in the sea." (Song)

In last season's Champions League, which club drew five of their six games in the second group stage?

The best word I could probably use to describe Arsenal's win over Celta Vigo last night would be `Professional`. In truth, the hard work was done in Spain a fortnight ago and, as I said yesterday, barring a total balls-up, Arsenal had to go through the motions at Highbury and that's exactly what they did. Almost fifteen minutes to get into the game, then two goals in twenty minutes before going back to cruise control for the remainder of the match and who can blame them? Three goals ahead overall, their defence remained secure whilst there was no over-stretching of resources going forward and the foot was firmly off the pedal as they looked forward to the next Premiership encounter on Saturday against Blackburn. Bookies are apparently making the Gunners joint favourites for the Champions League with Real Madrid (what odds on them drawing each other in tomorrow's draw??) and that is pretty accurate. One thing's for sure, in recent years, Arsenal have surely never had a better chance of being Europe's top dogs, especially with Man United and Bayern Munich out.

I had to have a series of x-rays on a long standing kidney problem today and, as preparation, I had to strip off (in a cubicle obviously!) and put on one of those green hospital gowns, similar to the ones worn by surgeons which tie up at the back! Now, whilst there was a mirror in the room, I can assure you that tying these things into something that will (a) NOT untie at an awkward moment and (b) will NOT jam itself into a knot which is totally untieable, is not easy. I was twisting my arms around my back like someone who had an itch just out of reach and wondering whether to tie it and hope it didn't come undone or jam it and run the risk of not being able to get it off again later! Ultimately it was a combination of the two, however that didn't solve the other problem! These gowns are in one size only, made to fit even the biggest of the human race, which leaves me, at somewhere around average, as wearing something akin to a tent which almost wrapped around me twice! Indeed when trying to walk, a sudden breeze made me realise that only the top half had a tie on it and the bottom section was flapping around like flags on a flagpole. Just over an hour later, I'd perfected the art of wrapping it around and holding it so my bum wasn't visible for the world and his wife, whilst holding a green bag full up with my clothes, coat and novel! So, if any designers are reading, perhaps different sizes would be an idea. Oh, and how about using Velcro as we are not all contortionists!

Friday 12th March 2004
"They took all the trees and put them in a tree museum and they charged all the people a dollar and a half to see 'em." (Song)
Big Yellow Taxi - Joni Mitchell: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Last season (02-03) when Arsenal beat Chelsea 3-2 on New Years Day, which Gunner scored his only league goal of that season?
Giovanni van Bronckhorst: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

As occurred a couple of weeks ago, the second half of last night's UEFA Cup games clashed with `24` on Sky One, and whilst I'd probably have gone for the latter anyway, watching the first half of the Newcastle game and part of the Liverpool clash certainly made up my mind for me! Both were absolutely dire to the extent that Newcastle were partially jeered off at the break by their own fans. Clearly it did the trick as, whilst I revelled in Jack Bauer and the rest of the CTU doing their bit, Newcastle went a goal behind against Real Mallorca and then went ballistic, scoring four times in seventeen minutes to give themselves a comfortable buffer for the second leg. Liverpool weren't so clever, despite going a goal up against Marseille, they were held to a draw and face a tricky second leg if they are to progress. Pride of place though goes to Celtic who beat Barcelona 1-0 in a game which saw three red cards. Barca have been going great guns lately and it's to Celtic's credit that they take a narrow lead to the Nou Camp, although their away record is as bad as their home is good, so it's certainly not all cut and dried yet. Incidentally, Celtic are now unbeaten in all competitions at home for 74 games!! Sensational record despite the quality of the domestic league!

To win the best competitions, you have to beat the best clubs and today's Champions League draw which pitted the two English clubs against each other has proved that old adage perfectly. Okay, so whilst it's not ideal to have Chelsea and Arsenal up against each other, it does guarantee at least one Prem club in the last four where they will face Real Madrid, assuming the Spaniards beat Monaco of course. The two `Battle of the Prem` games should be absolutely superb as Chelsea will be anxious to get revenge on the Gunners for the FA Cup defeats over the last four seasons, whilst Arsenal are likely to still be gunning for the treble (certainly for the first leg anyway which is before the FA Cup SF's) and won't want to go out to a fellow Prem side. It all bodes for a football spectacular as both clubs like to attack and games between them are rarely dull affairs. Personally I can't wait!!

Saturday 13th March 2004
"You keep your distance with a system of touch and gentle persuasion. I�m lost in admiration could I need you this much." (Song)

Between his time at Arsenal and Fulham, Luis Boa Morte spent a brief spell at which other Premiership club?

At around 4:30pm this afternoon, the words, from Soccer Saturday's anchorman Jeff Stelling, cut like a knife. "It's a body blow for Leeds!" How bloody right that was as Fulham went a goal ahead at Loftus Road against us late on. A second followed ten minutes later and despite a good performance, we'd lost for the first time in four games. That was only half the story in truth as Leicester won at Birmingham to lift themselves out of the drop zone and leave us a good four points from safety. Portsmouth losing at Everton helped and hopefully Villa can do us a favour against Wolves tomorrow, however it does feel as though we've taken another step nearer playing Millwall and Cardiff next season, a thought which will have the South Wales and East London police forces quivering already! Of course, there remains hope and with five home games left - four of which are against clubs down there with us - we are not dead and buried yet, however the fat lady is beginning to clear her throat I fear.

The Arsenal machine keeps on going and victory at Blackburn today puts them on 28 games unbeaten from the start of a season, just one behind the record held by Leeds (yes, really!) 30 years ago and Liverpool fourteen years later. Avoiding defeat at home to Bolton next week will equal it and, irony upon irony, to beat it they need to do the same against Man United the following weekend! Whilst I am too young (just!) to remember the Leeds run, I can clearly remember the Liverpool run which was ended, again ironically, by Everton and back then in the late 80s, Liverpool looked capable of going the entire campaign unbeaten and you begin to feel the same about Arsenal this season. Today's game against Blackburn looked dodgy as Rovers did the double over them last season and if you look at the remaining fixtures, apart from the Man United game, only Spurs and Newcastle away look tricky enough to lose, although Liverpool have a decent record at Highbury so who knows? It would be an amazing achievement if they manage it though and a fitting testiment to the squad which Arsene Wenger has got together.

Going back to Jeff Stelling, he also had a poor afternoon with his own club as Hartlepool collapsed in the second half to lose 4-1 at home to QPR. When the fourth goal flashed up, he simply stared at the camera and delivered deadpan, "I guess this is a good time for a break to compose ourselves!" Cue the commercials.

Another good quote came from reporter Paul Hutton who was at the Watford v Sheffield United game. As the went to him to hear about the opening goal in the 42nd minute, he stated, "Boy, did this tedious load of rubbish need it!" Tell it like it is eh!!

Finally with all the talk of Leicester's problems in La Manga this week, it's worth noting that Burnley also went on a mini break to Spain, however whilst the Foxes returned with problems galore and won 1-0, Burnley returned a little too relaxed and promptly lost 4-0 at Coventry. Clearly a break isn't always a good thing!

Sunday 14th March 2004
"Is it getting better or do you feel the same? Will it make it easier on you now you got someone to blame?" (Song)

When Man United lost 5-1 to Man City in Sept 1989, one United player that day is still playing Premiership football. Who?
Paul Ince: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

What a remarkable day in the Prem today! After yesterday when goals were at a premium, they rained in today at The City of Manchester Stadium when the 130th league derby between City and United ended with City's biggest win over their rivals since 1989. Come May, this could be the day that United's title challenge finally ended and with them now a full 12 points behind Arsenal, it's going to take something akin to a Lazarus style comeback for the title to go to Old Trafford this season. To be fair, they looked the better side for the majority of the time before half time, despite going 2-0 down, however after the break, they looked predictable and routine and very un-Man United like. Maybe this is a transition season for United, but they don't seem able to really attack teams like they used to and really pummel them into submission which can only be good for the rest of the league. On a personal level, as much as I like to see them screw up, today's defeat was bitter-sweet with City one of our own relegation rivals, however you can bet your life that half the City of Manchester is rocking tonight whilst the remainder cries in their Boddington's. Oh, not forgetting the rest of the country as well of course.

I don't know what to make of Liverpool of late. They dominated for long spells today against Southampton, yet lost 2-0. They started with the likes of Owen, Kewell, Baros and Diouf, yet couldn't find the back of the net, although to be fair, Saints keeper Antti Niemi was in saprkling form. And what of Owen? A missed penalty against Portsmouth recently and another one today which would have put his side level and that's not to mention his close range shot against the post after Gerrard's shot was saved. Much like Man United, Liverpool are underachieving of late, although whilst United's run has only been over the last month or so, Liverpool's has lasted the best part of a decade and you can bet that, sooner or later, they'll be gunning for Gerard Houllier's head once again. Football is a fickle game. He's gone from zero (losing v Portsmouth) to hero (beating Sofia in Europe) and back again. They play two of the bottom three at home in the next seven days - that could ultimately be the straw that broke the Frenchman's back if things go wrong!

Monday 15th March 2004
"I haven't had a gun in my hands for many, many years. My eyes aren't what they used to be, even with the glasses. My hands shake. And I wouldn't want to miss." (Film)

Within the last ten years, which club has been managed by Gianluca Vialli, Graham Taylor and Glenn Roeder?
Watford: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

With the weekend out of the way and today being a fairly quiet days as regards football, it's worth looking back at an incident over the weekend which made amateur referees of us all and left us equally divided. I'm talking of course about Thierry Henry's `goal` against Blackburn which was disallowed. If you've not seen it, Blackburn keeper Brad Friedel went to drop kick the ball upfield, however as he released it into the air, Henry got his foot to it and tapped it into the empty net. The rules state that it's a foul if the keeper has control of the ball, however as it was airborne, this was not the case, leaving the only possibly explanation to be dangerous play. Okay, Henry's foot may have been high-ish, but dangerous? I'm not convinced. That said, whilst these sort of incidents continue to be ruled out, then it will discourage players from trying it, but just watch the floodgates open when one brave official decides to allow it!

Last week it was National No Smoking Day on the 10th and whilst it doesn't affect me in the slightest, I'm sure there were a few who had their conscience pricked and perhaps tried to quit the dreaded weed. Equally you can be certain that as far as many smokers are concerned, it might as well have been `Be Kind To Ants` day for all the notice they took. Whilst Government stats continue to tell us that smoking is on the downturn, other stats proved that it's still a multi-million pound business and that many will never give up despite the obvious health hazards. As an example, Leeds Uni decided to ban smoking from their bar a while ago to try and create a healthier atmosphere. They have now has to overturn the ban after their takings dropped by a massive �26,000!!! Twenty-six grand!! No wonder students moan that they never have any money! It all goes on booze and cigs!

Tuesday 16th March 2004
"Red from the night before the night before. Walked into the wrong bar walked into a door." (Song)
Old Red Eyes Is Back - The Beautiful South: Correctly answered by kirstymd

After Hartlepool famously beat Crystal Palace in the 1992-3 FA Cup third round, what record did they then set over their next 13 games in all competitions?
They didnt score a single goal! : Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

According to the back pages of today's tabloids, Man United are to have a mass clearout in the summer, akin to the one in the summer of 95, sparking Alan Hansen's infamous quote about `winning nothing with kids`. One paper says that Ryan Giggs, Nicky Butt and Diego Forlan will all be sold, whilst another claims that Roy Keane will retire and Ruud van Nistelrooy will join Real Madrid! Now, whatever the validity of the claims, many seem to be making the mistake of writing the club off - again! It's happened before and they've bounced back and I daresay that it'll happen again, but a wounded animal is never more dangerous than when it's vulnerable, so knock Man United at your peril. As for the players leaving, Butt and Forlan I could understand, especially as Butt almost left in January, however as for the other trio, I'd be very surprised if they were wearing a different shirt next season and can only assume that the headline writers were lost for a story today.

The Cheltenham Festival starts today and although I couldn't care less about horse racing usually, it's hard to avoid it as Cheltenham is less than two hours away from us and it seems that half of the town are going or putting bets on. In the shop, we quadrupled our Racing Post order for the duration and were still sold out before 9am today! Naturally, there are enough `experts` who come in and are willing to share their inside knowledge of the horses, courses and jockeys and by the end of the morning you could end up with a dozen different `hot-tips` and `dead-certs`, all of whom are potentially losers as well as winners, however one stood out this morning - Limerick Boy. My work colleague was born in Limerick and as it's St Patrick's Day tomorrow, we decided to have a fiver each-way bet between us (Last of the big spenders eh!) - I'll let you know how it went and whether the `experts` are worth listening to!

Speaking of headline writers, there was a great one in the Star today which stated, "Four Out Of Ten Pregancies Are Cock-Ups!" Brilliant, and I assume, intended play on words!

Stop Press! That `Hot Tip` from earlier - Limerick Boy - came in second....from last!! So much for the experts!

Wednesday 17th March 2004
"Dad, you're not gonna freak out like you did at the petting zoo, are you?" (Film)
Finding Nemo: Correctly answered by Kirsty

Millwall's record transfer fee received came from Liverpool in 1995 when they paid the London side �2.3m for which player?
Mark Kennedy: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

So Millwall are in the semi-finals of the FA Cup for the first time since 1937 when, trivia fans, they also played Sunderland, their opponents this time around. To be fair, they deserved their victory at Tranmere after dominating for long periods, especially in the first half, however it's a sad footballing fact that due to a lunatic fringe minority of their supporters, they are likely to be the most unpopular finalists since West Germany reached the 1982 World Cup Final, assuming they beat Sunderland of course. A few people have already mentioned that the thought of these fans in Europe, which they will be if they get to the final, is a frightening one and it remains a shame that a few should tarnish the good name of the rest. On the plus side though, wasn't it a great gesture by boss Dennis Wise last night who, having spotted a nine-year old Millwall supporting limping after he hurt his foot, offered the lad the chance to sit on the bench for the second half - a chance that he duly accepted and his face at full time said it all!

Our daughter has been learning about the Tudor era in recent months at school and one day last week they had a Tudor Day when they had the chance to go to school in period clothes and effectively spend a day as someone from that time. One of the `tasks` was when they were allocated a specific `job` and had to act it out for the rest of the class to guess. There were the usual ones, Barber, Butcher and so on and then our daughter explained that one boy had to do a `Hooker`! Naturally we wondered just what they was, especially as the obvious first thought was that of the oldest profession! With images of just how a nine or ten year old would act this out - not to mention us complaining to the school!! - our daughter clarified the situation somewhat by explaining that a Tudor Hooker was actually a petty thief. The name was earned due to the fact that he used to carry a long pole with a hook on the end, enabling him (or her!) to `hook` any objects out of their own reach! Thank goodness that was made clear!

Thursday 18th March 2004
"Loneliness was tough, the toughest role you ever played. Hollywood created a superstar and pain was the price you paid." (Song)
Candle In The Wind - Elton John: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins and Jeff Slater

Michael Owen scored on his Premiership debut at the end of the 96-97 season. Against which club?
Wimbledon: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

I've been watching quite a bit of Spanish football this season on a Saturday night, largely as it clashes with Casualty on BBC1 which I cannot stand but my wife loves! Much like the Prem, the games range from exciting to down-right dull, however you pays your money and takes your choice with football naturally. Last night, I watched the Spanish Cup Final between Real Madrid and rank outsiders Real Zaragoza and whilst it was a superb game with a twist in the tale, like many Spanish games, the enjoyment factor was lowered by pettyness. The constant supply of over-reacting, diving, petty fouls and trips and imaginary card waving is rife in Spain and whilst we see it to an extent in the UK, it's nothing compared to the frequency it happens over there. I went onto bed at 90 minutes with the scores level, however up to that point there'd been eleven yellow cards and one red - and hardly a bad tackle in the game! The ref was booking anyone and everyone as he struggled to tell a genuine injury from a real one and things clearly didn't improve in extra time as one more player was dismissed. Ultimately Zaragoza stunned their megarich counterparts with a 3-2 win, however while many will argue that La Liga is the best league in the world, I would refute that. They may be the best at certain things, but free-flowing, uninterupted football is not one of them. Or, and neither is fair play!

Since missing a penalty on Sunday, Michael Owen has been the latest star to hit the back page headlines for the wrong reasons. Don't get me wrong, it's nothing like the Leicester/La Manga farce, it's more a matter of how low he's been since missing a spot kick against Portsmouth in the FA Cup a few weeks ago and the media have taken full advantage by telling us that he's now missed ten of his twenty-three spot kicks, or to give the technical terms, couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo from twelve yards! I wonder how broad Owen's smile is this morning after he scored twice in the 3-0 win against Portsmouth at Anfield last night? The critics have had their footballing obituaries rammed squarely down their throats and it wouldn't surprise me if he went on a decent scoring run now. Ultimately, the writers knives will be out again when Owen misses another penalty or goes four games without a goal, however as they continue to erode away his confidence, they should remember that this summer, he may be asked to take a penalty for England in Euro 2004...maybe it's time for the English to get behind their players, although as the phrase goes, you need to get behind someone to enable you to stab them in the back.

Friday 19th March 2004
"Rock 'n roll and brew, rock 'n roll and brew. They don't mean a thing when I compare 'em next to you." (Song)

During the 70s, which player became the first to be substituted in successive FA Cup Finals?

So Rio Ferdinand fails in his appeal to have his drugs ban reduced, however the most remarkable thing about this entire situation is that his legal team are still considering further appeals. For goodness sake, there is obviously something that we aren't aware about as members of the public which ensured the ban stayed, so why push it further? Okay, he may get lucky and get it reduced, but equally likely is the fact that it could be extended, maybe even up to the maximum two years, so quit whilst you're only a little way behind and put it down to a bad experience which shouldn't be repeated. Doubtless the finger of blame will remain to be pointed at everyone and anyone but as said before, the bucked stopped with Rio and his club and if he cannot remember something as important as a drugs test, then maybe this is a lesson harshly learned. More likely is that today's top players are so bloody mollycoddled and pampered that they seemed to need reminding to do everything these days!

I've never seen the attraction of soap operas. The storylines are far-fetched, the acting hammy and the actors and actresses wooden. The time scale is so tight that mistakes and poor performances are tolerated to a point to ensure that everything is done on schedule. Equally, I could never get involved in watching EastEnders, Coro or Emmerdale as I'd then feel that I had to watch each episode just to keep up with things and, as they often end with a `Saturday Cinema Cliffhanger` moment, I'd soon feel the need to tune in. However, over the last six weeks, I've become hooked on something similar, although it's by no means a `soap`. When Sky scooped the rights to screen the third series of `24` on a Thursday night, I thought I'd give it a go, despite not having seen either of the first two series and now I'm thoroughly enjoying it to the extent that everything else gets put on hold at 9pm on a Thursday - even football! Okay, the plot(s) are massively over-the-top and (I hope!) unlikely and you do wonder if the technology apparently available to them is realistic, indeed if it is, then Big Brother really IS watching us! The sheer addictiveness of it lies in the characters and how you really do care about them and their feelings, not to mention the various scenario's surrounding them. Oh, and those damned end of episode cliffhangers certainly get you desperate for more! Six episodes in, eighteen to go, which gives it the real advantage over soaps in that it WILL end and some point and not drag on, and on and on....

Saturday 20th March 2004
"I know a taxidermy man back home. He gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him." (Film)

When Liverpool went 29 games unbeaten from the start of the 87-88 season, which club finally beat them in game 30?
Everton: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Quite an afternoon in the Premiership today, indeed it was like a throwback to the early days of the season with the big three - Arsenal, Chelsea and Man United - all winning at home to consolidate the top three positions and, for good measure, Newcastle and Liverpool also recording vital victories in the battle for fourth place. The Liverpool win came late against struggling Wolves and the winning, stoppage time goal, brought a massive cheer from me, although within seconds it filtered through that Leicester had equalised against Everton which brought me down to earth! Nothing against Wolves or Leicester normally, however as they both battle against relegation with Leeds, from a selfish point of view, I'd not worry if they didnt win another point this season! Surprise of the day came at the Riverside where two of the lowest scoring clubs - Middlesbrough and Birmingham - turned the form book on it's head and went goal crazy, Boro winning 5-3! Final word though must go to Arsenal who equalled the record set by Leeds in 73-74 and Liverpool in 87-88 by going 29 games unbeaten from the start of the season. It's a superb achivement whichever way you look at it and whomever you support, however the biggest irony is that to beat the record, they must avoid defeat against Man United next weekend!

Sadly, after my midweek whinge about Spanish league players going down too easily, Newcastle's Laurent Robert proved that the Prem equivilent can do it just as well...or should that be badly? His `dive` over the leg of Charlton's Chris Perry today totally fooled the referee who awarded a penalty and I firmly believe that this sort of incident should be subject to scrutiny after the games with fines/bans imposed for the worst cases. The Charlton players deserve credit for not arguing too fiercely whilst Robert should take a long, hard look at his antics.

Straight talking award of the weekend goes to Alan McInally who was reporting on the Leicester - Everton game today. He felt that an early goal for the home side was harshly disallowed and suggested that, as a punishment, the referee - Barry Knight - should be castrated!! Maybe I'm getting too easy going, but that does seem a little over the top!

Two youngsters at the beginning of their careers had varying levels of success today at Portman Road. On the plus side, 17-year old Dean Bowditch scored a hat-trick for Ipswich in what was his first ever start at home. Two of the goals can be put down to awful errors by 20-year old Watford keeper Lenny Pidgeley who had a nightmare game in front of the Sky cameras as his club were walloped 4-1 by an impressive Ipswich team. Pidgeley must be sick of the sight of the cameras as he was sent off earlier in the season in a live game at Sheffield United!

Finally, how about scoring SEVEN goals, yet still losing the game!! It happened to Middlesbrough under 17's today as they lost 8-7 at home to Crewe Under 17's. There must be something in the water on Teeside judging by the number of goals netted in the area today!

Sunday 21st March 2004
"Not much has changed but they live underwater. And your great, great, great grand-daughter, is pretty fine." (Song)
Year 3000 - Busted: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Who was manager of Portsmouth between the reigns of Steve Claridge and current boss Harry Redknapp?

As I was enjoying a Mothers Day afternoon out and about, I had the video running at home to tape the LDV Vans Final and the South coast derby in the Prem. We got home shortly after the latter game was due to finish, so my intention was to watch both games ` as live` despite what would be a late finish. Naturally, in the space of five minutes, I could have found out the scores of both games and saved myself three hours, but I got my daughter to check the games were finished - a legacy of similar afternoons in the past when I've assumed matches are over only to switch on for stoppage time and see the result - and then settle down to watch. With hindsight, I'd probably not have bothered as Blackpool's win over Southend was one-sided and a Portsmouth win against Southampton, whilst thoroughly deserved, was not ideal for us Leeds fans! On the plus side from an entertainment viewpoint, the last two minutes were exciting as Saints came close to an equaliser twice, although whether it was worth the previous three hours is open to debate! What is certain, is that a win against Man City tomorrow night is now absolutely vital.

With today being Mothers Day and my own mum out for the day (I gave her the card and pressie yesterday), myself and a friend along with our three kids between us, decided to treat both wives (and the kids Mum's of course) to a home cooked lunch, cooked by us and the kids! Actually, it was the wives idea in the first place with the treat reversed on Fathers Day in June, however we did pretty well if we don't mind saying so, especially as we had to ask the wives to put the chicken in the oven in the first place as we both had to stay unexpectedly longer at our respective workplaces. Ultimately all went well with the meat nicely cooked, the veg and spuds done to perfection, despite my asking everyone if they liked their potatoes `REALLY well done` (a la Grandad in the early Only Fools and Horses). Hardly any of the lunch was left and that spoke volumes in our opinion. The aftermath saw various games including charades and two of the kids blindfolding me, tying my hands together and also wrapping a pink piece of material around my head. My wife summed it up well by stating that I looked (and I quote!), "A tit!!" I never did quite discover what game the children were playing, but I'll have nightmares about it for weeks!!

Monday 22nd March 2004
"You make it through tomorrow without killing anybody, especially me, or yourself, then I'll start trusting you." (Film)

When Blackburn pipped Man United to the 1995 title, which club finished third?

With us having quite a busy weekend, I only really settled down to have a decent look at the news this morning and I could have been looking at a newspaper or web site from the 80s (poetic licence as regards web site!). Yes, the fighting and hooligans have sadly returned to the front and back pages with a vengeance. The violence which flared after the South Coast derby happened outside of the ground and into the city which, if anything, is worse as it can affect outsiders who have nothing to do with either club or the game in general. We are quick to be told that CCTV cameras are everywhere these days, well that's fine, use them to catch and punish some of those responsible for the fighting. Into London we had Millwall hosting West Ham and the away fans going ape when keeper Stephen Bywater was sent off in the 4-1 defeat! Boss Alan Pardew was remarkably fresh and honest in his assessment and actually blamed the actions of his players for partially igniting passions on the terraces and if that really was the case, then club and players need to hold their hands up and take responsibility a little more seriously in future. Which brings me finally to Duncan Ferguson and his attempt to strangle Stefan Freund having been sent off on Saturday. No excuse for his reaction and he deserves a sizeable ban, however more seriously, this sort of behaviour does not help the often pressure cooker atmosphere on the terraces and we can be grateful that nothing came of it from the stands.

As I get fairly little sleep compared to most, it's rare that I get into a deep enough sleep to dream and when I do, I can very rarely remember them. All the more surprising then that last night, I had two different dreams and can recall them both. The first involved my wife being given, and accepting, an invite to go Cheltenham races which is strange in itself as neither of us like horse racing. I can remember her being very enthusiastic about going and me being very, very annoyed, although I never really discovered why! From there, I was involved in some kind of mini-football tournament which was held outside with around seven players per team. Our goalkeeper was injured in the warm up and I had to go in goal against the team favourites to win! By half time, I'd fumbled two shots, dropped a corner and allowed a third shot to dribble out of my hands and through my legs, but every time I managed to recover and stop the ball from crossing the line! The most memorable thing from the dream was that the pitch was on a steep uphill slope and that we were playing `up the hill` in the first half, which ended 0-0. In reality, it's unlikely I'd ever be put into goal anyway as I'm not the tallest person in the nation, however when I woke up, I was left deeply disappointed that I'd `missed` the second half. Maybe tonight eh?

Tuesday 23rd March 2004
"Oh, talk to me, can't you see. I'll help you work things out. Oh, don't wanna be your enemy and I don't want to scream and shout." (Song)

In last seasons Champions League (02-03) only one club won all six of the first group phase matches. Which club?
Barcelona: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Just before last Christmas, I wrote the following after we'd drawn 1-1 at the City of Manchester Stadium - I were a City supporter this morning, I'd be extremely annoyed that they didn't win the game! The same could easily be used for last night's return at Elland Road which ended in a vital 2-1 win for Leeds! The bottom line is that the luck returned to us as City absolutely slaughtered us for long spells and I'd have no complaints if I were sat here after losing by three or four - indeed midway through the second half, the stats showed that Leeds had one shot at goal (note, at goal as opposed to `on target`) whilst City had 12 - yes TWELVE - yet somehow we managed to squeeze out a victory. Okay, the first goal was a freakish effort and only Stephen McPhail's third for the club, although it was eerily similar to one of his goals against Chelsea in 1999-2000. Equally, the winning penalty should have been a free kick outside the area, although in truth Van Buyten should still have been sent off as he was the last man, however before City fans get too up in arms about the award of the spot kick, it's worth thinking back to that pre-Xmas game when James Milner was brought down whilst clear on goal and a free kick wasn't even given, so these things really do even themselves out over a season. So, whilst we didn't deserve to win (or even draw) and we clearly had lady luck on our side, the bottom line remains that three points are three points regardless of how they are won and at this stage of the season, they are crucial. Oh, one final thing - the penalty was the first one that we've had this season!

If further proof were needed that red tape is taking over, there have been two incidents in recent days to add fuel to the already burning fire. Yesterday it emerged that a top brain surgeon had been suspended from his position at a hospital for the dreadful crime of....wait for it...failing to pay for an extra bowl of soup at the hospital canteen! The top dogs are quick to point out that the incident and suspension didn't don't affect patients as his work can be covered by other colleagues! Erm, it still means one less person to carry out life-saving surgery surely??? Perhaps they were slightly heavy handed in their decision in my opinion. Maybe a `slap on the wrist and don't do it again." would have been more appropriate. Similarly at work two weeks ago, the dustbin men...sorry, refuge collectors, didn't take the cardboard that we'd left out for them, as they've done for the previous couple of years. When we contacted head office, we were told that we failed to leave the cardboard on top of the wheelie bin (we'd put it by the side, resting against the bin, due to strong winds) and that they were not obliged to take it unless it's on top! I'd love to meet some of these people who make up these rules as I can only assume that they are as far removed from the real world as a Martian.

Wednesday 24th March 2004
"It's been emotional." (Film)
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Juventus, Milan and Inter have won Serie A more times than any other clubs, but which club is fourth in the all time list?

Although I'm not a fan of the Italian game, be it their style or attitude/arrogance, I must hold my hands up and admit that Milan were absolutely awesome against Deportivo last night. As early as the 11th minute when the Milan defence went collectively to sleep, allowing Walter Pandiani to head home, I felt that a surprise could be on the cards, however after a number of near misses, the Italians struck brutally with four goals (and one disallowed!) in a rampant eight minute spell either side of half time. They were unstoppable for a few brief minutes and the Spanish side simply caved in and you got the impression that had they not have eased off, then two or three more goals could have been forthcoming. With a place in the semi's booked, barring a minor miracle, I would be amazed if they didnt reach the final now as they should see off Porto or Lyon. Imagine that, a final against Arsenal, Chelsea or Real Madrid (no disrespect to Monaco meant!), it should be a mouthwatering encounter which would hopefully erase all memories of last year's tepid affair which had all the charm of a wet afternoon at the seaside.

On the eve of Chelsea's biggest game of the season, reports remain rife over the future of boss Claudio Ranieri and how he now apparent knew that he would be leaving the club this summer no matter what! I've made my feelings clear on this in the past and I maintain that if he is NOT in charge for next season, regardless of how much/little success they have over the next two months, then those in charge should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves for treating the Italian in this way. Many fans feel that Chelsea have become another `club to be hated` this season due to the sheer spending power afforded to them since the Abramovich takeover, however in my opinion, if Ranieri is sacked, a great many more fans will turn against the club and sincerely hope that they win nothing for the forseeable future.

Thursday 25th March 2004
"If I could turn the page, in time then I'd rearrange just a day or two. Close my, close my, close my eyes, but I couldn't find a way." (Song)

In the 1999-2000 FA Cup, which `lucky loser` club was knocked out in the second AND third round, due to Man United pulling out of the competition?
Darlington: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Maybe the expectation level was far too high, or maybe both clubs know each other so well, that they are aware of the strengths and weaknesses like the back of their hands. Whatever the reason, last night's Battle of the Premiership in the Champions League was a bit of a damp squib. Okay, for those who like to analyse the tactical battles within the game, it must have been like winning the lottery, but for sheer entertainment, to be blunt, I've seen better. Chelsea played well in truth and on occasions made Arsenal nervy at the back, however these occasions were rare and sporadic. Arsenal were not their free-flowing self and despite plenty of possession, managed to give the ball away in the final third far more times than I can recall in the past, although Chelsea were equally guilty of that! A draw therefore was about right and gives the Gunners the advantage for the second leg which in fairness to both clubs, could be similar to last night's fare as it'll be the fifth time they've met this season and familiarity clearly breeds staleness. Don't get me wrong, it was not a deadly boring cure for insomnia, but as I said, expectations were just aimed too high.

I dunno what's going into the water around our area today, however some happy pills to counteract the overall feeling of depression might be an idea. Although we've only been out and about for a couple of hours, there are some seriously peeved people around - and that's only the one's serving in shops! To begin with, we'd arranged to take an elderly friend of ours to the launderette where she wanted her huge double duvet cleaned. The one in charge of the machines wasn't too thrilled that our friend had inadvertedly put the wrong number of the back of her cheque and was very abrupt when we simply inquired about the best time to pick it up! Ultimately we decided that tomorrow would be as good a day as anyway! Equally, at lunch time in Wimpy, two of the staff were having a mini-argument behind the counter over something that had already been done. The older of the pair was about to start whatever job it was and the younger one snapped, "It's been done, that's why that (pointing to something out of our sight) is there isn't it." As someone who works with the general public each day, I know how awkward they can be, clearly something had upset people everywhere we went today. Just remember, it takes less energy and muscles to smile than frown....hmmm, maybe that could be put on the wall at certain shops...!

Friday 26th March 2004
"Modern medicine falls short of your complaints. Ooh, try a little harder. You're moving in circles, won't you dilate." (Song)

Newcastle keeper Shay Given once spent time on loan at which other North-Eastern club?
Sunderland: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

"Two out of three ain't bad!" so said Meatloaf at various times during his career. I'm not sure Liverpool fans would agree after they crashed out of the UEFA Cup last night whilst Newcastle and Celtic both reached the last eight. So lets start with the good news. What a superb display from Celtic as they held Barcelona in the Nou Camp to go through 1-0 overall. That in itself is a terrific display, however when you consider that this is a Barca side who've been sweeping everyone aside in Spain over the last couple of months and a Celtic team fielding a 19-year old goalkeeper who was making his European debut. Indeed in the opening minute he had to make a great save at the feet of a Barca player and in hindsight that probably set up his confidence throughout. Due to `24` on Sky One, I missed the second half but can only applaud Celtic on a stunning result. Equally, Newcastle deserve the plaudits for their demolition of Real Mallorca. The 4-1 first leg win was followed by a 3-0 win in Spain yesterday and in truth the result was rarely in doubt in the slightest. It now sets up an emotional quarter-final for boss Sir Bobby Robson who'll face one of his former clubs in the shape of PSV

With those two European successes available, the back pages of almost every English paper chose to cover the bad news as always as Liverpool's defeat in Marseille took pride of place. As I gather, having taken the lead, Liverpool then had Igor Biscan sent off harshly and unltimately went down 2-1, losing out 3-2 overall and putting more pressure on boss Gerard Houllier to deliver the goods. Sadly for reds fans, that won't be until next season now as a chase for a Champions League place is all that's left to play for at Anfield. Okay, there have been cups for Liverpool recently, most notably three in 2001, however the fans remain thirsty for a Championship which has been won by both Leeds and Blackburn since Liverpool last lifted it! Whether Houllier stays or goes could well depend on that Champions League place now, although fans are fickle at the best of times and should they beat Leicester on Sunday, some may at least temporarily forgive, even if they can't forget.

If you play football at any level, whether it's professional or simply Sunday league or 5-a-side, the next time you have a nightmare game, spare a thought for Brian Pritchard, who is a policeman off the football field, but plays part time and captains Whitton Albion in Cheshire. During the recent Unibond Cheshire Senior Cup Final against Woodley Sports, a streaker raced onto the pitch, sparking Mr Pritchard into action as he chased the man, tripped him up and allowed the stewards to get him off. His reward? A red card!! Yes, the referee felt that his actions were `violent conduct` and promptly dismissed him! Remarkably, Whitton went on to lose the final 2-1 in extra time and the fans felt that the absence of their captain and central defender played a huge part, although one Woodley fan told a reporter that, "The only tackle they made all game was on the streaker!" There's a moral to this story, but I'll let you provide the punchline!

Saturday 27th March 2004
"I am turning thirty next week, and I just want to go home, and grow oranges." (Film)

Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink scored on his Premiership for Leeds against which club?
Arsenal: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

If it's possible to feel more optimistic after a defeat than a victory, then that's how I feel this afternoon. On Monday, we played terribly against Man City, yet won. Today, we were walloped at Birmingham, but the performance was better and we were a little unlucky not to gain at least a point. In the opening stages we could have scored three times and whilst we rode our luck a little before half time, we held out to go in level. The second half saw us dominate the opening twenty minutes, only to collapse late on and concede three goals! Yet I feel more hopeful that we can avoid the drop after today's loss than I did after beating Man City simply because the display was better and if we carry on playing like that, then there is hope. The Man City performance was dire and had that display continued, then it's best to prepare for the drop already. Next up, we have Leicester! How crucial is that game!

Of course, this optimism took a severe dent two hours later when Portsmouth threw the formbook totally out of the window and won for the first time away from home this season, 2-1 at Blackburn which not only drew their opponents (and a couple of others) into the relegation dogfight, but again put Leeds two wins from safety. It could have been worse as Wolves were winning at Chelsea for a while before four goals in the final twenty minutes gave the title hopefuls a 5-2 win. This included a thirteen minute hat trick from sub Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, including his 100th Premiership goal on his 32nd birthday! However, on the other end of the scale, will anyone be feeling worse tonight than Charlton's Claus Jensen? With his side 2-1 down at home to Aston Villa, they are awarded a stoppage time penalty. Up steps Jensen and balloons it over the bar! The only way is up I guess.

With many foreigners playing in the UK nowadays, it's almost inevitable that some will have nigh on unpronouncable names, whilst others could have double meanings. Take Danny Shittu or Efe Sodje as examples. However, a further one made an appearance this aftenoon as Alloa took an early lead against Berwick through a certain Michael Bolochoweckjy, which according to Sky Soccer Saturday's Jeff Stelling, is pronounced Bollock-Chevski. As he said, lets hope he doesnt score too often!

Speaking of Sodje, Sam Sodje (surely some relation to Efe) was sent off in the first half of Margate's game at Boston in the Conference - his FOURTH sending off this season!! Vinny Jones or Roy Keane would have troubling keeping up with that!

Goalscoring feat of the day must go to Marc Richards who scored four times in 21 first half minutes as Northampton won 4-0 at Macclesfield in division three!

Finally, a thought for the predictions of Rodney Marsh who, on Sky's web site, said of the Birmingham-Leeds game, "I fancy Leeds for a point and this has 0-0 written all over it!" Close....

Sunday 28th March 2004
"When she woke up late in the morning light and the day had just begun. She opened up her eyes and thought, Oh what a morning." (Song)

Last season (02-03), a Div 3 Boxing Day fixture attracted a record 22,319 attendance! Which two clubs were playing?

Hats off to Arsenal! Their 1-1 draw at home to Man United breaks the record for the longest unbeaten start to the season as they've now gone 30 games without a defeat. Although it knocks Leeds (and Liverpool) out of the record books, you can do little but admire the Gunners for what is a remarkable achievement and with only eight games left, it's a very real possibility that they could go the entire season unbeaten. However, for a few brief minutes, notably after Louis Saha had equalised at Highbury today, it actually looked as though United might just do the seemingly impossible and snatch an unlikely victory and had Ruud Van Nistelrooy's header been a yard or two to the left or right, then they just might have done it. Equally, you wonder why Arsenal chose to ease off after Thierry Henry's wonderstrike. They did the same in recent home games against Bolton and Charlton and almost paid the penalty and the same could have happened today. I'm all for conserving energy, but you have to find the fine line between that and handing the initiative to your opponents. With a seven point lead over Chelsea and twelve over United, Arsenal should surely now wrap up the title and only a Newcastle 96 style capitualtion is likely to stop it. I can't see that happening how as it's really a matter of when than if.

With the BBC covering the Glasgow derby today, the latter stages of it clashed with the opening few minutes of the Bolton-Newcastle game on Sky, however with Celtic 2-0 up, I felt it safe to watch the Prem game rather than the tail end of the Scottish clash and I'm glad that I did or I'd have missed one of the more remarkable goals in this, or any other season. Henrik Pedersen's high lofted lob from a tight angle somehow found the net on the first bounce to win the game for Bolton, although in truth he'd be hard pushed to do it again if he tried another dozen times. In many ways it was a freakish effort which happened to have trajectory, the wind, the bounce and just blind luck on it's side, although I'm doing a dis-service to the Bolton man for at least had the guts to try! Newcastle were a major disappointment and a pale shadow of the side which destroyed Real Mallorca in Europe. Too many more displays like today's and the chance to erase this season's Champions League let down will be gone.

Monday 29th March 2004
"The medicine cabinet is now the Brundle Museum of Natural History. Wanna see what else is in it?" (Film)

Which English international has scored a British record ten goals in World Cup Finals?

This midweek is an international one - oh yippee!! As usual, I ask the question, why? FIFA are quick to whine and whinge about the top players playing too many games. `Reduce the size of the leagues` they cry, and yes, that would clearly reduce the games being played, not to mention the revenue coming into clubs, some of which may not have the financial clout of a Man United and Chelsea. So, when we have the opportunity of a free midweek during the season, why for all the tea in China, does it have to be deemed an international friendly week? Yes, those involved in Euro 2004 can use it as a `valuable learning exercise` whilst the rest can do the same for any forthcoming qualifiers. However thats of little comfort of the club managers, many of whom would surely love a week with their players to fine tune tactics, treat knocks and general prepare for the latter stages of season, instead of which they'll have players who are jetting off to Estonia, Hungary, Spain, Holland and goodness knows where else AND then have to be back ready for the weekend games! I for one applaud Man United (Yes, you read that right!) for pulling Ryan Giggs, Darren Fletcher and Roy Carroll out of the internationals due to injuries. Now, I'll bet that these knocks aren't that serious in truth and that all three may well figure against Arsenal in the FA Cup next weekend! I'd also bet that if more managers pulled more players out due to `injuries`, then a more sensible and logical international calender could be fashioned.

It's now official British Summer Time! Or, that's at least the case as regards the clocks going forward last weekend anyway! Yes, ahead of us we have six or seven months of sunshine and warmth...maybe. Well, the rain will be warmer anyway as already the `experts` are predicting a wet summer for us in the UK. I wonder just how they manage to work this out as the weather can change quickly over the space of hours and it's not every day that the weathermen manage to get tomorrow's weather spot on, so how can they state that in July, it will be hammering down. My guess is that one of these amateur forcecasters has come out and said that this will be the case, usually figured out by a combination of guesswork (last summer was warm, this summer must be wet), historical fact (every fourth summer is always a wet one!) or just pure, blind luck (I'll roll two dice and if the total is higher than seven, it'll be wet summer!) Either way, just for now let us enjoy the memories of a cracking few months last year and anticipation for the same this time around. That way, if the killjoys are right, at least we've had our dreams.

Tuesday 30th March 2004
"If you're cold, I'll keep you warm. If you're low, just hold on. `Cause I will be your safety." (Song)
Don't Leave Home - Dido: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Which current league club won the FA Amateur Cup in 1963?

David James reckons that if England flop in Euro 2004, then the fans will blame it on the recent turmoil and uncertainly sparked by Sven Goran Eriksson apparently talking to Chelsea and then went on to commit his future to England until 2008! Call me cynical, but this seems to be a blatant `Get Out Of Jail` clause if and when England collapse. The recent situation with SVE, Chelsea and England came at the tail end of a long non-international spell, so quite how it can affect the boss and players is beyond me, not to mention the fact that the situation has now been resolved, more than two months before the competition even starts, giving all involved absolutely stacks of time to concentrate on the tournemant 100% when the time comes. No, if England fail, it'll be down to one, or a combination of the following: The heat, bad management, bad tactics, poor teamwork, bad refereeing or penalties - as usual!

As my wife and I both grew up in the 80s, we couldn't resist it when the Trivial Pursuit 1980s edition was available at a reduced price recently. Last night, our ten-year old daughter decided that she'd like to play, `as long as we helped her with the answers!` To be fair to her, she did pretty well on her, especially with a cracker of a lucky guess of Liverpool when asked who beat Real Madrid in the 1981 European Cup Final. Equally, she did need a fair few clues as well which was to be expected, however both myself and my wife were stumped when our daughter had the following question. "What did Sally prove to Harry in the restaurant scene in `When Harry Met Sally`?" With neither of us too keen on giving clues on orgasm faking, we simply told our daughter that she could have the question right. Happy, but confused, she then wanted to know what the answer was! After a few seconds, I simply blurted it out and then quickly told her to roll again! All told, an educational, nostalgic and embarressing evening!

Wednesday 31st March 2004
"Never made it as a wise man. I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing. Tired of living like a blind man." (Song)

Who won the Golden Glove (Best Goalkeeper) award for the Premiership last season (02-03)?

According to a couple of papers today, Chelsea top dogs have been forced to eat humble pie and request that Claudio Ranieri remain as manager of the footballing side of things - and about bloody time too!! Practically from the start of the season, the Italian has been forced to put up with hints, rumours and general back stabbing, claiming that he would be shoved out this summer at the expense of Eriksson, Capello, Enter-Your-Own-Name-Here! It could have affected his ability to do his job, thereby affecting the team, players and results on the pitch (indeed the cynic in me could argue that it may have been part of the master plan in the first place!), however it hasnt and Chelsea remain on target for a top two place, with the possibility that they could still win the league. They remain in the Champions League and have had a season to remember overall. It should be remembered that it's not Ranieri's fault that he's suddenly had stacks of money to spend and equally not his fault that the season has effectively been a `getting to know you` exercise. On this occasion, I just hope that the papers have it right!

Each morning, someone from the shop where I work takes the five minute walk up to our local hospital to take papers, chocolates and anything else they require up for the patients. Yesterday it was my turn and as it involves crossing over one of the busiest roads in the town, I used the zebra crossing a few yards down the road. As I got there, one car braked very sharply in order to stop and allow me across and, as I felt a little guilty about him slamming his brakes on, I put my hand up to thank him. As I got to the other side, he wound his window down and, having spotted the Leeds United logo on my coat, shouted, "I didn't want to run a Leeds fan over. You guys are in enough trouble as it is!" How thoughtful!

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