Views From The Armchair

"Views From The `Footiemad` Armchair
Diary Of A Season August 2003

Friday 1st August 2003
"The Future of Law Enforcement" (Film Tagline)
RoboCop: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Who were the last host nation to lose in the World Cup Final?

I'll be honest and admit that I'm worried about the new season. Partially due to the situation at Leeds and how I feel we'll be battling against relegation rather than fighting for a mid-table/European spot, however also due to the fact that, currently, Man United are threatening to make 2003-4 a mockery, as they have done many times in the past. I know it's only pre-season and all that , however four goal hauls against the likes of Celtic and, last night, Juventus, are the sort of displays which will boost their already inflated confidence levels no end. They also seem to have lost none of their flair and free-flowing play due to the loss of a certain Mr Beckham. Arsenal seem to have various internal problems with little cash to spare and squables over contracts, whilst Liverpool and Newcastle need to maintain a consistancy level before they become genuine title challengers. Chelsea could well sink or swim this season with what is effectively half a new team, so United's challengers do seem to be few and far between. Despite advocating that pre-season results mean very little when the season kicks off, I fear that this could be a repeat of a couple of years ago when the title was won by Easter. I have no problems with the best team winning the league, whether it's Man United or otherwise, but hopefully someone, somewhere will put up a fight and prove me wrong and at least take the season to the final days.

A few months ago, the level of `Cold Callers` by telephone at our home became ridiculous with various companies trying to sell anything from cheap holidays to double glazing, via the occasional fitted kitchen. However, thanks to the BBC of all people, I came across the rather wonderful TPS - Telephone Preference Service - who, totally free of charge, will put your number onto a list which will NOT ACCEPT cold callers, effectively preventing such companies from contacting you via phone. And guess what?? IT WORKS!!! Since the end of May, we've not had a single cold caller contact us and even if we do, we only need to take the name of the company, contact the TPS with details and they then take the matter further - and it's all free! Sadly, it seems that the cold callers are now targetting businesses as I had a call today from `Gemma of whoever` asking if any of my staff would be interested in a new Orange Mobile phone with free this and extra that and so many text messages for only goodness how much a month. Firstly, they aren't `my` staff as I only work there and secondly, I would rather the phone was used for the benefit of our customers rather than trying to sell us something. I wonder if the TPS do similar for businesses?

Saturday 2nd August 2003
"Who'll be my role model, now that my role model is gone." (Song)
You Can Call Me Al - Paul Simon: Correctly answered by Robert Ward

In the FA Cup Quarter-Finals of 1995-96 season, what was collectively unique about the eight teams in the draw?
They were all from the top division - the only time this has ever happened: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

Apart from the Amsterdam Tournament games, which I tried (and dismally failed) to stay awake whilst watching, I avoided last night's friendly results until today in the hope that my break in routine would also change that of Leeds! How bloody wrong that was! At work today, a Chelsea supporting customer broke the news that our latest pre-season friendly had ended in yet another less-than-gallant flop as we lost 2-0 at...Hull! Reading the reports from Leeds fans who were there, apparently Duberry was at fault for both goals, whilst Jason Wilcox became the second Leeds player in a matter of a week and a half to be subbed rather than red carded! The welcome return of Michael Bridges after two awful spells out through injury was a welcome boost, however it did little to erase the FACT that this is gonna be one long nine months! The aforementioned Chelsea fan did little to help when he added that Hull had a good team once, stating that they ran Chelsea close in an FA Cup tie... cicra 1967!!

Children remain a constant source of amusement to me and our 13-year old niece is no exception. She's staying with us for a couple of weeks and with my wife at work, I took her and our daughter to the local indoor play area where there is a wide selection of bouncy inflatables, rope bridges, death slides and various other things for kids of all ages and sizes. After an hour or so, I thought I spotted another familar face in the play area and my fears were confirmed when my daughter mentioned that my cousin's daughter (aged eight) was also there. Ordinarily, this poses no problems, however she and our niece had a disagreement two years ago over a water fight and punches were thrown, so I called our niece over to my table and politely requested that either she keeps away from her or doesn't throw a punch! I'm still not sure whether her reply of, "Oh please...." was said in jest or in genuine disappointment that she couldn't continue her two year old boxing match!

Sunday 3rd August 2003
"Paul Sheldon used to write for a living. Now he's writing to stay alive." (Film Tagline)
Misery: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Which two current Prem clubs hold the joint record for an unbeaten start to a top flight season?
Leeds (73-74) and Liverpool (87-88) both 29 games: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

"I felt that if we had got Ronaldinho we would have had a big chance in Europe. Without him, we can't really do anything different from what we tried last year." Those are the words of Man United boss Sir Alex Ferguson in one of today's Sunday tabloids....and anyone who believes it is living in cloud cuckoo land! Fergie, the original master of the mind games, is one the verge of pulling off another masterstroke by effectively taking the pressure off of his team by stating that they won't win the Champions League next season. Deep down, or probably not so deep, he is surely aware that had his side not been drawn against a totally on song and rampant Real Madrid, then they had every chance of winning the CL last season and, despite the loss of Beckham, I believe they'll have as good a chance as any again this time around, especially as it shouldnt be forgotten that they did actually beat Real at Old Trafford. With a little luck, both on the pitch and with the plastic UEFA draw balls, there's every possibility that Man Utd will be in the CL final next May and I wouldnt imagine many connected with Old Trafford would disagree, and that would include Sir Alex!

Okay, imagine this scenario. A young girl, aged in her mid-teens, asks you about the possibility of working within your company. You've not seen her before, but first impressions reveal bright red-dyed hair and all black clothes which are liberaly adorned with various chains and studs. Overall she looks a mix of punk and goth, albeit not in a scruffy or untidy way. So, would you take her details and then later, politely tell her than someone else had the job or was more qualified? Maybe you wouldnt even consider her as an option. Well, this very person walked into the shop where I work today at around 6:30am....and collected the paper round which she has done reliably and without any problems for the best part of three years! She's always polite and well mannered, not to mention good humoured and we have never had any cause for concern. Admittedly, her new `look` today was somewhat of a culture shock to us, however it simply goes to prove that you really cannot judge a book by it's cover!

Monday 4th August 2003
"In a world full of people, there's always someone to fight." (Song)

During the 2002 World Cup, which Slovenian star was sent home after a bust-up with his manager?

Getting sent off in a friendly is rather like a double-fault in a tie-break at tennis, or going in off the final black in snooker - it's a sportsman cardinal sin and shouldn't happen! Liverpool however, went one better than most and had TWO players red carded in as many minutes in yesterday's Amsterdam Tournament defeat against Galatasaray as tempers boiled over totally. To be fair to youngster Neil Mellor, his late tackle could have easily only produced a yellow card, especially as he'd only been on the pitch for four minutes, however surely Steven Gerrard should have known better than to consistently argue with the referee over the decision, especially having been booked himself, and a second red card should surely have been avoided. I've mentioned before that Liverpool inconsistency is their primary problem to overcome if they want to be genuine title chasers. After yesterday, indiscipline comes a very close second.

We had a lovely day in Salisbury today, helped by the gorgeous weather and the fact that it's less than an hour's drive away! The stunning cathedral was as impressive as ever and we took my daughter and her friend inside the 900 year old building so they could have a really good look around. They were absolutely fascinated and were helped by a couple of fact sheets which turned the entire visit into an educational game. Naturally enough for somewhere so historic, there were stacks of tourists and I heard specialist tour guides speaking Spanish, Italian and French and also heard a large number of Germans as well. Americans were also well represented and sadly blotted their copy-book somewhat in the cathedral shop. Having already been served, two American ladies jumped back to the front of the queue whilst my daughter and her friend were being served, not just once or twice, but THREE times!! Twice to ask for their spare changed to be transferred to a note (or `bill` as they put it) and a third time to buy something else that they'd just seen! And to think we ask our youngsters to look up to adults!

Tuesday 5th August 2003
"You can try to resist, try to hide from that kiss." (Song)

On March 16th 2002, the first division game between Sheff United and West Brom had to be abandoned eight minutes early. Why?
United were down to six men (three sent off and two injured) and were therefore below the regulation seven needed for the game to continue: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

According to one of the papers today, Man United want another �4m on top of Chelsea's undisclosed bid for Juan Veron before they will consider it as a reasonable offer. Now, as much as I dislike the club, you have to admire the way that they do business, both on and off the pitch. Chelsea clearly want Veron and, as publicly stated by the new money-bags owner, they are willing to buy their way to the title, so United, and indeed Blackburn with the Damien Duff transfer, are happily nudging the price higher and higher, knowing that if Chelsea want their man badly enough, then they have the cash available and will willingly pay over the odds! Sadly, Leeds are in the total opposite situation where they are desperate for cash and have let players go at lower prices than perhaps need be.

Terminator 3 (Rise of the Machines) opened officially in the UK last week and although I've not seen it yet, there are plenty that have, including the so-called goof-spotters - those who watch movies and try and spot errors or mistakes throughout the film. Apparently, T3 has a whacking 45 errors spotted so far, most of which are along the lines of continuity mistakes where a vehicle changes colour half way through a scene or a character tears his jacket and then it's miraculously repaired a minute later! Personally, I enjoy reading about these sort of things, but only after I've seen the film as, on my first viewing, I simply want to enjoy what I'm paying good money to watch! However, is it just me, but even when I read about the reflection of a boom mike appearing in a telephone booth, I still can't see the damn thing when I re-watch the film!!

Wednesday 6th August 2003
"I've fallen in love. I've fallen in love for the first time, this time I know it's for real." (Song)
I Want To Break Free - Queen: Correctly answered by Kirsty

Which is the only city to have had at least one club in the top division in every season since the league began in 1888?

It's Chelsea again who make the headlines with both Joe Cole and Juan Veron seemingly on their way to the club, bringing the summer spending to way over �60m! Both players still have to accept terms and pass medicals, although in a way, I'm a little surprised at both signings. Veron has never consistantly shown that he has what it takes to make it in England, but maybe he feels that he'll be better suited under a foreign boss. I'm also surprised that United let him go as it's certainly not for the money! Cole is a different matter and I would have liked to have seen him accept a new deal at West Ham (his refusal ultimately sanctioned his sale) and attempt to restore their Premiership status. He's young enough to move clubs in the future should the need arise and it'll be interesting to see how the Hammers fans feel about it. They could treat him as a hero for his past times at the club, however to me it seems more like the proverbial rat leaving the sinking ship.

Working in a shop on a busy main road brings it's own entertainment on occasions, especially as we get an awful lot of people in looking for various streets and roads around the town. Today, an elderly lady came in and asked me for directions to a road on the other side of the town - around two miles away roughly. In truth, it was fairly easy to get to despite her husband needing to turn the car around to face the opposite direction, however things were complicated somewhat due to the fact that she was very hard of hearing. My initial attempts to give her help only resulted in constant replies of, "Pardon!" and "I'm a little deaf I'm afraid." Unfortuntely, when the volume of my voice was loud enough for her to hear, I'm sure it was equally loud enough for half the passers-by and probably her husband over the road in the car! I was left feeling like someone who'd been `hit` by a hidden camera stunt...or maybe I had!!

Thursday 7th August 2003
"I get the feeling that I belong, I get the feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone." (Song)

Brad Friedel joined Liverpool in 1997 from which American side?

I often wonder why, when players leave a club, they often insist on taking a crafty side-swipe at the club they've just left, especially when it really isn't needed. Juan Veron, on joining Chelsea officially today (and didnt the transfer saga ever drag on through the summer?) had a little dig at previous boss Sir Alex Ferguson, claiming that they didn't understand each other near the end of their working relationship together. Okay, so it's hardly the stuff of court battles and back page headlines (unless the printed media re-work it somehow) but nonetheless, it wasnt needed. Surely a simple, "United are now in the past" a la Beckham would have done, regardless of any problems that he may have had. Either way, I have a nagging doubt that United may live to regret selling him, not so much for what he could have done at Old Trafford next season, but for what he might do at Stamford Bridge. That said, he could easily be off to Serie A in two years for �6m!

As much as I enjoy the sunshine and the recent mini-heatwave here in the UK, it does bring a few unsavouravy aspects which we'd rather do without. A never ending stream of flies and stingy creatures is bad enough, however whilst at Cheddar Gorge today, we spotted those creatures known as the middle-aged and even the elderly who believe that the sunshine makes them teenagers! This is not so much in the way they act, as we all behave like kids on occasions, especially when our own offspring are with us, but it's more to do with what they wear. I'd be the first to admit that it's a free country and anyone can wear what they like, however short mini skirts and tight shorts do not look good on 50 and 60-somethings! Even worse is the sports bra or lyrca (skin tight) crop top, which again is fine for those in their 20s or 30s, but eventually gravity takes command and attempting to halt it's progess is not always a good thing. If they must wear these latter items, then a T-shirt on top would surely be a big asset, especially to those of us within the line of vision.

Friday 8th August 2003
"I won't go, I can't sleep, I can't breathe, until you're resting (TITLE GOES HERE)." (Song)

Which club can boast the following England internationals as previous managers: Terry Venables, Trevor Francis, Gerry Francis and Ray Wilkins?
Q.P.R.: Correctly answered by Jinder Singh

As the season gets ever closer (indeed the Nationwide league kicks off tomorrow!) and Leeds' continue to struggle, it's worth nothing that our latest pre-season friendly was a 3-3 draw at non-league Kettering. Admittedly, the line up was not first choice, however when you consider that we were three-nil down after 75 minutes, I should really be grateful for a draw! All three goals camne from seventeen year old James Milner, who burst onto the Prem scene last season and made history in the process. At that age, it's hard to know just how any career will pan out, however when David O'Leary first took over, he gave the youngsters a chance and ultimately it paid off big time. I wonder if Peter Reid will consider doing similar, although if many more leave, he may not have much option!

It must be wonderful to create a game or hobby which will still be played a long time after you are six feet under. Chess for example, which must have been invented centuries ago, but which still has a very strong following in this day and age. Oddly, that thought struck me when playing Monopoly last night with my wife, our daughter and our niece - another `family game` which in today's climate is all too rare when bloodthirsty PC games and suchlike are becoming more and more prevelant. The various `tactics` of the Monopoly players were very much in evidence as our niece somehow managed to aquire all four stations, whilst our daughter was delighted to get Mayfair (the most lucrative property), however by the time she got it's neighbour (Park Lane), her money was down to a bare minimum. Thanks to a number of risky swaps which thankfully paid off, I managed to get hotels on a set and subsequently get my wife out early and ultimately grind the kids down and out also (aren't I horrible!!), however I daresay revenge will be sweet when I am on the receiving end next time around.

Saturday 9th August 2003
"I dunno what's in there, but it's wierd and pi*sed off whatever it is." (Film)
The Thing (1982): Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Which current Prem boss was sent off at Wembley in 1974?

Today the Nationwide season kicked off in England and it was nice to see live competitive football back on the box again. Although I missed half of the Forest-Sunderland game (the first half - when BOTH goals were scored!), I did get to watch West Ham's opening clash at Preston (There's a report on my Reports page if you want one!) and it was apparant that for all West Ham's plus points, especially up front, they remain brittle at the back with Thomas Repka and Anton Ferdinand (Rio's brother) not looking overly solid. That said, they did earn a 2-1 win thanks to a winner from David Connolly, who was then promptly booked for running to the Hammers fans behind the goal to celebrate! Connolly was disappointed at starting from the subs bench and then nets within ten minutes of coming on to put his new club ahead on his debut! Of course he's bloody excited and naturally enough instincts take over, yet the player ends up being booked. I honestly wonder sometimes if those who run the game have any idea about the joy and excitement felt when your team scores a vital goal - somehow I doubt it!

It's enough to send the tribes of football haters running towards their remote controls and watching re-runs and omnibus editions of EastEnders all day. Yes, the televised football packages for next season, and indeed the two after that, have been snapped up by Sky, who've bought all four `live` packages and will show 138 live Prem games over those three seasons. When you compare that to the 106 being shown this season, it's quite an increase and equally when you consider that there are 380 Prem games in a season, then over one third will be covered live! Whilst these are all on Sky and away from terrestial TV, it won't stop the blue rinse brigade throwing their hats into the proverbial rings and have a damn good moan about there being `too much football on the telly." Incidentally, it's worth pointing out, purely for reference purposes, that the BBC had ATHLETICS on for over three hours continuous last night - every minute of which was on at peak time on terrestial TV. Let the football haters get their heads around that one.

The league's youngest manager - 28 year old Chris Brass at York - was in charge for the first ever time today, creating history. However, in his capacity as a player, he managed to get himself sent off for fighting after 34 minutes in the 2-1 win at Carlisle.

Finally, some sad news as 21-year old Man United reserve Jimmy Davis was tragically killed today in a car accident before his first game on loan for Watford. Also leaving us is former Blackburn boss Ray Harford who died of cancer aged 58. Harford was Kenny Dalglish's number two when they won the title in 1995 and boss in his own right for two years after Dalglish left.

Sunday 10th August 2003
"Every vow you take, every game you play, I'll be watching you." (Song)
Every Breath You Take - Police: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Who are the only nation that England have beaten in a competitive penalty shoot out?

There was a time when the Community (aka Charity) Shield was a non-event, notable only for being the traditional curtain raiser to the new season and the final chance for the two clubs involved to get some match fitness under their belts. Not any more! When Man United and Arsenal clash, fireworks often spark and in today's game, won on penalties by United after a 1-1 draw, the Gunners not only had Francis Jeffers sent off for stupidly kicking out at Phil Neville, but were lucky that Ashley Cole and Sol Campbell stayed on for seperate incidents. No-one can deny that Arsenal have a superb team and are more than capable of winning every competition they enter, however they need to maintain their discipline when things are perhaps not going quite to plan, otherwise their lack of strength in depth in certain areas will be exposed. One final point, a decent debut for new United keeper Tim Howard who saved two penalties in the shoot-out. I took a chance and put him in my Dream Team, here's hoping it pays off!

Kids being what kids are, I had to wonder over the Sky's wisdom of having Robert Lee's children present during an interview with the midfielder as regards his recent transfer to West Ham. Lee, a lifelong Hammers fan, finally got his `dream move` this summer at the ripe old footballing age of 37 and it was obvious that he was thoroughly looking forward to it, even though he was honest enough to admit that, due to his age, he wouldn't have long at the club as a player. However, the kids, decked in full West Ham gear, eventually had their say as the interviewer asked who their favourite player was at the club now that their own father was there. The younger one, proudly answered, "Dad." to the obvious delight of Lee, however the slightly older one was being much less tactful and stated, with a loud and happy voice, "Jermain Defoe!"

Monday 11th August 2003
"I will go down with this ship. I won't put my hands up and surrender" (Song) White Flag - Dido: Correctly answered by Kirsty

When Paolo di Canio was involved in his referee-pushing incident in 1997, who were Sheff Wed opponents on the day?

The news that Paolo di Canio has signed for Charlton was good news. Not so much for opponents of the Addicks, but for the overall enjoyment factor for the Premiership next season. Many dislike the Italian for a variety of reasons, however I believe he's one of those rare breeds of players which could easily be labelled under the term of `totally unpredictable`. Obviously his pushing over of ref Paul Alcock and subsequent lengthy ban is the incident which will stay stuck with Di Canio until the day he quits, however who could forgot his consistant arguments with opponents and team-mates alike and those wonderful looks when things arent perhaps going his way. But, how about his wonderful volleyed goal against Wimbledon a few years back, his refusal to play along with Fabien Barthez at Old Trafford when the Man United goalkeeper tried to play mind games with his offside appeal - Di Canio subsequently ignored him and netted the only goal. And, how many others would have caught the ball on the edge of the opponents penalty area with the opposing goalkeeper down injured in the final minute with the scores level at 1-1, just so the injured party could receive treatment. Welcome back Paolo, it'll be a more interesting season with him here.

We spent the day at Chessington World of Adventures today, a theme park just outside of London, and despite the five=hour round trip, I can honestly say that it was well worth the visit as all four of us left having thoroughly enjoyed the day. Personally, I've never been a `thrill-seeker` - someone who loves the fast rollercoasters and being flipped upside down, however my daughter and niece pursuaded me to go on the Vampire, which was the World's first non-car rollercoaster in so much that you are in a seat suspended from above and when the ride starts, you are actually below the track, swinging around corners at a speed which seemed must faster than they said! Apparently we experienced up to a G-force of three on certain occasions but I must admit that I really enjoyed it, even to the point of us all going on it again!! My daughter summed things up well when she mentioned that, "Daddy screamed plenty of times!" although in truth she didn't know that I had my eyes shut most of the time as well! Second time around, I kept my mouth close and eyes firmly open though. Other notably happenings included my wife losing her cap on what was a swelteringly hot day and me almost driving onto the wrong entrance of the M25 (London Orbital Motorway) before realising at the final seconds.

Tuesday 12th August 2003
"Mr Tagaki didn't see things that way and will not being joining us for the rest of his life." (Film)
Die Hard: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Which English club did Robbie Keane leave to join Inter Milan in 2000?

So, Manchester United have made a double signing as Brazilian star Kleberson becomes the first of his nationality to play for the Old Trafford side and 18-year old Cristiano Ronaldo (Yes, that is his surname) also joins from Sporting Lisbon. Apparently, the United players were so impressed with the latter when he played against them last week that they urged boss Sir Alex Ferguson to snap him up! Both signings are risky though, especially at such high fees. South American's are notorious for not always settling in easily in England, indeed you only need to look at Veron to see that, whilst any 18-year old star could easily be the next big thing or equally a one-season wonder. Only time will tell with these two.

Although I have a few days off work this week, we spent most of this morning getting over yesterday's long day and, once we'd dragged ourselves out of bed, it eventually struck me as to how incredibly awful daytime television is. Almost without exception, most are aimed at women, with the early emphasis on shows such as Kilroy, which create discussions among a split audience over a certain subject, usually one which has been newsworthy of late. Into to the mix, you can add magazine style programmes which deal with a variety of things over a two hour spell and the inevitable smattering of `How To...` programmes which teach you everything from painting a fence to making a meal which would feed a small African nation for a fortnight. Many people have thoeries as to why a record number of women are currently working - an avoidance of daytime TV would be pretty high on my list!

Wednesday 13th August 2003
"Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?" (Song)

Who are the current holders of the LDV Vans trophy?

I must admit that I enjoyed the Carling Cup (previously the Worthington Cup) tie on Sky last night between Macclesfield and Sheffield United, especially as it was a typical English cup clash. A lower league club at home to a higher division side and to be fair, Maccelsfield could easily have been two ahead early on as they struck the post twice in the opening twenty minutes. It wasnt to be though as last years semi-finalists took the lead and although the hosts equalised on half time, United won it late on with a penalty. Their boss, Neil Warnock, claimed that their first round tie last season was as tough as they encountered throughout their run and I'd bet on him having similar feelings about last nights match. That said, don't bet against a good cup run for the Blades again.

Although it's getting cooler here in the UK, it was still warm enough for a day at the beach, including plenty of time for the kids to play on the sand and for a paddle in the sea. Not surprisingly, yours truly got dragged into both activities, however the paddling took a turn for the worst when my niece pointed out a small crab on the sea bed, resulting in panic stations from my daughter who fully expected the creature to pinch her on the little toe and not let go, a la comic strips! It all settled down eventually though and things were soon back to normality when both kids decided that my plan to lie in the sun would be better if they buried me in sand! Although it began with `just my feet`, it soon progressed to legs and then my midriff, and ultimately half of my torso as well. We had a few strange looks by passers-by on the already packed beach, however even now, hours later, I am still finding bits on sand everywhere on me and my clothing!

Thursday 14th August 2003
"Loving you would be easy if my colours were like my dreams, red, gold and green" (Song)
Karma Chameleon - Culture Club: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

What Man City in 1926, Leicester in 1969, Brighton in 1983 and Middlesbrough in 1997 all have in common?

We had a choice of footballing entertainment on the box last night as Chelsea's CL qualifier in Slovakia was on the Beeb, whilst Sky covered a Carling Cup game between Mansfield and Sunderland. I stuck with Chelsea, largely as it was the earlier kick off and I wanted to see their new look side in action. In general they looked very good going forward with Damien Duff a total threat each time he had possession. Defensively they still don't look totally convincing, and overall they looked capable of taking Man United's title of most arrogant side in the Premiership as they tried clever flicks and generally toyed with inferior opponents in the latter stages, Veron being one of the main protagonists. It will be interesting to see how they do against decent opposition and I'm glad that their game at Liverpool is on the box on Sunday! Oh, and I also caught the final stages of that Mansfield game, in time to see Kevin Kyle score at both ends in the final minute!

A couple of movies that have either been released or are soon to be released in the UK have caught my eye lately, notably as they both `merge` together two successful (although not always enjoyable) franchises. The first is the new Rugrats film which also includes the Wild Thornberries, who in truth have never really taken off in the UK, unlike Chuckie and Co. The other is Freddie Vs Jason, which sees the anti-heroes of the Nightmare on Elm St series and the Friday the 13th series come together. I recall seeing the first films in both series back in the 80s and both were excellent for their time, indeed the first F13 film still makes for very jumpy viewing even twenty plus years on, however neither really kept up the good work, although Elm St 3 was good as was F13 Part 2. However, if the film makers seem to be edging towards these `merger` type of films, then could I make a couple of suggestions? How about Terminator Vs Mr Bean/Johnny English (aka Rowan Atkinson) or, even better, how about Hannibal Lectar meets Forrest Gump!! Hollywood, if you're listening.....!!

Friday 15th August 2003
"If you see me walking down the street, staring at the sky, dragging my two feet" (Song)
Whole Again - Atomic Kitten: Correctly answered by Kirsty

How old was Stanley Matthews when he played in the 1953 FA Cup Final which now famously bares his name?

The last morning of a few days off and, after some early starts and long drives this week, a lie in was in order. However, once out of bed, any serenity was shattered by the headlines on the back page of the paper which simply read, "O'Leary Grabs Smith." Being heavily in debt, it's inevitable that Leeds players are going to be linked with anyone and everyone, especially when a former manager is now in charge of a Premiership rival, however Alan Smith is the one who recently said that he would stay no matter what, although as was the case with Jon Woodgate, that wouldnt stop the money men from selling him. Thankfully Leeds have denied any knowledge of the claims, leading us to a media back-page filler. Usually these are easy to spot as they contain no quotes at all or, at the very most, a few words from a `club source`. That said, it doesnt stop such rumours from unsettling player, club and fans.

With the Premiership season kicking off tomorrow, it's time for me to make a total prat of myself with predictions for the new season, so that in nine months time we can look back and realise just how inaccurate they were! So, here we go...
I cannot see past Man United as champions, it's as simple as that. Kleberson and Ronaldo may or may not take any time to settle, but I think they've shown in pre-season that they can live without Beckham and Veron without too many problems.
Chelsea, judging by what I've seen so far, have the potential to snatch second place, although as I've said many times, it all depends on how well the new players fit in. If they do, then a title battle could well be on the cards. If not, then a battle for a place in Europe could be possible.
Third will come Arsenal according to my less-than-crystal ball. Apart from a new keeper to replace an old one, little has changed at Highbury and judging by last Sunday, suspensions could well be a big factor. The tail end of last season proved that their strength in depth isn't as strong as it needs to be and I don't believe that has changed.
Liverpool and Newcastle are my bets to battle out the final Champions League spot, however both need to improve their consistancy if they want to merit a serious title challenge.
Outsiders and surprises? Well, Blackburn seem to be getting better by the season and could mount a top five bid, however if Spurs can plug the gaps at the back, they certainly have enough talent up front to challenge for a European spot. That said, they could become the new entertainers with it being a toss up of whether they can score more than they concede! Equally, Man City could also spring a shock and improve on ninth place last season.
It's a big season for Everton and Southampton, both of whom did superbly last season to finish in the top eight and now harbour hopes and expectations of bigger things. I like both clubs and hope I'm wrong, however a return to mid-table mediocrity could well be on the cards.
Speaking of which Charlton and Birmingham have both improved their squads well this close season and could yet force an outside bid for the top half (and maybe beyond), however Middlesbrough, who finished 11th last season, don't appear to have made any significant improvements and could well be in for a long season.
The same could be said for Villa and Fulham, both of whom have new managers for the new campaign. As we've seen so often in the past, this could mean a sensational against-all-odds season, or equally they could vanish without trace. Under David O'Leary, Villa should finish in mid-table, if not higher, however Fulham, in much the same way as Leeds, are struggling with financial hassles and could well struggle on the pitch in a relegation battle.
What do we make of Bolton? Sam Allardyce has kept the club in the Premiership for a third succesive season, untold in itself, and with the arrival of Mario Jardel, has someone who can score goals at a decent level. This may go against the grain but Bolton could have a dull season hovering around the middle of the league!
The three promoted clubs all have the potential for a decent season. Portsmouth have, as you would expect under Harry Redknapp, been alive in the transfer market and although the loss of Paul Merson is a blow, they could well finish at the top of the lower half and I wouldnt expect them to be battling against the drop. Leicester have also bought well with practically a new team in for minimal money, however much like Chelsea, but on a smaller scale, they may take time to gel and ultimately could spend the season in and around the bottom three. Wolves have history against them as play-off winners, however that's not to say that they won't stay up. Personally I reckon they'll do similar to local rivals West Brom last season and have some good results along the way, but not enough to see them stay up.
And finally...what of Leeds? A bad year last season has the doom merchants out and about and I include myself in that. However, although Kewell has gone, we do have some new players, albeit on a year-long loan and it remains to be seen how they fit it. At best I could only predict a top half of the table finish, however relegation is still a very probable spectre which I hope not to see too much of over the next nine months.

Saturday 16th August 2003
"Hey there you with the sad face, come back to my place..." (Song)

Which son of a Championship winning manager scored twice when Liverpool famously came from three down to draw 3-3 with Man United in 1994?

Three red cards, two missed penalties and twenty-six goals in seven games! Yes, the Premiership kicked off once again today for the 2003-04 season and we weren't left short changed. Not surprisingly, both Man United and Arsenal won at home, although both had their problems with the Gunners playing for over an hour with ten men against Everton whilst United needed a late goal blitz to see off Bolton, during which game, Ruud van Nistelrooy missed his second penalty in a week! Top dogs of the day were Blackburn though as Prem new boys Wolves were well and truly whipped at Ewood, although the other new arrivals, Portsmouth, recorded a decent win over Aston Villa. The third promoted side, Leicester, should have won but conceded two late goals to draw at home to Southampton. Ironically, Steve Marlet, who couldnt hit a cow's behind with a banjo last season, scored within twenty minutes for Fulham, but it was that sort of day when the unexpected fitted in perfectly with the purely routine.

Spare a thought - Part 1: How about a few minutes for Spurs fans tonight. Due to their game kicking off earlier than all the others, their defeat at Birmingham meant that they were the first club to lose a game this season. However, later in the day, no less than THREE Spurs old boys netted in the Prem! Sheringham (Portsmouth) and Iversen (Wolves) both of whom left in the summer, and Ferdinand (Leicester) who left last year. Too be fair, all are getting on a bit or were totally out of favour at the Lane, however it's a slightly bitter pill to swallow.

Spare a thought - Part 2: A few words about Sheffield Wednesday midfielder Shefki Kuqi, who scored twice against Oldham at Hillsborough and then spoiled it all by getting sent off!

Spare a thought - Part 3: Finally, to those long suffering Sunderland fans who haven't seen a league win since December! Today's defeat at home to Millwall was the 17th successive defeat in a row and they are now just ONE GAME away from equalling Darwin's record set 104 years ago!! Talk about unwanted records!

Sunday 17th August 2003
"It's like looking into a mirror, only not" (Film)
Face Off: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Who was voted PFA Young Player of the Year for last season (02-03)?
Jermaine Jenas: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Well, well, well, who would have thought it! Having predicted a 3-1 win for Newcastle at Leeds today, I was delighted to be proved wrong as we earned a creditable 2-2 draw. Indeed it could have been better had Alan Shearer not scored late on, however I'm not going to whinge about that too much! The game was on PPV here and I went through every range of emotions from relief at getting through the first twenty minutes...almost, then disappointment as we went behind. That turned to joy as we equalised soon afterwards and then having got to half time level, I almost went through the roof when Smiffy put us into the lead!! Thirty minutes of torture followed before that late goal, however as the clock clicked over to 90 minutes, the phone rang as my wife asked me to go and pick her and the kids up from our friends house. Naturally I watched stoppage time before leaving, however it was made worse as I didnt know how much time had been added due to answering the damn phone!! Yes, football is well and truly back!

Despite Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink rather dubious departure from Leeds a few years ago, I still like the guy as a player and must admit to a yell of delight when he scored the winner at Anfield to beat Liverpool today. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I dislike Liverpool or even like Chelsea, but the home side were handed the biggest gift of the opening weekend as regards their penalty equaliser. I have no problems with the award as it was a foul, however to award a re-take after Owen shot wide was a strange decision. Yes, the officials have been told to clamp down on encrouchment and the keepers moving off their lines, but if they are going to be that sharp on it, then almost all penalties will need to be re-taken at this rate! Incidentally, the opening round of matches produced no less than NINE penalties, with only the Blackburn-Wolves game being penalty free!

Monday 18th August 2003
"You can't manafacture a miracle, the silence is pitiful" (Song)

Sunderland lost their last 15 league games last season (02-03) but who were the last team that they failed to lose to?

I was interested to read of David Beckham's first game in Spain at the weekend as his Real Madrid side drew 0-0 with Valencia, winning 6-5 on penalties. Beckham had a poor game apparently and admitted afterwards that things could only get better. The media called his performance `a dud` and one newspaper summed it up with the headline - Mediocre Start for Beckham - as he was booked and then substituted after 63 minutes. Suddenly, after a hero's welcome in the Far East where he really can do no wrong whether he's playing for Man United or Real, it's all back down to earth again as he prepares for the Spanish season. It's worth bearing in mind that at Old Trafford, the crowd tended to tolerate his poor games, knowing that he would eventually come up with the goods, however in Spain the fans arent as forgiving and you wonder how long it will be before he starts feeling a bit of pressure from his own supporters in Madrid!

A couple of weeks ago, ITV lost their contract to show Premiership highlights from next season, with BBC winning back the rights for Match of the Day to return this time next year. As you may have noticed, the season started this weekend and although ITV broadcast their usual Saturday night highlights programme (imaginatively titled The Premiership), Sunday's games were largely ignored, indeed not until tonight at 11:25pm - a full 29 hours after the final game finished - will non-Sky watchers be able to see the action. The Beeb will hopefully not make the same mistakes next season and assume that everyone has Sky for the football. Many cannot afford it or dont have it for other reasons, however effectively freezing these customers out is not on. The sooner that the TV men realise that terrestial TV is an entertainment medium, of which sport is a part, the better. Not everyone wants to be deluged by soaps and DIY programmes.

Tuesday 19th August 2003
"Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and I'm never coming round" (Song)
Total Eclpise of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Man United failed to score at home in the league just once last season, but against which club?
Bolton: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

It's only natural that we all want the best for our kids and hope that they are succesful in life in whatever career they ultimately follow. However, only a few have enough faith to put their money where their mouth is! Take one guy over a decade ago, who was so certain of his son's ability as a goalkeeper, he asked a well-known bookmaker for odds on his son playing for England in the future and bet �100 and 100-1. Nine of his friends also took up the bet and now, eleven years on, Eddie Kirkland and his mates are potentially two days away from winning �10,000 each as son Chris was named in the England squad to play Croatia tomorrow. As it's a friendly, there's every chance that the Liverpool keeper will get his chance, even though Eriksson admits that David James will start, however if he does, you could full imagine the celebrations at the Kirkland household, for more than one reason.

Interesting to read today that Charlotte Church wants to `sex up` her image. The 17-year old, famous for her Voice of an Angel albums a few years back, wants to move towards hip-hop and has contacted a top image maker to finally destroy her `girl next door` look. Ms Church is doing her bit as well as she's been pictured smoking and has a DJ boyfriend who her mother dislikes, however she is likely to suffer the same fate as many child stars, in that an old image is hard to shake. Aled Jones did similat to Church in the 80s with Walking in the Air and Pie Jesu, and even now, 20 years on, has done little since. And how about the lad who played Charlie in Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in the early 70s? Apparently, he's now working as a vet in America having never pursued an acting career. Good luck Charlotte, you'll need the right people behind you!

Wednesday 20th August 2003
"You climbed on the ladder, with the wind in your sails, you came like a comet, blazing your trail" (Song)

Which player managed five goals in three different FA Cup Finals in the 80s and 90s?

You may have read that Leeds are hoping to sign Arsenal youngster Jermaine Pennant on loan, indeed it was going to happen on Monday, only for it to be held up due to the player appearing for England Under 21s last night. So what happens? The dopey sod punches a Croatian opponents and gets sent off!! I didnt see it as I was watching Ireland-Australia, however by all accounts he connected with his opponent's cheekbone and the red card was totally deserved. Leeds' reputation, disciplinary rise, is pretty low by any standards, and this is hardly likely to help matters, indeed as a customer in the shop remarked today, he sounds a typical Leeds player and should fit in well!! Hopefully, he'll learn from this rush of blood or else run the risk of rivalling Alan Smith in the red card stakes.

How many times have we heard celebs moaning about lack of privacy and always being recognised in the street? Well, whatever Craig Bellamy is doing, he could make a fortune with his secrets. Apparently the Newcastle striker was waiting at Cardiff airport with his WElsh international team mates, waiting to fly to Serbia for tonights Euro 2004 qualifier and whilst standing quietly, minding his own business (Yes, remarkably we are still talking about Craig Bellamy), he was approached by a member of the public asking for directions within the terminal, thinking that he was an airport official! Bellamy had to politely explain that he didnt work there and sent the poor soul away, much to the amusement of his team mates! Clearly (s)he wasnt a football fan!

Thursday 21st August 2003
"In the headlights on the road tonight, ain't nobody here to make it right" (Song)
The Last Goodbye - Atomic Kitten: Correctly answered by Roxanne

What was unique about Newcastle's qualification from the first group stage of the Champions League last season?
They lost their first three games, but still qualified by winning their last three matches: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

An interesting, and mixed, night of internationals last night, especially with the staggered kick off times over the three games which I had the chance to view. As England and Scotland were both playing friendlies, I plumped for the Wales game as it was a Euro 2004 qualifier. Currently unbeaten, that record fell as the Welsh lost 1-0 away to Serbia and Montenegro, and wouldn't you know it, despite watching 95% of the game, I missed the goal when I popped into the kitchen for a bite to eat! The odd thing was that the commentary appeared to be a fraction ahead of the action on screen with the commentator describing an incident a second or so before we actually saw it. I can only assume that it was down to some time delay with the pictures and not the sound, however it did spoil the enjoyment somewhat. I didn't see any of the Scotland game - a 0-0 draw in Norway - but did catch the second half of the England win over Croatia and in truth, England look pretty good, although I'm reliably imformed that they were lucky to be ahead at the break.

Our local paper is published on a Thursday and usually in by the time I get to the shop at 4:30am. However, today it was conspicuous by it's absence, and with over 1,000 copies usually there, it's not as though we can miss them. Ultimately, we found out that they were going to be very late and eventually arrived at 8:30am - far too late for our paper boys/girls to take them. Sadly for those of us working in the shop, we have around 750 of these on delivery and although some of our lads/lasses came back to take their's out, the vast majority were delayed, some of which will have to wait until tomorrow. This sparked something akin to mass hysteria, with customers ringing us almost constantly from 6:30am to the time I left four hours later - all due to the lateness of one paper and how many people's Thursday's seemingly revolve around the publication! In fairness, many were simply checking that something was amiss, however a couple of folk were really very concerned, to the extent of biting our heads off over the phone! I wonder if there will be an apology in next week's paper....on seconds thoughts, just arriving on time will do for now.

Friday 22nd August 2003
"I'll protect from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door, when the chips are down, I'll be around" (Song)

What personal milestone did Ole Gunnar Solskaer reach on the opening day of last season which was then matched by team mate Ryan Giggs in the next game?

I wonder how many of us thought that David Beckham's transfer to Real Madrid would reduce the amount of times that we would hear about him in the media? I must admit that I had hopes, which would now appear to be wishful thinking. You see, his exile to Spain has not dwindled the midia interest - if anything, it's heightened it! For example, last night I caught the last twenty minutes of a programme on premature babies (I'd totally forgotten it was on!) and even in that short space of time, he was mentioned twice - Yes, in a programme on premature babies of all things! Then today one of the national papers is heavily plugging his new autobiography which, coincidentally, they are serialising shortly! And now I hear that a new series of `They Think It's All Over` is starting on the BBC next month and includes....a entire quiz round on....! C'mon guys, enough is enough! This is taking obsession and hero worship too far!

Someone sent me a lovely e-mail today from the Emerald Isle, detailing how Ireland's smallest county - County Leitrim - is to get it's first set of traffic lights and up to four sets of pedestrian crossings! Now, how many times have we moaned when those lights turned to red just as we approach them and how long it then takes for them to return to green? Imagine, the population of County Leitrim have been spared this modern day irratation until now! A spokesman for the County Council explained that due to a lack of cars in the county, traffic lights have only been needed in the past for canal boats, however the lack of controlling lights on the road has begun to cause problems! Isn't it great that in this day and age where things like traffic lights are a modern way of life, there are still areas in the developed world which time refuses to catch up with.

Saturday 23rd August 2003
"Can't stay on my life support, there's a shortage in the switch. Can't stay on my morphine cos it's making me itch." (Song)
Just Like A Pill - Pink: Correctly answered by KirstyMD

Which club managed to score THREE own goals in one Premiership game last season?
Sunderland (vs Charlton): Correctly answered by Eric

Okay, a quick quiz to start with for a change on a Saturday. The answer is below the rest of today's musings. Carlisle managed to score twice in a game today, neither of which were own goals, the opponents didn't score at all, yet Carlisle still lost? How?

This early in the season, it's nice to get some `firsts` out of the way and I personally was delighted for Leeds to score their first goal(s) and secure our first point in last weekend's opening game. Today however, we managed our first defeat as, despite taking an early lead at Spurs, we slacked off and lost 2-1, with debutant Freddie Kanoute scoring a beauty. The fact that Mauricio Taricco - a rare scorer at the best of times - netted the first simply increased the bad vibes. Worthy of a mention though is Leeds striker Aaron Lennon who came on as a sub to become the youngest player, aged 16 years 129 days, ever to play in the Premiership. Elsewhere, Man United looked very good winning 2-1 at Newcastle, whilst Wolves were hammered again, this time 4-0 at home by Charlton. They've now let in nine goals in their opening two games and on Wednesday they are away to....Man United!! Five red cards today as well, including three at Chelsea where the all-stars battled to a 2-1 win over Leicester. Geremi was sent off for the home side and is ironically in my Dream Team with a certain national newspaper, as is Robbie Keane who was injured in midweek! I'm a bloody jinx I reckon!

Congratulations to Ruud Van Nistelrooy (also in my Dream Team!!) who scored for a tenth successive top flight game, equalling the all-time top flight record held by John Aldridge in 1987 for Liverpool. Van Nist already holds the Prem record and could increase it on Wednesday.

Congratulations also to Sunderland who FAILED to equal a record of successive defeats! Their 2-0 win at Preston ended a run of 17 straight losses and was their first league win in 2003!

A black mark to West Ham who decided not to get changed in the dressing rooms at Rotherham as they weren't up to standard. They changed in their hotel instead. Clearly the drop into the first division has hit them harder than expected eh!

And finally, the answer to the poser. Carlisle United lost 2-0 to Bristol Rovers, with both goals scored by Wayne Carlisle!

Sunday 24th August 2003
"Every day, every night, just to be there in your arms, set me free." (Song)
Can't Get You Out Of My Head - Kylie Minogue: Correctly answered by Kirsty D

What was the name of Middlesbrough's ground before moving to the Riverside?

Two more Prem games today and although intuition told me that the Villa-Liverpool game would be low scoring, both clubs had a number of chances to break the deadlock, although ultimately it ended goalless to leave both clubs in the bottom five! As seems traditional now on a Sunday, I collected my wife, daughter and niece between games and got back to see Arsenal blitzing Middlesbrough at the Riverside, indeed I was back just in time to see the third goal, netted on 22 minutes. Once it went to 4-0 on the hour, it was a shame to see some of the home fans leaving early - by half an hour! Whilst commentator Martin Tyler felt that they couldnt be considered `real fans`, I would disagree to an extent and can understand, but not condone, their actions. Although I was watching on TV, rather than at Elland Rd, I saw Arsenal demolish Leeds last season, but watched until the bitter end if only to enjoy the spectacle of a team at the top of their game and perhaps those Boro fans who felt the need to go so early, could have done the same. Still, it's each to their own I guess and on a busy Bank Holiday with big chunks of Britain's railways undergoing repairs, maybe they felt that they could at least spare another queue at the end of the game.

It was a shame to hear of the sacking - or should I say `Termination of contract` of West Ham boss Glenn Roeder. Admittedly, the club were relegated last season, although due to his life threatening illness, he wasnt at the helm for the final games, and their defeat at Rotherham yesterday hasn't helped matters, but he has lost around 16 players from the squad that he had last season making a tricky job even harder. Okay, so he has had a couple of new arrivals but when you consider the club stuck by him a season or so ago, notably after a seven goal walloping at Blackburn, it's a shame that a little more time couldnt have been given to him. However, West Ham are not a club to sack managers at the slightest sign of unease though and it's a stunning fact that in the entire 101 year history of the club, the new boss (whoever he happens to be!) will be only the TENTH manager the club has ever had!

Monday 25th August 2003
"Wave your hands if you're not with a man, can you kick it, yes you can." (Song)
Rock DJ - Robbie Williams: Correctly answered by Kirsty D

Who was the last Englishman to manage Chelsea?

Medical permitting, Wolves are set to sign Brazilian star Emerson shortly ahead of Sunday's transfer deadline and whilst you applaud boss Dave Jones for getting a quality player to join the club, you wonder if he's quite what they need. Nine goals conceded in two Premiership games so far gives a pretty high indication of what needs improving upon, especially after Charlton stuck four goals past them in little over half an hour. Wolves have had a long road to get back into the top flight, taking 21 years from their previous spell, although they were in the bottom tier - the old fourth division - as recently as 1988, and unless matters improve drastically, they could be heading straight back down again. Sunday is transfer deadline day, so I would not be surprised to see more new arrivals before then.

Today is a public holiday in the UK and with some of the major rail routes being repaired, the scaremongers were predicting record queues on the roads. Along with many others, we took little notice and drove off to the coast - Southsea to be exact - and the longest jam we were in was a 60 second wait at traffic lights in Portsmouth! Despite almost constant overcast weather, we had a good day including causing a disagreement between staff in a cafe as one woman refused to serve us a hot meal at 11am ("It's too early, we start at noon.") whilst a male workmate said that it wouldnt be a problem. Neither would back down so we simply walked out, not wanting to remain in that sort of atmosphere anyway. We also relieved a fine memory from our holiday last week as we drove back home via Salisbury, wound the windows of the car down and all four of us burst into a rendition of Britney Spears` "Oops, I did it again!" (Although last year it was Whole Again by Atomic Kitten!). Overall though it was a nice day and further proof that if you make an early start on the roads, things are rarely as bad as the experts predict.

Tuesday 26th August 2003
"He just smiled and gave me a vegamite sandwich." (Song)
Down Under - Men At Work: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Middlesbrough star Juninho has played for which Spanish club during his career?

I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed last night's game between Blackburn and Man City. Okay, the pureists would have hated it with the end to end football, chances by the bucketload and errors from both clubs simply emphasising the excitement. Add to that a topsy-turvy match as regards goals and a late winner to send City top and you had a good evenings entertainment. City's first goal - a swerving free kick - was one to make Beckham and Carlos proud, whilst Anelka's winner from an exceptionally tight angle, had me off the sofa simply saying, "wow!". However, just one minor moan aimed at Blackburn's Brett Emerton, who insisting on waving an imaginary yellow card having been fouled by Sylvain Distin in an attempt to get his opponent booked. This is unsavoury and I personally hate to see it and although it's thankfully fairly rare in England now, surely it's time to make it a bookable offence in itself. Surely it's enough to be covered by either `ungentlemanly conduct` or `unsporting behavior`. Over to you FIFA.

Working in a shop, it's only natural that for 90% of the time, I am in direct contact with the general public, including an entire cross-section of society, however you would be amazed how the priorities of different people are stacked. For example, earlier today, a lady aged around 25 or so came in with her two children, aged between 5-8 roughly and although I'd never seen her before, she seemed cheerful enough when she came to the counter. As she browsed at the cigarettes and tobacco behind me, she scanned her purse to see how much cash she had, whilst her kids were asking about the possibilities of sweets/drink/chocolate. She then bought some tobacco for marginally under �5, before telling her kids that they could only have something `very cheap`! Priorities!

Wednesday 27th August 2003
"This is the cleanest and nicest police I've ever been in. This thing is nicer than my apartment." (Film)
Beverly Hills Cop: Correctly answered by Kirstymd

Which club were unbeaten at home in all competition, covering 85 games, between January 1978 and January 1981?

Saturday it was Man United and then Sunday Arsenal took over. Man City did the business on Monday, whilst Portsmouth were Tuesday's team. Chances are tonight that MU or Arsenal will do it again, but it's nice to see the leadership of the Premiership change so often in a short space of time. Okay, so its early days and usually a couple of unlikely clubs occupy top spot for a while and whilst even the most optimistic of their fans would have trouble believing that they'll still be there or there abouts come May, it's still a welcome sight. Indeed Portsmouth fans would have taken some convincing that they would be top, needing a four goal win against Bolton and level at half time last night. Teddy Sheringham's second half hat trick included a typical Sheri shot and a thumping header, sparking the thought that perhaps Spurs did let him go too soon, even at the ripe old age of 37. As for Leeds, another home draw although apparently we played well enough to win, however that elusive first victory is still to come.

Ever heard of Shane Atkinson? Nope, neither had I, however he is apparently the spam king of New Zealand who boasted that he sent out up to 100,000,000 emails a DAY to internet users, all advertising crap that we don't want, although by all accounts he specialised in penis enlargements!! However, one NZ newspaper published details of his home address, phone number and email address, sparking stacks of `Net users to turn the tables on him and ultimately forcing Mr Atkinson to permanently halt his spamming business. Okay, so considering how many other companies are sending out junk email, this is only a tiny drop in the ocean as regards spam-mail, but lets look on the bright side as one small irritating prick has seen the errors of his ways!

Thursday 28th August 2003
"If I hadn't seen such riches I could live with being poor." (Song)
Sit Down - James: Correctly answered by Cheryl Warner

Kevin Keegan played 63 times for England, however his first three caps were all won against the same nation. Who?

It's often stated that the top four clubs in the Premiership qualify for the Champions League at the end of the season. As Newcastle discovered to their cost last night, this isnt technically true. As we all know all too well, the third and fourth placed clubs have to qualify for the lucrative group stages via a two-legged match and whilst fourth placed Chelsea All Stars sailed through their game courtesy of a 5-0 aggregate win, Newcastle failed to capitalise on a victorious away leg. Their 1-0 defeat at home to Partizan Belgrade - and subsequent loss on penalties - is a huge blow to the club and it's supporters, and indeed to the English game as it effects the long term UEFA seedings. Having won in Belgrade, many including myself, felt that it was a foregone conclusion, however football doesnt work that way and Newcastle are left as one of the favourites in the UEFA Cup instead. Hopefully they won't go down the same path as Leeds as we were very much a one-season-wonder in the CL and now are struggling to win games domestically. Newcastle should be stronger than that and will bounce back and it wouldnt surprise me to see them do well in the UEFA cup this season as an aside.

Remember the Rubik's Cube? That irritating six-side colour puzzle which, once scrambled up, left the average person trying for ages to get it back to it's `start` position and how one kid in your class at school could always do the entire cube in 42 seconds, whilst you took over an hour to get ONE side right! Apparently, it's the World Rubik's Championships at the moment and as well as the usual `Speed` tests, one new round is the blindfolded round!! Bloody hell, how hard must that be??? The contestant gets 60 seconds to view, and presumably memorise, a mixed cube and then has to try and solve it blindfolded!! But, if you think that's tricky, there's apparently also a one-handed test! The mind boggles doesn't it!

Friday 29th August 2003
"By the way, didnt I break your heart, please excuse me, I never meant to break your heart." (Song)

Who were the finalists in the last ever Cup Winners Cup Final?

The draws for the Champions League and the UEFA Cup are always worth waiting for and usually spring up a few cracking ties, however it's been a tough couple of days for Leeds fans to take. Much like yesterday's lyric, when you've tasted the high-life, it's a hard knock to take when you suddenly aren't included, indeed I keep glancing at today's UEFA Cup draw, half expecting to see Leeds paired with unpronounceable-from-Eastern-Europe, but reality then hits me in the gonads as I know that we've got Swindon in the Carling Cup instead. That said, it will be interesting to see how Southampton and Man City cope with the rigours of Europe this season and I for one hope they do well, especially as both managers have significant experience in European competitions. However, when it all kicks off next month, I must be honest and admit that I'll be more than a little envious.

You may or may not believe in `Groundhog Day`, deja vu or just weird occurrences, however try this for size. When my wife and I got married a decade or so ago, our first holiday, aside from the honeymoon, was at Dawlish Warren in Devon, which is a lovely place in a terrific area, indeed we've been back on at least three occasions since, however during that week it barely stopped hammering down with rain, we had heavy thunder storms on a couple of nights and at the tail end of the week, the exhaust fell off of the car which we had hired!! Fast forward to the present day and to my mother. With my father sadly passed away a few years ago, my mum got re-married last year and took their first holiday since their honeymoon this past week - to Dawlish Warren! On the first day, she was bitten or stung, resulting in her hand swelling up like an inflatable, and the following night she tripped over the corner of the duvet and broke her wrist. They came home today with her arm in a sling and plaster! As a footnote to this, nine months after our series of unfortunate events, our daughter was born. If that quirk also repeats itself, my mother could well make medical history!!

Saturday 30th August 2003
"I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back." (Song)
Wanted Dead Or Alive: Bon Jovi - Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

Which Italian club did Diego Maradona join in 1984?

Unlike many people, I no longer get angry, cranky or irritable after a Leeds defeat, which considering our form over the last 18 months is just as well, however when we win, things are different and it's the equivilent of taking a bottle full of happy pills. Imagine my reaction at around 4:20pm this afternoon, when having led since the 16th minute at MIddlesbrough, we were suddenly 2-1 down thanks to two quick goals. Imagine my reaction again around half an hour later when Mark Viduka netted a late winner for us!! Finally the first win of the season and it was helped by two other factors. The first being that, being in an unusually optimistic mood yesterday, I'd tipped a 3-2 win in a LUFC fans prediction competition and the second being that Juninho, who scored against us today, is in my Dream Team! Two hours on and I'm still beaming like a derranged Cheshire Cat and considering the next league game isnt for another fortnight, I might actually enjoy an international break for a change!

Red Palace: Tommy Black was sent off for Crystal Palace at Millwall today which isnt a headline grabber in itself, however it was the FIFTH red card shown to Palace players this season! Are they looking to break a record maybe??

Getting Your Own Back: How many referees have fallen foul of Robbie Savage in one shape or form over the years? Well, today as the Birmingham midfielder trotted back to help defend a free kick against Newcastle, he ran past the ref just as he thrust his hand out to signal an indirect kick, catching Savage clean in the chops and resulting in five minutes of treatment for the Welshman!

One Extreme To The Other: It wasn't long ago that I was mentioning about Sunderland going for a record number of successive defeats. Well, since they failed to equal that unwanted place in the history books, they've won three in a row for the first time since December 2000! How quickly things change in football eh.

Sunday 31st August 2003
"It happened many years ago, when summer slipped away." (Song)
Life Got Cold - Girls Aloud: Correctly answered by Kirsty

Before David Seaman did it earlier this year, who was the last goalkeeper to captain an FA Cup winning side?

When I was around 11 years old, I scored an own goal for my school team. Defending a corner, I attempted to hack the ball away to safety and succeeded only in thudding against my own crossbar and then as I tried desperately to stop it going over the line, another hack at the ball sent it crashing into the net. Maybe this piece of emotional turmoil explains why I seem to take such perverse delight when someone scores an equally absured own goal in the professional game. Take Lauren today for Arsenal at Man City. His attempt to clear the ball whilst facing his own goal was hampered somewhat by what I can only assume was an odd bounce and he shinned the ball past his own keeper and into the net when Row X should really have been getting prepared for the ball. You see, whilst I never had the touch of a Bergkamp, the finishing of a Van Nistelrooy or the reading of the game which Roy Keane has, it still gives me a certain satisfaction to know that there are still some players who I can emulate - and indeed did a couple of decades ago!

Due to taking our niece back to her home in Devon, I missed all of Man United's defeat at Southampton and most of the aforementioned Arsenal win at Man City, however the three hour round trip did throw up a couple of worthwhile moments. As we prepared to get onto the motorway whilst driving there, the sliproad - and indeed the main carriageway - was at a standstill and judging by the tailback on the carriageway itself, had been for a while. Many drivers/passengers were out of their cars, wandering around and trying to find out what the hold-up was (a camper van on fire a mile ahead was the eventual cause), however the thing that kept popping into my mind was the wonderful video to REM's `Everybody Hurts` when, at the end, everyone simply gets out of their cars and walk to get away from the jam. Sadly, I didnt have the track on tape or CD in the car, or I'd loved to have put it on - LOUDLY!!

Thankfully, the drive home was less `stop-start` and more freeflowing, however I was desperate to know how the football was progressing. I don't listen to football on the radio whilst driving as I tend to lose concentration on the road which is not a good idea whilst belting along the M5 at 70mph, however when the 4pm news came on, they announced, "A late James Beattie goal gave Southampton a 1-0 win over Man United...." and in unison, both me and my daughter yelled, "Yeeesssss!!!". Although my daughter is nothing like as fanatical as I am, it's clear that some of my traits are rubbing off onto her.

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