"Views From The `Footiemad` Armchair
Diary Of A Season April 2004



Thursday 1st April 2004
 "Those people back there, they wasn't normal. Normal folks, they don't spit out bullets when you shoot 'em." (Film)

In what year did England last beat Sweden?
1968: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Okay, lets start the new month with some uplifting news, notably Northern Ireland winning for the first time in sixteen games, courtesy of a 1-0 win in Estonia last night. Regardless of the quality of the opponents (and no disrespect meant to Estonians everywhere), a win is a win and new boss Lawrie Sanchez must be delighted to finally end a jinx dating back to November 2001. Whether it heralds the start of a bright, new era is another matter however but for now lets allow the Irish to enjoy it.

Equally delighted are the Republic of Ireland and Wales, both of whom netted late goals to beat the Czech Republic and Hungary respectively, both by the same 2-1 scoreline. Although both missed out on Euro 2004 by the skin of their teeth, or in the case of Wales, thanks to Russia fielding a drug induced player, the finals of WC2006 is a definite possibility for them both and, again in the case of Wales, could well be the last chance for Ryan Giggs to showcase his talents on the biggest stage.

And so to Scotland and England, both of whom lost! No great surprise to see the Scots lose at home to Romania, although the goal from James McFadden was certainly well taken, however England's 1-0 flop in Sweden was a little more surprising, despite, as was pointed out, the absence of Campbell, Beckham and Owen! Although I missed the opening 20 minutes, the remainder was pretty dire stuff and not easy to watch in the slightest, indeed I went onto bed with 15 minutes to go, working on the tact that I may as well go to sleep in the proper place than drop off on the sofa. Okay, so no major harm done apart from a dent to the confidence and pride, however both were sadly lacking last night anyway, especially during the second half and you'd be forgiven for thinking that, far from Euro 2004 being just weeks away, many of the players clearly felt that either they were definitely in the final squad or definitely out of it, such was the lack of passion. On the plus side, I did video the game which will come in handy in case I can't sleep any night!

April Fools Day came and went with nothing major catching me out, although the media are getting more and more sneaky with their little ploys - although perhaps its simply due to the screwed up world that we live in, making even the more outrageous ideas sound plausible. For example, speed cameras being fitted to hawks, so that they can fly over motorways and major roads, catching speeding drivers who would normally slow down at a camera point! Or how about the new material that will keep cold and frozen food cooler for longer when out of the fridge/freezer! This actually sounded possible until they mentioned that Formula One bosses were looking at the same material to help cool the engines on their cars. It's also good to see teachers getting kids involved. My daughter was one of around 190 in Year 5 at her school who were told that a `World Famous Celebrity` was coming to visit them and was landing via helicopter in their playing field. They were all asked to go onto the field and stand in the shape of a big letter `H` so that the pilot would know where to land! Only then were they let in on the joke!


Friday 2nd April 2004
 "And you don't want to face what's wrong or right. Ain't it strange how fate can play a part. In the story of your heart." (Song)

In 1987-88, which future England international scored 52 goals in all competitions for his club, who were then in the old FOURTH division?
Steve Bull (Wolves): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
It's practically an annual event now. It's just a matter of who, when and why! Yes, good old Fixture Congestion has reared it's ugly head again with Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger said to be `spitting blood` about the next nine days for the Gunners when they somehow have to fit four games in. They face Man United (FA Cup SF) tomorrow and then Chelsea away (CL QF) on Tuesday. Two Premiership games then follow against Liverpool on Good Friday and Newcastle two days later - a game originally planned for Monday but brought forward due to Newcastle playing in the UEFA Cup on the following Wednesday. I have every sympathy with their plight, as I have in the past when Man United have come up against similar problems, however it will continue to occur on a yearly basis for any club still competing on three fronts at this stage of the season. It is a crucial few days for Arsenal as well as, in theory, then could be out of two cups by Tuesday evening, although I reckon that's unlikely. I can see them getting past Chelsea, but have a sneaky feeling that Man United will end their treble dreams at Villa Park tomorrow. But, getting back to congestion, I could be cynical and suggest that one of the league games could have been played this midweek had there not been a rash of international friendlies!

We were at the waiting room in the hospital in Bath yesterday and in came a woman with her disabled partner in a wheelchair. They decided that they'd like a hot drink so she saunters over to the drinks vending machine and tries to get her head around the instructions. Admitting defeat, she asked aloud if anyone understood how to make it work and the receptionist gave her a hand. She told her that all drinks were 50p, but....the machine doesn't accept 50p coins!! Yep, absolutely 100% true, despite it being April Fools Day, this vending machine won't accept one single coin for the exact amount, but WILL take 10p's and 20p's to make up to 50p. Naturally, if you didn't have the right money, it doesn't give change either - no, that would be too easy wouldn't it! If you were that desperate, you could end up paying a pound for a cup of tea or coffee in a cardboard container which in itself looks unlikely to hold liquid for more than five minutes! Not the receptionists fault at all of course, but you wonder if there are people in an office, inventing ways to irritate the general public!


Saturday 3rd April 2004
 "I don't look good in no Armani Suits. No Gucci shoes - or designer boots." (Song)

Two clubs moved to new stadia at the start of this season. Man City were one, who were the other?
Well, I hate to say that I told you so, but yesterday's prediction that Man United would beat Arsenal today came good at Villa Park in the high noon FA Cup showdown. In truth, apart from the opening five minutes, you could hardly argue that United didn't deserve it. They played as though their season depended on the result and in many ways it did, and you wonder now just how the Gunners will react with three more crucial games ahead of them this week. As much as I'd have liked to have seen Arsenal emulate United's achievements of five years ago, it did leave a nasty taste to see the likes of Vieira and Bergkamp diving around like some demented Olympic highboarder and if they feel the need to resort to such unsavoury tactics, then they will rapidly lose much of the respect that they've gained over the season and indeed throughout their careers. United looked sharper throughout the majority of the game and were quicker to loose balls. They defended en mass, yet remained strong and aside from that opening spell, and especially during the second half, restricted Arsenal to long range efforts. United fans will enjoy the day and probably relish in it until Arsenal (or Chelsea!) clinch the title...or maybe United are set for a final push which would really be the comeback to end all comebacks.

It wasn't the best day all round for Arsenal, as a couple of hours later, their nearest rivals in the title race, Chelsea, beat Spurs 1-0 at White Hart Lane to continue a remarkable run of 28 league games unbeaten against the North London side, dating back to 1990 when Gary Lineker netted the winner! With Leeds playing Leicester on Monday and Portsmouth's game against Arsenal obviously called off, it was just Wolves of the bottom four who played today and thankfully they were walloped 4-1 at home to Southampton, setting up Monday's clash perfectly. Should we lose, or even draw, it could well be the beginning of the fat lady singing as regards Leeds and our Premiership survival.

It was a day for unlikely goalscorers in the Prem today as Joseph Yobo scored his first ever Everton goal in their 4-2 defeat at Newcastle, however plaudits of the day undoubtedly goes to Claus Lundekvam of Southampton, who, after 296 goalless games, finally netted in the 4-1 win at Wolves. If at first you don't succeed....

Unluckiest team of the day? Probably Hearts, who were 2-0 up AWAY to runaway SPL leaders Celtic with just TWO minutes to go. They were on the verge of becoming the first club to beat Celtic this season in the league and the first club in all competitions to win away to Celtic in 75 games, dating back to August 2001! However, up popped Chris Sutton and Didier Agathe to score in the final two minutes and earn a 2-2 draw - and keep the history books open!

Finally, quote of the day on Soccer Saturday came from anchorman Jeff Stelling who, having heard that Jamie Redknapp was injured again, said, "He must be the unluckiest player ever! Just as well he isn't an airline pilot!"


Sunday 4th April 2004
 "I'm gonna break down your defences one by one. I'm gonna hit you from all sides, lay your fortress open wide." (Song)

Millwall boss Dennis Wise scored on his full England debut in 1991. Against which nation?
Turkey: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to work later than usual today and finished at the same time as the second FA Cup semi-final kicked off. I mentioned in conversation to a customer that I'd be rushing home (not literally I should add) to see the game, however he said not to bother as it was bound to be a poor game between two first division clubs! Oh ye of little faith! It was a terrific game, full of goalscoring chances, good attacking football and, perhaps more inportantly, excitement for the neutral fan! I had no preference over who won, although I'd have like to have seen Sunderland get through if only to see if their boss, Mick McCarthy, said anything to Roy Keane before the final! That said, they gave it one hell of a battle, especially in the second half when they kept Millwall pegged back almost constantly. Equally, credit to Millwall who, having taken the lead through a very well taken goal by Tim Cahill, were forced to reorganised not once, but twice, before half time due to injuries to Ifill and Muscat. Whilst both semi's this weekend were decent in their own way, I actually prefered today's game for edge-of-the-seat thrills as, unlike yesterday, the team who were behind did actually look like getting back into it.

I must admit that until Sky flashed up the latest score from Villa Park during the aforementioned SF, I'd forgotten that there were two Prem games today and both were significant in different ways, although at this stage of the season, almost all games are vital for one reason or another. Aston Villa's late defensive lapse which allowed Man City to snatch a draw could yet be important come mid-May, especially if they miss out on Europe by two points. City proved at Leeds recently that they do play good football and don't always get what they deserve, so maybe the tide is beginning to turn for them. A hundred or so miles North West, Liverpool walloped Blackburn 4-0 to leadfrog Newcastle and regain fourth place and the Champions League option that goes with it. Despite the likes of Villa, Birmingham and Charlton all battling it out, I can't see beyond Liverpool or Newcastle for that fourth place as the remainder simply aren't consistant enough. My head says Liverpool, my heart hopes Newcastle!


Monday 5th April 2004
 "Ain't no headlights on the road tonight. Everybody here is sleeping tight. Ain't nobody gonna find us here. We'll disappear." (Song)
The Last Goodbye - Atomic Kitten: Correctly answered by Kirsty
Which player started last year's FA Cup Final, even though he didn't actually appear in the official matchday programme?
Whilst a lot has been made of Arsenal's fixture congestion over the next week, it's worth mentioning that all clubs will play twice over the Easter weekend, whilst from a selfish viewpoint, Leeds face three games in nine days which will surely give a good indication of which divison we'll be in next season. Tonight we host Leicester who, like us, are in the bottom three and currently just three points better off than us. Then on Saturday, we travel to Blackburn, whose home record is dire - nine defeats in fifteen games - and are only just out of the drop zone themselves. Then, a week tomorrow we are back at Elland Road against Everton, who again are not safe from the drop. Three Cup Finals in nine days, all of which are winable and would put us in a healthier position. Equally, we are capable of total self destruction and could end up losing all three, in which case the division one fat lady will be clearing her throat, especially considering that two of our last four games are away at Arsenal and Chelsea! The rollercoaster ride this season is coming to an end, but will it be a breathtaking finale or a damp squib of a halt?

The do-gooders and politically correct brigade have finally stuck their pominent noses into football as they try and save our future stars from getting too upset! It all began when a Derbyshire paper reported on a youth match which ended up 29-0, sparking the PC mob in action. From next season, they propose that for Under 12 games, no match which ends with a score of more than 14-0 should not be reported in the paper and that if the score is more than 5-0 at half time, then the second half will begin with the scores level again at 0-0 AND the losing team can field two extra players for the second period! What a bloody farce! Surely they have worked out that any team leading 4-0 will not bother pushing for a fifth goal as it would effectively wipe out their previous good work! These new rules have already been agreed in Scotland and could yet spread throughout the UK. Disappointment is all part of growing up and sooner or later kids have to cope with it. Surely it's better to learn how to react early in life rather than leave it too late! Incidentally, I was once part of a paperboys 5-a-side team in the early 80s and in our regional heats held in Bath, we lost 9-0 and 10-1. Under the new rules, we would probably have ended up in the final!


Tuesday 6th April 2004
 "You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility." (Film)

Who won the last ever Div 1 play off final to be staged at Wembley?
Ultimately, three points is three points, regardless of how they are gained, however didn't we ever make hard work of beating Leicester last night! In what was very much a `win or bust` game, Leeds tore into a two goal lead inside 13 minutes and although Leicester played well until half time, we held on to the break. Second half we began as though we wanted to put the game out of reach and could have netted three or four more but for Ian Walker. Indeed, I'd be so bold as to say that we were comfortable to the point that I was actually relaxed whilst sat on the sofa, which is unheard of whilst watching Leeds! Then came that three minute spell when Leicester scored twice and I genuinely believed that we would go on and lose it. Thankfully, Smiffy played our `get out of jail free` card and I was off the sofa like some sort of derranged Jack-In-The-Box, bouncing around the living room as though I'd won the lottery!! Mark Viduka's stupid red card at the tail end could prove costly as he'll miss the `must win` Portsmouth game and I only hope that he'll realise how dopey he was to kick the ball away having already been booked.

As I'm not a smoker and probably never will be, I guess the sheer quirks of some smokers gets to me more than others. Last weekend, a chap came into the shop and was asking to look at the sides of various packets of cigarettes so that he could compare tar ratings as he was looking for something with a low tar level. Thinking that he was cutting down, maybe with the intention of quitting completely, I mentioned this thought to him only to have my idea shot down in flames. He politely explained that the reason for looking for a low tar level was that his wife was pregnant and she wanted ciggies that weren't too strong! Erm, far be it for me to tell others how to lead their lives and I wouldn't dream of doing it, but maybe cutting them out totally would be beneficial to the baby?

And finally, going back to the Leeds match, or to be more precise, the pre-game build up. Host Marcus Buckland was chatting to George Graham about Leeds youngster James Milner and how big clubs may be watching him ahead of the summer clear out. Buckland mentioned that Spurs could be after him and, Graham quickly replied, "No, I said big clubs!" Methinks that the former Spurs boss will not be flavour of the month at the Lane now!


Wednesday 7th April 2004
 "My heart going boom boom boom. "Hey" he said "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."" (Song)

Chelsea last beat Arsenal in Nov 1998 by 5-0 in a League Cup clash. Which two Chelsea players scored twice in that game?
Gianluca Vialli & Gus Poyet:  Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
When the draw for the quarter's and semi's of the Champions League was made, many people were licking their lips at the thought of a semi-final clash between Arsenal and Real Madrid. After the first legs, that looked more likely than ever as the Gunners had an away draw under their belt, whilst Madrid took a 4-2 lead to Monaco. Last night both club's dreams were demolished as football again proved what an amazing game it can be. John Terry was superb at the back for Chelsea as they restricted Arsenal to half chances and one goal in first half stoppage time. It was all the more remarkable that Reyes' effort put the Gunners ahead and that Chelsea battled back in the second half. Equally, in the principality, Real took the lead on the night, leaving Monaco needing THREE goals to get through. This they did by midway through the second half, leaving Madrid wondering what went wrong! It's therefore a shame that the media will probably concentrate on the inabilities of the losing clubs rather than the achievements of the winners, but that's the way of the world I guess! As for Arsenal, four days ago they were fighting for a domestic and European treble that has only been done once in almost 50 years. Now, they just have the league title to battle for - and if they lose that, then there WILL be a backlash.

Manchester United bigwigs have done their best to further alienate players from fans by banning the playing staff from signing merchandise outside their training ground. In future, signings will only be made at official charity functions or organised events. The reasoning behind this is an increasing band of `unscrupulous third parties` who are making a fortune selling signing material on auctions sites such as eBay. Okay, whilst I can see that there are people that would do this, there are two factors to think about here. Firstly, what they are doing is not illegal surely? And secondly, what is this actually costing United? NOTHING! They don't sell such merchandise in their shops, so it's not as though these people are undercutting the official club shops. United are superb at many things, both as a business and as a football club. Sadly, public relations is not one of them as the main losers here are the genuine fans and the kids who idolise the players who are now unable to sign autographs for them!


Thursday 8th April 2004
 "You didn't beat me. You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you." - "That's not much incentive for me to fight fair, then, is it?" (Film)
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

In the QF, SF and Final of the Champions League last season, eventual winners Milan remarkably only won ONE game in regulation time. Against who?
Fact is stranger than fiction according to the saying and if a story writer had written Arsenal and Real Madrid out of the Champions League then we'd have thought it a little far fetched. Had he then written out the favourites, AC Milan, despite winning the first leg 4-1, then total suspension of common sense would have been needed - yet we watched it all unfold over the last two days! I was torn last night between watching the closer game between Lyon and Porto, or going with the Deportivo-Milan game, which should have been a formality! Thankfully I chose the latter and witnessed one of the most astonishing comebacks in European Cup history! Deportivo were as impressive in the first half as Milan were in the first leg and by half time, their 3-0 lead put them ahead on away goals. Even after the break, Milan rarely put together any concerted pressure and it was ultimately no surprise to see the Spaniards add a fourth! Whether it was total over-confidence bordering on arrogance from Milan, then I really don't know, but they looked a pale shadow of the side who are not only the holders, but have also destroyed all and sundry domestically this season. But take nothing away from DLC, who three years ago earned the wrath of Leeds fans by calling our club, `The Weakest Link` days before we beat them 3-0! Now, thanks to them and the others still left in, then we have one of the most open CL semi-finals in years as the conquerors of Arsenal, Real Madrid, Milan and Man United go head to head. Personally I wouldn't be surprised to see DLC go on and win it, but my heart says Chelsea!

At the newsagents where I work, we pride ourselves with having a huge display of magazines. Not just the top 50 or 100 sellers such as WHSmiths and Martins provide, some of the more obscure titles are often available on the shelf. Equally, we often tell customers that there is a magazine available for just about every hobby you could think of, down to stamp collecting or pigeon racing! Many of the titles are obvious enough, however some aren't instantly apparent as to their content, including Back Street Heroes (Motor Bikes!) or Angora (Horror and Sci-Fi!), so when a new title appeared on our contents list this morning, I did wonder of the content. Earth Movers was the new arrival and, due to my severely warped sense of humour, I wondered if it was the newest addition to the already heaving `Top Shelf` range! Thankfully it wasn't as it was the first mag that we are aware of on....excavators! Yes, the JCB and Digger fan can now enjoy this new publication, although I daresay if it takes off, Excavator Monthly and Practical Digger won't be far behind!

From Hero To Villain! Spare a thought today for Millwall's Tim Cahill who scored that superb winner on Sunday in the FA Cup Semi Final against Sunderland. Last night, he was sent off in the last minute against Cardiff. How fortunes can change eh?


Friday 9th April 2004 - Good Friday
 "You got mud on your face, you big disgrace. Somebody better put you back into your place." (Song)
We Will Rock You - Queen: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

In 1987-88 season, Portsmouth, Watford and Oxford were relegated from the top flight along with one other club who went down via the old-style play off's. Which current Prem high flying team was it?
It would appear that reports of Arsenal's recent demise was a little premature - the Gunners weren't dead, mearly taking a break in a remarkable season. Twice in the last week they've crashed out out of cup competition and, after twice being behind today against Liverpool, there were surely times when they must have wondered if the footballing gods were about to kick then in the gonads once again. It wasn't to be as, largely thanks to the finishing of Thierry Henry, who netted a hat trick, they went on to win 4-2 and restore their seven point lead at the top. Yes, the same Thierry Henry who, three days ago, had an injury serious enough to see him subbed against Chelsea and then have the medics rule him out of all the Easter programme! His recovery was stunning to be able to play today and, it would appear, with no loss of the skill and sharpness we are used to seeing. Make no mistake, after the last week, this was an absolutely vital match for Arsenal and to bounce back in the way that they have shows all that is impressive about them. Champions elect? I would think so now.

Ever heard of Bonnybridge? Nope, nor me until yesterday when the town in Stirlingshire, Scotland was named as top of the spots for UFO craft! Now, I'm one of these who will always remain sceptical about such sightings, however of it's 5,000+ residents, such dignitaries as a local fireman and police helicopter pilot have reported sightings of alien crafts in various shapes or sizes and, overall, the number of sightings in the town have averaged over 100 a month - which equates to more than three each day! Now, whether this is a matter of simply mass hysteria and everyone else jumping onto the bandwagon each time they see a shape in the sky, then I really don't know, however of more concern to me is the second placed area to spot UFO's in the UK. Lying just behind Bonnybridge is none other than Cley Hill, which probably means very little to you either, however this hill, situated very close to Longleat in Wiltshire, is around six miles from where we live and, is very clearly visible from our kitchen and bedroom windows! Admittedly, I've never spotted any aliens flying around in strange craft, however I'll be keeping a close eye on the skies around here in future!


Saturday 10th April 2004 - Easter Saturday
 "Wanna hear something funnier? We just found a bunch of dead guys floating in the laundry room." (Film)

In an FA Cup tie in January 1979, Charlton duo Mike Flanagan and Derek Hales were both sent off for the same reason against non-league Maidstone. Why were they dismissed?
Fighting with each other: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
A few years back, not long after I first got onto the Internet, a Bolton fan told me that in many ways, it's more rewarding supporting a side like Bolton than a club like Leeds, who back then were battling against mid-table mediocrity. His argument was that almost every season, his side were fighting for promotion or in the play offs or trying to avoid the drop - in other words, there was always something to play for up to the final week of the season. After this campaign, I know exactly what he was getting at. Monday's nerve-wracking win over Leicester was followed today by another blood pressure rising of a game at Blackburn where, having taken the lead inside two minutes, we held it until the final minute when it was doubled. Even then, a stoppage time goal gave Rovers hope, however thanks to other results (Leicester losing, Man City drawing with Wolves and Pompey gaining a draw at Charlton) we move up a place to 18th and are level on points with the two clubs immediatly above us, notably Portsmouth and today's conquerers Blackburn, who along with Man City have been sucked into this over the past few weeks. Indeed had City not scored a stopage time equaliser at home to Wolves, then it would be even tighter! So after another afternoon of worn down fingernails and various stupid superstitions around the house (don't put my shoes on until the second half starts....Yes, really!) we are within a point of getting out of the bottom three! Most other clubs play on Monday, whereas we face Everton on Tuesday, when again we'll know just what we have to do to get out of this. Where there's life, there's hope and after the last five days, things are looking as hopeful as they have for the last six months!

With Arsenal playing yesterday....and tomorrow, Chelsea blew the chance to regain ground on them with a goalless draw at home to Middlesbrough, whilst Man United came from behind to win at Birmingham where master (Sir Alex) beat student (Steve Bruce) in the managerial battle. It was interesting to hear Chelsea boss Claudio Ranieri effectively concede the title to Arsenal after the game, stating that they deserve it and you wonder now if he'll concentrate on the Champions League more fully rather than the Premiership. It cannot be easy for him, especially apparently not knowing whether he'll still be employed at the Bridge once the season ends, but suerly if he does the remarkable and lifts the CL, then they wouldn't dare get rid of him.

Spare a thought today for Paul Ritchie of Inverness Caladonian Thistle. The Scottish first division side reached the Semi-Finals of the Scottish Cup and today drew 1-1 with Dunfermline with Ritchie scoring the opening goal. With a replay to come, Ritchie has a lot on his mind as, not only is he trying to help his side reach the Final, he is also getting married in May....on the same day as the Cup Final! Should be interesting if they win the replay eh?

Leading the table doesn't guarantee that you are imune to being on the wrong end of a hammering. Take Morton for example. This morning they sat proudly on top of the Scottish second division ahead of their away game at Hamilton. The final score was 6-1 to Hamilton! The higher they come, the further they fall!


Sunday 11th April 2004 - Easter Sunday
 "The higher you build your barriers. The taller I become. The further you take my rights away. The faster I will run." (Song)
Something Inside So Strong - Labi Siffre: Correctly answered by Jinder Singh

Sky Sports pundit Chris Kamara was briefly manager of which Midlands club in 1998?
From the moment in the second half when Thierry Henry burst clear only for his first touch to take him wide of the keeper and then hit his effort against the post, I could sense that Newcastle and Arsenal were not going to break the deadlock. In reality, a draw isn't a bad result for either club as it keeps Newcastle in contention for a CL place whilst the Gunners remain seven points clear at the top and unbeaten. With both clubs enduring midweek European games, they looked knackered as the second half wore on and a mistake rather than a piece of skill looked the only likely chance of a goal. For the final half an hour or so, I enjoyed trying to lip read the remarks made by the players, especially when a decision went against them and Craig Bellamy in particular proved that his vocab is up to scratch by calling Sol Campbell a `f**king cheat` after the Arsenal man went down a little too easy and then when he was called over by the ref on the advice of a linesman, Bellamy looked shocked and asked, "He said what??" Most annoying though is this tact of the officials putting their hands over their mouths when talking to each other! Spoilsports!

Kit Kat, Mint Aero, Rasbberry Ruffles and a new Nut Double Decker! Yes, the chocolate abstention is over and I took full advantage today and began to make up for lost time!! Seriously though, having managed without chocs for the fourth year in a row during Lent, I've not really missed it to any great extent, except maybe in the evenings when the football is on and I fancy a nibble. People tend to believe that you'll go gorging on what you've abstained from straight away and in truth that really wasn't the case as I'd been at work a good four hours before even opening a choccy bar today. The irony is that I've not lost any weight during that time, not that was even the plan in the first place, although I guess that Custard Creams and various other biscuits make up for that. So, it's back to normality now with a couple of Easter Eggs to open, although whether it's just me or not, but I feel a little guilty about breaking open a chocolate egg when it looks so well packaged.


Monday 12th April 2004 - Easter Monday
 "You're making me laugh out when you strike your pose. Take off all your preppy clothes." (Song)
Complicated - Avril Lavigne: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins

In Sept 1996, which Scottish Prem side had FOUR players sent off in an away game at Rangers?
Not the best afternoon's football as regards those of us whose clubs are at the bottom and not playing until tomorrow. On the plus side, Wolves lost after conceding another last minute goal, this time against Bolton. Having done the same at Man City on Saturday, it's remarkable to think that had they not let it either goal, they'd be three points better off. As it is, they looked all but doomed. Speaking of Man City, they got a good point at Spurs, although they were ahead and could have collected all three. They are now three points ahead of us with a better goal difference. The same can be said of Portsmouth who took full advantage of the dismissal of Birmingham keeper Maik Taylor and went on to win 3-1, giving them a hope of salvation at the bottom, especially as they are playing some good football at the moment! As for Blackburn, they kick off against Fulham in around two and a half hours as I type and, if they slip up, could find themselves in the drop zone by tomorrow night with both Leeds (100% in our last two games!!) and Leicester playing. Finally, result of the day is split between Charlton beating Liverpool at Anfield and Villa beating Chelsea, results which totally open up the battle for the fourth CL place with just three points between 4th and 8th AND 9th placed Fulham still to play! Whilst the title may be wrapped up, the battle at the bottom and for European spots look absolutely wide open!

I watched the live Spanish game last night as Real Madrid played host to Osasuna, largely as I wanted to see their reaction to going out of the Champions League. Having seen Arsenal react well with a win over Liverpool and a creditable draw at Newcastle, then Real's scenario could hardly have been more different on an awful day for them. Having lost top spot in the league to Valencia, they went a goal down inside two minutes to a player, Valdo, on loan FROM Madrid and went two down before half time, both goals due to their hopeless inability to defend from set pieces (long throws in both cases!). A third goal followed after half time and despite plenty of possession, they never looked likely to get back into it, indeed one of their few efforts on target was a Roberto Carlos free kick which thundered into the back of team mate Luis Figo! Whether I have a warped mind, I don't know, but it gave a certain amount of satisfaction to see these highly paid superstars unable to undo the damage created by a defence which, at best, looked on a par with an average Premiership back line. The likes of Beckham (who had a good game despite his off the pitch concerns), Roberto Carlos, Figo and Zidane, not to mentio Ronaldo who went off injured, are happy to take part in Pepsi ads to earn an extra few Euro's in their accounts, but they'll ultimately be judged by what happens on the pitch and, unless they can turn it around in the final six games, the Dream Team are in very real danger of winning absolutely nothing this season.


Tuesday 13th April 2004
 "I feel so extraordinary. Something's got a hold on me. I get this feeling I'm in motion. A sudden sense of liberty." (Song)

Teddy Sheringham set what England international record when he scored for his nation against Greece in October 2001?
Fastest goal as a sub (10 secs): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Last night's seven goal thriller between Fulham and Blackburn showed us all that's enjoyable about the Premiership. Attacking football, although admittedly the poor defending helped add to the excitement, controversy - notably Zat Knight's headbutt on Jon Stead, and end-to-end play with the winners undecided even into the final minutes. Ultimately, as someone who desperately wanted Fulham to win for purely selfish reasons, the result left me feeling a little flat - a bit like throwing up after a particularly enjoyable and tense rollercoaster ride, however for any neutrals watching, it was pure football theatre played out in all it's glory. I'd love to know what was said in the Rovers dressing room at half time considering the way that they came out all guns blazing in the second half, but I'd bet that it wasn't printable and would run this risk of melting a TV bleep machine if broadcast. Blackburn's win puts them on 34 points along with Man City and Portsmouth and they'll be joined by Leeds later....if we can beat Everton!

On which point, I have my doubts about tonight's game for two reasons. Firstly, if the likes of Rooney and Radzinski play, and they are likely to, then they have the potential speed to destroy our defence, whose speed is often the football equalivent of a snail in treacle. Secondly, the `old boys` scenario is there to be exploited, albeit for different reasons than usual. So far this season, Robbie Keane and Harry Kewell have returned to Elland Road and scored - tonight Nigel Martyn comes back and although it's unlikely he'll emulate his former team mates and find the net, his return could well inspire him to play a blinder. Whatever happens, I have my concerns that we'll get the much needed win that we crave and with Arsenal at Highbury to look forward to on Friday, the old pessimism is gradually coming back.


Wednesday 14th April 2004
 "Here's the thing. Somehow between 1 and 2:30 last night, I traveled 400 miles and I have no memory of it." (Film)

Gary Neville's last league goal (before last night) was over three years ago, however he did score in the Champions League last season (02-03). Against who?
Well, as predicted yesterday, things didn't go totally our way against Everton last night. As I feared, Wayne Rooney got onto the scoresheet as he did in the corresponding game last season and, also as predicted, our former keeper Nigel Martyn performed heroics to make two fine saves from Alan Smith and a brilliant diving stop from James Milner in the first half. Ultimately he was beaten by the latter eventually and although many will feel that it's two points dropped, a draw isn't too bad a result. We remain two points adrift of safety, behind Portsmouth, Man City and Blackburn and as long as we can stay within touching distance of at least one of them, there remains hope. We have Arsenal away on Friday when anything aside from a hammering will be a bonus! If at least one of the above three lose at the weekend, then hope continues to spring eternal.

On a similar tact, I'll be breaking the habits of a lifetime and supporting Man United not once, but TWICE in a week!! Their 1-0 home win over Leicester last night helped us out whilst twisting the knife deeper into the Foxes, whilst they travel to Portsmouth at the weekend in a game which we need Pompey to lose, especially as we then host them the following weekend. It seemed very quiet at Old Trafford last night with even the commentators mentioning that the crowd rely on the players to give them a lift rather than the other way around. Ultimately, Gary Neville's first league goal since January 2001 did the trick, although I do have one final thing to mention. Ben Thatcher spent most of the second half looking like an extra from Dawn of the Dead after taking a blow to the nose, however I thought that any facial blood had to be cleaned up before the player could resume. Clearly that's no longer the case...or maybe they were just terrified that he'd take a chunk out of the official's neck!


Thursday 15th April 2004
 "Everybody's looking for that something. One thing that makes it all complete. You'll find it in the strangest places. Places you never knew it could be." (Song)

Who was Newcastle manager when they won promotion to the top flight in 1993?
Newcastle's UEFA Cup win last night puts them into the last four of a very open competition, giving them a decent chance of success. They face Liverpool's conquerers, Marseille, next and will face a Spanish side in the final should they make it, however much like the Champions League, it's very much open and available to all four clubs now the likes of Barca are out and Newcastle will rarely have a better chance of European success than now. For too long in the 90s they were `nearly` men having come close to the league title and were then runners up in the FA Cup for two successive years having faced Arsenal and Man United in each final, both of whom were in their prime at the time. For 35 years, Tyneside has been starved of a major trophy, Maybe this is the year that it's finally reversed.

Rather than buy our daughter dozens of Easter Eggs for Easter, she just had a couple and some normal presents besides. The main reason was to stop us being surrounded by chocolate for weeks on end and then have to throw them away, however the gifts are to keep whereas the eggs will ultimately be gone one way or another. One of the things we bought her was a Groovy Chick drinks dispenser - a short of mini-version of those things you see in hospitals and offices where the water is kept in a large container at the top and dispenses into a cup or mug at the bottom at the push of a button. The main problem is that the container doesn't fix in securely at the top, it simply balances on it. So when she took it into her room and placed it too near her bed for comfort, we decided that it would be safer downstairs, explaining to her in no uncertain terms that if she knocked it during the evening or night, then the whole lot would spill over her bed and floor and anything else that happened to be in the firing line. So, after a lecture on the safety and spillage concerns, my wife picked it up to move it....and promptly dropped it! Cue a wet bed, wet floor, wet books and toys and a very embarressed mum!


Friday 16th April 2004
 "There's no one here to help you! We walked for 15 hours today, we ended up in the same place! There's no one here to help you." (Film)

What remarkable record does the Scottish Cup 2nd Round game between Inverness Thistle and Falkirk from 1978-9 season hold?
The next `must win` (copyright Fleet Street) game for Leeds comes tonight and it couldn't really be much tougher as we face Champions elect, and currently unbeaten, Arsenal. Indeed the last league game they lost was the corresponding fixture last season when we won 3-2 and, in one fell swoop, ended their title hopes and kept ourselves safe from the drop! A repeat performance looks unlikely this season despite the best hopes of Eddie Gray, however we have won at Highbury for the last two seasons and law of averages states that they surely must lose eventually. On the down side, we've played them twice at Elland Road this season and they've hammered us 4-1 on both occasions, so the omens don't look that impressive. I reckon it'll go one of two ways - dependant on who scores first. Either we'll sneak an odd-goal victory as happened last May, or they'll demolish us and end up with a cricket score. Sadly, the latter looks most likely.

I was having a look at the PFA Player Of The Year nominations earlier which are as follows: Steven Gerrard (Liverpool)
Thierry Henry (Arsenal)
Frank Lampard (Chelsea)
Jay-Jay Okocha (Bolton)
Alan Shearer (Newcastle)
Patrick Vieira (Arsenal)
The most notable thing to mention is the lack of any Man United players in the top six - and bear in mind, these are voted for by fellow professional players! I guess this sums up United's season in many ways. Disappointing and with no outstanding player shining out among the comparative darkness. I mean, how often in the past would a Bolton player who hasn't scored a league goal this season get into such a list above the Roy Keane, Van Nistelrooy's and, in previous season's, the Beckham's? Of course, the real irony here is that United could still sneak second place ahead of Chelsea and, albeit unlikely, top spot, which would then leave the nominations looking somewhat tame. As for my choice for the PFA POTY - Henry.


Saturday 17th April 2004
 "You drink your coffee and I sip my tea and we're sitting here, playing so cool, thinking, what will be will be." (Song)

Thierry Henry's first league hat trick for Arsenal came against which side?
Blimey, how I hate being right! Yesterday's prediction that the Gunners would run up a cricket score with an early goal proved prophectic as they netted after six minutes and then it turned into the Thierry Henry show as he added FOUR more - two in each half. In truth, it was a joy to watch counter-attacking football of such a high quality and I'm sure I'll appreciate it a little more once this season is over and done, but it has to be said that Arsenal and Henry were absolutely awesome! We had a twenty minute spell in the first half between the first and second goals when we looked the better side, however we hardly created anything and it was probably only a matter that Arsenal were unable to break that restricted their goal threat. Lets be honest, this wasn't humiliating - losing 4-0 to Leicester and Everton or 6-1 at Portsmouth would fall into that catagory. This was a simple matter of a true gulf in class. We now have nine days to get ready for the next `must win` - at home to Portsmouth!

Speaking of which, you can't bloody trust Man United to do anything can you? Normally, I'd be cheering their defeat at Fratton Park as loudly as the next man, but not today as it puts Pompey out of touching distance from us! This was probably a bigger hammer blow than last night's slaughter as it was more unexpected. Later in the afternoon, things went ok-ish. Blackburn continued their good week with a win against Leicester which had the double-edged sword of keeping Leicester four points below us, but equally pushing Rovers five points ahead! On the plus side, Man City lost again, this time at home to Southampton and are just two points ahead of us. Next week, they play...Leicester!

Spare a thought (1): for Plymouth captain Paul Wotton who had an eventful after as his league leaders were hammered 4-1 at Oldham. Within a THREE minute spell in the second half, Wotton had a penalty saved, then scored from the rebound and then, within minutes, was sent off for a second bookable offence!

Spare a thought (2): for Huddersfield's Efe Sodje, who had an equally eventful game in the 3-2 win against Scunthorpe. Not only did he level matters for his opponents with an own goal, but also got himself sent off in the second half whilst 2-1 down! It ended well for him though as two late goals from John McAliskey gave them victory.

The allegation surrounding David Beckham and Rebecca Loos have been doing the rounds for almost three weeks and I've avoided mentioning it at all - until now! The reasoning is down to a newspaper poll a couple of days ago when they asked readers to ring a certain number to cast their votes over the `affair`. The options were: "Yes, he did it." - "No, he didn't do it." and, the one that got my vote, "I don't care either way!" Sadly, I missed the result, but I wonder how many others went for the latter catagory? Not that it'll stop the media printing similar in the future.


Sunday 18th April 2004
 "Misdirection. What the eyes see and the ears hear, the mind believes." (Film)

Who were the last team to beat Celtic in the SPL (exactly one year ago tomorrow!)?
Two games on the box this afternoon and neither will be remembered for too long unless you are a Newcastle or West Brom fan. The former drew 0-0 at Aston Villa, despite a series of unfortunate events which saw Andy O'Brien sent off after nine minutes and then injuries to Jenas and Bellamy before 50 minutes had been played. However, at least there was a modicum of excitement and chances, both of which were devoid at the other game - also North-East v Midlands - as Sunderland hosted West Brom. No shots at goal until the 37th minute and no shot on target until the 57th! Ultimately, the second placed Baggies cliched victory against 3rd placed Sunderland with the last kick of the game in the second minute of stoppage time, effectively clinching promotion for them. It was a masterclass of defending in truth which is fine for the club involved, but for those of us hoping for an afternoon's entertaining football - forget it!

Not the most awe-inspiring day for excitement to be honest as this morning saw the London Marathon and the five hours of TV coverage which went with it. Luckily I was at work and missed most of it and for the life of me I cannot see how people can sit there and watch it. I know, it's `each to their own` and there are many out there who hate football, however whilst I hugely respect the fitness, courage, ambition and sheer guts of those who take part in the gruelling 26 mile race, as a televised spectacle, it ranks alongside those `How to paint` shows which seem to crop up each night as regards entertainment. Equally, again whilst I hugely respect the dedication involved as regards training for the event, why do joggers insist on running on the roads when there is perfectly adequate space on the pavement? I had to swerve earlier this afternoon to avoid two of them running a good few feet away from the sanctuary of the pavement, probably in training for next years competition! That said, I should at least offer huge congratulations to all those who completed the London course, raising masses of money for charity in the process. For all my griping, those taking part have achieved far more than I.

Finally, a word on Celtic who clinched the SPL title today with games to spare. It's a superb achievement from Martin O'Neill and his players, winning 29 of their 32 games so far and drawing the other three! Can they do an Arsenal and go unbeaten throughout? You wouldn't bet against it, although critics would argue that it simply shows how weak the Scottish league is. This summer sees a vital time for O'Neill with one major question to be answered. Just how do you replace Henrik Larsson?


Monday 19th April 2004
 "This is your life. Go out and find yourself a wife. Make a stand and be a man and you will have a great life plan." (Song)

In the 1986 World Cup Finals, Argentina won every game except their second group game which was drawn. Against which nation?
I must admit that I wasn't entirely surprised to read today that Diego Maradona was `critically ill` in intensive care at an Argentine hospital. If any player could be labelled a `fallen genius`, then it's him. Still only 43, recent pictures have shown a massive weight gain for whatever reason and even at that relatively young age, the body can only take so much additional strain. Here in England, many will remember him for that Hand Of God goal which effectively knocked England out of the 1986 World Cup, as well as his seemingly constant reliance on drugs - whether hard or soft. In many ways, that's a shame as he was so much more than a Bad Boy of football. With the ball at his feet, he was, as mentioned, a genius and undoubtedly the best player in the world of his era. I was lucky enough to see him in the 82, 86, 90 and 94 World Cup's, although his input at the first and last in the list was diminished for reasons ranging from a red card to being kicked out of the tournament for drug abuse. However in 86 especially, he was brilliant and it remains one of the best displays from any player in any WC competition and I include Pele and Co from 58, 62 and 70 in that list. Sadly, that's all in the past and when the end comes, whether it's in five days or fifty years, many will still remember him for the wrong reasons.

It occurred to me whilst trying to stay awake during the Sunderland v West Brom game yesterday that Euro 2004 kicks off in under two months. So, not only did I finally get around to putting fixtures on my Euro 2004 section on site (plug, plug!), but it made me realise how much I'm looking forward to it. I've worked on the last two big tourno's - Euro 2000 and WC 2002 - during my time with SoccerAge, and whilst that was a great experience, it lessened the actually enjoyment of watching as I was either preparing reports or previews or even on certain occasions, I was doing live text commentary via their web site - including the final! So, this will be the first major tourno since WC98 that I can sit, watch and enjoy and even though there are some `unfancied` names in Portugal - notably Latvia, Bulgaria and Croatia - I have every confidence that it will as good a competition as four years ago in Holland and Belgium. My tips for the trophy? My heart says Holland as I'd love for them to win it, but it wouldn't surprise me if England or Italy do the honours on July 4th.


Tuesday 20th April 2004
 "Once there was this kid who got into an accident and couldn't come to school." (Song)

Which former Liverpool star once famously said of his time abroad, "I couldn't settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country."?
Ian Rush: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
According to the front pages of one of the papers today, the various raids on suspected terrorist units yesterday have foiled an apparent plot to blow up Old Trafford! They claim that having raided a flat in Manchester, tickets were found for four different sections of the ground for Saturday's game against Liverpool, sparking fears that it was a terrorist target. Now, whether this is scaremongering or not, the fact remains that a packed sports stadium would certainly be high up on the list of probable targets for these people. You can only imagine the carnage caused with 67,000+ spectators converged into one relatively small area, and that's not to mention the stadium officials and players! Mayhem would hardly begin to describe the potential scenerio. All too often, the authorties only react to situations after they occur - closing the door after the horse has bolted - and it does give a modicum of hope that there are people out where working to stop such disasters before they occur. So, is this all too far-fetched for it to be true? Maybe, however, had someone had stated three years ago that terrorists could hijack four planes and then attempt to crash them all into high profile American buildings, we'd have probably have had the blase attitude!

Contrary to how it seems, I don't spend all morning at work reading the papers - just 15 minutes on my break, honest! However, I did come across another terrific story in the Star earlier today about a certain 29-year old Middlesbrough supporter called Adrian Carr. Now, Mr Carr was arrested this season whilst watching his club take on Arsenal - for being asleep! The police maintained that he was drunk in a public area, whilst Carr said that he was tired and bored and certainly not under the influence of alcohol. He appealed against the forthcoming conviction and yesterday won the appeal in court! The judge, co-incidentally also a Boro fan, quashed the original offence, claiming that, "It is every man's right to fall asleep at a football match, particularly if he's watching Arsenal!" A judge with a sense of humour - almost as rare as an Arsenal defeat!

So, David Beckham has had his hair cut - WHO CARES!!!!!


Wednesday 21st April 2004
 "Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today." (Film)
Groundhog Day: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

In the 95-96 UEFA Cup, Leeds won 3-0 away to Monaco. Who scored all three goals?
Tony Yeboah: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
At 9:15pm last night, I would have put good money on Chelsea reaching the Champions League final this season. Had I have done so, I would probably have regretted it fifteen minutes later! Drawing 1-1 at Monaco and with a man advantage, Chelsea were looking good despite a couple of somewhat odd substitutions, even for Tinkerman Ranieri, however after Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink headed a great chance wide in the 76th minute, it all fell apart as Monaco scored two late goals to seal victory. So where did it go wrong? Chelsea were looking good either side of half time and even up until Fernando Morientes scored the superb second, they rarely looked in any danger. Poor tactics? The aforementioned strange changes? Or maybe Monaco raised their game after what they felt, justifiably, to be a harsh sending off. Whatever the reasoning, Chelsea had a golden chance to lay the foundations for the second leg - and they blew it!

As for the red card in the above game, harsh does indeed do it justice, but only because justice wasn't seen to be done. Zikos and Makelele both raised their hands with little more power and motive than a friendly slap around the chops. No major malice or force was there and there'd been no previous problems between the duo. So why does Zikos get sent off and Makelele only booked? Simple, because the Chelsea man took a blatant dive! I've moaned more than once about players who dive or over-react and it would appear that Makelele has spent too long in Spain and has brought his bad habits into England. At best, the force of the slap on the back of his head would have stung a little, however he felt the contact and went down clutching his head as though he'd been struck by a sledgehammer! The one piece of justice was that the accumulation of yellow cards in the tournament means that he'll miss the second leg, but it all left a bad taste in the mouth. Lets face it, had it happened AGAINST Chelsea, then the world and his wife would be up in arms about it!

Just like London taxi's and spiders in the bath, you see none for ages then two come along in quick succession. We can now add to that list - Gary Neville's goals! Until a week ago, he'd not scored in the league for around three years, now he nets twice in three games against Leicester and now last night, Charlton. Van Nistelrooy and Saha had better watch out!!


Thursday 22nd April 2004
 "How come a cute little guy like this can turn into a thousand ugly monsters?" (Film)
Gremlins: Correctly answered by kirstymd

During his time at Man United manager, Ron Atkinson guided the club to how many FA Cup Final wins?
Two - 1983 and 1985: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Anyone involved with the `Kick Racism Out Of Football` campaign must be wondering why they are bothering with all their hard work when the likes of Ron Atkinson can make a stupid off the cuff remark and undermine the entire set-up. Atkinson's remarks, made after the UK's ITV coverage had moved back to the studio, but BEFORE the coverage to the Middle East had ceased, were aimed at Chelsea's Marcel Desailly instantly after the 3-1 CL defeat in Marseille and not only contained the `F` word but also a derogatory racist word and whilst he apologised afterwards and resigned from his positionn with ITV, the damage had been done and frankly left an extremely bad taste in the mouth. It's fair to say thae he was responsible for bringing many coloured players into the game in the late 70s - notable Brendon Batson and the late Lawrie Cunningham at West Brom, however at 65, there seems to be a few people from his era and age group with racial undertones in their thinking. They may not see themselves as a racist, but certain remarks - similar to Atkinson's words Tuesday night - often come out without thinking. I know of at least two others of a similar age group who've made similar `jokey` type remarks whilst spotting an Asian or African person on the streets. The most amazing thing is that in this day and age, there are still people around who lead such an astonishingly blinkered life.

Staying with the Champions League, did you enjot last night's clash between Porto and Deportivo? Cracking game wasn't it? Now, let me think.....One chip hit the underside of the bar for Porto and they also had two headers wide from good positions. Deportivo defending well and...erm...well yes, they defending well. Both sides play-acted to the best of their abilities and that old favourite of waving the imaginary card to get an opponent booked made an unwelcome return. The one redeemed incident? Late on when Porto's tendancy to dive..sorry, simulate, went before them and they were denied a clear stoppage time penalty! Yes, you've guessed it, not the greatest game I've seen this week.

Well done to Norwich (Sorry Ipswich fans) who return to the Premiership despite not kicking a ball last night. Sunderland's capitulation at Crystal Palace guaranteed the Canaries a top two spot and a return to the top flight after nine years out. It's worth remembering that in the early 90s, Norwich were a decent team and in the first Prem season, finished third despite recording a MINUS goal difference! They also beat Bayern Munich in Germany in a UEFA Cup match and gave Inter a good run for their money as well. Of course, having a high profile board member helps and in celeb cook and wives favourite Delia Smith, they have just that. I guess we should prepare ourselves next season for shots of Delia in the Directors Box and Anfield, Old Trafford and Highbury, waving her yellow and green scarf madly as though she's just burnt her speciality dish! Things will be similar at Carrow Road where the football may not challenge the top three, but the food is excellent!

The final word today is on Celtic who finally lost a league game this season after a stoppage game goal gave Aberdeen a shock 2-1 victory over the newly crowned champions. Equally, the defeat was at Celtic, their first home defeat in ANY competition in 77 games!


Friday 23rd April 2004
 "I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay. Ain't it sad?" (Song)

Jay-Jay Okocha began his career with which German club?
Due to a combination of hospital check ups, dentist check ups, swimming, Sainsburys and work, yesterday was pretty much a blur and I missed the first hour of Newcastle's semi-final with Marseille. Ultimately, the game ended goalless anyway and from the last 30 minutes, it was obvious that the French side are well organised at the back and more than capable of scoring at the other end - hence that shot which crashed against the inside of Shay Given's post. So, on the plus side for Newcastle, there was no away goal conceded which is always a good thing in two legged games. On the minus side, they'll need to score in France to stand any chance of reaching the final which will not be a forgone conclusion. That said, they remain in a better position than Chelsea to reach a major final andw with a little luck and good organisation, they may just have enough to do it. Ironically the other SF also ended goalless, so an entertaining evening was had by all!

You have to hand it to Bolton boss Sam Allardyce. Having just secured Premiership football for next season, he's out and about, wheeling and dealing and looking at how to improve the squad. When you consider that, in the past, he's managed to attract the likes of Jay-Jay Okocha and Youri Djorkaff to what is still an `unfashionable` club, then you wonder how, if and when he's going to top that. The answer came yesterday when it was confirmed that they are holding talks with Brazilian striker Rivaldo! Yes, that's the same Rivaldo who helped the Samba Kings to World Cup success two years ago. The same player who fell out badly with Milan and left in a huff. The same player who shone in Spain with Barcelona for five years and the same player who was fined during WC2002 for that remarkable over-reaction when the ball hit him as he prepared to take a corner. But, with Rivaldo, the good points surely outweigh the bad points and if he does agree to join Bolton, it will be a massive coup for Allardyce, the club and the Premiership as a whole. Big Sam deserved plenty of respect for this as he's not in a position where the club effectively speaks for itself a la Man Utd, Chelsea or Arsenal.


Saturday 24th April 2004
 "So, we're cheating death now, that's what we're doing, and we're having fun at the same time, I can do this, just be careful" (Film)
Final Destination: Correctly answered by kirstymd

Who were West Brom's joint leading league goalscorers in their only other Premiership season (02-03)?
Cliche alert! Tomorrow's home clash with Portsmouth was always going to be a `must win` game regardless of how today's results went for Leeds, however at least now we'll know how we'll stand should we record a victory. Man City's draw at Leicester - which would have been a defeat had Paul Dickov not missed a late penalty, which sparked a near riot and will doubtless be discussed for days - leaves Keegan's men three points above us with a drastically better goal difference. So, beating Pompey will put us level on points, albeit still in the drop zone. Defeat is unthinkable and could ultimately be the next nail in the proverbial coffin, whilst a draw will keep us within touching distance, although with just one more home game to go, even that may not be enough. On the plus side, the game is an early kick off which means if we screw up, I can watch the remaining games and try and forget about the Leeds match and if we win, I can enjoy it for the afternoon. It's also worth remembering that Arsenal could clinch the title tomorrow if Chelsea fail to beat Newcastle and the Gunners then win at Spurs, who themselves are only six points above us at present and will be fighting for their lives! Personally I have a bad feeling about tomorrow and fancy Portsmouth to go away with at least a draw and Spurs to spring a surprise against their local rivals. Just for once, I hope I'm wrong!

Congrats today to West Brom who bounce back into the Prem after just one season out. Whether their previous season-long experience will stand them in good stead remains to be seen, but they've kept the same manager (proving that relegation doesn't mean `sack the boss`) and many of the playing staff remain, so the continuity is at least in their favour. The race for who joins them via the play-offs is really hotting up though with half a dozen clubs looking capable of reaching the final. My money, for what it's worth, is on Crystal Palace who've hit form at just the right time and won again today.

Spare a thought for East Stiring who, before today, had lost 22 successive games in the Scottish Third Division (and yes, that is a record!). Against the odds today, they took the lead against Albion Rovers and held in until the 38th minute. Normal service was resumed thereafter and the unlucky hosts eventually lost 8-1.

Wish I saw that game - Part 553 The Doctor Martens League game between Cambridge City and Tiverton (My wife's home town!) sounded a cracker today as the home side won 6-4. The pureists would have hated it!

Blackburn boss Graeme Souness has been bemoaning the fact that his side haven't been awarded a penalty all season! Maybe he should sign Liam Lawrence of Mansfield who netted from the spot in the defeat at home to Carlisle today. It was his 10TH successful penalty this season!!! Mind you, taking isnt the problem for Blackburn, it's getting them in the first place!

Finally a word on a Dundee United player who scored twice today in the 3-3 draw with Rangers. His name is most apt considering the league that he plays in - Jason Scotland! However, the twist is that he is an international for...Trinidad! That mirrors Mike England being manager of Wales!


Sunday 25th April 2004
 "Don't you worry. If they could get a washing machine to fly, my Jimmy could land it." (Film)
Apollo 13: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

What specific set of incidents links Gary Mabbutt, Tommy Hutchinson and Des Walker?
All scored own goals in FA Cup Finals (1987, 1981 and 1991): Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
Whilst the big news today is obviously that of Arsenal winning the league, I reckon that even more was resolved this weekend, which whilst not mathamatically confirmed, it has been realistically. With Leicester and Wolves only drawing and my own Leeds side producing an awful performance at home to Portsmouth, the bottom three are almost certainly doomed to the first division. Leicester and Wolves both need a minor miracle whilst Leeds, although only three points adrift of Man City, have surely blown their best chance. The problem is our goal difference which resembles that of a cricket score and effectively puts us an additional point behind City and I genuinely cannot see us getting more than three points in the final trio of games. Defeat looks likely at Bolton and Chelsea and while we could beat Charlton at home, it still wouldnt be enough. Today's display ultimately condemned the club to exactly where we belong - first division football. It was a terrible performance and even the late lifeline of a penalty was somewhat lucky. You could blame it on injuries and suspensions (didnt we ever miss Viduka!) but today proved that we are simply not good enough to remain in the top flight.

Speaking of odd penalties, there was a strange one late on at White Hart Lane which earned Spurs a point against arch rivals Arsenal. It was good enough to clinch the title for the Gunners after Chelsea slipped up at Newcastle, but in a way it was heartening to see a goalkeeper NOT overly protected when challenged. Usually, such battles go in favour of the keeper, however Jens Lehmann has pushed his luck a little too far this season and can count himself lucky that it happened when the goal was almost academic and not in a more important game. But, that aside, huge congratulations to Arsenal who now have four more games to try and go unbeaten throughout the season. I for one hope they do it just to say that we witnessed an extraordinary historic feat which may never be repeated and indeed hasn't happened for 116 years!


Monday 26th April 2004
 "Don't need money, don't take fame. Don't need no credit card to ride this train. It's strong and it's sudden and it's cruel sometimes. But it might just save your life." (Song)
The Power Of Love - Huey Lewis And The News: Correctly answered by Jeff Slater

During the 1990 WC game, Frank Rijkaard and which German were sent off in the infamous spitting incident?
Rudi Voller: Correctly answered by Adrian Jobling
With all the momentus occurances happening at the weekend at both ends of various leagues, it was perhaps somehow fitting that another such incident should happen closer to home! My daughter has never really taken after me for my enjoyment of football, prefering a simpler life such as that of my wife, who hates the game! However, recently she has been asking about taking part in a prediction competition which I participate in and, when she came downstairs yesterday evening, the game on the TV caught her eye. "Who's playing?", she asked, to which I told her Real Madrid and Barcelona. She then said that one of her school friends supports Real (The `Beckham` factor) and could she watch the last 20 minutes with me. Fair enough I thought, although I wasn't quite prepare for the barrage of questions, ranging from the obvious - "Which team is which?" to the obscure, "Why do Barcelona have more dark players than white?" (I was very careful here, stating that it makes no difference what colour ANY person is, they are all equal), to the unanswerable, "Don't they ever get hungry whilst playing!" When she first sat down, the score was 1-1, so I asked her who she wanted to win and she began with Barca, changing quickly to Real when I said that I didn't like the Barcelona manager (Frank Rijkaard, memories of his spitting episode in the 1990 WC) and then back to Barca when they scored a late winner! Overall, I think she enjoyed it although I felt like a contestant on a quick fire quiz show most of the time! Whether this is the start of a lifelong love affair with the Beautiful Game remains to be seen, however if it is, how ironic that Leeds are going through their worst season for two decades!! So, the main objective if she decides not to support Leeds, is to steer her away from certain others...!

Whilst trying to find a parking space at a multi-storey car park earlier today, our car was stuck halfway up a mini-hill leading to the next level, whilst someone ahead of us managed to take ages to manoever their huge car into a small spot (why do elderly couples always have estate cars?), however when I'd finally managed to get the clutch to stop groaning under pressure, the queue began moving up to the next level and eventually the car in front of us stopped, I assumed to reverse into an available space as, like me, they prefered to go in backwards rather than have to come out backwards! To our amazement, the female driver then got out of the car and stood away from the space whilst the passenger (husband or boyfriend!) got into her seat and promptly reversed into the gap! With that in mind, I am saying nothing more about female drivers!

Twelve years ago today, Leeds won the league title! How the mighty have fallen


Tuesday 27th April 2004
 "You and I should ride the coast and wind up in our favourite coats just miles away. Roll the number." (Song)

Which current Premiership manager once scored five goals in an SPL game?
Although the Middle and Upper Classes would want to burn me at the stake for saying this, I've never been one to really appreciate, or be interested in, art. Whether it's drawings, painting or whatever, it's simply not my scene. Modern Art is even worse when `artists` can pass off a light going on and off in a dark room as `art` or build a pile of junk consisting of old tins can and enter it for the Turner Prize! No, sorry! Therefore I find it hard to understand the relevance of a 107 minute film of a man asleep as this is the latest exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery. However, the twist is that the person in the video is none other than David Beckham. Of course, that makes all the difference doesn't it? Come on, wake up and get real here. It's still someone asleep! No action, no words, no interest. `Artist` and filmmaker, Sam Taylor-Wood (it just HAD to be double-barrelled) said, "I wanted to create a direct, closely observed study. Filming while he was asleep produces a different view from the many familiar, public images." She was backed by gallery director Sandy Nairne, who stated, "It is an intriguing and intimate portrait of one of England's finest footballers." Personally, I don't know which is saddest. Either the artist, the gallery, Beckham for agreeing to do it (don't they get enough publicity!) or the public who'll pay to go and see it. Incidentally, rumours that the sequel will feature Beckham whilst awake are unfounded!!

I can't be the only husband whose better half spends ages in certain shops, looking around and seemingly weighing up every pro and con before deciding what to buy and what not to buy. It happened to me again today in the local Pets Superstore where we decided to top up on dried food for our pair of dogs. That frightening phrase, "I gonna have a change this time around." was the first thing she said and, as I'd feared, we went along the entire range working out the price, weight, apparent quality and even the thickest of the pieces through the bag before finally choosing the right one....only to get me to hoist the 20kg bag OUT of the trolley after spotting something better. BUT...I've found a way to quicken up the procedure now chaps and, IT WORKS!!! Grab a couple of those plastic toys that the sell for dogs which make an irritatingly high pitched squeak when pressed and play around with them right next to the person having trouble deciding. They'll either be so annoyed that they'll hurry up or, as happened in my case, she'll be so embarrassed at her hubby acting like a ten-year old that she'll want to be out of there ASAP. Now, if I can find something as effective in supermarkets....!


Wednesday 28th April 2004
 "Don't start me talking, I could talk all night. My mind goes sleepwalking, while I'm putting the world to rights." (Song)

Man United's Mikael Silvestre had a season in Serie A with which club?
Inter Milan: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
According to the back page of the Mirror today, "Leeds Throw In The Towel!!" Shock, horror!! Reading further down, away from the glaring headline, they are revealing that those at the top have hired a top agent to ensure that when certain players are sold, that the club is not ripped off a la Kewell et al. In truth, this is of little surprise or consequence to myself or I would guess, many other Leeds fans. We know that players will be sold this summer, regardless of whether we'll play Arsenal or Plymouth next season, so why not start to get the ball rolling and ensure that, just for once, we do get a decent price for the likes of Smith, Viduka and Robinson, all of whom are likely to go for financial reasons - notably lowering the wage bill as well as being our most marketable stars.

I loved the latest poll doing the rounds this week. The tabloids have picked up on one from Bliss magazine, which is aimed at teenage girls, which states that just 28% feel that their quality of education is `very good`. Of course, a further 60% said that it was `okay`, so it could be argued that 88% believe that their education is adequate or better, but that would be almost reporting good news, which isnt the in thing. Equally, science and maths are the lessons most hated which hasn't changed an awful lot over the years, although I was one of the few who enjoyed maths, and art and PE are the most popular. Of course, most of this will be pretty much irrelevant in ten years time when those polled will suddenly realise that their school days WERE indeed the best days of their lives. Just like their parents told them!


Thursday 29th April 2004
 "I'm always on the lookout for the next ex-Mrs. Malcolm." (Film)

When England beat San Marino 6-0 at Wembley in February 1992, which player scored four goals?
David Platt: Correctly answered by Matt Robbins
There were three games, back to back, on Sky last night and I didnt watch a single minute of any of them. Yes, it was international friendly time again when half the players originally called up pull out through injury and the rest go through the motions to avoid injury. In hindsight, I missed very little as the Portugal v Sweden game was too late for me anyway and ended 2-2, whilst the earlier games, Denmark v Scotland and Poland v Rep of Ireland, ended 1-0 and goalless respectively. Two results did catch my eye though, Germany losing 5-1 in Romania, although they were quick to point out that they fielded an `experiemental` line up, and San Marino 1 Leichtenstein 0. Hardly an earth-shatteringly important game, however it marked San Marino's first ever win in international football after more than 70 attempts over the last 18 years (although their competitive debut wasn't until 1990). Andy Selva scored the only goal with 14 minutes to go and will probably get the freedom of the principality for life now! From small acorns to do large oaks grow, so maybe this is the start of a sensational rise to power for San Marino!

One of our two local theatre's - The From Memorial Theatre - was packed out last night for the visit of comedian and singer Ken Dodd. The Liverpudlian has been to our town two or three times before and has always played to a packed house due to his reputation for giving incredible value for money - and last night was no exception. Whilst his humour can be quirky, it's never smutty and aimed purely at a family audience and whilst he doesn't appeal to me greatly, I can only admire the guy hugely. You see, he's in his mid-70s and has been in showbiz for over five decades and whilst he has had the occasional run in with the taxman, he believes that laughter is the best tonic for anyone and that people paying to see his live show should get their money's worth. A work colleague of mine came in the shop today at 6am for her papers and told me about last night's show which began at 7:30pm and finally ended at... 1am! Yes, along with just a pianist and trumpeter for company, Ken Dodd was on stage, making people laugh, for around FIVE HOURS (he took a few minutes break halfway through!). Sensational by any standards, but even more so from a man of his age. I wonder how many of today's `stars` would even consider a five-hour set? Not many.


Friday 30th April 2004
 "All my life I've been waiting for you to bring a fairytale my way. Been living in a fantasy without meaning." (Song)
Left Outside Alone - Anatascia: Correctly answered by kirstymd

Which club holds the record for the highest aggregate score by a British side in a European competition (set in 1971-72?
Beckham to Chelsea? Ruud Van Nistelrooy to anyone with enough cash to afford him? Yes, the rumour mill is well and truly turning again as we appraoch the summer and the re-opening of the transfer window. As usual, sorting the fact from the fiction whilst filtering out the total crap is always a tricky job, however the Van Nistelrooy rumours are interesting as there does seem to be some fact mixed in there. Apparantly the Dutchman and his manager have fallen out big time and, as has happened before, the result could well be the transfer of the player. It happened with Cole and Yorke, not to mention Mark Bosnich and on a more grander and newsworthy scale, it happened with Jaap Stam and David Beckham, both players who graced the Old Trafford turf. Now, history could well be repeating itself with Van Nistelrooy, arguably the club's greatest goalscorer in a generation. If he's sold to one of their big European rivals, then the natives will almost certainly get restless and whilst Sir Alex likes to let everyone know who's the boss, he surely can't keep chucking out every player - no matter how big - who has a disagreement with him. Ever heard of letting bygones be bygones?

One of our regular customers came in to pay his newspapers today and mentioned to us that he had a letter through the post recently which was of a certain interest. With the sound of things, it was clearly junk mail which had been sent to a cross-section of people, probably randomly selected from phone books or public domain records and was advertising a sex pill, probably along the lines of Viagra! Now, the chap in question, clearly wasn't quite sure what to do with this offer and actually took it to the police to ask if it's legal to send such advertising through the post to strangers and apparently it is as long as the recipitant is not under 16, which then makes it illegal! Of course, the twist here is that the customer in question is 83 years old and, as he said, hasn't much use for such pills at his time of life!


Know any of the trivia answers? Mail Me Now and get an on-site name check!
Return to Diary menu
Return to main Footiemad menu