Views From The Armchair

"Views From The `Footiemad` Armchair
Diary Of A Season July 2003

Tuesday 1st July 2003
"I heard you on the wireless back in `62`" (Song)

In 1989, which club became the first to win two cup finals in the same season at Wembley?

Those wonderful people at FIFA have been busy again lately, working hard to find ways to make the beautiful game even more enjoyable. So, what do they come up with? Well, remember a year or so ago, they decided that taking your shirt off whilst celebrating a goal would no longer be a bookable offence as long as no slogan or advertising material was visable underneath? It was a good move on their part as players can, and do, get carried away in the excitement and joy of scoring, but now, they have ruled that this shameful act will, once again, be a bookable offence! What is wrong with these guys?? What is so wrong with taking off a shirt in celebration? Have these people never played the game at any level? I wonder how long it will be before a player scores a goal and is then sent off (having already been booked previously in the game) for removing his shirt? Do we really want a return to the days of the old black and white Pathe newsreels when goals were celebrated as though your team were 7-0 down in the final minute? I certainly dont and cant see what FIFA hope to gain over this. Indeed, if this practise was more widely used in the women's game, then popularity should rocket!

I am one of these who firmly believes that apart from going out to work, you could easily live your life from the comfort of your armchair and your PC. You can pay bills online, buy just about anything from cars to your weekly food shopping online and anything left in between can usually be found on Ebay! I'm not what you would call a heavy buyer and seller on Ebay, although I have done both over the last 3-4 months, however am I the only one who loves scouring feedback for any negative comments. As someone who deals with the public daily on a face to face basic, Ebay is simply an extension of this and some of the things that people whinge about is remarkably trivial. In a way, it's like overhearing an argument between two of your close neighbours, you know that you shouldn't really be listening, but nonetheless, it's hugely entertaining!

Wednesday 2nd July 2003
"Slip inside the eye of your mind" (Song)
Don't Look Back In Anger - Oasis: Correctly answered by Kirsty D

Nol Solano joined Newcastle from which South American club?

I was just trying to drop off to sleep last night with the ten O`clock news on in the background when I heard, "...Biggest deal in British Football history...!" The alarm clock went flying across the room as I searched for my glasses (Dunno why I hear better with them on??) only to find that Leeds hadnt sold Ian Harte as I'd first thought, but that Chelsea have been taken over by a Russian billionaire businessman. Apparently this chap has spent around �140m to take control, including around �80m to pay off debts owed by the club, however according to many Chelsea fans on the news last night, this wasnt particularly good news. It's hard to tell at this early stage in truth, especially with far more questions that answers sailing around - Will the club effectively be run from Russia? Is the new guy (Roman Abramovich apparently) a football/Chelsea fan, or is this simply another way of adding to his already immense fortune? I'll certainly be following this all with great interest, especially considering the financial problems that Leeds are in at present, and you wonder if any other debt ridden clubs will also look for this way out...We shall see!

Whether you missed it or not, David Beckham passed his medical yesterday and is now officially a Real Madrid player, however did you see the circus which surrounded him whilst over in Spain yesterday. Many papers detailed a `minute by minute` account of his day from the moment that he left Stansted to the time that the official announcement was made and having seen the crowds outside the hospital and the entourage of papparazzi and journalists there (around 600 by all accounts), it reminded of the days when Princess Diana was hounded almost constantly by the press ahead of her untimely death. Of course, the media have made Beckham what he is outside of football, although he and wife Victoria are hardly shrinking violets when they want publicity to be fair, although I did find last weeks photo's of the pair in Vogue a little unsettling. Much like Cruise and Kidman in Eyes Wide Shut, it doesnt seem normal to see hubby and wife in such intimate poses (although admittedly the latter were far more intimate on screen than the Beckham's were in print!). I therefore have very little sympathy when they moan that they get no privacy! At the height of the Beatles' popularity in the 60s, John Lennon joked that they were more popular than Jesus! On current column inches and TV time, DB07 must come a very close second!

Thursday 3rd July 2003
"I want my MTV..." (Song)
Money for nothing - Dire Straits: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Jack Charlton, Howard Wilkinson and Ron Atkinson have all had spells in charge of which club?
Sheffield Wednesday: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Today we had one of our regular trips to the hospital (15 miles away) and after dropping my wife at the main entrance, I set about the uneviable task of trying to find somewhere to park. Whilst attempting to find the proverbial needle in a haystack, the radio played the second version of `Three Lions` - the one which was re-mixed and re-issued for the 1998 World Cup - and I wondered if any other football record had every taken the nation by storm in a way that Baddiel, Skinner and the Lightening Seeds somehow managed to do. The 98 version of the 96 original features the Wembley crowd singing before the Euro SF against Germany and despite not being an England fan, even listening to it made me go cold with goosebumps! It's ironic that for all the pomp surrounding Land of Hope and Glory, Abide With Me and even the National Anthem, I dont believe that anything has every captured the feeling of football fans in such a huge way as that 1996 blockbuster. Indeed, the stares that I had in the car park whilst singing along with the windows wound down were well worth it. Oh, and I managed to find a parking space after less than 15 minutes, which is almost a record for the Royal United in Bath at 11:30 on a Thursday morning!

One of the big summer movie blockbusters in the UK is likely to be `Hulk`, a film re-make of the Marvel (?) comics hero which was also made into a TV series in the 70s and early 80s. I must confess that I used to love The Incredible Hulk with Bill Bixby (who I was shocked to read had died in 1993) and Lou Ferrigno and it became part of a very entertaining Saturday afternoon and early evening when I was a kid. It always used to follow shortly after World of Sport had finished and anyone who recalls WoS from their dark and distant past will surely have memories of presenter Dickie Davies - he of the `Porn Star` moustache and white dash of hair which looked as though a pigeon had dropped it's load on him! Once the drab and dull horse racing was over, we were usually treated to some minority sport such as stock car racing or underwater tiddlywinks for an hour before, at 4pm, we had `professional wrestling`!! Now this was brilliant stuff and, although I hotly disputed it at the time, obviously rehersed to the nth degree in much the same way as the WWE is now. Sadly, the latter is far too glitzy and OTT compared to the 70s and 80s English version which was pure sweat and, occasionally, blood. Names such as Shirley Crabtree - aka Big Daddy -, Giant Haystacks, The Mighty Quinn, Kendo Nagasaki and Kwik Quick Lee became legends in UK households as did commentator Kent Walton and the various grannies who used to be in the audience and become very animated indeed. Big Daddy (also now sadly passed away) wrestled in our home town a couple of times during that era and I was lucky enough to see him in the flesh twice, as well as the Mighty Quinn once. Thank you for visiting the nostalgia site, normal service will be resumed!

Friday 4th July 2003
"Cos my god woke up on the wrong side of his bed and it just dont matter now" (Song)
Little By Little - Oasis: Correctly answered by Kirsty D

Which team used to play at Northumberland Park before moving to their current stadium over 100 years ago?

Well, I guess it had to happen. Since the so-called Chelski take over a couple of days ago, they are now being linked, unofficially of course, with just about every player imaginable, whether they are available or not. Most recently, I've seen reports that they are after Nesta of Milan, Kluivert of Barcelona (although he is at least available!) and Arsenal pair Vieira and Henry! Now, whilst much of this may well be backpage space fillers (technically known as crap), it isnt beyond the realms of reality that Chelsea's new owner would want to attempt to buy a team to win a Championship, however it isnt as easy as that. Even if the right players are purchased, then getting them to gell together, play as a team and with a system that they are all comfortable with is no easy task. Look at the likes of Veron who was awesome in Italy, yet has hardly set the Premiership on fire despite his mega-bucks move two years ago. I would fully expect more speculation surrounding Chelsea and perhaps a couple of big name signings, but whether it will be enough to push Arsenal and Man United, then only time will tell.

An elderly lady who helps out at the shop in the mornings is proud to tell us that she never watches the news and only reads the front page headlines of the papers to find out what's going on in the world. It doesnt take me to tell you, or her, that this can give a very distorted and false view of things, especially as she rarely bothers to read the actual stories accompanying the headline. Today she was somewhat shocked to learn of the death of Dennis Thatcher, husband of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. In fact, he sadly died a week ago and had his funeral yesterday, hence the headline, however I did mention to her that it really is in her interest to at least keep up with the news. As I told her, Ronald Reagan could quit as president and she'd never know!

Saturday 5th July 2003
"But February made me shiver, with every paper I delivered..." (Song)
American Pie - Don McLean: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Ted McDougall once scored nine goals in an FA Cup tie for which seaside based club?
Bournemouth: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

"Leeds United as seen on QVC", was how my club was described more than once last season, especially with the seemingly never ending sale of international players. This summer, with Paul Robinson going and then staying and Harry Kewell looking certain to move onto pastures red, Mark Viduka has become the latest big name to be linked with a move with Barcelona apparently at the head of the queue. Then we hear that the Catalan side are selling Patrick Kluivert for an extraordinaryly low price and that they now arent interested in Viduka as he doesnt hold an EU passport. Things are obviously as dire at the Nou Camp as they are at Elland Road, however surely they were aware of Viduka's situation before? Spanish rules restrict the number of non-EU players in any squads, and Barca are apparantly already over their threshold anyway and by any stretch of the imagination, Australia is certainly not part of Europe, leaving the Spanish side looking in a bigger mess than Leeds at the moment - and believe me, that takes some doing!

People often say that you're never too old to learn, so with this in mind I picked up a catalogue of college courses for the summer and next autumn (Fall to those over the pond), purely out of interest to see what's around. From a personal viewpoint, there are a couple of computer related things that caught my eye, but equally there are some more courses which simply show the wide and varied selection of things available to those of us who left full time education a while ago. Including in this brochure are Tractor Driving, Homeopathy and Make-Up/Skincare as well as various languages including the usual French and German and well as less obvious ones like Russian and Japanese. However, the one which caught my eye for pure obscurity was Babysitting! Yes, you can actually take an eight week course (�32) and learn to become an effective babysitter, indeed you even get a Certificate at the end of the course. Different to say the least!

Sunday 6th July 2003
"But I cant be late or I guess I just wont get paid, these are the days when I wish my bed was already made..." (Song)
Manic Monday - The Bangles: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

In 1979, which player scored the winning goal in the European Cup Final - his only appearance in the competition that season?
Trevor Francis: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Now that Beckham-mania threatens to calm down (I know it's unlikely, but let me dream okay?), we are running the risk of England's next biggest prospect taking over as the tabloid writers` space filler. Yes, today there are two seperate Wayne Rooney stories doing the rounds in the Sunday's, one involving an apparent plot to kill Rooney's agent and cripple the Everton striker and a second involving an apparent transfer to Chelsea (I know, another player linked to the Blues!). Coupled, or should that be trebled, with recent pics of him and his family on holiday in Mexico, then you only wonder how a 17-year old can cope with the seemingly constant glare of the media spotlight on him, and indeed, his close family and friends. Personally I feel that he should be given space to develop away from the prying eyes, however that's unlikely to happen as the press feel that the great UK public are infatuated with news and pics of Mr Rooney and indeed Mr Beckham and their respective families. Give them , and us, a break!

One thing that Rooney, Beckham and a great deal of others are never able to do, is enjoy a peaceful, quiet afternoon in the park with their loved ones, unless of course they want the constant attention that goes with being a big star. However, this afternoon, my wife and daughter and some friends of ours (two adults, two kids), spent almost three hours out and about enjoying the sunshine, buying ice-creams, watching the kids on their bikes in the park and simply messing around harmlessly. It's absolutely remarkable, but for all the PC's, consoles and various other expensive equipment you can get hold of, those three kids, not to mention us adults, had so much fun simply throwing a small bouncy ball (we used to call them `power balls`) into the air, attempting to get it over our `opponents` heads. The sight of four 30-something adults running around and failing misirably to a catch a small ball gave those children great pleasure, and, if truth be told, helped us grown-ups relive a little of our mis-spent youth. Fame and fortune is all well and good, but privacy and spending time in public with your family is something that millions of pounds cannot buy!

Monday 7th July 2003
"Everyone seems to know the score, they've seen it all before..." (Song)
Three Lions (1996 version) - The Lightening Seeds: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Who were the last non-top flight club to win the FA Cup?
West Ham (1980): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

There was an interesting snippet in the paper today about the re-issue of Roy Keane's autobiography, which I assume is a paperback version of the hardback which came out a year or so ago. I'm sure you'll recall the furore which greeted the original book, notably the section where Keane admits (via his ghost writer) that he deliberatly injured Alfie Haaland in the Manchester derby in 2001 with that awful studs-first, knee-high tackle which rightly saw him sent off. Well, in the light of his subsequent ban over that chapter, Keane has now changed it in the re-issue to be far less controversial and although the actual wording is currently strictly secret (sounds like an MI5 file doesnt it?), it's expected to cut out the F & C words from the original passage, making it less hard hitting. Had he done that in the first place, then maybe we wouldnt have had all the fuss about it....but maybe it wouldnt had sold as well either!

It never ceases to amaze me at the number of strange new things available in the supermarket and while I'm getting used to coconut smelling shampoo and bubble bath with names which are unpronounacble, the pet section threw up something unusual today at out local Sainsburys. Now, I'm surely not the only one to ever open a tin of dog or cat food and wonder, albeit brielfy, what it actually tastes like, because in fairness, some of it smells quite nice! Howver today, I spotted something I'd never seen before in the shape of Dog Gravy! Yes, you can actually buy this stuff in one of those squeezy bottles (a la tomato sauce) and squirt over your pooch's dried dog food to make it more moist! Maybe next time we have someone over for lunch who perhaps we find irratating, then a quick squirt or six on the roast dinner would help the day go a little more quickly!

Tuesday 8th July 2003
"If you were a King, up there on your throne, would you be wise enough to let me know?" (Song)
Hunter - Dido: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Real Madrid won the first five European Cup Finals between 1956 and 1960, however which club were runners-up twice during the same spell?

What's the difference between Leeds, Portsmouth and Leicester? Apart from the fact that two of them were promoted last season and the third was almost relegated, it would appear that the next obvious difference is that no-one wants to play for one of them whilst the other two go from strength to strength. Yes, with Harry Kewell apparently on his way (although at the time of writing, his move to Liverpool has hit a glitch) and rumours surrounding Paul Robinson and Mark Viduka rumbling on, it's a tiny consolation to the Leeds fan to see us linked with actually buying players - albeit players who are on free transfers (does that count as buying?). So far this summer, Keith Gillespie and Patrick Berger have been heavily linked with a move to Leeds, however Berger joined Portsmouth a couple of weeks ago and now Gillespie looks set to sign for Leicester later today. This indicates that we either cannot afford to pay their wages or that a move to a club who were Champions League Semi-Finalists two years ago is not as enticing as a switch to a newly promoted side. I've absolutely nothing against either Portsmouth or Leicester and wish them all the best for 2003-4, however it says a lot about Leeds doesnt it?

Everybody has them and everybody hates them! Yes, mobile phones are now as big a part of the modern life as TV's and late public transport, however those infernal ring tones continue to drive everyone mad, whether it's an awful version of a current chart hit or a theme tune from the 80s which you cant quite place. However, yesterday the sound department of the British Library released 40 new sounds for downloads as mobile ring tones in the shape of animal sounds! Yes, this is honest to god, 100% true, you can now have your mobile enhanced by the call of hippo's in mud when you are wanted, indeed they played some of them on the news today and I must admit I'm not impressed. It's not as though these hippo's, birds or lions are making their sounds in a tune, it's actually as though you're stood near them at a zoo and they are grunting, tweeting or roaring as the case may be. Can you imagine a couple of these going off in a packed train or in the middle of a shopping precinct? You'd be panicking to try and see where the bloody roaring is coming from! That said, doubtless many will take this option up, so be prepared, you have been warned.

Wednesday 9th July 2003
"O Captain, My Captain" (Film)

During the 97-98 season, Harry Kewell was famously sent off playing for Leeds against which club in a seven goal, televised thriller?

So, it's finally confirmed. Signed, sealed and delivered - Harry Kewell will be a Liverpool player next season after leaving Leeds United. It's disappointing, but not a surprise in truth, indeed the only real question was where he would go and even that hasn't been in doubt over the last few days. Kewell did well for us over the years and hopefully will be grateful that Leeds gave him that chance to make his name in one of the best leagues in the World and whilst I dont begrudge him leaving, I do feel that Liverpool's current style will not suit him at all and either he, or Gerard Houllier, will need to change and adapt. That said, I wish him all the very best and am quietly delighted that he chose not to follow Rio over the Peninnes to Old Trafford and if he can put his injury and inconsistancy problems behind him, then he may well prove the doubters wrong. The fee is a bit of a mystery though with Liverpool apparently agreeing a �7m move a week ago and then reducing it to �5m with Leeds liable to pay Kewell's advisors �2m to ensure that he left for a fee and not on a Bosman-free next summer, leaving an effective profit of just �3m for Leeds. Naturally both clubs are blaming each other and the agent is blaming anyone and everyone, however someone has done well out of this. It may be the player or the agent or it may be Liverpool. The one surefire thing is that it sure as hell isnt Leeds!

As much as I love the sun and the summer, I do get cheesed off with the excessive rate that the grass grows during the warmer months. Although we havent got a massive grassy area in our garden, it's still big enough to look a mess when it needs a cut and not having been born with green fingers (or indeed adopted them during my life!), I have this habit of waiting until it DESPERATLY needs a cut before actually getting the mower out. My usual rule of thumb is to drag it out until the grass hides the cats when they sleep in it, although for those seeking advice here, take precautions when using this rule as not all cats will leap ten feet into the air when the mower is first switched on and an electric mower does tend to chop anything in its path, so please do check for sleeping feline's before mowing. This is the end of this public service broadcast.

Thursday 10th July 2003
"Silicone chip inside here head is switched to overload and nobody's gonna go to school today, she's gonna make them stay at home." (Song)
I Don't Like Monday's - Boomtown Rats: Correctly answered by Heidi D

Which current Premiership side suffered three successive relegations between 1984 and 1986?
Wolves: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

I can only assume that Juan Sebastian Veron is not best pleased at being anonymous for long spells on the pitch over his last two seasons with Man United as he has taken steps to ensure that the same doesn't happen on the highways and motorways of Greater Manchester and beyond. The Argentine, who has hardly shone since joining in 2001, has splashed out �80,000 on a new Hummer. Now this meant nothing to me to be honest, but I'm reliably informed that this is the same vehicle which the US army uses for troop movements, so it should fit in well around Trafford and Cheshire eh? According to one of the papers today, poor Veron took a massive 20 minutes to park it properly before training (most women can park quicker than that for goodness sake!) and it eats the fuel at...now get this... one mile per gallon!!!I wonder if it had been cheaper to buy concorde, he may even manage to park it quicker!

Have you noticed how different people have different ways of waiting/finding a parking space? Today we had another trip to the hospital and, as last week, I dropped my wife off first and then embarked on the usual trek, only to strike gold within FIVE MINUTES!! Now, even in this short space of time, you could easily pick out three very different `tactics`. Some, like me (Mr Random Searcher), choose to continually drive around (they have 4-5 parking areas - all very well spread out) and hope to find someone pulling out, whilst others do similar but choose to pull into each parking zone just in case (Mr Hopeful) rather than `scan` for a space and move on if one isn't visible. The most obvious `tactic` is also the most annoying in my book and that involves the driver who just stops behind two or three parked cars and waits until someone pulls out nearby (Mr Wait-And-See), or if he's really lucky, one of the cars he's blocked in may be ready to leave. Two of these twerps, who don't give a flying flock of seagulls if they are blocking half the road, were apparent today as I spotted someone unlocking their car preparing to leave out of their sights, so as they sat chatting to each other from their own cars, I nipped past them and grabbed the recently vacated space, much to their obvious displeasure. Not only do these people do their best to block the actual roads, but they then believe they have a god given right to ANY vacant space in the area.

Friday 11th July 2003
"My friend and me, looking through the red box of memories" (Song)
The Drugs Don't Work - The Verve: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Newcastle star Lomana Lua-Lua is a full international with which nation?
Democratic Republic of Congo: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

So, those nice fella's at UEFA want to try and `jazz up` the UEFA Cup by adding a group phase from next season's tournament. I can't help feeling that they are wasting their time and energy on a competition which has become more and more devalued over the past decade for a number of reasons. Making the European Cup into the Champions League and then allowing entrants from as low as fourth place from some leagues didnt help matters, neither has the addition of the InterToto Cup, which potentially allows any club to qualify for the UEFA Cup, even if they battled against relegation last season. However, for me the one thing which seriously let the competition down was the dopey idea to allow Champions League clubs (third placed in their groups after phase 1) to join the UEFA Cup last 32, effectively giving them a back-door entry into the latter stages of the competition - it's like giving a boxer a crack at another fighter despite being knocked out in the fourth round. Their new group phase may well work and you can only really judge after it's been tried and tested, however even that is fraught with problems as each club in the group will play each other either home OR away - not both! Therefore one club in the group could face a tough trip to (for example) Liverpool whilst another could face the a home tie against the Merseysiders. UEFA seem to have chopped and changed things so much over the last decade that they no longer know what's best.

Having been married for over ten years, you tend to get to know each other's little quirks and traits, and yesterday, once back from the fun in the car park, my wife came out with the phrase that always makes my blood pressure rise. "I've been thinking..." usually involves either spending plenty of money or doing something which you know you shouldnt even begin. Then it continued, "Maybe the fridge would look better over there and then we could move the (big and very heavy) cupboard into that corner and then..." The rest is a blur and mish-mash of ideas, however I knew that for all my `arguments against`, we would still have to do it. So began an afternoon of moving said fridge and sideboard as well as a freezer, a very heavy fishtank and THREE televisions around various parts of the room, and in some circumstances, upstairs to a different part of the house. In addition, our freezer went over my Mother's and we had hers (this is a long story which I won't go into!!), which needed the brief drive over and back to her house. After almost four hours of constant moving, scraped arms and fingers, a crushed foot and enough bad language fill our swear box, the mini-move was complete and I must admit that it looks better, although I'm kidding myself that this is simply because it's different. So, when you are having a nice relaxing day and your wife or partner utters those immortal words, I know how you are feeling and equally I know that it's pointless arguing against it as it will need to be done regardless!

Saturday 12th July 2003
"And through it all, she offers me protection, a lot of love and affection" (Song)
Angels - Robbie Williams: Correctly answered by Kirsty D

Who was Arsenal manager between George Graham and Arsene Wenger?
Bruce Rioch: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

It would seem that Leeds United are now very much in the `kick them while they're down` catagory as regards the press and the media. Sadly, since the loss of seven internationals to pastures new last season and now with Harry Kewell trotting down the yellow brick road to Anfield, Leeds have not only become the butt of many jokes but are also being connected with any `bad news` story, regardless of how trivial, and it would seem, true it happens to be. The Kewell transfer has made Leeds look like total amateurs and just to add salt into the gaping wound, it now appears that we are also liable to pay his yearly insurance premium of over �28,000 - simply because he was still a Leeds player when it was due. But, the cherry on the icing on the cake came today on the back of that bastion of honesty, the Daily Mail, where (allegedly) Robbie Fowler had issued a writ against the club for �3.5m which according to the Mail would push us to the edge of bankruptcy - indeed this would probably be the case if the story were true. Thankfully both Leeds and Fowler (now at Man City of course) have refuted the claims. As if to think that three years ago we were everyone's second favourite team and the darlings of the media - then came the Bowyer and Woodgate case and the slippery slope began to get increasing steep until now - when it's almost become vertical!

Next season whilst watching Manchester United in the Champions League, please be careful as it would appear to be a danger to your health. Four years ago, 70s TV star Rod Hull was killed when trying to watch United in a European clash, although the truth of the matter is that he went onto his roof to try and re-align his TV aerial and fell off! Today in the paper there's the verdict of an inquest into a United fan from Bishop Stortford who was watching last season's 4-3 win against Real Madrid whilst eating a sandwich and choked when United scored their third goal! Whilst both sad instances were accidental, it's clearly worth taking note for future reference next season!

Sunday 13th July 2003
"Out on the road today I saw a dead head sticker on a Cadillac"(Song)
Boys of Summer - Don Henley: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Which African star was voted World Player of the Year in 1995?
George Weah: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

My Uncle, a Man United supporter of some 50+ years, always maintains that the one true legend in the game over that half a century was George Best. Arguably the greatest player never to appear in the World Cup Finals, Best graced the English game in the 60s and early 70s before quitting at a ridiculously young age. Sadly, in recent times his drinking and fast living overtook him and he underwent a liver transplant a year ago. Many had little sympathy for him and were angered that his own lifestyle caused the health problems and that many less fortunate than him could have had the same operation. Whatever your feelings regarding that, it seems that lessons haven't been heeded as he's apparently now been drinking again for the last seven days and was arrested yesterday after a brawl with a photographer. His own wife claims that he's on a single track road to oblivion and having already been handed one second chance, another such opportunity will surely not come along so easily. Best could have had it all and could ultimately end up living his final years in pain and fear. The only good thing to come out of this is that it may make others in a similar position see the errors of their ways. But then again, maybe not.

Britain is currently undergoing a mini-heatwave (no rain for a week and temps constantly in excess of 22c is the criteria for a heatwave in the UK) and once again we made full use of the cloudless sky and headed for a picnic at the local park with some friends. Cool drinks and sandwiches were quickly followed by a makeshift game of rounders (a sort of poor mans Baseball) which only went to prove how bloody unfit some of us 30somethings really are - even if we did blame it on the stifling heat. Ice creams followed on the short-ish walk home and whilst sat outside the ice cream parlour, along came the traditional show-off boy-racers in their souped up cars, honking their horns and yelling out of their car windows at anyone who cares to take notice. This time however, the driver failed to spot that the traffic lights had turned red ahead of them and the car in front had, quite correctly, stopped. Their high spirits were quickly replaced by panic and the horns were replaced by screeching of tyres, all to no avail as they clattered into the back of the poor unfortunate car at the lights. Despite the later presence of police and ambulance, thankfully no-one appeared to be hurt, although I daresay the pride of these first-class big-heads were tainted.

Monday 14th July 2003
"Mother looking at me, tell me what do you see, yes I've lost my mind..." (Song)
All The Things She Said - TATU: Correctly answered by Kirsty D

Why was Tony Adams jailed in 1990?
Drink-driving: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Two South American stars look set to move clubs this week, with Manchester United involved in both transfers. The long running saga involving Ronaldinho's move from Paris St Germain looks likely to be resolved shortly, possibly as early as today, as the Brazilian makes the switch across the English Channel to England, making history as the first Brazilian to play for United. However, before everyone hails him as the biggest thing since Hovis bought a bread slicer, it's worth looking at Juan Sebastien Veron who joined United for a massive �28m two years ago and now seems set to move to London where Moneybags Chelsea have offered half of that amount. South American's in particular do seem to have problems either settling in England or setting in the Premiership and Veron, who was superb whilst in Italy, remains a classic example of that. Ronaldinho may end up being the same or ultimately he could indeed become the hero that Veron was expected when he joined. Whatever happens, he remains positive proof that regardless of how high the transfer fee, there's no guarantee that any player will be a sure fire success.

There are certain things in life that make you feel old - the `Golden Hour` on the radio features 1980 and you can remembering buying a couple of the tracks featured being one such example today. Equally, when your child (or children) starts a new school, the realisation that you are no longer a spring chicken spacks you firmly in the chops. My daughter has been at her school for almost five years now and today she, and around 170 others, tasted life at their new middle school for the first time as they had their `transfer day` which prepares them for the real deal in September. I'll admit to having a touch of pride that she's done so well so far and that the next stage of her young life is shortly to begin, but where does that leave us parents? Looking ahead to the kid(s) eventually leaving school, then leaving home and getting married - and I don't care who she meets, he'll never be good enough in my eyes! Still after that, there's always the potential thrill of being a grandparent to look ahead to...! Hope I've cheered you up on a hot Monday morning now :)

Tuesday 15th July 2003
"And your telephone's been ringing while you're dancing in the rain."(Song)

Who once scored five goals for Liverpool in a Coca-Cola Cup tie against Fulham in what was only his fourth appearance for the Anfield club?
Robbie Fowler: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

You have to admire the persistance of Chelsea as regards Damien Duff. Blackburn have already rejected bids of �13m and �15m and now we hear that a further additional �2m has been offered and again rejected by the Lancastrian side. It's rather ironic in a way as Rovers themselves went down the same route ten years ago when Sir Jack Walker ploughed a massive amount of cash into the club , effectively turning them into Champions within three years. Naturally, Rovers could dig their heels in here and keep refusing the bids, although having admitted that Duff is for sale at the right price, this seems unlikely. Equally, they could get stung for being too greedy and lose out on a big fee altogether if Chelsea get cheesed off with contant rejections, so it's a thin line for Rovers. Finally, with fees of �13m to �17m being branded around, it's worth remembering the furore caused by Blackburn when they signed Alan Shearer from Southampton a little over a decade ago for...�3.3m, not to mention his own �15m four years later. I had a wonderfully surreal moment at our local DIY chainstore today as we went to buy a desk fan (Yes, it's still damn hot over here!). Although we didnt want one which would blow the three little pigs house of bricks to pieces, equally we didnt want one which would struggle to dislodge a piece of paper, so when we finally found one which appeared to be mid-range as regards blowing factor, it was also the only one without a price on it! So, off we trudged to join the checkout queue (they always seem to be long at DIY stores!) and eventually came our turn to pay. Sods law though, when I went to sign the debit card receipt, the pen refused to work and after a few seconds of shaking it, I was told by the checkout lady that the cheap pens they supply don't work on the till receipt paper!! Then as I was about to ask for another pen (preferably one which would write), I was told not to worry about signing as it would go through anyway!! And they wonder why credit card fraud is alive and kicking.

Wednesday 16th July 2003
"I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me, he's just a poor boy from a poor family."(Song)
Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Which current Prem boss was the first English player to win a French Championship medal?
Glenn Hoddle: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

One of the latest emails doing the rounds jokingly states that Chelsea have bought every current Premiership player, leaving Claudio Ranieri with a squad of 674 players, from which he must surely be able to pick a winning side! Whilst this is obviously firmly tongue-in-cheek, us Leeds fans have been seeing the flip side of this for the last 12 months as players leave the club like rats leaving a sinking ship. Mark Viduka could well be next as his agent (can't we ban all of these bloody agents?) admits that (a) Leeds may have to sell him to raise more cash and that (b) clubs are interested, including Lyon from France. If he does follow his compatriot, Harry Kewell, out of the door, then it leaves us with very little choice up front, with only Alan Smith (who spends half of his time suspended) and Michael Bridges (a quality striker but with so much bad luck as regards injury) as anything like recognised forwards. The more I think about it, the more I feel that this is going to be one long season of struggles for Leeds!

"Do You Speak Micra?" - So goes the catchline of the most annoying advert currently on the television in the UK. It involves a set of bright blue lips constantly on screen, sprouting out new catchphrases to describe the new Nissan Micra. Things like `Modtro` - Modern yet Retro - and `Simpology` - Simple Technology. At all times in the background, the new car sails effortlessly around various parts of a blue city, making us believe that no other traffic is ever on the road. The worst catchphrase in my opinion though is `Spafe` - Spontaneous and Safe. Maybe it's me, but my dictionary describes Spontaneous as `Of One's Free Accord`. Does this mean that the Micra will start turning left when you want to carry straight on or maybe it will turn the headlights on when you're trying to switch the windscreen wipers off! The other great sin is one that many car ads use and that is to inform us in large print on the screen that the car is available from �7,495, but in small print at the bottom, the car in the actual ad is actually almost �5,000 dearer!

Thursday 17th July 2003
"But you see, its not me, its not my family, in your head, in your head, they are fighting."(Song)

Who was the first Englishman to be sent off in a World Cup Finals game?

I have to admit that Liverpool looked impressive last night in their opening pre-season friendly against a Cologne side who seemed intent on helping the Prem side with underhit back passes, indeed Heskey and Owen both capitalised on such instances. Whilst the Germans are a pale shadow of their former greatness, having just won promotion back to the top division, Liverpool could have easily netted far more than the three goals they managed. It was interesting to see boss Gerard Houllier do an `Eriksson` and make ten changes at half time (quite why he chose Igor Biscan as the only player to play all 90 minutes is a mystery though) and the difference was noticeable as the second half side restricted Cologne to just one chance and created enough themselves to make the scoreline embarrassing, although the first half side could easily have scored four or five themselves. Two final things of note. Harry Kewell played the second half and looked comfortable but quiet. Maybe he's still getting into training and the new set up, but he did nothing special aside from a few routine passes, indeed these sentiments were echoed by a Liverpool fan that I was speaking to earlier today, so it�s not sour grapes on my part! Finally, youngster Neil Mellor, who also played in the second half, gave us an early `miss of the season` contender with a shot wide from just six yards! Not quite Ronnie Rosenthal quality, but close nonetheless!

In recent years, some of the more trendy, or indeed unimaginative, new parents, have chosen rather unusual names for their children. Perhaps not all are of the outlandish quality of Moon Unit (Frank Zappa�s son) or Zowie (David Bowie�s kid) but many could leave their children open to mickey taking in later years. However, in China, one set of parents have really taken the proverbial biscuit by calling their child Saddam Sars � after the two biggest news stories doing the rounds at the time of his birth! Now I ask you, how dopey is that? If my parents had taken the same tact, I could have been called Sinai Cuba!So, with this in mind, I have come up with an alternative for this three month old lad in the Far East, a more appropriate name considering the p*ss taking which lies ahead for him - Poor Little Sod.

Friday 18th July 2003
"Someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide."(Song)

What unique international record does Andy Cole hold as regards his first four England caps?
They were all won under different managers: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

After the departure of Jean Tigana last April, Fulham won three of their five games under caretaker boss Chris Coleman and after last night's showing against Celtic, it's not hard to see why. Despite the 2-1 defeat and the seemingly normal friendly routine of making mass changes, Fulham peppered the Scots goal in the second half and only bad luck and superb goalkeeping from Rab Douglas kept the scoreline down. Only the relegated pairing of Sunderland and West Brom scored less goals than Fulham last season, but it was difficult to see how the LOndoners managed to struggle so badly in truth. Maybe it was the second half Celtic line up, consisting of fringe players and youngsters which aided their cause, or perhaps it was a bigger willingness to play for Coleman rather than Tigana, indeed you could debate it all day, however if they reproduce their second half performance on regular occasions next season, then they shouldn't be battling against relegation.

Remember Ghostbusters when the bored and grossly underwork secretary took `that` phone call and screamed out, "We've Got One!!"? Well, I felt the same way yesterday when I read that Leeds were on the verge of actually signing a player! Yes, former Chelsea midfielder Jody Morris is a medical away from joining us and whilst it's hardly of earth-shattering importance and barely merited a mention in the nationals today, it's hard to describe how it feels to hear of any player arriving having sat through 12 months of a seemingly non-stop mass exodus. Morris brings baggage with him in truth in the shape of a drunken outburst at a group of Americans at Heathrow just days after Sept 11th and, if memory serves me, a pub punch up, however critics would argue that he'll fit in well at Leeds (he'd fit in even better at Newcastle!). They would also argue that in signing a player who kicks first and asks questions later and collects bookings like others collect stamps, boss Peter Reid is simply keeping up the Leeds tradition began by Billy Bremner and continued by the likes of Norman Hunter, Vinny Jones, Chris Kamara, David Batty and Lee Bowyer, however the spirits will not be dampened - it's still a new signing and an additional member of the squad!

Saturday 19th July 2003
"Maybe I'm just too demanding, maybe I'm just like my father, too bold."(Song)
When Doves Cry - Prince: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

During World Cup 2002, which Republic of Ireland star earned his 100th cap?

Isn't it strange how opinions and expectations change, usually over something fairly small and insignificant? Whilst Chelsea's recent influx of cash can hardly come into either of these catagories, it was probably the reason why I was so surprised to hear that they'd lost a friendly 2-0 against cash-strapped Lazio last night. I guess sub-consciously I believed that Chelsea are now a club with the financial clout to buy who they want and subsequently will be sweeping the board with victories and trophies next season. Naturally we are all aware that things are never that simple and despite the recent aquisition of Glen Johnson and Geremi, not to mention potential signings of Damien Duff and Wayne Bridge, there is still no cast iron guarantee of success. I'll keep an eye on their friendly results with interest, although in truth I pay very little attention to friendly scorelines, it's what happens when the real stuff begins that counts.

One of the tasks of working early mornings in a busy newsagents is overseeing the arrival of our paperboys and girls each day and with in excess of 30 of them coming in each day, this in itself can have it's moments. One of the more entertaining aspects is watching what each one does when they first get their pile of papers and as 95% of them are aged 13-16, there are vast variations. Many will go straight to the front pages to see the headlines, or more likely, to the back pages to see the latest in the sport and football world - this also gives them ammunition to make fun of me and Leeds of course! There are others who really couldn't give a stuff what's happening in the world in general or the sporting world and simply get on and put their rounds up together. We also have the cross-section who have a crafty look inside certain tabloids to the pages where certain young nubile ladies are topless or scantily clad! I can't blame them and was probably the same at their age when the hormones did somersaults and the summer seemed to be never ending. I wonder though if these reading habits will continue as they go through life?

Sunday 20th July 2003
"If you hear something late at night, some kind of trouble, some kind of fight."(Song)

Which Prem club's official postal address begins 748 High Road?

Yesterday, yet another elongated and protracted transfer saga was brought to a conclusion as Paris St Germain sold Brazilian star Ronaldinho to Man United for �21m....or that's how it seemed until a couple of days ago! Even before the sale of David Beckham, it seemed that Ronaldinho was heading for Old Trafford, this was only emphasised by quotes from player, agent and clubs involved. Barcelona didn't seem to even be at the races as regards clinching his signature due to a change in management and apparent financial problems, however ultimately he will be turning out in the blue and red of the Catalan side next season rather than the red and white of United. This teaches us two lessons. Firstly, never assume anything in the footballing world until it is signed, sealed and delivered and secondly, despite being the richest club in the world, the current English champions and arguably the best supported club in the globe, there is still no cast iron guarantee that every player wants to, or will join, Man United given the choice. With Beckham now gone and Ronaldinho now not arriving, United fans will surely demand a new big name at Old Trafford before the start of the season. Will it be Damien Duff? We shall see!

Whilst channel hopping last week (hundreds of channels on satellite and nothing to watch!), we came across First Night of the Proms and with it, a new game to play - Spot The Look-alike! Ideally you need something factual with plenty of extras and faces to look at and then try and spot someone who resembles a famous person. After a few minutes, we spotted a poor chap who looked uncannily like Dobbie from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - even down to the hairless head and big ears! Then, last night, whilst watching the lottery show (Why don't they just show us the draw rather than all the claptrap for 45 minutes beforehand?) one man was the spitting image of Mr Potato Head from Toy Story, right down to the moustache! It's a great game for the kids, but a word of warning, don't play it in shopping precincts or crowded areas, because kids can be brutally (and embarrassingly) honest!

Monday 21st July 2003
"I like you the way you are, when we're driving in your car."(Song)
Complicated - Avril Lavigne: Correctly answered by Kirsty

Who missed the final penalty in the shoot out in the 1994 World Cup Final?
Franco Baresi: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

So, another two Chelsea deals are completed as Wayne Bridge moves to West London from Southampton for a �7m fee, whilst Graeme Le Saux goes the opposite way for �2m - and a third, Damien Duff's massive �17m switch from Blackburn, looks likely to be sorted later today. I can understand the annoyance of Saints chairman Rupert Lowe, who gave Bridge a veiled dig over the weekend and again today after the deal was finalised, although I guess deep down he knows that Chelsea are currently a bigger club and attraction than the South Coast side. For all their critics, myself included to an extent, Chelsea are at least targeting some English youngsters for a change rather than going for imports from overseas and if it helps the likes of Bridge and Glen Johnson in the future at regards the national team, then few will complain. I wonder if there is some kind of ulterior motive somewhere at the Bridge (pun intended!) to try and reverse the trend of foreign imports at the club and try and concentrate on home grown talent? That said, maybe they'll shatter that myth and sign a big Italian or French star soon.

Aside from football (obviously!) I find most other sports a total turn-off and Formula One racing usually has the same effect as a sleeping pill. Before the current season, even the organisers were looking for ways to make it more exciting, however I doubt that they would have enjoyed that idiot who ran down the Silverstone track yesterday, forcing cars to dodge him whilst doing speeds of 160mph - even if it did increase the profile of the sport somewhat! Apparently it was some kind of protest from this 50-something chap who clearly has a higher shoe size than IQ, however you can only wonder what the reaction would have been had he been struck by a car and probably got himself killed. In this screwed up world where the guilty seem to have more rights than the innocent, he'd probably have had a tree named after him by his protester pals and F1 chiefs fined for allowing him to run onto the track. Oh yes, and the unlucky driver would likely been sued for every million that he's worth and charged with manslaughter. One final word about the steward who eventually caught him - didnt he react brilliantly cooly, I'd have been tempted to thump him in the chops!

Tuesday 22nd July 2003
"What's it like to have a wacko for a son?" - "It feels wonderful!"(Film)
Donnie Darko: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Where have the last three FA Trophy Finals been staged?

Another new arrival at Leeds, albeit on a season long loan from Lens, in the shape of French defender Zoumana Camara. It's comforting to see that boss Peter Reid has recognised the primary weaknesses in the squad and has done his utmost to plug some gaps. I must confess that I've never heard of Camara, indeed when I saw the initial headline, I thought it was former Liverpool and West Ham striker Titi that we were after! Camara, as well as being a headline writers dream (Camara clicks!), has been given instructions from Reid for the first league game of the season, basically stating that he wants Alan Shearer marked out of the game. Good plan Reidy, although how often do these sort of statements backfire badly? Shearer scored a hat trick at Elland Rd during his Blackburn days, so hopefully he won't repeat that feat!

It's often said that children have the most active imaginations of anyone on this earth and it's something that I would totally agree with. Recently, we got to read some of our nine year old daughter's literacy work at school, including a `once a month` writing project which they are all graded on. One such piece of writing involved giving the pro's and con's of our town and another town about 40 miles away (which will remain nameless for reasons soon to become obvious) and then persuade a fictitious Egyptian man to come and live in our particular town. Now, as she's only ever been to this other town twice, and neither for any length of time, I wondered how she would work around this and she came up with `xxx has a lot of joy-riding and drug taking` and that even our own town has `too many pubs`! Whether this is a product of an over fertile imagination, the fact that they take in far more than we realise or indeed a simple understanding of the news and newspapers, then I really don't know. I'd suspect a combination of all three. As for the pubs quote, this is probably in relation to both my wife and I being tee-total. I wonder if we have the next J.K.Rowling in our midts?

Wednesday 23rd July 2003
"You think you're mad, too unstable, kicking in chairs and knocking down tables"(Song)

Before the revent arrival of Damien Duff, who was Chelsea's record signing?
Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

I didn't see Man United wallop Celtic 4-0 in Seattle in the early hours of this morning for two reasons. Firstly I was at work for the majority of the game and secondly, it was live only on MUTV which it will come as no surprise to know that I don't subscribe to! Apparently United were superb and shared the scoring around (Solskjaer, Van Nist, Giggs and Bellion), however before everyone goes totally OTT about the result, bear in mind that pre-season friendlies are not always a good indicator of the season to come. Their main objectives are for players to improve their match fitness and for coaches and managers to tinker with new signings and tactics without the fear of losing points should a plan go totally belly up. If any further proof is needed, this time last year, the same two clubs met at Old Trafford with Celtic winning a thriller 4-3. United went on to win the league, whilst Celtic ended the season empty handed. Case rested.

Bath time for Floyd, our golden retriever, is an education and entertainment combined in one incident as we managed to prove earlier this week. It's not as though he hates the bath, indeed once he's in there, he happily sits there while my wife washes him thoroughly. The problem lies with getting him in the bath in the first place! If he's upstairs then forget it, you don't stand a chance and he won't even come down if we are running the bath for any of us rather than him. This time we did get him on the same floor, albeit three rooms away and then even wild horses would have had trouble dragging him into the bathroom. The only solution was for me to pick him up (and he is one heavy dog!) and literally carry him into the bath, resulting in me getting covered in golden dog hairs, resembling some kind of hairy fairground freak! Once finished he then makes his way back upstairs, but not before he's drenched everyone within shaking distance as he does his bit to dry himself, resulting in a frantic bid to stop water seeping into anything electrical! Needless to say, he's only bathed when totally necessary!

Thursday 24th July 2003
"Tommy used to work on the docks, union been on strike, he's down on his luck"(Song)
Livin on a Prayer - Bon Jovi: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Who were England's three goalkeepers in their WC2002 squad?
David Seaman, Nigel Martyn, David James: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed the friendly - cunningly disguised as the wonferfully named FA Premier League Asia Cup - between Newcastle and Birmingham in Malaysia today, even though I didnt see it live due to other commitments. Ultimately, I taped the game and watched it around seven hours later, having managed to avoid the scoreline during visits to the hospital and the supermarket! The two obvious talking points are the sending off of Kenny Cunningham and whether it was really necessary of ref Rob Styles to stick with the letter of the law in a friendly. I'm inclined to agree with the commentators and felt that a yellow card would have been okay. The other topic of discussion was the awful miss by Stern John near the end as he somehow shot wide of an empty net having beaten the keeper. We saw one similar a week ago when Liverpool's Neil Mellor missed a sitter, but this, if anything , was worse! Overall though, an entertaining match for what was effectively a friendly.

Today we started to hear one of the more traditional sounds of the English summer as families throughout the nation are battered with those immortal words, "Mum, I'm bored!". Yes, the schools have officially broken up for their long summer holidays and already the kids are stuck for things to occupy them during their time at home. My daughter even started the `boredom` routine last night, although we put that down to tiredness after a long day...I hope! Even at the shop this morning, we've seen a number of pre-teens wander aimlessly in and then out again and even one who wanted to be let off 4p as he didnt have enough money on him. We refused (I'm sure our boss would love it if we undercharged everyone by 4p!) and hey presto, he was back within a minute with the additional cash needed! Parents and shop workers everywhere are consoling themselves with the notion that the six weeks will soon pass....who are we trying to fool?

Friday 25th July 2003
"On the talk back show, on the radio, at the local bar" (Song)

Who, in 1981, were the first English club to lay a plastic pitch?

Unlike yesterday, I managed to catch the Asia Cup game between Malaysia and Chelsea live, although with a kick off at 1:45pm, it did seem rather strange, even after the WC last year gave us wierd kick off times. However, a couple of points to note. Chelsea looked a hell of a lot better after the mass changes which saw the likes of Hasselbaink, Gudjohnson and Duff come on after an hour. They seemed to have more zip about them and it was no surprise to see three goals in the final twenty minutes which in truth saved Chelsea's blushes against a national side who were a massive 12-1 to win the game, even on their own pitch. Equally, for all the roubles spent by Chelsea since their Russian based take over, it's apparent that another goalkeeper needs to be high on their priority list. Carlo Cudicini missed the game through illness, but Marco Ambrosio could hardly have installed confidence among the Chelsea fans. His kicking was largely poor and his ability to punch when he could have caught and flap when he should have pushed the ball over cost dear, especially with the Mayalsia goal which he should have dealt with easily. Finally, how about that new Chelsea shirt? All white with two thick vertical blue stripes down the middle, one royal blue and one slightly darker. One of the commentators said that it looked like a cigarette packet!

Staying in the Far East, Liverpool played a friendly against Thailand yesterday and although I didnt see the game, it's made big headlines over here due to a first half which lasted almost 60 minutes! Apparently, the local referee misunderstood reds boss Gerard Houllier, who explained before the game that he would make mass changes on the hour mark, however poor official thought that the sides has agreed to play a first half lasting for one hour and only actually blew for half time when Thailand's boss (former Aston Villa man Peter Withe) yelled at him to stop the game - or words to that effect! I found it all rather comical to be honest and I'll bet Liverpool won't be quite as quick to be critical towards Premiership referees after that!

Saturday 26th July 2003
"When my love said to me, meet me down by the gallow tree, for it's bad news I fear" (Song)

Against which club did Eric Cantona score his final league goal for Man United?

Today it was revealed that mega-money bags Chelsea bid a whopping �71m for Real Madrid striker Raul! Yes, that's SEVENTY-ONE million pounds!! Now, aside from that pair of facts that (a) he wants to stay which the Spanish champions and (b) the figure doesn't even come close to his buy-out clause of �128m, I am delighted that it didn't materialise. Not that I wouldn't like to see a striker of the quality of Raul in the Premiership, but simply because the fee could have potentially opened the floodgates of a faltering transfer market and we'd be back in the crazy situation of a few years ago which saw fees rocket sky high. There may well come a time when even the remarkable �100m barrier may be broken, however as the current record is �45m (Zidane), then breaking that by almost 50% would have sent shock waves around the footballing world. Chelsea certainly have money to spare at present, but I think Real and Raul have done the game a favour by rejecting the current offer.

Earlier this week, my wife and I had to buy various materials and fabrics and as our knowledge of such things is limited to say the least, we went to a local fabric shop to get advice - and ultimately purchase what we needed. The staff there were supremely helpful, knew their job and nothing was too much trouble, resulting in a decent sale for them and us getting what we needed. The manageress came into the shop where I work today and I thanked her for the help of her staff and she remarked how unusual it is to receive any praise! Like that shop, the newsagent where I work is not part of a chain and is strictly independant, however equally for us, praise is few and far between, not because we'd aren't doing a decent job, which often goes above and beyond what we are paid for, but simply because it isn't in our nature to offer praise as quickly as we would complain! For every first class moaner we get, there around 50 decent customers, however it's always the whingers that are remembered, which is a real shame.

Sunday 27th July 2003
"Welcome to your life, there's no turning back, even while we sleep, we will find you acting on your best behaviour" (Song)

Which current Prem boss played against Bobby Robson's Ipswich side in the 1978 FA Cup Final?

For someone who usually dismisses pre-season friendlies as dull, waste of time type of games (from a spectator point of view), the recent Asia Cup has been refreshingly entertaining. Based in Malaysia, the national side have competed alongside Chelsea, Newcastle and Birmingham to provide some cracking games. Okay, the fact that the Malaysian's can't defend for the final 20 minutes has helped, but we've had controversy with Kenny Cunningham's red card and Frank Lampard's `offside` goal, as well as plenty of goals - 12 in all four games - not to mention a classic miss of the season contender from Stern John, who then rammed all the jibes back at us with two fine goals in his next game. Today's final was a little disappointing, however it was ultimately worth it to see the look on Sir Bobby Robson's face when Jermaine Jenas tried to chip his penalty and only saw it sail over the bar! There is talk of making this an annual event in the Far East and I can see no reason to dispute these plans at all.

Many people would view members of the clergy as ones with little sense of humour, however our local vicar - Father Peter - is as down to earth as they come and proved it in great fashion yesterday. A few weeks ago, we were due to take part in a Whitsun march, only to get caught in the mother of all storms, including heavy rain and thunder and lightening. Thankfully, Father Peter let us shelter in his house en route until the rain eased off. Yesterday, we went to a summer garden party - again at his house - and again the weather was absolutely awful with only the thunder & lightening missing this time. Luckily, he had enough tents and gazebo's to keep everyone under cover, but it was his remarks when we first arrived which had me in stitches. With seven of us standing there, dripping wet, he said, "It's ironic really, it was pissing down the last time you were all here!" Classic stuff!

Monday 28th July 2003
"I've got so much life, running through my veins" (Song)
Robbie Williams - Feel: Correctly answered by Kirsty D

In which European league do Cosmos play in?

It was interesting to read that Eyal Berkovic looks set to leave Man City after apparently handing in a transfer request. Last season, it was widely thought that he and team mate Ali Benarbia couldnt play in the same side as they were both too similar in style and now with Benarbia bound for Qatar, it would seem that rather than have the services of both, both Kevin Keegan will have neither as a creative option next season. Keegan's way has always been of flair and style above and beyond anything else and I daresay that sooner or later, he'll find some kind of replacement. Trevor Sinclair has already been drafted in from West Ham, but he's hardly the same type of player, even though he clearly has qualities of his own. City had a decent campaign last time out and with a new stadium this season, their usually commited and patient fans may just be a little more expectant than usual.

We drove down to North Devon today (around 90 mins travel each way) to visit some of the in-laws and bring our niece back to stay for a while and, naturally enough, had the radio on in the car. Among the music - ranging from the decent to the absolute tripe - there was an interesting phone in regarding time travel, asking which spot in time would you like to return to and why? As we stopped for dinner, I didnt get to hear any of the answers, however from a personal viewpoint, I think I'd like to go back and change a vital piece of history. Maybe back to November 22nd 1963 and stop the JFK assassination, or perhaps to Paris on August 31st 1997 and somehow stop the Princess of Wales from getting into a particular car. The possibilities are absolutely endless and could also be relevant to football of course! Perhaps a return to the start of the 1991-92 campaign which Leeds ended as league champions, although naturally I wouldnt want to alter the outcome in that case!

Tuesday 29th July 2003
"It's not every day you find out that you are responsible for three billion deaths" (Film)
Terminator 2 - Judgement Day: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

From 1986 to 1996, Bristol Rovers shared the stadium of which non-league club?
Bath City: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

"End my Elland Road `Ell" - so went the headline on the back of one of the papers today as Mark Viduka looks likely to be the latest big name player to leave Leeds. Viduka, leading scorer last season, is thought to want a move to a club where he'll at least get European football and in truth, who can blame him. He's seen eight (or is it nine?) internationals leave the club for various reasons over the last year and must wonder what sort of season is facing him. Pre-season is hardly going well with two draws , a 4-2 defeat at Burnley and a 4-3 win at Hartlepool to report, leaving us fans wondering quite what the situation is likely to be this time next year. To be truthful, if someone offered me 17th place in the Prem and no more players leaving the club over the next twelve months, then I'd probably take it which is all the more remarkable considering we were Champions League semi finalists just over two years ago.

At the weekend, we heard that Liza Minelli's marriage of just two months was on the rocks and now today, it's confirmed that D-list UK celebs, Jack Ryder and Kym Marsh are to have a trial separation after one year of matrimony. The reasons given are that Kym's hectic pop-star lifestyle means that Jack - six years her junior - has to stay at home and look after her two kids from a previous relationship! I guess I can see their point, but it seems now that showbiz marriages go one of two ways. They either last forever and a day, regardless of pressures of work and suchlike, or they end after a very short period of time, such as the two examples above. Indeed, as much as I get fed up with seeing Mr & Mrs Beckham in the papers day after day, you can't but admire them for keeping their private life seemingly up together. Maybe others could learn from them!

Wednesday 30th July 2003
"You get the wolf to protect the sheep. And it takes a wolf to get a wolf." (Film)
Training Day: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Which club finished third in the first ever Premier League in 1992-3 and were then relegated within two years?
Norwich City: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

A week ago, Leeds played away to York City in a pre-season friendly, drawing 1-1, however the main talking point came after just twelve minutes when Mark Viduka (Yes, him again, sorry) elbowed an opponent and then threw the ball at him whilst on the ground. In a normal game, Viduka would have been rightly sent off, however referee Alan Kaye used a rare commodity these days - common sense - and, as it was a friendly, requested to the Leeds bench that Viduka be substituted and he duly was. Now, the top dogs at the FA have decided to charge Mr Kaye over the incident for, "less than proficiently applying the laws of the game." Okay, by the letter of the law, he should have shown a red card, however people moan when refs send players off in friendlies ( even if they ARE justified) and now they get charged by their employers if they don't! The old adage of `Who'd be a referee` is never more true.

There was a terrific story in the paper today about an unemployed guy who, desperate for money, walked into a bank and calmly handed over a piece of paper, stating that he was armed with a gun and explosives and would blow the place apart unless they filled his bag with cash. The woman on the counter cooly did as requested and our anti-hero made his escape and was long gone before the alarm was raised and the police arrived. Whether he had guns and explosives, or indeed whether he would have ever carried out his threat, was never known as he was arrested within the hour! Yes, our Mr Intelligent had written his `message` on the back of his C.V. for a previous job interview...giving his name and address!

Thursday 31st July 2003
"If there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?" (Song)
Lucky - Britney Spears: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Which current international manager played in five FA Cup Finals in the 80s and 90s, winning four?
Mark Hughes: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

It's rare to hear some good news coming from anywhere near Elland Road of late, however I was delighted to read that Alan Smith has said that even relegation would not make him want to leave Leeds United. Okay, so words come cheap and it's very easy for anyone to say this before it happens, however it did perhaps emphasise the level of loyalty which now runs through many non-successful clubs where players are quick to jump ship when the going gets tough and the footballing oceans get a little choppy. Heaven forbid, should the worst happen to Leeds, then I hope that Smiffy will be true to his word, however regardless of what he says, it still wouldnt stop the board selling him for a few quid should the need arise, just look what happened to Jon Woodgate.

It wasn't too long ago that Britney Spears was the biggest thing to hit the music world for a long while and she looked to have a decent future ahead of her. A succession of pure pop hits, albeit irritatingly catchy ones, were followed by a venture into the film world whilst continuing a singing career which was now in danger of sinking without trace. Even the usually tried and tested formula of the cover version crashed when her awful rendition of the Joan Jett and the Blackhearts hit "I Love Rock and Roll" disappeared without barely a whisper. Now I see she has chosen the final option which she feels is available to resurrect her career and posed topless. Certainly the pics I've seen, featured in Elle magazine, show nothing which would shock granny (pics of a bare back and then arms folded over her boobs), and whilst she is still a very pretty sight, I do wonder why some celebs feel that they need to pose semi-naked in order to further (or regain) their career? Not that I'm complaining of course!

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